</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ridingtherollercoaster:
<strong>
Later on Saturday, I went to a Christmas party without WW and everyone wanted to know where she was. My feable lies didn't hold up to the scrutiny of my loving, caring friends. So the fact that we are separated came out. They were shocked and sorry. They care a lot. It is amazing that there are so many people around to take care of us.

Hope your weekend was better than mine.
God Bless </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">RTRC;
It was better because a lot more time has passed for me than it has for you. For months I used to wake up after an hour or two of sleep. I would wake up in cold sweats seeing my W either performing or engaged in some kind of sex act with the OM. Sometimes it would cause the worst heart ache, sometime violent anger. I don't know what to tell you, whether to not think about it or to think about and endure the hurt. The pain will empty lots units in your love bank unfortunately, but in the end your pain will be reduced.

It comes on me still for little or no reason. Then my frustration starts in because I still don't know whether to stand or divorce her.

Go on the "Just Found Out" board and ask Cerri what to do about revealing the affair. A lot of pain was releaved when I started to talk to others about WW's affair. It is a double edged sword though. My WW is too embarrassed now to face our family or some of our close friends. So revealing the affair had consequenses both good and bad.

Had to spend sometime with my D choral Christmas performance. It was great, WW however treats me like just a friend now. There doesn't seem to be anything there to cause any feelings one way or another.

Like you I am praying. Only God can help now. I sure haven't been able to. Try not to expect too much yet RTRC, because it hasn't been that long since DD for you. More time is needed. Hang in there buddy. You have kept me going, and I will encourge you.

Thanks Firebird
Your right about the love units withdrawal. I couldn't stand the idea of seeing her at the time. Just sickened me. I better though now, it's kinda gone back down for a bit. I struggle with my imagination and the physical details she gave me about their affair. I remember asking for it so I could know how "polluted" she was and my medical risks but now it haunts me a bit. Unfortunately, I have a good imagination.

About talking to people, you are right. I have received the same double-edged sword advice before. It is a tough balance and maybe I should just stick to the "separation and don't want to talk about it right now" line. That seems to be the best.

The friend phase with WW you described at Ds choir recital is painful. There has been so much between you to have no expression of feelings. I feel for you having to see WW on a regular basis would be very tough. I bet the holidays feel like they are just pressing in against you. Remember this is a blessed season and full of promise!!

The new happening for me was that WW left me a note last night at the house (she takes care of the dog on Mon nights) saying she would like to get together at some point before Christmas. Breaching Plan B. It has created a lot of anxiety for me and I didn't sleep well last night. It has taken a while to reach some sort of comfortable stable lifestyle in the past weeks. It looks very high risky to me. Either further hurt by A not over or new upheaval that she wants to return. I've only started to feel some sense of good and normalcy in the past few days. I've started to feel comfortable in my own skin again and God is teaching me SO much right now that I don't want to be distracted from what He has to show me.

I don't think I'm going to see her. I'm just not ready.

Thanks for your kind words. Keep your head up.

RTRC </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you at peace with the upcoming Dv and how did you get to that spot. Did plan B give you the confidence that you'd be ok without WW? It is doing that for me even though I'm still partially financially dependent on her income. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I am at peace with the upcoming D. It took a lot of time, a lot of patience and a lot of prayer. Plan A is a life saver in the end. Doing all the things you can possibly do to try to rectify the situation is so comforting in the end.

I would even go as far as to tell you to try anything and everything you can to try and reconcile if that's where your heart is.

On D-day, my first reaction was to file for D and be done with her but God changed my heart within a matter of hours and gave me a heart of reconciliation. I truly worked my hardest and did everything I could possibly do to work things out. Not only involving her, but more importantly things to do with myself. I even went to counseling on my own.

After a while of seeing things not changing and her actions speaking for her I knew that she didn't want to reconcile and everything I had done made the decision that much easier in the end and sticking with it.

<small>[ December 09, 2003, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: Eduard ]</small>

Yes, revealing the A to people can be a double edged sword. But ever since this has happened, I have been uncharacteristically open about it with friends and even people I don't know.

There is a lot of healing that takes place when you talk to others about it. Initially that was all I had to talk about or wanted to talk about. I wanted to share with others the mistakes I made so that someone could possibly learn something that may help them down the line. Or that if my story happened to reach someone who found themself involved in a similar situation they would know of someone with whom they could talk to.

Eventually I got sick of talking about it and didn't want it to be the main conversational piece with my friends so now I only mention it and keep it brief.

True friends are genuinely concerned for you and their prayers are a tremendous help.

I know my WW was upset when she found out I revealed it to mutual friends and such, but I hate to be dishonest with people since dishonesty is what got us to that point.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eduard:
<strong>
I would even go as far as to tell you to try anything and everything you can to try and reconcile if that's where your heart is.

On D-day, my first reaction was to file for D and be done with her but God changed my heart within a matter of hours and gave me a heart of reconciliation. I truly worked my hardest and did everything I could possibly do to work things out. Not only involving her, but more importantly things to do with myself. I even went to counseling on my own. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I started this thread, this was where I was heading. I still read a lot from different posters on MB. I swing back and forth between divorce and reconcilliation, but after having tried and tried. The pendulum swings a little bit closer to divorce everytime even if in tiny increments. Repeated failure and rejection from my WW have taken their toll. Like you Eduard I am becoming more comfortable with WW not returning. When ever I make a positive comment about what we might to together when and if we reconcile, her reply is always a very weak and tentative "I don't know". I feel she does know but being non-confrontational she doesn't want to say, but is hoping that I will take the initiative and file. As she becomes more comfortable with her current life style, I see my own willingness to stand faulter more and more.

It is like I am viewing my marriage as a third party now and questions about the validity of it arise. Questions about the significant differences in our views on morality, committment, honesty, priorities of family verses work, and child rearing and responsibility and selfishness are all in question.

RTRC:
I still feel like it may be too soon for you to make a decision yet because it hasn't been that long. I can't remember who said it; TMCM or Redhat, but one of the other suggested, if you don't know what to do, then do nothing.

As you advised me; Hang in there!
God be with you.

Guys
I don't want you to get the wrong impression that I've got the lawyer on speeddial. That is certainly NOT the case. And what you said "if you don't know what to do, then do nothing" is what I've been about for some weeks. I just hug the dog a lot.

I was just trying to say that after all I been through this fall (WW, grandma #1 dying, grandma #2 breast cancer, but ok), the fact that I feel somewhat normal isn't something I want to jeopardize. And yes there are many good things that could come from talking with WW but 1) I don't want to have our relationship come up and be rejected again because she is still sitting on the fence or worse(!)and 2) I don't want her to come home right now. I'm finally starting to feel ok, again. I want to have a good Christmas, too. I'll take up this stituation in the New Year, what's a couple of more weeks.

I did replace the 3 photos of her at my desk with ones of friends and the dog of course. I've come to the place where I don't want to return to our old marriage either any more than she would. I'm not going to settle for that. God doesn't want that for me. And I continue to pray for all of us.

A funny thing about prayer came up at lunch today. I used to not pray for myself or my concerns. I felt like it was selfish to pray for my own concerns and that doing so was reducing God to some sort of Allpowerful Santa claus even though the Bible specifically says to take all cares and burdens to the Lord. Now I talk with him about even the smallest things. I love it!

RTRC We know you don't have the lawyer on Spead dial otherwise you wouldn't be here and you would have already started the process. Your words sound like you are in the same place I was and I know it's not something you want to have to do.

I remember taking down all of the pictures I had of her when she moved out. I even gave her all the ones I could to take with her when she moved back to CA. I still run across one occassionally here and there. Be prepared for triggers when you come across them.

It is important for you not to "settle" like you said for what you had. It should be better and there should be guidelines and agreements set in place even before considering reconciliation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I used to not pray for myself or my concerns. I felt like it was selfish to pray for my own concerns and that doing so was reducing God to some sort of Allpowerful Santa claus even though the Bible specifically says to take all cares and burdens to the Lord. Now I talk with him about even the smallest things. I love it!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am so glad that God has chosen to reveal this to you. It is so incredibly important. While we sometimes feel selfish like you said about these things, God WANTS to be involved in our lives. He wants to know what we're thinking, how we feel, what we need etc. While he knows all of these things and will only answer prayers that are of his will, that doesn't mean we shouldn't present our requests before him. He wants you to invite him into your life and be a part of every experience.

Have you read the book "The Purpose Driven Life?" It is so amazing. I'm going through it for a second time right now.

A great measure of maturity is when your prayers go from Help me God to conform me God.


Reading through these past few posts and seeing where you two seem to be headed (where I eventually got to) reminds me of this verse.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Matthew 19
6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still believe marital unfaithfulness is the only true grounds for divorce, but a hardened heart has a lot to do with it.

Hi guys:

Tonight the pendulum swings the other way. Over and over in my mind, without trying I keep replaying all the reasons why I am justified in filing for divorce. I am so sure that is the course to take, but then something comes along a derails it. I feel like I am going crazy and don't know my own mind.

Tonight I picked my D from school and took her to dinner. She started talking about her mom. My WW is living in her late mothers house. It's old and has a few problems, but she could keep it up a lot better. I have seen it neat as a pin. It's then I know she is having some OM over. I die inside when I see this. I wouldn't go in except to help D carry her stuff in and out (D is a severe asthmatic).

However when no OM is coming over the place turns into a pig pen, with two dogs inside and one not trained it smelled like a zoo. My D hates it there but won't say anything to M. That started D talking about hating to go home and telling me that I married the wrong woman. I am tired of trying to defend WW to my D about all the things WW does and doesn't do. Covering up for her for my D benefit is a bunch of doo doo and D knows it. It makes me convinced WW has lost it and no matter how put together WW looks and acts to me when I'm around that she is going to Hell in a handbasket. She used to be a perfectionist, now nothing matters except OM. The only thing she takes pride in is her appearance and her job.

D told me that WW said she thinks about me from time to time and thinks about coming back, but she then thinks about all the things I did and then gets angry and says no way she will come back.

The worst thing I ever did was clam up when I was mad and not give her affection, other than that, I let her walk all over me and D trying to get along. Also I didn't put up a fight about the OM because so many told me it would just drive her into futher into OM's arms. It almost as if she hates me because I didn't rescue her and "save her from herself". I wanted to crusify the OM but restrained myself a number of times. I don't know which way is up of down anymore.

I still believe it is her decision. I can't beg her to come back home because she isn't willing to do anything in the POJA. I think it would be worse than ever if I gave into that. Everytime I make up my mind to let go, somthing pulls me back. Is it just my emotions or my God at work?

Oh man that nearly made me cry. You are hurting so bad, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how you felt when D told you her perspective on WW. How painful. I'm so sorry. If I remember she's in her mid to late teens right? atleast she has a BF so I bet she's smarter and more understanding than you may be giving her credit for. May be you can explain your feelings to her and what you are trying to do. She likely knows about WW's OM so it won't shock her. I certainly wouldn't bad mouth WW to her even if you wanted to.

The living situation you describe for WW reminds me of what the MC once said, "it is so hard to watch the one you love flushing their life right down the toilet and you are powerless to do anything about it." He was right and noted that it isn't until they hit rock bottom will they wake up. Remember this is about addiction in a very classic sense. I think a subtlety of Plan B is to bring the rock bottom up higher so that it isn't as self destructive as possible.

You sound like you still have some feelings for WW that have yet to wither during your Plan B. Remember you told me about big LB withdrawals because of WW flashbacks and probably seeing WW's house, I'd guess. You may be on the road to Dv but it sounds early yet. Especially with your pendulum and confusion. Forgive me but a wise man once told me, that if you don't know what to do, then do nothing, just sight tight.

With respect to WW returning, you're very justified to be hesitant about it. You both have been dragged over the hot coals a couple of times and the pain is very real. That seems a parallel between the two of us. There will have to be a lot of boundaries and careful steps taken before she is brought back into your life beginning with POJA, radical honesty (another double edged sword), etc. It's going to be a long time before you feel good again.

I'll keep praying for you. I know the road is hard. Please pray for me too, I nearly wore out my snow shovel in the past 24 hours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can't beg her to come back home because she isn't willing to do anything in the POJA. I think it would be worse than ever if I gave into that. Everytime I make up my mind to let go, somthing pulls me back. Is it just my emotions or my God at work?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're right, begging is certainly not in your vocabulary anymore along with being walked over. These are the lessons we must learn for fear of repeating the past.

Although we may be giving in to someone to make them "happy", in essence we are feeding the cake monster which just comes back down the road to haunt us. Thus the POJA.

You're also right in saying it would just be worse than ever if you gave into that. Can you imagine letting someone come back under their own circumstances with no repercussions for their actions? You'd be setting yourself up for failure down the road and you truly would not be happy.

I had to learn how to put my foot down, not be walked over and stick with my decisions. I still struggle with it, but I'm aware and trying.

There were many times where I think I'd make up my mind, just to have it totally change. I think God was allowing it to happen because I was trying to make my "own" decision and not allowing him to do the decision making for me.

Don't be startled by it, it's part of the process. I couldn't imagine making such a huge decision without swaying back and forth. To me it shows me how much I really care about the situation and how much I really wanted to make sure I was completely OK to go with the decision I was given.

I would have questioned myself if I had just made a rash decision I stuck with and never allowed myself the ability to convince myself otherwise.

There were a few occassions when I went to God and laid my marriage before his alter. To do with it as he pleased, to make the decision for me and either return my broken marriage for reconciliation or if it was in his plan and the time was right to give me the opportunity of building a new one.

RTRC and EDUARD:

Thanks for for the words of encouragment. You are so right that it is hard to watch flush everything we worked for go down the toilet. She may be happy in the end. There is that possibility and I know as much as I want to be Christian and forgive, I know at times like these that I have not done that. I have turned more to God than I have before, but still not enough. I at times want her to suffer for her choices, but that isn't good of me to feel this want for retribution for the hurt this has caused D and me.

I didn't tell you guys everything last night. OMW called me to chat. She said that her D had an argument with her dad (OM). OM wanted his daughter to meet my WW. His daughter refused and said she didn't like or respect her. OM told his D that's OK because my WW's D didn't like him either. Then he told his D "you don't know what it's like when someone really loves you". That hurt to the core. My WW gave the impression a few times that she is thinking of coming back, but the OM thinks she is in love with him. Which one is true????

I hope all is going well with the both of you. I hope to my faith in God reaches the level you two have and I know I will find comfort in his plan.

God Bless and Good Night brothers.

I proof read what I posted, GAD! excuse my english, but I am worn out.
G'nite.

Firey
Hang in there man. I didn't really notice anything too bad in your post, but I'm surprised sometimes at my writing too.

While exceedingly painful, the OMW's comment can't be too surprising (I didn't know OM was M). What the OM said was classic "fog-talk" as it sounds like it is a soulmates affair atleast from his perspective. Between OM and WW, they are probably confusing the h*** out of each other. OMW could have another motive also, she could be blaming you also for the A and just trying to hurt you. Why did she call you anyway?

Now about you forgiving WW...It is not a function of your faith in/love of God whether you can forgive WW right now or not. You have been DEEPLY hurt and that manifests itself in many different ways. These feelings you have are telling you something about yourself. Try to figure out what it is (This is an area of growth for me under guidance of IC). My therapist says, "Your feelings are never wrong, but your actions based on those feelings may or may not be." For example, you and I have talked about our deep need for intimacy and a couple of weeks ago I ached(!) to be kissed deeply by a woman. Those were my feelings. Bringing someone else into our M would have been wrong, but having those feelings taught me how I yearn not just for sex but intimacy as well. Like you, I'm having trouble praying for my WW. I feel guilty about that because you are supposed to love and pray for your enemies but I can't even pray for her health, safety, well-being, and return to God's will. I have entrusted those concerns to someone else's prayers for right now. I will pray for your WW.

There was another Christmas party last night for work and I stuck to my lame "WW couldn't come tonight" line. It's pretty flimsy but oh well. It was fun otherwise. 2 more parties to go, then maybe this "joyous"(?) holiday season will be over.

Best wishes.

Firebird- Forgiveness doesn't just come overnight. It will take time to let go and get over a lot of the things that have happened before you can truly forgive someone. I have questioned myself in this area recently.

As long as you keep turning TO God and not away from God, he will honor you for doing so.

Just know that revenge is not ours and they will reap what they sow.

Romans 12:19 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Deuteronomy 32:35
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OMW is probably reaching out to you for a reason. You two share something in common and you are the one who is closest to the situation that she can sympathize with.

The OMW's in my situation reaches out to me once in a while, usually to obtain info about what I know or to see where things are headed on my part. FYI- The information you exchange can be a double-edged sword.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My WW gave the impression a few times that she is thinking of coming back, but the OM thinks she is in love with him. Which one is true????</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wouldn't put too much into that either way. The fog makes people say the darndest things. Harley says to not believe it and only believe 1/2 of what you actually see. Like RTRC said, she probably doesn't even know herself.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like you, I'm having trouble praying for my WW.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I used to pray for her all the time, but then as I realized where things were headed I all but stopped. Once in a while I'll say a prayer for her salvation and just that things go well for her. It makes me think of Agape Love and truly wishing the best for the other person.

This verse also makes me wonder what kind of blessings, etc an unbelieving WS would lose come time of D.

1 Corinthians 7:14 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The definition from websters.com of sanctified is

To set apart for sacred use; consecrate.
To make holy; purify.
To give religious sanction to, as with an oath or vow: sanctify a marriage.
To give social or moral sanction to.
To make productive of holiness or spiritual blessing.

Great insights, everyone, and I can see some of myself in each one. My W abandoned our M 9 months ago and I had no contact from her until I received D papers after 5 months - still have never had any personal contact from her at all. My attorney is filing for a legal separation which if granted will require her to come out of hiding and enter into counseling with me.

My problem, and it really is starting to scare me, is that I find myself gradually loosing any thoughts of affection for her. As a Christian I struggle with that mightily. I still pray for her daily but with her forced NC my love bank for her is rapidly depleting. I have so much confusion and questions over the situation and I desperately need some closure. Like you all, I am so lonely I can scream and I cry a lot. I have found that God will put me on people's hearts and they reach out to me at exactly the right time. Example: a cute little old lady at church recently gave me a bearhug because she said the Lord told her to. Expressions of affection like this really hit the spot.

I encourage all of us to continue to press on. Jesus will support us and He is on the job. God bless us, every one!

John 16:33.

RTRC:

OM is married but been separated for 20 months now. He is a functional alcoholic. According to his siblings and W. Family has wanted him to attend AA straighten up and go back to his W. OMW will not take him back because he always falls off the wagon and treats her badly. She was actually glad the he found my WW, because OMW wants the divorce but OM didn't.

OMW calls me when they have an argument or problem. I don't think she really knows what she wants. She is very hurt from the marriage. Loves OM but hates what he does. They have been married for 29 years now.

Eduard and Hurting:

It is a bigger problem than just my forgiveness. Because of me revealing the affair, OM and WW's indesgressions with their friends family and co-workers, their story is widely known and my WW reputation is ruined. I could forgive her but my friends say they have no respect for her and don't want to be friends with a woman like that. If we ever reconciled, I would probably loose those friends as well if they would not accept her. I don't know what they would do. I can't speak in her behalf because as yet I still don't know what she wants, what she has planned or really, who she is.

I don't know how she could ever come back without really humbling herself not so much to me but to everyone who knows our sitch. She has lied to ALL of them so it's not just my revelations that have given them the opinions they have.

It is all such a mess. Only God could straighten this one out. To me, I don't see a way, but for her to loose all the pride and arrogance she possesses. Sometimes she comes across like a lost little girl and other times condescending. I hurt for her, but I know she only considered herself. Besides, I could not accept her if she didn't truely want me and would not forsake all others for me. (sigh...)

I continue to pray for guidance and for us all to have God's promise.

Firey
You are right to take all this to God these days. He can straighten all this out if that is His will. I've started praying while I walk the dog in the morning, committing each day to the Lord and asking him to open my ears and teach me what he wants me to learn that day.

Your friends may take her back in their time, they have been hurt and disappointed just as you have and they will need time to heal. An important point to bring up to them is that they should accept any decision you make about reconciling with WW or not. It is your M afterall. Pride and arrogance are going to be a big problem until WW walks out of the fog and she'll continue to do damage to herself until she hits bottom. Yeah it is going to suck.

Myself, I'm feeling very low today. My best friend and confidant is moving away today. I helped her and her H pack the Uhaul last night and didn't want to leave. I don't want them to leave. For the past 3 years, they have been the best friends of WW and I. She and I shared everything with each other; she was the one I ran to when on DDay, who held me as I wretched with pain, and with whom I stayed for 2 weeks thereafter. She shared their trials at getting pregnant and then their happy pregnancy with me well before it became public knowledge. We work together, have similar values, worked hand in hand, and could vent to each about everything. We dog sat for each other regularly, cheered on the Packers, and so on. She held my hand and encouraged me these past weeks through everything. I cried the whole way home last night because I will miss her badly.

I know this sounds like an A but there was nothing physical or mentally sexual between us ever. We were just such great friends. I have thought deeply whether it was an A or not and I still conclude NO even though she may have been meeting some of my emotional, psychological needs lately. It is conceivable that WW could have perceived friend as an emotional threat but there was nothing there beyond genuine Christian friendship.

I feel like God is trying to take away all the women in my life, maybe so that I will be solely devoted to Him. But this fall He has taken Grandma, WW, and now this friend. I take everything to the Lord now I'm just nervous that he'll take someone else. I feel very alone.

In conjunction with this, earlier yesterday the desire to be touched, held, and to touch a woman resurfaced strong as ever. I was sitting on the bus and it flooded me. I want to touch the soft smooth skin along a woman's side between arm pit and hip, her back, or stomach. It's a strong ache. I've prayed to God to fill the need or to take it away. He's working on it.

I hope you guys have a good weekend. I'm gonna Christmas shop and get that done. Stayin strong and loyal to the Lord.

Best wishes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ridingtherollercoaster:
<strong>An important point to bring up to them is that they should accept any decision you make about reconciling with WW or not. It is your M afterall. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right RTRC. I think my friends love me enough to respect my decisions even if it is not what they would want. But then who knows how they would handle it if they found themselves in a similar sitch.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
Myself, I'm feeling very low today. My best friend and confidant is moving away today. I helped her and her H pack the Uhaul last night and didn't want to leave. I don't want them to leave. For the past 3 years, they have been the best friends of WW and I. She and I shared everything with each other; she was the one I ran to when on DDay, who held me as I wretched with pain, and with whom I stayed for 2 weeks thereafter. ........

She held my hand and encouraged me these past weeks through everything. I cried the whole way home last night because I will miss her badly.

I know this sounds like an A but there was nothing physical or mentally sexual between us ever. We were just such great friends........

....but there was nothing there beyond genuine Christian friendship.

I feel like God is trying to take away all the women in my life, maybe so that I will be solely devoted to Him. But this fall He has taken Grandma, WW, and now this friend. I take everything to the Lord now I'm just nervous that he'll take someone else. I feel very alone.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">RTRC:
I feel so bad for you. This pain you feel is still fresh and the comfort of a woman friend is of such great value. Guys who don't know what you're feeling just say "Kick her to the curb. Get over it!" I have a woman friend like that in my volleyball club. She has a boy friend whom I really like too. They take me all over with them so I would spend too much time alone. They know I don't want to date and aren't pushing me. Both of them are divorced because their WS's had long term affairs. They know the deep heartache that infidelity brings. The woman friend calls me 2 or 3 times during the week and chats for hours about my pain and hers that she still feels from the betrayal. Fortunately her BF know my pain because he was betrayed also. He doesn't feel jealous. He knows I would never do anything to hurt them. I am happy for them and hope God blesses me someday with reconciliation or the right woman for me.

Here is my email address if you want to write or instant message me on Yahoo IM.

me_teaux@yahoo.com

I'm home most evenings and would be glad to chat whenever you are down.

IM or Email me anytime. God be with you.

Tough night last night.

WW and I both belong to a volleyball club that meets once a month. 12 couples belong to it. Last night was our annual Christmas get together. We don't play volleyball that night, just play indoor games and eat. It is mostly a social. The couple who hosted last night lives 35 miles outside of New Orleans so WW ask if she could ride with me. I said yes, but I knew it would give some of the other couples the idea that we were together. 1/2 accept her, 1/2 don't. None approves of her relationship with OM. (We are separated).

Had fun for most of the night although I didn't talk much with WW but with others. Even people who talked to her asked me later, why did you bring her? Most want me to ditch her and sometime I want to and sometimes I think I should stand.

We made small talk going home. I told her she looked pretty, she told me I looked handsome but nothing more. She nodded off for a bit and then woke. I told her I liked watching her sleep, she just said she had been working hard. I only made a few attempts to verbally reach out to her but she didn't respond to any. It hurt like it always does, because all of her affection is for the other man. I know I should be in a strict Plan B, but it would mean losing all my friends to avoid her. Her skin is as tough as Titanium. She wouldn't stop going to the volleyball functions no matter what, even though quite a few shunned her last night. She took the hit and recovered immediatly started laughing and talking with others. The worst are my two cousins, they always talk to her. The don't want to shut the door on her because they think that maybe she will reconcile with me. It sure doesn't seem like it.

As time goes on she is getting more distant and more attached to OM. I guess he is meeting most of her needs, at least the most important ones, like sex and companionship. I haven't dated because I don't want to involve anyone in my drama knowing that I would drop them for my WW if she came back. It's lonely through the holidays even with the support of my family and friends. I ache for the companionship and touch of a woman, just like RTRC wrote earlier in this thread.

Keeping the faith that God is working in my favor is hard at times because what I want doesn't seem to be what He has planned for me. I just wish I knew enough of the future to know if I should just let go of WW or stand for her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Firebird
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Keeping the faith that God is working in my favor is hard at times because what I want doesn't seem to be what He has planned for me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God tells us he will provide for our every "need" not our every "want". It's a scary thing to know our wants are not always what he has in store for us.

But just think of if we were to complain to God every time we didn't get what we wanted, what kind of children would we be? We know that he knows what is best for us and we being the children, we have to believe and trust in his judgement.

We have been given the promise in the following verse.

Romans 8:28 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here's a good quote- "In order to have change, things cannot stay the same."

<small>[ December 15, 2003, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: Eduard ]</small>