LoveMyEx --


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Not yet and I am praying that she does not!

Me! Consider reconciling! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Of course I have. To the best of my ability I have let her know that I am willing. Her actions and words at this point in her life seem to indicate that she only wants me out of her life...completly.

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 01:39 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Come join our prayer group on here. thought I would send this to this thread hope it helps! God Bless you all!


A Standers Affirmation

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will
not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes
place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I
gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and
said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in
health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer
or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW,
and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall
down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to
prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldy, popular,
convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I
settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to
lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word,
violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely
divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will
speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in
God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and
where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's
faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel
or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the
race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of
my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic
hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow
up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.

LoveMyEx --

Yes I am. I found that site many months ago and it has been a source of encouragement for the last year. I just forgot to mention it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I have probably read most of Smalley's books, even almost had my wife ready to go to one of their marriage week-end or week retreats. She balked at the last minute.

I will need to check on the other as it is one that I have not read but sounds intresting. I guess off to the bookstore tomorrow.


Is your wife a Christian?

Yes, she is, but not actively pursuing a relationship with God right now. I know that sounds judgemental but I can promise you that the lady who divorced me IS NOT the lady that I married seventeen years ago. And I guess that part of the equation scares me a bit.

If you could read what she wrote about her father for thier 50th wedding anniversary it would bring tears to your eyes. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

If you could read a letter she wrote me a while back it would also bring tears to your eyes. I have watched her do and say things that I would have NEVER dreamed possible. But because SHE is a Christian, and as long as she remains single, I will be standing for her.

trusting her,

Thanks for your forum. I posted there, it is nice.

Lovemyx,

I don't care to answer you questions. Some I would prefer to answer in email. SO email me if you want me to email you back. tpatter4@aol.com

I know some of your concerns. I don't care to share my testimony. But remember, no situation is the same. You must seek God for direction and follow the path He leads you on. You cann't compare your situation to anyone else's. But, I do know your need to know.

I had to have God confirm for me several times that he wanted this marriage restored. It took pray and fasting to get the first big answer to this question. I had to hear it from God, no one else would do.

Yes, I have some of the tapes. I have 4 be encouraged and one of the Be Radient tapes. I don't watch them anymore. My husband is all but home. He has been testing the waters for some time now. He keeps staying more and more. He even called me at work today to see what we were doing tonight. This from a man who was never going to be with me again. He was never coming home. God is good. The tapes are good and I plan to let women from my church use them as I teach in this area next year.

I found the restore site in Oct 2000. It has gotten a lot bigger since then.

I have got to go. Been online too long. I will answer more later.

gentle

<small>[ November 12, 2003, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Thanks Gentle. I am glad that things are going well with your husband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 01:45 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Am I to understand that some of you still choose to "stand" for your marriage (or the rebuilding of your relationship) even after divorce? What about all this advice from people telling us to "move on?"

In my case, I am the one that filed because my wife refused counseling either together or separately. I did it because of two daughters who were watching a husband and wife live somewhat peacefully apart, yet having one of them doing nothing to rebuild. In counseling with SH, he made me realize what type of lessons we were teaching our children. Aside from my wife being a cake-eater, they needed to know that this was not the way to live.

double post

<small>[ November 12, 2003, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: Trusting Her ]</small>

Belonging no Here too...

Not because I don't believe in God,
but .......

Good Luck!

Always Hopeful--

Am I to understand that some of you still choose to "stand" for your marriage (or the rebuilding of your relationship) even after divorce? What about all this advice from people telling us to "move on?"

In my case, Yes!

Just because my wife has filed for divorce and I signed the papers does not mean that God is finished with His work in me or my wife. I can choose to love my wife in spite of this. Much like what Harely told you, we were in the same position. My wife refused joint counseling but there was not much peacefullness in our home. Yes, that was having an effect on the children.

But when my former wife went the route of accusing me of molesting our oldest daughter I knew it was time to go. She played her best hand and I did not have the courage to call her on it. Why?

The relationship my oldest daughter and I have is great. She is comfortable talking to me about anything. I mean, geez, it was me who had to help her through her first period. It was me who explained to her what was happening in her life, body, moods and emotions. I had asked my wife several times if she had talked or explained anything to our daughter and she always replied "Not Yet".

But...not wanting to damage that relationship with the seeds of doubt that may have been planted by some person from family services or some clerk of court asking those type questions I chose to back out gracefully. The only thing I required from her was a VERY LIBERAL visitation policy in writing.

So yes, even though we are divorced I do believe that somewhere under that hardened shell is the woman I once loved. Prehaps one day she will return.

The lessons that I now teach our children. That in spite of our differences and problems I still CHOOSE to honor and respect my wife. I teach them that love is a decision and not a feeling, but being children they already know that.

As to the moving on comment. I'll just share the latest from DivorceCare.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"The realization came to me a couple of weeks ago and really crystallized for me that I have been living out everybody else's expectations for me. I've been doing the 'correct thing.' It's human nature that our friends want us to heal. They want to be able to look at us, and they don't want to see the almost anorexic look that some of us have. They don't want to see their friend or their daughter or child or sister looking like a cadaver. . . . So you try over time to convince them that you're okay.

"I realized that by buying into this thing of 'I don't love my husband any more' that I was trying to get their stamp of approval that I was okay and I was healing. What I didn't reckon with is the fact that there is nothing wrong with me still loving my husband. In fact, a year later, a year after we've separated, I still love my husband very much." (Harriet)

You cannot make decisions based on the approval of others. You will only add to your burnout if you try to live up to the expectations of others. Reset your own expectations to a level you can cope with, and focus your energy on keeping within your own standards. This will help to free you emotionally.

The Lord's expectations of us are pure and simple:

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8)

Lord and Savior, help me to realize that I do not need to live up to anyone's expectations but Yours. Your expectations are refreshing and easy-to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with You. Amen.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Gentle

Thanks for your response in explaining this thread. I got disappointed when I read that first negative response and I was about to just quit. But I prayed about it and realized that I am not a quitter. (God reminded me, of course) I was going to just wait ‘til I was calmer to reply but you came in to the rescue. Thanks.

I know you don’t care to share your testimony but I did read some of what you wrote to Jamesp on another thread. I hadn’t found too many “standers” on here at that time and tears filled my eyes when I read it. I know we can’t compare our situations to anyone elses but you were a great encouragement to me. I was hoping to someday be able to post to you. (and here I am) I am very glad that you are here and will help us encourage each other in the stand that we have chosen. I am very happy to hear that your husband is coming around more. Praise the Lord! God bless you gentle.

H98

LoveNcare

Thanks for sharing “A Standers Affirmation”. It’s beautiful. Let’s keep sharing so others can be encouraged. I know it always helps me to read positive stuff. It brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. I rejoice in knowing that I do not “stand” alone. Thanks.

H98

Trusting Her

Encouragement and support from this thread is EXACTLY what we want. Please DO share and know that you WILL help others one way or another.

Keep praying for you wife. My husband is also a Christian, but like your wife, is not pursuing a relationship with God. You are so right in saying that they are not the same person we married. The enemy has twisted their minds so much that if they didn’t look like our spouses, we wouldn’t even know it was them. Don’t give up, pray Daily. You’ll be in my prayers.

H98

LoveMyEx

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You have the greatest counselor of all on your side-- God! He is more than able to "counsel" your husband and to change his heart. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AMEN! Thank you for reminding us of this! God bless you!

H98

I want to be here too!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 01:47 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

LoveMyEx,

To this day, family, friends and such tell me i should move on.
Recently i infomred my family they don't need to agree with me, but to support my decision would be appreciated. They were silent,,, ??

I hear often how I have more patience than anybody they have ever known. stbxw left in Feb, filed for divorce in March. often adding,, by now anybody else would have "moved" on,,, and all the other usual,,,

Regards to counselors, W and I just had third session yesterday. W agreed to going to dinner, as she wants to know how, where why and what went wrong in our mariage. She also wants to see if we can stay married!!?? This comes from a lady, as a wife, mother, and once a friend of mine, who was/has been so filled with anger/hate/resentment. With nothing but an hardened heart! Filled with the HATE!!! And the accusations i have recieved,,you know, i never gave up. My marriage hasn't reconciled,, but we're know in the first steps, and i must say, Thank You GOD!!

Yes! i'm still STANDING! in Michigan for the healing of my marriage.

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 01:49 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>