</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ridingtherollercoaster:
<strong>
Any new developments for you? Plan B is pretty hard, now I have this desire to call her, draw her close, in part, because I can't. That kinda stinks. Also, it seems like the workload for keeping the house, dog, and I from imploding has increased exponentially or I'm just not getting enough sleep. May be the new snow has got me down. I don't know.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup, a new development, but I don't know if I handled it right or just love busted.

W and I share custody of my D everyother week. My D sings a 6PM Sunday mass, whoever has D brings her to mass and then home. Last Sunday, I had D. Arriving a chruch I saw my W car. I thought that was odd. D went to choir section, I spotted my W but didn't want to sit with her so I sat a about 4 rows behind her. She was groomed nice with makeup and a nice hair do, somthing she usually does for OM but not me.

She spotted me coming back from Communion (I'm Catholic) but looked down pretended not to notice me, I did the same. After mass I hung around to pick up D, W did too. She was puffy eyed and looked as if she had been crying (tore my heart out, her tears work on me). She asked me how I was doing, I smiled as said great, she looked almost disappointed. I ask her but she said she had a bad headache (right!). I asked if she Knew I would be there, she said yes, but came to bring a med for my D's asthma. (D said she hasn't used the med in months). When leaving church, she went to hug me and kiss me buy but I just hugged her turned my head a little to avoid the kiss. (felt rotten doing it, but did it anyway).

W said she wanted me to come over and pick up a check, and said she wanted me to come inside. I was pleasant but cool to her. I left shortly after and she followed me all the way to my car. She never does that. She kept hanging around so I told her good bye with no hug or kiss, she seemed sad, but in control. I don't know if she wanted to talk or not. She can never say she is sorry, it's not in her.

Since then I haven't called her nor has she called me. (I didn't reeissue my Plan B letter yet).

Question to all: Did I LB? Was I too cold? Was she trying to reach out of the FOG and I shut her down?

To All: All I know is I feel bad since that night. I try to talk me out of feeling this way , but somehow I feel like I did something wrong and turned her away when W finally showed some feelings for me. Your opinions please.

Firebird
Man it sounds like you handled it great, no LB at all in your post. You went back against Plan B a bit talking to her and then over to her place but it is totally understandable.

Of course you are going to be beating yourself up for a while thinking any time she sees you she is coming back. From what you describe though, she just seems lonely and desparate and the gravity is starting to land on her. Plan B isn't supposed to be easy for either of you, but it is there to protect you from the exact feelings you have because you saw her and talked to her.

Someone counseled me to not take WW back until after several MC sessions, so that when she comes back it's for real and not just cause the pressure of separation had gotten too high. It's supposed to be hard on them. I hadn't really figured out what I would do if she decided to come back tomorrow anyway. Now I've got a plan. It probably applies to you as well.

It must have been unbelievably difficult to turn away from her. I know WW's tear could always wreck me too. We just have to be strong.

Take care brother, I'll be praying for you and looking for a Thanksgiving update.

Those times when it seems like they want to come back are tough. Don't beat yourself up thinking you turned her away when she might have been trying to reach out to you. You need to protect yourself from WW's fence sitting and going back and forth between you and OM. She's probably just trying to get some EN's filled by you OM aren't filling. Or she's trying to make herself feel better about the situation by "trying" to make an effort at things.

Back in Sept my WW had came over and broke down crying saying she wanted us. I had built up emotional walls before that knowing it would more then likely not be true. So I sat there for the longest time doing nothing while she cried and tried hugging me saying she'd do anything for me. I eventually gave in a little to show her something for her efforts.

I offered for her to move back in with me for a couple of weeks before she moved back to where we came from. She didn't end up taking me up on the offer we agreed upon. She didn't end up doing anything for me like she said she would for us.

Moral of the story- While not all WW's are insincere, be very careful in believing what you hear or see.

I think Harley says to not believe anything you hear and less than 1/2 of what you see.

RTRC:
<strong>Of course you are going to be beating yourself up for a while thinking any time she sees you she is coming back. From what you describe though, she just seems lonely and desparate and the gravity is starting to land on her. Plan B isn't supposed to be easy for either of you, but it is there to protect you from the exact feelings you have because you saw her and talked to her.</strong>

Yeah, I think you are right. W was always really big on the Holiday season with decorating and entertaining. Must be a big shock to her to have such a different kind of year. I'm going to make it as good as possible for my D and I.

<strong>Someone counseled me to not take WW back until after several MC sessions, so that when she comes back it's for real and not just cause the pressure of separation had gotten too high. It's supposed to be hard on them. I hadn't really figured out what I would do if she decided to come back tomorrow anyway. Now I've got a plan. It probably applies to you as well.</strong>

Thanks, I really don't have a plan. She has never wanted any kind MC sessions. I'm thinking there are things that might come out that W is trying to keep secret.

<strong>It must have been unbelievably difficult to turn away from her. I know WW's tear could always wreck me too. We just have to be strong.</strong>

Yes brother, it was tough, I wanted to hold her and comfort her so much. Even after all she has done, I feel like I have forgiven her and feel more sorry for her sitch than mine, at least for now. I have everything I had before except for her. She has given up everything for OMen. Still she must feel it is worth it. They are just using each other to run away from their mess.

<strong>Take care brother, I'll be praying for you and looking for a Thanksgiving update</strong>

I'll be praying for you too. It ain't over 'til it's over.

Eduard:

<strong>Those times when it seems like they want to come back are tough. Don't beat yourself up thinking you turned her away when she might have been trying to reach out to you. You need to protect yourself from WW's fence sitting and going back and forth between you and OM. She's probably just trying to get some EN's filled by you OM aren't filling. Or she's trying to make herself feel better about the situation by "trying" to make an effort at things.</strong>

What I have seen isn't much, but it is something. I just hope whatever it is continues to mount even after the Holidays. I am going to try really hard to make this Plan B a good one. Any time I have given into her, she acts like she has total control and I will just have to lump it. She told me after my D's BD dinner that if I couldn't handle things as they are file for divorce. Sunday she didn't seem nearly so confident.

I'll be praying for you too Eduard. Your W still sounds very unsure of herself and what she wants.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and to all who so thoughfully posted to my thread. Knowing that you all are here for me, that keeps me going even after a new torpedo hit to my heart.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by yosh:
<strong> What I don't understand is why you are even interested in talking to your wife about what is going on with the men in her life. By doing so you become part of her melodrama. My advice is to act very indifferent about what she is doing and with whom. In fact, I would tell her that you have no time to listen to this kind of drivel. You should be detaching and moving on your life. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YOSH;
When you wrote detaching and moving on with my life, did you mean divorcing and moving on?

Firebird
How was Thanksgiving? Did things go okay with your D and WW?

As for me, Thanksgiving was more of a long weekend than a holiday with 40% of our family missing (grandma, WW, and sister and H). It was still good with the folks though and we worked around their house getting it ready for winter, gutters, garage cleaning, etc.

I had a 7 h drive home yesterday and found myself secretly hoping that WW would be there breaking the NC of Plan B, but when I got there the house was cold and dark with a short note from WW. It seems she starting to settle into Plan B and get comfy staying at her friends. All the parties coming and Christmas proper will be hard on her, she loves Christmas. Maybe I'll put up the tree and stuff like normal, just to stick it to her a little. I guess that's not to nice but every now and then the hurt of this sitch resurfaces above the loneliness.

Just checking up on ya man.

Firebird,

I would strongly recommend that you contact Steve Harley and do some counseling with him. You may not realize this but they don't really "counsel", they "coach". He will be able to help you come up with strategies for dealing with your W.

I personally think that you should be in plan B right now, and you should tell your D what that is and why you have gone to it. I would also like to suggest that you quit worrying about missed opportunities. You see when it all boils down until your W comes to you and tells you that ALL OM are out of her life, nothing you can do will make much difference.

Where I went to school, we had an honor code. It was/is very simple: Don't lie, cheat or tolerate those that do. What the last part meant was that you would get thrown out of school if YOU DID NOT report someone for doing the previous two items. Everyone asked: "How can you expect us to turn in our friends?" The response was: if He was your friend he wouldn't have put you in that situation. He knew the rules as well as you did.

I think you need to adopt this attitude with your W. She put you in a position where you felt the need to reject her, knowing full well that you cannot accept her until OM's are out of her life.

Frankly, I think you need to explain some of this to your D. It is a very hard lesson, but it is a lesson in honesty, and care. She needs to know that you not having your W to T-Day or having her around for Christmas is not punishment, it is the consequence of your lack of trust for her behavior.

She sounds looney enough to show up with OM at one of these things.

My main advice is contact Steve Harley and get his advice on how to handle these things.

God Bless,

JL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ridingtherollercoaster:
<strong> Firebird
How was Thanksgiving? Did things go okay with your D and WW? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">RTRC:
Thanksgiving went very well for D and I, at least during the day. As usual I had a big turnout at my house (about 45 people). It is the yearly reunion of my family on my mother's side. It was exhausting getting the house ready by myself as D was staying w her mom. TG day was great and D stayed from about 9am til 3pm, she then went to TG at her BF house and then straight to her moms later that night. I had a lot of fun with my family, but then they were all gone for about 5PM and then the reality of my lonliness hit home. They all left with someone, but I would spend the rest of the evening alone. Normally it doesn't bother me, but it was such a stark contrast from what it was like a few hours before when my relatives were talking, laughing, huging and just there in my house. I knew W was with OM and they had each other for company.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
I had a 7 h drive home yesterday and found myself secretly hoping that WW would be there breaking the NC of Plan B, but when I got there the house was cold and dark with a short note from WW.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know your pain friend. It must have been hard during that long drive to an empty house. But it is only temporary, you know. Things are at work. I think the know pressure approach and remaining agreeable will eventually give good results.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>It seems she starting to settle into Plan B and get comfy staying at her friends. All the parties coming and Christmas proper will be hard on her, she loves Christmas.

Just checking up on ya man. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, I would have ask you if you hadn't asked me first. I think your W is going to be depressed. Friends are relative are great but they really don't belong to her, buy you do. That will make her think of Christmases when she had you to share them with.

You're doing great, probably a lot better than me about sticking to Plan B. Hopefully reality hits home with your W soon and risking loosing you becomes scary prospect for her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
<strong> Firebird,

I would strongly recommend that you contact Steve Harley and do some counseling with him. You may not realize this but they don't really "counsel", they "coach". He will be able to help you come up with strategies for dealing with your W.

Where I went to school, we had an honor code. It was/is very simple: Don't lie, cheat or tolerate those that do. What the last part meant was that you would get thrown out of school if YOU DID NOT report someone for doing the previous two items.

I think you need to adopt this attitude with your W. She put you in a position where you felt the need to reject her, knowing full well that you cannot accept her until OM's are out of her life.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JL;
Thanks for the reminder about Steve H. I probably really need him more right now that I did the first time I talked to him. WW doesn't seem to respond the way I see that others have on Plan B. But maybe it is just my perspective of what is going. Steve H. would help me for sure, but also wonder if it would help if my W had a one on one with him. She might. Maybe he could find out just what she wants and what her true intentions are.

She has invited D and I to spend Christmas Eve with her and her family for mass and then to exchange presents. This is the traditional time for her family to get together. She could have invited OM, they already know him from TG day. It could be that he couldn't make it and I was second choice. I have violated Plan B. W came over last night to decorate house for Christmas.
We didn't work togther at it. She was impressed at what I had done and asked why I hadn't helped her much in years past when it would have made a difference. I said nothing. Then after a slight pause, she hugged and kissed me and and said "Well, it's a good start".

Months ago, I tried to explain all the joint and chest pain I had and lived with for years. Hormone therapy literally stopped all of that and I feel like a new man. But she didn't believe it and just told me I was acting energetic to keep her from leaving. I couldn't make her believe then so I didn't grovel to defend myself. It would have come across like begging.

Moving on with your life can be Plan B or divorce depending on where things stand with you and your wife. IMO as long as she sees that you will stay around while she is having an affair there is no incentive for her to really stop. Personally, I would not want to be married to someone who could treat me with disrespect and did not value me highly enough to be a loving faithful spouse.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by yosh:
<strong> Moving on with your life can be Plan B or divorce depending on where things stand with you and your wife. IMO as long as she sees that you will stay around while she is having an affair there is no incentive for her to really stop.


Personally, I would not want to be married to someone who could treat me with disrespect and did not value me highly enough to be a loving faithful spouse. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No one could want that, but a number of us have put up with just that situation thinking that somehow things are going to improve or that our sitches are somehow different.

I am now grappeling with thoughts, I never would allow myself to think of before, because most of them would lead to the conclusion of divorce. Being a dreamer and romantic, I have subscribed to love conquers all theory. I still believe in that if it is really love, but now I am re-examining my relationship with my wife and wonder did she ever love me?

I have a strong resistance against change, especially this late in life because the recovery will be more difficult. On the other hand, because there less of my life left, I don't want to waste it by making a wrong decision to stay in this or end it all and cut my loses. Much of my personal confusion comes from who was my W before she left? I'm I looking at her through rose colored glasses?

Firebird
I have spent a week or two doing some of that same thinking; rewriting our marriage history and critically analyzing my WW's skills, abilities, her lover for me, etc. Everything has been under the microscope and cruelly analyzed. I've been convinced that there is someone else better for me and I should go find her, no more waiting, no more f'ing around. You KNOW what I'm talking about.

But here is what God has told me. Be still. Be quiet. Listen. Plan B is all about Patience, brutal solitary patience. You are doing the right thing for yourself and D. Don't be envious of my Plan B effectiveness, my sitch is a little simpler without a D. I wasn't planning on decorating the house for Christmas, but since you did I figure I will too. Even if the dog howls at my singing of the Christmas carols. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

About your loneliness after after the TG reunion. I know your pain so well. I asked WW not to attend Grandma's funeral, just too much emotions running around. But while there, I felt so alone and like everyone was staring at me. Her absence was obvious to me, so many of the other guests had been to the wedding and saw the ring on my finger. I would've wondered what had happened between us. Also, I was also jealous of people there with their spouses to comfort them, but that was not to be.

What's the point? I don't know. I understand your loneliness. It's heavy. I continue to think of you and pray for you, D, and WW. Hang in there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ridingtherollercoaster:
<strong> Firebird
I have spent a week or two doing some of that same thinking; rewriting our marriage history and critically analyzing my WW's skills, abilities, her lover for me, etc. Everything has been under the microscope and cruelly analyzed. I've been convinced that there is someone else better for me and I should go find her, no more waiting, no more f'ing around. You KNOW what I'm talking about. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes brother, I do know what you are saying. The temptation to give in to that is strong in me right now, because so far my analysis of my wife and myself, show some philisophical differences in comittment, fidelity, honesty, loyalty. I hope this is the FOG. If it is then there probably is much about my W that I don't know about because her FOG like behaviour has been around for at least few years before she ever left.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wasn't planning on decorating the house for Christmas, but since you did I figure I will too. Even if the dog howls at my singing of the Christmas carols. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am glad you decided to decorate. It would be a shame to deny yourself whatever of the Christmas spirit that you can get because of this sitch we find ourselves in. My house being decorated makes me feel that I have some control over my life and that my W doesn't have total contol over my and my D's life and feelings.

You hang in there too. I know you are doing what God wants you to do.
[/QB][/QUOTE]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ridingtherollercoaster:
<strong> Firebird
I have spent a week or two doing some of that same thinking; rewriting our marriage history and critically analyzing my WW's skills, abilities, her lover for me, etc. Everything has been under the microscope and cruelly analyzed. I've been convinced that there is someone else better for me and I should go find her, no more waiting, no more f'ing around. You KNOW what I'm talking about. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes brother, I do know what you are saying. The temptation to give in to that is strong in me right now, because so far my analysis of my wife and myself, show some philisophical differences in comittment, fidelity, honesty, loyalty. I hope this is the FOG. If it is then there probably is much about my W that I don't know about because her FOG like behaviour has been around for at least few years before she ever left.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wasn't planning on decorating the house for Christmas, but since you did I figure I will too. Even if the dog howls at my singing of the Christmas carols. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am glad you decided to decorate. It would be a shame to deny yourself whatever of the Christmas spirit that you can get because of this sitch we find ourselves in. My house being decorated makes me feel that I have some control over my life and that my W doesn't have total contol over my and my D's life and feelings.

You hang in there too. I know you are doing what God wants you to do.

Hey Fellas,

Sorry been MIA on the boards a lot lately. I cancelled my cable modem so work is the only internet time I have.

Turkey day here was a bit interesting. I went over to two people's house whom are really great friends.

WW's B-day was the day before TG, so I called her the day before her B-day and left her a message letting her know the D papers were on the way. I was torn between calling her to say happy B-day and not even bothering, but I left it up to her to call me back for me to tell her. She didn't end up calling me on her Bday, but instead on TG and she was pretty emotional.

I quite frankly wasn't upset, but it did surprise me that she ended up calling. So be aware of any possible surprises they may try to spring on you!

I think the reason she didn't call me back earlier was because she was out of town and possibly seeing OM.

Being free of Limbo and having control of your life is very liberating. I no longer have to worry about what she's doing and if she'll come back to me, I made that decision for myself. Just make sure what ever you decide, you take the time and patience in doing so.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am now grappeling with thoughts, I never would allow myself to think of before, because most of them would lead to the conclusion of divorce. Being a dreamer and romantic, I have subscribed to love conquers all theory. I still believe in that if it is really love, but now I am re-examining my relationship with my wife and wonder did she ever love me? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FB- We all get there eventually, it's part of the process. You have to figure out for yourself what your options are and what's best for you. I know as BS we are generally not self centered, but in this case I believe we have to be. You know you don't want to wait around for the rest of your life and live in doubt or limbo.

I also believe Love can conquer all, besides it is God's love for us that saved us.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1 Corinthians 13:4-5 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Firebird
Temptation, temptation...Yeah that's a tough one. I've struggled with a lot of different temptations lately to try and fill the void WW left behind. One of the strongest was trying to find someone to replace WW, someone warm to hold and comfort me. I knew it wasn't for real but that desire lurked in my heart. The desire grew as I felt more self-righteous about myself and what WW was leaving behind. Thoughts like "How dare she do this to me, look at what a great husband I am to be willing to take her back in spite of this hideous A, she doesn't know what she's missing, someday she'll wish she could have me back, etc, etc. These prideful thoughts made me want to find someone who would appreciate what a great guy I am. God took those away and humbled me saying be still and worship Me.

Since then this need for someone else and the other needs in my life have been satiated. He is trully powerful. I knew I wouldn't seek another woman to bring her into my chaotic life but the yearning was there. So the dog gets an extra hug each night now. I figured I go for a girl with not such hairy legs but what can I say. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway. I put the tree up and some other decorations last night. I put me in quite a good mood actually to have a little holiday cheer around.

Any ideas on how you are going to handle Christmas gifts this year for WW or her family. I'm planning to make some holiday treats and send them to her family indicating that I still care about them and am still in the game but can't really muster anything more right now. I'll get some toys for the nieces and nephews but that will be about it.

Eduard
Nice to have you join us. It sounds like you are going through a really tough spot right now. You post with the confidence of the liberated. That's pretty cool. Are you at peace with the upcoming Dv and how did you get to that spot. Did plan B give you the confidence that you'd be ok without WW? It is doing that for me even though I'm still partially financially dependent on her income. Best of luck to you over the next couple of days.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ridingtherollercoaster:
<strong> Thoughts like "How dare she do this to me, look at what a great husband I am to be willing to take her back in spite of this hideous A, she doesn't know what she's missing, someday she'll wish she could have me back, etc, etc. These prideful thoughts made me want to find someone who would appreciate what a great guy I am. God took those away and humbled me saying be still and worship Me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">RTRC;
God AND MB have humbled me. I feel like the separation and affair were inevitable if not necessary. I went through all those prideful stages of indignation and pain as you did. In the end, I know I wasn't much of a husband, meeting few of my W emotional needs. Funny because I thought I was at one time. I only came around quite a while after the affair started. That was 10 months ago. My pain subsided, but along with my hopes. I am almost at the point of accepting her choice of men and her rejection of me. I don't know how I stand up to W's scrutiny now after the bubble has been burst and I there is no love for me to "make her blind".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>So the dog gets an extra hug each night now. I figured I go for a girl with not such hairy legs but what can I say. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Same for me. My little dog fills my life when D isn't home. I tried to make the dog more attractive but she hates lipstick and purfume <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
(just kidding), but she is warm sweet though.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I put the tree up and some other decorations last night. I put me in quite a good mood actually to have a little holiday cheer around.

Any ideas on how you are going to handle Christmas gifts this year for WW or her family. I'm planning to make some holiday treats and send them to her family indicating that I still care about them and am still in the game but can't really muster anything more right now. I'll get some toys for the nieces and nephews but that will be about it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, I really don't know how to handle it, but I have had a few ideas. A token gift to my W and most my attention will be on my family. Finances with 2 households doesn't leave much so I be giving small gifts of money to the children in the family. I would however like to give something special to my BIL and SIL. I have loved being part of their family and would like them to know how special they are to my D and myself.

Eduard

I echo RTRC wish for you. If God wills, I wish you, RTRC and all who are struggling with marriage strife here at MB a miracle for Chrismas.

Firebird
How do you get your pooch to stand still long enough for the lipstick. It must be hard but I imagine fire engine red is very seductive.

The humbling stuff is hard isn't it. I have seen some of the ways that I was not a good husband too. I was critical, not meeting EN of conversaton and affection, too busy, messed up priorities that for some reason I couldn't/wouldn't reorient on my own without God's might help. I know we will both be better men because of this.

I've got an idea for ya about holiday gifts. I'm a little strapped for cash too so I'm going to bake and bake and bake. I know what you're thinking men can't cook but I'm ok. I'm a chemist; it's basically the same as cooking; but if you eat the products of cooking it's not likely to kill you, well bad gas and bloating but not death. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway the point is that you could do it with your D and use it to bring you both together. Sugar cookies are easy and you can decorate them together and possibly with her boyfriend if that isn't too weird. You could give them away to fam and friends then. Just an idea.

Hang in there. I know we're both changing right now and I expect God to complete the work. It's just tough during this time.

Best wishes

<small>[ December 04, 2003, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: Ridingtherollercoaster ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ridingtherollercoaster:
<strong>I've got an idea for ya about holiday gifts. I'm a little strapped for cash too so I'm going to bake and bake and bake. I know what you're thinking men can't cook but I'm ok. I'm a chemist; it's basically the same as cooking; but if you eat the products of cooking it's not likely to kill you, well bad gas and bloating but not death. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway the point is that you could do it with your D and use it to bring you both together. Sugar cookies are easy and you can decorate them together and possibly with her boyfriend if that isn't too weird. You could give them away to fam and friends then. Just an idea.

Best wishes </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks RTRC;
That's a great idea about the baking, I never thought of it, but I have enjoyed what other people have made and given us.

I'll let you know if anyone gets sick! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks again,

Hey Firey
How was your weekend? Mine was a rollercoaster. Friday I felt like I could conquer the world I was so full of the love of God and really feeling his power in me. Then Sat morning I was out doing a little shopping and happened to go past a Great Clips hair salon, innocent enough right. Then the following cascade of thoughts overwhelmed me and sent me into a rage. It all began with me thinking that it was nice to be able to cut my own hair, I've got a buzz, you know saving some money. Then I thought about OM who has different style and black hair, then OM being physical with WW, and how much I wanted to hurt them both. I had the radio in the truck cranked all the way, screaming my fool head off to some Guns N Roses.

I was so surprised for several reasons. I didn't know that hurt and rage was still inside there swimming around below the emotional surface. Also, I was surprised that something so innocent could trip me up and plummet me into the depths. Not fun the rest of the day I thought of them together and how could I possibly want to reconcile with WW. I still don't know that answer.

Later on Saturday, I went to a Christmas party without WW and everyone wanted to know where she was. My feable lies didn't hold up to the scrutiny of my loving, caring friends. So the fact that we are separated came out. They were shocked and sorry. They care a lot. It is amazing that there are so many people around to take care of us.

Hope your weekend was better than mine.
God Bless