i uninstalled the spy software and decided not to monitor my wife's activity. not knowing is better than knowing what's going on at this point. it just upsets me and makes me furious. i do not need it right now.

AQsaap6

You should let her know that if she goes to London that she will not have a home to come back
too. Tell her to move her stuff out before she goes to London. Then when she comes back you go to plan B - that means NO CONTACT. Work through her parents or siblings to communicate.

She is a cakewoman. She has you to fall back on if OM doesn't work out. Don't let her manipulate you into taking her back. Be strong and show her that you plan to move on without her.

Beau

Asaap6

I know this is hard on you especially during the holidays with a small child. I assume you are working a good plan A. You might consider posting in the general II section as that area has a lot of advisors. Also, the plan A/B section has people that are very good with either approach and can give you specific advise.

I reread one of your earlier posts and got the impression that your wife did not want to get pregnant and stop working. Sounds like she is taking her anger and frustration with the situation out on you. It is odd that she is so willing to walk away from the child. Usually mothers are just the opposite. I don't know if the emotional affair is the cause of that or what? Sounds like the OM is a real looser.

Your W seems headstrong or maybe defiant in her actions. Do you think that the two of you can have a solid marriage? Has she always been like this? How old is your W?

You can work a strong plan A and have certain boundaries as to what you will allow, e.g., no contact with OM, no trip to London, will not fund her trip, late night drinking, etc. Just state what your boundaries are in as much of a non confrontation manner as you can. She may not agree but she will know where you stand on these issues and what to expect from you.

Good Luck

Beau

thanks for your continuous posts. I've posted some info under General Questions and Plan A/Plan B. Got some feedback that I was doing everything the wrong way and that I need a lot of professional help, but then other people said I was on the right track.

She did want to get pregnant and she did not just quit her job. She had a stupid supervisor who fired her. We sued the company and got a nice settlement out of it. After that she just did not feel like getting a job for a couple of months before having a baby and having to quit.

I doubt that she is mad at me. She was the one who pushed hard for a serious relationship and marriage. I was the one who was not quite ready to commit, but was very happy once I did.

She has never been set in her ways. She says "I am a Libra, so I can never make up my mind" and that is true about her except for this situation. She's got her mind in concrete and there is nothing anybody can do to make her change her mind. So, the only thing I have left is to be there for her, show her that I am a good person, an excellent supportive husband, and hope that when leaves and her EA ends, she will look back and say "he is good. i wish he could take me back. i'll try to talk to him".

She is a very smart person and I am 100% sure that we can have a solid happy everlasting relationship. I think you guessed it, yes she is very young and has a lot of growing up to do. she just turned 21. we met when she was 16. I know that once she grows up she'll look back and say "I was so stupid to walk away from what I had". Not to sound arrogant, but I am an excellent husband/person. I have my issues, but I think I worked them all out after reading info on this site and some others. I was basically a man who was unable to meet female's emotional needs. Maybe, she does need to walk away, hit the bottom and hit it hard and then she will realize what's going on and how stupid it is of her to walk away from her family.

anyway, I would love to continue talking to you but can we continue under General Questions. My two posts there are "Clarification on Plan A" and "Dealing w/in-laws".