X kept calling while son and I were out for sushi. I ignored his calls until we were finished b/c he's not going to interrupt my dinner..

He calls to speak with son and talks briefly. He says that Ms. Family Values will pick him up tomorrow and I correct Jethro saying that "no, you pick up son on wed., tomorrow is tuesday in case you didn't notice." I then said, and why don't you pick up your own son? He's MY responsibility and I take that seriously and it's time you did too...He fires back saying..

WELL FAMILY VALUES IS HIS STEPMOTHER AND IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY. I say WHAT????

He says that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHEN IT HAPPENED BUT THAT SHE IS...I said "WELL YOU SURE HAVEN'T TOLD YOUR CHILD HAVE YOU?" I said well if you're not man enough to tell your own child, then I will be the parent here and tell my son.

So I told my son that his daddy has married her and he is very very sad. But he blew it off. He said "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?" I don't know. I don't really care. I am kinda numb right now.

JEHTRO ALWAYS DOES THIS CRAP WHEN I START TO FEEL GOOD.

So what did I say to the beaming groom via a phone call? He said "why are you acting like this...you sound like you did two years ago."
I said, "well just like you, I guess I am not changing either." He said that he just doesn't "UNDERSTAND WHY I AM THIS WAY". I said that I am sick of this and more than sick of him over the last few years and that they can have each other.

Good riddance. She's his problem/ he's her problem now.

My ending words before I slammed the phone down on the biggest coward in the world: "CONGRATU-FRICKIN-LATIONS...I GIVE YOU TWO YEARS AT BEST."
Slam.

Not sure how this is going to sink in yet. I am just not sure. But am glad I don't have to see patients tomorrow.

Thank you to all friends here who have supported me during this and thank you as I might really need your support suddenly again.

I can't believe it. But then again, I can. Why am I just totally numb? It's like he's robbed me of every memory I have ever had. And to think the ba@[censored] married his MISTRESS AT THE SAME PLACE HE WENT ON HIS HONEYMOON WITH ME...How sicko is that? Is God in this psycho union? Nope. He didn't tell me b/c I was going to (like I threatened last year) to yank the license of any minister who'd marry them as it would mean either the man is legally insane or the minister is the High Priest of the Church of Satan or something...

I think I need some support tonight...I have to hold it together. I was doing so well dammit...Doing so damn well. And I am going to continue...I will do my very best. Right now, my heart is pounding and I feel an anger welling up inside of me and I hurt more than you can know about my son...he was not even told this. How cruel is that? How proud can you be of marrying your mistress if your own son doesn't know it?

I don't think I can ever speak to him again. He has this time just done too damn much. I am off to email attorneys and inform them of this and make damn sure he pays me the money he owes me asap and that they are informed of his cruelty in doing this to his own child.

I mean, why in the heck do WS/xWS do this kind of crap to their own children? It's sick, sick sick.

It's going to take every bit of me not to absolutely hate him. I am truly sorry I ever met this man. And for the record, I am not ever going to be called by my married name ever again...I am Ms. E to everybody who knows me. Sorry, but I am venting and fuming and need to get over this...My son is watching cartoons and doesn't seem to care right now. He's just sitting back and playing. He said "well she's not really married is she?" I said that daddy says they are.

For any WS out there, read this damn post and see if you are man or woman enough to do this crap to your own children..If you do then you have no soul. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ok...I knew this would happen. Knew it would come but was not sure how I'd handle it.

The shakes are coming on now and I am not crying or anything not yet.

My son is walking around carrying his Gooey Louie game and is wanting me to play..I feel like vomiting up all the damn sushi right now.

I feel like my life with the exception of any timee with my son, has been a joke. That I must have been the stupidest woman to have ever married this man-ho. I can't believe I ever carried his name. I am sickened beyond belief.

Disguest, nauseated, enraged at this awful person. And to not even tell his own child..But at least my son didn't have to stand up at their damn wedding and pretend to be happy in some little monkeysuit...

Well the golddigger got her fool's gold...I am happy for her...And it must feel really good being a first time bride not having any presents or anything to celebrate your union...No showers, nothing..Not to walk down an aisle..

At least JEthro's relatives will recall one day the day that he did have a lovely white wedding..One of the prettiest ever..And they will recall how just mere weeks after the signing of papers for his divorce to be final how he married his preggo mistress in private. How proud must he be! He must be wanting to just shout it aloud for everybody to hear! Or was it something done out of shame and guilt as her bump is really showing now and she could drop it any day...

In case you wondered...THIS IS A VENT A VENT A VENT A VENT!

I feel like calling every radio station and asking them to play Billy Idol's "White WEdding"...Especially the part "there's nothing fair in this world...there's nothing pure in this world, girl...and if there's something left in this world...start again".

Well it seems that I am the only person who is really starting again. I am not shacked up with anybody..I couldn't even handle it if I were preggo right now and shacked up. I haven't even completely worked through my stuff yet, but I am getting close. I am going to pray pray pray like mad that God uses today to help me move ahead faster than I thought I could. But I swear, sooner than later I will leave this self-imposed convent.

I am also requesting via my attorneys the wedding china he did not return as well as a few pieces of my fine crystal. His new WISTRESS can buy her own...LIKE MY NEW PRHASE? WISTRESS...COMBO OF WIFE AND MISTRESS...THE PREGGO WISTRESS! hA HA HA HA HA.

I can't wait...for when people ask "so you two, how long you been married before you started trying to have a child?" ha ha ha ha ha.

Now the psycho x is trying to suck up and sent me an email...AND DAMMIT! IT'S A JOKE...WHY? TO MAKE ME LAUGH? i AM LAUGHIN' AT HIM..I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE SENT...A DAMN JOKE ABOUT CHEATING..

Ah..He is soooo true to character..I am cutting and pasting this one for your utter enjoyment..

Fwd: CHEATER
Date: 1/12/2004 8:24:41 PM Eastern Standard Time
Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me
from
the beginning.

When I confront him, he denies everything. What's
worse is
everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!
Also,
since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn't even
looked for
a new one.

All he does is sit around the living room in his
underwear and
watch TV while I work to pay the bills. And since our
daughter
went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like
me.

He keeps calling me a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless: Dump him. You're a New York Senator
now. You
don't need him anymore.

AND NOW HERE'S DA PEACH'S RESPONSE TO HER FORMER HUSBAND...IN PERFECT PEACH STYLE..

Re: CHEATER
Date: 1/12/2004 8:25:29 PM Eastern Standard Time

Hilary's dumb..She's still married to him.

Peachy - Of course you are hurt... And of course but let it be over.. For every ending there is a new beginning... Someone around here has this quote on the signature line and it is a good one - "When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." -- Let it go.. Grieve one last time and let it go... Your son is little he has you - Don't worry about his relationship with his father.... He doesn't understand the mistress stuff and that is probably a good thing... You must move on with your life and be happy - that I am told is the best revenge - Just think when their world falls apart - yours will just be coming together...My therapist asked me if I would take him back - and I said NO - but Somedays I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up and have everything back the way it used to be - but then I told her what I am striving for is to wake up one day and want to call him on the telephone and thank him for all of the hell I have been and continue to go through for the last two 1/2 years because I am the happiest I have ever been.. You deserve better - You don't want him so let her have him.. And actually my therapist told me -when I think of ex - think of him with a huge bandage on his head that says sick- because that is what he is --- It isn't about him anymore - it isn't about the two of you anymore - it is now about you - about you and your son... Stop giving the time and energy you give into thinking about him any longer - they are not worth it..... It is time to close the door....

Hang in there Peachy...

I know just what you mean in the turmoil. I feel that my life is caught up in a blender, and every so often my ex walks by and hits the puree button for a moment and everything gets stirred up. After a while, things settle down, when here she comes again.

I can't even suspect how this must feel, but we all knew it would come with him. He wouldn't want his child to be without a married father when he/she is born. Remember, it is NOT this child's nor her original child's fault. If you continually talk down about them to your son, all you will do is hurt him. So be brave, and strong for him. Don't call them "half" or 'Step', because for his sake, they will need to have good relationships between them all.

Hang tough... you will get through this, if you continue to try to turn the anger and sadness towards compassion and peace. Someone said on a post I made on GQII, "sometimes it isn't the forgiveness we need to have, it is the acceptance that they are so far lost that they can't find their way in the world". That is where your ex has put himself. He is in a hell he has built, and I guarantee he is NOT happy in it, but he is probably too proud to admit it even to himself. He is caught, you are the one that is free. Remember this fact.

Be strong... take heart.

Mimi, You're right.

But it's the darn shock right now...And the way he has done it. Sickening.

And I wouldn't take him back under ANY circumstances...If yours is wearing a bandaid on his head, then mine has a huge gaping hole in the middle of his...

And it is going to come together...my life...my son's life...and I know that something like this conceived in total sin and shame will not amount to anything at all. I am just glad that legally this child will have a father. That's it. But it's sick, damn sick.

I wondered why he called to speak to his son two times this week...It was his conscience of ripping apart his family and then marrying the wistress...He felt bad for what he did to his own son.

What is sicko is where he married her...same place where we went on our honeymoon. I don't think I can ever go to Disney ever agin.

I am sorry. I haven't cried yet. I am numb. Angry and numb. My little one just came over and kissed me on the cheek. He's so sweet. Loving and an angel. He deserved none of this...He doesn't deserve this man as a dad.

I don't want to look back. I can't. So much this man has done...I can't even remember many good times as of now...And that's sad. You want to cherish something right? Well I can only think of a few times..I keep flashing back to all the bad stuff he did even inbetween good stuff...I have no feelings about him.

Gosh I want to just rip up all the wedding pictures that are in storage. Burn them. I want no memories ever of him again. But Mimi, I hope I can join you when one day I call him up to thank him for the hell he put me through because he made me into the strong and even more loving woman and mother I am today..

Guess their date was january 10...or jan..second? I don't know. Couldn've gotten married on new years' eve...And where was I? Out lookin' good with my bad single self at a ball. Where was he? Having to fulfill an obligation to a pregnant woman of ill repute..I was stretching my wings, and he was being fitted for shackles.

One funny thing...When I picked up my son this week, he said "mommy , daddy was asking me all the time if you had any friends spending the night?" I said "what friends? Like Aunt T? He said, no, "guy friends". Guess revenge will be living well. And I am going to live decently and still have fun. As it would seem, my x is probably sees me now as the one living la vida loca. Hey, he's tied down now. I am not.

I just cannot believe he wouldn't have enough tact to tell his own son. It's shameful and sickening...

Thanks Good Doc..

I have found your number and might call you in a bit..

Yep. I feel pureed. Chopped, sliced, and diced and ginsu'd.

I am not going to talk about them. It's not this child's fault. I feel bad for the baby. I feel bad for her child too.

I am going to play Gooey Louie and then will call you..Son needs me.

And I'm always here for him.

Huge gaping hole I can understand - And I really truly hope to be happy one day.. Though I know it is gonna take awhile - but you know what that is ok - I know I am much better off without a lying cheating skumbag ... And it is really hard when you know my other woman lives next door and my girls are 10 and 13 and well aware of the situation - you can just be thankful that your son is so young... And though he knows that his Dad hurt you and him - he doesn't really understand this.... But like formerly confused said this is not that baby's fault - and hopefully for that baby's sake he will change his ways... Someone told me that I should wish my ex happiness because if he is well so to speak then when he is around my children he will be a much better person... I am always going to be bitter I think - I mean I have been through hell - do I wish him happiness - nope not now and I think alot of that has to do with the fact that I am not happy.. But I hope when I am happy that he will not even enter my mind.. It is the hardest thing dealing with the betrayal - and being sad and having the WS have someone and just go on with their lives like they are happy.. But are they truly happy - well we will never know because they would never admit it anyways... But I don't really think that we have to totally forgive we have to just accept that this is the way it is and we did everything we could - and it is over... And we will recover and we will be better people for it... Someday... So I say cry get it all out - and then put it all away - somewhere deep in the back of your mind.. He is worth all of this .. Truly he isn't... But you cannot change him or what has happened - and you must be strong and just get through this - I mean I am thinking about your situation and there really isn't anything left that you have to deal with except the birth of the child and then hopefully it will truly be overwith.. So just go with those emotions - and then pick yourself back up and move forward - close the door - and like someone told me - smile and the world will smile back at you - and yesterday was yesterday - today is today... Smile - don't let them get to you.... You don't want him - you deserve better... You are worthy of a special love and the respect that should and will go with it... So start moving forward.. That is really all you can do...

Peachy - I am so sorry. You have had it so rough, and that stupid wayward spouse of yours. I wish all wayward spouses could go live on an island. And who survived survives, if aids doesn't kill them all.

This man is not a man at all. He is a coward and a deceitful liar. Your son, must hurt inside too. Peachy, I don't know when it will get better. But I am told the same too. The wayward spouses just sit in their glory, telling us how stupid we are, how we are not marriage matieral, how we don't listen to them. I just heard the same stuff Sunday. The wayward spouse goes and has an affiar, screws another person and doesn't feel anything about it. Then tells their spouses that they are no good, and that they wish we were dead. They screw with the kids minds, and tell them lies. I know, my wayward spouse did, and now the kids are seeing the truth. Then your wayward spouse pregnates the other woman and marries her. You know it won't last. You know the other woman is screwed in her head.

I feel your pain Peachy, and I wish that you would call the Doc. This hurts so much, and I wish that I could be upbeat for you. But I don't have anything to say that is upbeat, except that you deserve better. Hon, I care about you, and I really have been looking up at your moving on. Talk on the phone and get some help hon, I really am worried about you. Keep posting so we all can see how you are doing.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Peachy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sorry for what you are going thru again. But Why are you numb, and you better not cry. You know what a jerk he is and will probably always be a jerk..So why drag yourself into the pits!!!!!!

The day after Christmas my kids were all at grandma satan's house and during dessert sh asked my ex if it would be a good time for his announcement since all the kids were there.

Ex said:
"what announcement..I dont know what you are talking about"

grandma satan said:
"you know what announcement..the announcement about you and your girlfriend"

Ex:
I have no idea what you are talking about..SHUT UP...Mind your own business..there is no announcement"

Then he proceeded to throw all the dirty dishes in the sink and start washing them..

Grandma satan:
"well kids, I dont know what to tell you, its not my place to say anything, your father should tell you"

So that ended their Christmas dinner with the dysfunctional family from hell..they all came home upset..

daughter was crying "He has lied from the very beginning, and now, even now he still cant tell the truth, I never want to see him again"

these last 4 years he has denied even existence of GF..I was crazy. He still pretends to live at moms and has never even mentioned GF to kids. I found out from my sis in law that him and the crotch cricket got engaged for Christmas..how lovely. Promises of love and fidelity to someone he cant even acknowledge to his kids. Yeah, what a way to start a new life!!! 3 weeks later..and still he has no announcement to make to kids.

BUT DID I CRY??????????NO WAY..she can do all the crying from now on in..I had 26 years of crying and I better not find out that you shed any tears over Jethro..

Smiles,
Dawn

Peachy, no long reply, I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. I love your vents because you speak honestly what I think many of us (at least it's true for me) feel about our WS's.

Today, three of my employees ganged up on me and shredded my H's CEU certificate that came to my address - after he's been gone for over 3 years... (his license expired 11/03 and he completed the class in Jan. - though since he's not working, I guess it doesn't make any difference) because I was going to forward it to his lawyer (since I don't know his address).

So, keep venting whenever you need to. We're all working on healing from the betrayal and the disillusionment, and you voice the anger that I, for one, have difficulty expressing.

Just Peachy,
Girl, I do know how you are feeling, and the pain will lessen, and will gradually not come to really matter anymore. My X got married before our divorce was ever final. He never told his parents, or his children. Then, a couple of months later when he decided he needed to see the kids, he picked them up for dinner one night, and met his wife and stepdaughter at a restaurant. He actually introduced his wife as someone he worked with. He never told the kids who this person was. When they got home, I had to tell them that this was dad's new wife. At that point they just broke down crying, feeling betrayed by their dad. That has been almost a year, and TIME takes care of so many things. You will make it, I promise, and you will get better. I will tell you, it is still hard to NOT think about him and everything else. I have to practically force myself to think of other things, but it is getting better. Hang in there. God will see you through this.
KK

I understand Dawn exactly how you feel. They deny deny deny.

And the dishes in sink..What a lovely warm Christmas it must have been. What idiots.

And I got a rather nasty response from Jethro to my one-liner I sent him earlier...the one about Hillary not leaving Bill.

It should be considered "WRITTEN FOG TALK" AND IS CLASSIC OF ALL WS...Their twisted thinking...And I don't care what political party you affiliate with..leaders are supposed to have character and morality or why else do we want to have them as role models? He's so foggy...I am going to post his response to me here so that THOSE WHO ARE TRYING TO DEAL WITH WS' CAN SEE HOW THEY THINK...IRRATIONAL AND WILL SAY OR DO ANYTHING TO BACK UP THEIR FOG.

Here goes:
Yea,
Most woman are like that, they just stay with men who don't want to be with them. Bill doesn't have the balls to leave her. That's a democrat for you. You know what a republican would do in that situation, he'd get the hell out when he had the chance. At least Hillary doesn't make excuses about everything. She maximizes her potential and doesn't need or rely on Bill to support her. Gotta give her some credit there. Some woman are just able to make the best of a bad situation, learn from there mistakes, quit making excuses and move on with a new and improved outlook on life. Rare quality I've yet to experience.
Hope you meet one some day,
Jethro
PS: Hillary has a lot of titles and initials after her name. You guys have more in common than you realize. If Bill changes parties then it will really be to close for you to call home.
____________
Arrgh! He says that if a man has cajones, and wants to leave a woman that he should do that...That REPUBLICAN MEN would do that (and like most democrats or green party would give a nod to that either?)...And is he like supporting me like he should? Is he supporting his son like he should? Hardy har har. He must be on crack or something...Unlike our former first lady, when I meet people, I go by my maiden name only. No part of the Ms. Peachy-Jethro thing...And it would seem that the sheer fact I am degreed and he is not is a sore spot with him? Am I smarter than him? Yea.

I blasted him back but it was long and I even corrected his POOR GRAMMAR as you can see above in his reply to me. I don't care. I went off on him. How dare the cro-magnon insult da Peach? After tonight I am angrier than heck but feel even more parolled than before. He hates it when I correct his grammar as I used to write his speeches or announcements and important documents for his business. I corrected his spelling but then announced that I was no longer his little "spellchecker" that he had a new one, that is assuming she CAN SPELL AT ALL, and that I resigned from this position quite some time ago..

ARrrrrrrrgh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> They can have each other...He has slezed and slunk about and screwed around and found such a prize in her! She dug and dug and screwed about too and found her golden idol. But any man who would say that "it doesn't matter where or how but that it happened" about his recent marriage is doomed. Doomed I say. If I don't gush and gush and get all starry-eyed whenever I fall in love and am on the verge of marriage again, then will somebody please slap me? It doesn't sound too romantic...Sounds like he was parroting vows with a shotgun and /or ultimatum at him...

And boy..their wedding night must have been a blast! I mean, I remember when I was seven mos. preggo. I slept all the time. WAs constantly tired. And sex drive? Well, one can only imagine an eight mo. preggo woman..My sister said "well I sure hope she didn't get too excited at the alter...you know what happens to a very preggo woman's urinary bladder don't ya?"...Oh the scene...Waddling down the aisle in some tent of a white dress. No photos. Or maybe a few. Maybe they got married by the same dude that married Britney Spears? Would make sense. And you gotta wonder how it feels to say wedding vows for the third time in your life by age thirty five? Does something get lost in the translation? Hmmmm...Dunno. I wondered if either the face of his first wife or me floated around in his foggy little brain as he also promised to love, protect, honor, for better or worse richer or poorer till death they part? Or are those just things "people say when they get married".

WEll....an interesting night...slept a little. And when I did, the weird dreams came back. Haven't had those in quite sometime. Feel like I've kinda been run over by a steamroller or something of that nature.

But I have gotten a bit of enlightenment now...Here goes:
1)xh is just being who he is...par for course. I knew to expect something selfish, stupid, and he always delivers in that department.
2)future is up to me. he's not part of it except for that small bit of joint parenting. Shall view him as a sperm donor with legal rights from this day forward. Unsure of how in future I can ever look at him. Disgust and general "bleeeech" feeling I get when I see him is now magnified about a million times.
3)Guesss I should do a little freedom dance now! I am really the one free. He's not. I can remember reading how somebody here a long time ago their WS got the divorce and married almost same day...What brainiacs they are!
4)He's worse..And this one dawned on me about two am...when my x dropped my son off last week the switchoff site was Macaroni Grill around corner from my house...idiot boy was I suppose, married already. When he walked out of restaurant and showed me the new navigator he had purchased, I noticed ever so briefly that he was not wearing any ring. Had believed he'd show up one day wearing one. Maybe he'll start wearing one now...Or is it just too much for him to ever wear one? Newlyweds are supposed to show off their rings aren't they? Guarantee the wistress is showing off her ho-earnings and flashing some bling bling at anybody who will look.
5)She's worked hard for the money. Yep. She's earned what she deserves. And she'll get what she deserves too! I called up Orchid last night and also another MB friend and they were in agreement that chickiepoo doesn't know what she got herself into...About five or six mos. from now, she will know...When there are two am feedings and Jethro will as before, tell her IT'S HER JOB TO STAY UP AND FEED BABY and she'll go without sleep and be a zombie for a year or two or more...Then the other kids are running around. And in case you didn't know, she has shared custody of her son with her xbf. So my x may very well see his stepson more than his own son. I fully expect another desperate phone call announcing "I'm leaving him" like I got in September...remember? a call saying she was leaving my husband (then) but then lied and claimed she wasn't living with him. She got the wedding she deserved and now she's got the life she deserved. I just hope she gets THE LABOR SHE DESERVES...Long and hard and an episiotomy the length of the mississippi river...Not very nice nor decent of me, but this is a RANT STILL so I don't care.

So in the end, I am free and I guess just dealing with the after effects of a cowardly man who couldn't even sit down with his boy and explain what he was about to do and just in typical WS fashion GLOSSED OVER HIS IMPENDING MARRIAGE BY LYING TO TWO CHILDREN AND TAKING THEM TO DISNEYWORLD. In his foggy mind, everybody was happy that way. He got married and got to pretend to be a decent father. Last night in bed, got this wierd swirly feeling. Like every memory I had came back, including the day I married him. And it's funny. I remember also the day my dad died. I tried to sleep and had the swirly feeling then along with the wierd dreams. I think deep down we don't want to believe the WS could go this far and totally ruin everybody's lives including their own..I tried to pray but had no words. I said "well God, you know about this one." Today I woke up with a tiny bit of an answer to the quandry...tiny voice inside said "this isn't your problem but be there for you son."

So I am handing over on a silver, rather gold plated platter my xh to Family Values. And the best woman won...I did! Oh, and btw...I got a late night email reply from my attorney who said that this information was interesting and they will be looking into things today for me. Very very interesting. As for me, if I remarry, I will be in love with the person. My son will love them and see them as a friend and somebody they can trust. I will be starry eyed and happy and whether small or med. sized wedding or even elopement, I shall wear a killer dress. And still have good flowers too. And my son will be good with it and stand beside me when I do it too. No lies, no secrets, and for sure no pregnancy. I won't be displaying the "bump" while I walk down that aisle. And I along with the man I choose, after doing that will proudly wear rings as married people should. And if it doesn't happen so what? I am going back to reading that book my aunt sent me.
Oh, formerly conf....I tried your old cell number and it didn't work. Live in Alpharetta now btw...In case you need to look me up or could contact Orchid as she's got my number.
Getting in shower. Going to do a non-working work day and am taking my son with me along with his leapster and books and some crayola art supplies. We'll have fun and I will leave work about noon and spend day with son. All I can do is heal myself and be there one thousand percent for my little boy.

(((((((((((((Peachy))))))))))))))

I'm glad to read your most recent post. I was worried after the original one. You still focus so much on him, that's its blocking your full healing.
I hope you have a counselor to talk with about about these things. It's alot for anyone to handle. I don't think it was your place to tell your son, it was J's. (my current friends and I have an honest and open policy to tell what we think - you may not agree with this one).

I wish you the best, and hope you surround yourself with great friends and healthy people to help you heal.

Off topic, in your book on dating, does a trip to Walmart count as going out?

{{{{Peachy}}}}

It’s always a shocker when the ex puts it all to bed. Pun fully intended here. I think it was harder for you because you still are very absorbed in him. Jethro must be a real charmer when he wants to be in order to still have you under his spell. And I know you realize what he is, but he’s still able to push all your buttons.

I fully agree that he should have told your son. I’m just not sure you should have told your son when it was apparent he hadn’t. Probably it doesn’t matter in the long run.

On the other hand, I’m not sure that marrying her at Disney is so sick. He’s just doesn’t care. It may not even have registered with him and even if it did, he’d just think “So what?” My guess is when you find the perfect person for you, you’d be willing to marry him even in the church you married your ex-husband. And that’s healthy.

My only suggestion is you drop the “Wistress.” It was funny this time, and a whole bunch of BS’s can relate to it. BUT, at this point it will only make you sound bitter and perhaps reinforce in your mind all those bitter, angry, hurt thoughts and feelings. Controlling our thoughts is an incredibly hard exercise, I know.

And, I’m not asking you to turn your back on the facts. The fact is she was his mistress. The fact is he probably wouldn’t have married her if she hadn’t gotten pregnant. The fact is your ex and she dealt you a crooked hand. But, now what are you going to do with those facts? Use them to cement your thoughts of her as Wistress thereby inhibiting your ability to cooperate with her when necessary? And don’t even try to tell me it will have no effect on your behavior.

Let’s try thinking something like this. “Okay, Mrs. FV, I know you were an absolute slut, but let’s hope you’ve grown up and will seize this chance to become a god-fearing respectable woman.” “Okay, Jethro, I’m well rid of you, and thank goodness there’s someone to take your abuse instead of me. I hope for the sake of our child, you’ll learn and grow and change, and that this marriage will finally provide whatever the heck it is you’re looking for so our son doesn’t have to go through any more turmoil.”

In the meantime, I say you can sulk, vent, rant and rave for another 5 days provided son doesn’t see or hear it. After that, girl, you are FREE! Probably for the first time in your life.

And how was the ball? I love balls. I love ball gowns. Did you dance a lot? Like the whole night? Did you flirt tons? And don’t bother to say in that sweet southern voice that you don’t flirt or even know how to flirt. I’ve only met two southern women in my entire life who couldn’t flirt up a storm without ever leading a man on. I went to a southern women’s college and learned from some of the best.

hugs!

Peachy,

First, I'm sorry your hurting---

but you need to learn to control your hurt and anger in front of your son--he doesn't need to hear that bitterness from you--

No matter what you think about his father and his choices---THEY ARE HIS!!! and his consequences to deal with--not yours--And He is your child's father--Nothing you can do to change that...and with your angry outbursts even over the phone to your ex--it will cause your son to feel he has to 'choose' sides--and He shouldn't have to choose between loving you and loving his father--

he should be free to feel and show love to his father no matter what choices he makes--and whether or not you agree with them--or even like them--He should be free to decide whether or not he likes the new wife or not--whether you do or not--

Now, I know this may sound harsh but I really have a hard time reading some of your posts--

As you keep spouting off about how God hates this and that concerning your ex--and your right--God does hate those things--but you know what--He also hates the bitterness and unforgiveness you have in your own heart as well--He hates the language you use to attack this woman and your ex--He hates your judgemental attitude--that you are somehow better than them because YOU didn't choose to have an affair--but you know--your anger and bitterness, and hateful words are just as sinful in God's eye's as their affair--

I understand you are hurting--and this is very painful for you--but if you don't work through these things--You and your son are going to be the one's to suffer--

Do you think your anger or bitterness is effecting HIS moving on with his life in any way??
it really isn't--

the only people it's effecting are you and your son--and your ability to move forward--and heal

So please--for your sake and the emotional health of your son--STOP looking at all the things your ex has done, is doing or ever will do--and start living YOUR LIFE!!!

Ok.

When I write this is a VENT...it is just that...getting something off of my chest. And I don't carry it around with me when I throw it off.

And as much as I'd love to believe it, I don't think anytime soon FV is gonna become a god fearing woman. Sure would be a nice thought though.

When speaking with my son, always is gently and very little. WHen it's about those kind of subjects. He's fine and when I type something HERE does not mean, i repeat, DOES NOT MEAN I SAY ANY OF THIS IN FRONT OF MY SON. I called her wistress here b/c I was fuming and venting at his utter stupdity. I wish you could understand that a VENT IS A VENT. This was and is a huge one and I am going to do so for sometime. Will I say mean things in front of my son? Nope. Have I? Nope. I just let it sit. I don't do anything except be his mom. What happens with his dad is their business as long as my son is not hurt or harmed either physically or emotionally when with him.

Had a good day. Let son go to work with me for first time. He had a blast. I let him touch all the buttons on the medical equipment since I didn't have any patients. He sat beside me in the conference room where I did paperwork and he announced to the docs and nurses around that he was doing "paperwork" just like me. We went to lunch at the quaint town square. We had a good day together. And while it will take time for this to sink in, it is not much more than it was before...He was already shacked up with her. A piece of paper may make it legal, but like you said GG, we know what she's in for. Will she be respected as a wife by him? Absolutely not. And that's sad. I actually dread what is her future for her. But that's not my place.

And GG the ball was great! Was downtown and went to it with some of my friends. We had a blast! Band was incredible and we danced until we were so sweaty..uh, er glistening (the woman's choice of word here)and it was great.

I can understand why somebody might have a hard time reading this...maybe if you see the word "rant" or "getting off my chest" then you could make the conscious effort not to read it if what I am writing is not to your liking. I am dealing with this and needed to get it out. Talked to two relatives today and my best friend and sister who's also best friend. More good than my other counselor, whom i also called and she said "go to the gym and give the stairmaster hell". I said "well is it normal to feel this way?" She said" what you went through...sure is. I am glad YOU ARE ANGRY."

In fact my greatest fear isn't losing it whatsoever. It's stuffing it all in. I did this for almost a year and a half and wound up a year ago during the first trial period I went through with him having tachycardia and blood pressure that went through the roof. If I don't get this out, and btw...writing is my way to get this out...then my body feels the stress. I don't yell. I don't carry on. I stuff it down and suck it in and smile. Yep. That's what I do. And I'd rather remain quite healthy as for a living I work on patients with hypertension and heart disease...Lemme say that I ain't gonna join their crowd. Having your co worker last year hook you up to an ekg/blood pressure and then you see what it spits out is a wake up call. So I write, go to gym, and find the irony and humor wherever I can...hence my concoction of phrase "wistress". I wonder what we could call a man who shacks up with a married woman...Hmmm. That will give me something to think about and laugh...

If you don't know me by now you never will...Got over three years of physical abuse, cruelty, adultery all so that my xwh could keep his money, keep his mistresses..I was treated less than any human because I dared try to ask him to honor his vows to his wife and child. If I am full of irony or tongue and cheek humor albeit dark humor, then see it as what it is...A rant is a rant. When I ask a thoughtful question , it will be written as such. Meanwhile...this is a damn rant ok?

Son's fine. I am fine. We're actually having a good day together. And I made it through day one of knowing. And it's not different after getting through initial shock. I feel really no different except that I wish he could have been man enough to tell his own son...And my counselor said I did a beautiful job telling son and that if my son were hurting to look for certain signs and to listen carefully. He's understanding and knows I love him and his father does too(although he's done a fine job of screwing his family up) . That's the basis of what he needed to know. Meanwhile, I am to listen and just be there as usual. We're getting ready to go outside and have some fun as it's unusually warm here. And the strangeness of feeling really free is starting in again. Except I feel it more now. My x is her problem now. Not mine. And that's good.

Am going out with my friends, same ones from the ball, on friday night..One of them knows and she was rather speechless. But she said, oh well. You know all about him and so do I. She then said, "now let's talk about what WE are going to do this weekend."
That's what I am getting back to. The moving on once I purge this from inside a bit more. Back to the book reading and south beach diet..And I goofed up last night after hearing the news. Know it was stress or end bit of whatever that was left as I ate a slice of pizza (starch). Bad peachy. But I've pulled in the reigns and am back. And no, I haven't seen the book at walmart but saw it at Barnes N Noble. I am going to continue reading.

Wish we could read a chapter a week and discuss it on a certain day or after we read it. I've swallowed the hardest pill and it's down. And I am surviving along with my little fella nicely.

And seriously, any WS out there or those dealing with WS's can see how the fog can twist their words into whatever they want it to be to suit their specific foggy situation. That I guess is a good lesson to learn from this. Don't believe any more than 50% of what WS say or write.

I just hope in the end that those enduring this too discover that they will heal and that they gotta learn to laugh at the absurdities they are handed in the process. That is part of the healing. And to expect anything from a really fogged out wayward. A sweet little school marm could morph into a man chasing pill popping self absorbed nightmare or a once God-fearing former insurance salesman could morph into Jethro. Anything can happen unfortunately. What you can control is what YOU do. That's it. And when things seem outta hand, pray or laugh or write or vent. Scream into your pillow. Do anything that is productive and not bad for your kids or your job. That's important. Try to keep things together as best as you can. I really wish that I could see ONE couple from here on divorced reconcile and see healing. I have wanted this for so long. One day I think maybe we will get that wish. I wish nobody would ever follow in my shoes. But we've made it through my son and I and we will make it through it all.

Peachy,
Glad you are feeling better today. I remember when my Ex married the OW. It was a very confusing time for me. I wasn't sure how I should feel. Well life changes. You will be in a whole new place in a few years. Let it go, you can't change the past. Move forward and enjoy all of the good things life has to offer.

Jill

Thanks Thorned and Jilly..

Movin on again...And am going to only vent on one word this evening...Word my sister used. When I heard it I fell over laughing...

Skank.

It's hilarious. Kinda sounds like skunk. My sister called ow/w "the maxxim-mum skank". Then she played a soundbyte she found from Sat. night live segment of "the Ladies' Man" and they played the game show "who wants to be my skank?" I fell over laughing and couldn't stop...I sure wish I could have thought to change my x's nickname to TLL (the ladies' man). Would be perfect...TLL and Mrs. M-S. Once again, laughter is best medicine. And it is not sweet humor. It's dark and it's ridiculous. But it's funny to me.

Big kudos for me! Got completely caught up on two big bills holding me down! Am making major headway with new job. Keep praying that job goes well as I am happy now about that part.

Son and I are off for a quick bite. Tomorrow he goes to Jethro's. He always acts different when he knows he's going to his dad's tomorrow. Dislikes going. I dislike him going even more though.

So please keep me lifted up and thanks to you for helping me through this last day. I know it will be hard when my little one is gone...away visiting with his new step__ _ _ _ _. When there is silence in this home is when my heart seems to feel the only pain now. And it's not much, but I try to keep busy. My family has a theory as to what will change/happen with regard to son's custody and the amount of visitation when the OC is born. And I hope and pray that is what happens...

We're doing ok. We have each other. We've got a bright future. Today may have not been as good, but I am not giving in.

(((((Peachy)))))

I know this must hurt. My x never bothered to tell me before or after his wedding. The children told me he was getting married. I think he did introduce me to the new wife - 2 months after the wedding.

Just a question, when was the last time you had counseling? I know it takes a long time to get over this stuff. Boy, do I know that. But it seems to me like some good counseling or a good women's group could be helpful for you.

(BTW, I have a post for you on the Kingdom. I think I needed to apologize.)