They have decided that since I have a relationship with the younger 2, who need paretal guidance and have tried it their father's way with catastrophic results, I have brainwashed them to my way of thinking. i.e. respectful behaviour is all a figment of my imagination! The problem is that they will take this very dysfunctional behaviour into all their other important relationships.

I am sitting here with my mouth open. I am SHOCKED. Shocked that this is verbatim what my son basically has said in his last email to me. Add *paranoid*, *selfish*, *sick*, and *insane* to it, and you have my son's thoughts about me. His younger sister, who lives with me, is well adjusted, kind, respectful, wise beyond her years. If anything, I am a way better parent NOW than I was before the divorce. Our oldest one even comments on how different I am. I have healthy boundaries, respect what my kids have to say, but most of all, respect for myself. I will NEVER be the doormat.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> my sons feel I MUST accept any and all behaviour, they are entitled to treat me any manner they wish to. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's why I'm not having Christmas with him this year. He's decided since he can't treat me the way HE wants to treat me, he wants me to beg and grovel for him to come and spend Christmas with me. As far as I'm concerned, may his father and him enjoy the holidays together!

Are we living the same life?


"He's decided since he can't treat me the way HE wants to treat me, he wants me to beg and grovel for him to have" any type of relationship with me..... Basically I was told that my expectations mean that sons have to grovel to have a relationship with me and this they refuse to do (as they should if it truly meant they had to grovel!) My older kids manipulate and project EVERYTHING to make themselves the victim (modelling X's behaviour of playing a victim to my being impossible to a T as well!)All I ask is that they be respectful to me, not treat me as a second class parent, (especially since they always accomodate father's needs first (holidays etc and any day special for me is ignored!). The other part is that they need to be responsible and accountable for their behaviour to all when they mess up which they refuse to be. Thye also believe that should anyone want a relationship with them, them it is one sided, they take and the other person gives! This no longer works either ! They have lost some friends and then justify that the friends were not worthy then of friendship! Of course any suggestion that they are in need of therapy is ridiculed as it is all my problem , not theirs!

Basically X has projected his anger etc onto the children to conflict with me to:
a)keep emshed with me in a sick manner. I am no longer on the same merry go round with this.
b)justify why it is impossible to live with me (I am far too difficult) and excuse his affair and his treatment of me ever since.
c)manipulate the children to keep them emeshed with him and new family.

Guess the kids never figured that I would not always try to make a relationship with them work no matter what! Eventually self preservation does kick in! I have told my younger 2 (who have played this as well on and off) that when they are no longer in need of a parent, then it is their choice how to behave and my choice to then walk away until such time they are able to have a honest and respectful relationship with me....but in the mean time I will not accept disrespect etc from them and they take responsibility for their actions and choices in a much more mature manner and "get it"

As an aside I have no time for anyone close to this family who has known how X has behaved towards the children and still actively empowered him to continue this behaviour by being supportive of his new lifestyle choices. But then that is just me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As an aside I have no time for anyone close to this family who has known how X has behaved towards the children and still actively empowered him to continue this behaviour by being supportive of his new lifestyle choices. But then that is just me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Standing OVATION! Bravo! One day they will get it... but I won't hold my breath! I lost most of my friends...or should I say I let go of the UNHEALTHY friends that I had, in order to gain true relationships (healthy I might add) with some pretty terrific people!

Thanks also to your input too. Let's keep in touch -- it's nice to be able to get ideas from a person *who's been there*!

I would like to keep in touch, can you give me your e-mail. There is more to my story, re giving kids drugs, promoting underage drinking, boys will be boys etc....and total disrespect to women !!!

My friends tell me this is more convoluted than any soap opera!

oh! oh! oh!...I got another one --------> how about child breaks her thumb and Daddy Dearest takes her BOWLING to keep her mind off of it! Yes...happened on Friday, and by Sunday her thumb was so swollen I thought it would explode from the sheer size.

btw....email cgyvacationgirl@hotmail.com