TFS- I had my oldest in therapy - now her therapist is out until after the first of the year - my youngest does not want to go - but I am thinking after the first of the year - I am going to get us a family therapist and have all three of us go in and talk to them...... My ex was suppose to go with my oldest but like I said the therapist got sick - now my oldest does not want him to go...
lj1122 - Wow I live in Massachusetts too - I live on the south shore - I live in Middleboro - I grew up in Easton - and I work in West Bridgewater - where are you ???

Maw64,

I live in Brockton and my sister lives in West Bridgewater and some of my in-laws live in Middleboro. Small world, you probably know some of them. I work at the V.A. on the Brockton/Easton line. I'll give you my e-mail address so we can talk
jacobsl@ziplink.net.

lj1122 - I emailed you - ok??? that is wierd - we are very close.... Look forward to talking to you ..

Maw64,

There is book Boundaries for Kids---get that for your girls...they should be old enough to grasp it--it will help them learn to set their own boundaries within their relationship with their dad--

Also--if they are afraid to be with him because of his anger or drinking---give them a number to an abuse hotline--that way if they ever feel they need it it--they will have it--it empowers them to protect themselves--against something they feel they have no control over--because the courts tell them they don't--

Thank you Thorned Rose - maybe I will check out the library for the kids version of the boundaries book - I am not sure they are afraid of their Dad - I think they just think he has lost his mind... But still it has been one full week and no contact from any of them.. I am getting more nervous by the day as to how he is going to react once my youngest calls -- They do know under no circumstances are they to go with their father if he has been drinking or acting wierd - they know to call me...

MAW,
You are correct about the change in CS. I just lost half of the CS monies I was gettingg the kids more.

Then over the weekend, the kids tell me twice that they don't want to go their mothers.

My d plays basketball and last week they had their first game. As I am sitting in the satnds with the other parents, I notice they all have some type of shirt, sweater, sweatshirt, supporting the team. I asked wher the got them and they said the girls had order forms for buying them.

I asked my d why she didn't bring it home and she said she had it at her mothers and she would buy one because she didn't have any money and that she hates going there because mother never has any money.

Then this weekend, the kids were to go to their mothers except she worked from 7p on Fri to 7a in the morning. She told me the kids could go sleep at someone's house, but I said I would be home.

So on Sat I am expecting x to pick the kids up after d's bball game, but x leaves right after d's game(d had to saty for varisty game too) and as I am bring them home I said I guess I am taking you guys to your mothers. They ask when they are coming back and I said Sun nite, and the both said, they didn't want to go for one night because it is a hassle to pack, unpack and then repack. I told them that was fine with me but they had to call their mother. My d did after I reminded her a couple time. Apparently she didn't say anything.

The kids are to go Tues nite thru next Mon, but the weekend is supposed to be mine with the kids. She changed the schedule because she is trying to set up Christmas weekend so she can take the kids to her parents. I wonder if she figured out d has practice and a game that Fri and Sat.

RWD - I understand that also - my ex was taking them every Friday and it was like a hassle to them because he would pick them up at 6/6:30 on Friday night and then bring them home on Saturday at like 12 - that is why I suggested the every other weekend thing - but that he was to let them do what they wanted to do - they shouldn't have to change their plans to be with him - they don't change their plans for me.. But obviously he wasnt to into the every other weekend thing - because it did only last the two weekends... And now we are one week with no contact - He always tells me all of the time that the girls only want to go with him if he entertains them and that it cost him money to have them - Like I don't know that I have them everyday of the week... Now I am really concerned that it has been one full week - my youngest just thinks that she is gonna be able to call him on Thursday and he will pick her up on Friday - I am not sure that is gonna happen and it scares me... My ex cannot seem to come to grips with - the fact that he is the one that did wrong to them - yes in fact people do get divorced everyday - but those kids have done nothing and he needs to make it up to them.. He thinks that they hurt his feelings and they are mean to him - And I think oh my god - what happened to this man... I mean I don't know about you - but I don't know any 13yr. old who doesn't think that the world revolves around them... They are kids for goodness sake... And again they didn't ask for this situation - I don't know I know that I am not happy that any of this happened but I am really truly thinking of the girls first - somehow I am not sure they fit into his life and it is so sad... Alot of blame is thrust at me - but I am not taking it anymore....

My g/f's x is the same way. For a month or two he refused to take their kids (14 & 12) anywhere on "his" weekend. He is somewhat better now, but he still works his things in to "their" weekends.

This past weekend was his weekend with the kids, and was the youngest's birthday, but he had something going on out of town. So he took the kids Fri nite and dropped them off Sat.

He made no attempt at a birthday celebration, so g/f arranged birthday party at a professional indoor soccer game. He took two friends, his brother, me and my son and his aunt and her kids. He had a good time.

RWD - I actually haven't figured out the way my ex is yet... he thinks in his mind that he is wonderful because he pays child support and alot of people don't even do that - which is true.. But he thinks that I don't discipline the girls, that I don't do this and that... Yet he was spending 12 hours a week with them - therefore I don't think he really had any right to comment - and now he isn't even doing anything.. He doesn't think that he should have to call them he thinks that they should call him - that they should take time out of their lives to include him - yet he is the adult - They know nothing about his life at all - if they are there he goes in the other room and shuts the door when he is on the phone.. He has lied continually about who he is going out with until last week - They don't know him -so basically I think they are uncomfortable - yet he thinks he is wonderful because they don't need to know about his life - that it is his life and not theirs... That is where I think most of the problems lie.. And the fact that if you only have them for 12 hours or so - then you should make the time about them - not spend it yelling at them, or complaining that all they want to do is spend money he doesn't have... I fear he is never going to understand any of this - and of coure he is gonna blame everything on me - until the day he dies - Though all I have ever done is try to help their relationship... I just am so freaked - when he makes comments like - I am not kissing their a**ses and then I said - you know what they are kids if it takes you ten years of a** kissing to make up to them what you did then so be it - and he is like NOWAY... Now am I off base here???

Ok wanted to give everyone an update... My youngest called my ex last night and she told him she wanted to go with him this weekend and he pretty much gave her attitude and told her he was busy - so of course I got on the phone not a good idea... He basically says that he absolutely hates me - I mean you can hear the anger in his voice and that I of course have turned the girls against him... And I have poisened their heads against the lady next door - and pretty much every other thing that has gone wrong in his life is my fault... As for my 13 year old -- I told him he owed her an apology and he said screw that she is the one that owes me an apology.. So he left it with my daughter that maybe they could do something Saturday afternoon - but pretty much told me that where he stands they didn't even have the decency to call him in 9 days after that huge episode - Now I am thinking that he is the one that should have called.. So I am totally pulling myself out of the equation - a friend of mine gave me some good advice and told me that I can just love them and pretty much try to pick up the pieces after their Dad - but let them know that I will always be there for them..So that is what I am gonna try.. I did freak me out all night wondering why he has such hatred for me - afterall - I am the one that was lied,cheated and betrayed too - you know??? The anger and hatred is really misdirected if anything I should hate him - and you know what I just don't even have energy for any kind of feelings toward him at this point ...