Faith4,

Are you documenting all his expenditures when it comes to food, trips, etc. for the kids? When the time comes, you could help your cause by showing where he's had $$$ for lots of stuff, but never contributed to alimony or health care for you.

Maybe you need to start keeping a log of all his known trips, expenses which seem unnecessary to you. It will show that he CAN if he wants to!

Love & Prayers,

Cinderella - yes I have been going to one for over a year, I have been going to a chiropractor Dr. for about 6 months now. She said a lot of my healing, is emotional pressure. Plus she is the one that says there is definitely something wrong with my left shoulder and neck. She has worked on it and I do have a traction that goes over the door for my neck. I started using it again, and it seems to give some relief while in traction, it feels good, then kabamb.... the traction comes off and my head hurts again. There is something wrong in the neck, I seem to get most of my pain from the nerves in the neck. That is why I am scheduled for an emg the beginning of Dec.

Cinderella - the kids are 17-25 years of age. Part of the projection x-H has placed is that if I change the locks, he has threatened me with I will pay for the consequences. I think I have this covered for now. Not sure, a plan is going to be put in effect next week. I signed the paperwork. There is no reason for him to threaten me whenever I do something he doesn't like. There is no reason for him ever to threaten anyone. The words are only those of one who wants to control. A considerate man would say, hon, if you feel the need to change the locks, than do so. But I will give you my honesty and say I will come only over when I am asked, or if I ask. Not x-H, he told me he will come over anytime he wants. And that he doesn't need to ask me. Many of you have not lived here, and lived with this threatening manipulation. Yes, he knows which buttons to press, I have become very depressed lately, and I am so sick of being out of money, and he can do whatever he wants.

I sort of am recording the things that he does. Also, there is another strategy that I am implementing soon. A recommendation by the person that my advocate called. I hate doing all this stuff, and not talking to x-H about it. Just to think that I believed in this man totally at one time. I relied on him for information and talked with him about most everything. Now I don't talk to him hardly at all.

Just wish that he would move out to the house in Arizona, where he could get his little honey in his life. And live in the house that he bought out of deceit and lies.

I documented some things today at First STep. I hate this stuff, I hate all these secrets, and it hurts like heck. But you know, he has been doing secrets for many years, and he doesn't feel bad at all about the secrets. All of this was meant to be. As he says here.

And many of you who are e-mailing him privately, I hope you can help him. I still pray for his happiness and finds the woman that he loves. I pray for his soul to become part of God. There is part of me that really cares, and I loves him. Cause we have had 25 years of marriage, and 5 years of dating. That is hard to just break and move away, unless you are of his emotional bondage.

I felt good getting out of the tub. I really started to cry and just said to heck with everything and jumped in the tub. Felt good, I relaxed and cried my heart out. But now I am feeling better, took my meds, and have a great book about old lighthouses and stories about the lighthouses. I have always enjoyed the water, lighthouses, stars, galaxy, and animals. Just didn't want to get into a tear jerking animal story. Wanted something uplifting, and the lighthouse stories look really fascinating. Thank you, time for bed. As you all know, x-H reads my threads here, cause he will in his anger say something relevant to something that I wrote. Goodnight. drugs are starting to kick in.