Several months ago a Moderator (don't remember which Forum) was checking into the SNL, SUFDB debate. Do you know or remember how that turned out?
It was looked into. IMHO, SUFDB could not be identified as SNL, so what do ya' do?
SUFDB has been abiding by the rules, which SNL did not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> Several months ago a Moderator (don't remember which Forum) was checking into the SNL, SUFDB debate. Do you know or remember how that turned out?
It was looked into. IMHO, SUFDB could not be identified as SNL, so what do ya' do?
SUFDB has been abiding by the rules, which SNL did not. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, SUFDB has been marginal on the rules, but they had no conclusive proof that he was the other two aliases - oh and he was ohhhhh soooooo offended at the accusations of being the multi-personalitied SNL and LA. But I think conclusive proof has now been obtained. It will be interesting to see what happens now.

Are you folks actually interested in helping f4m? If so, perhaps your efforts would be better directed toward that end, instead of the interminable witchunt which serves no purpose but self-aggrandizement. To do so, with her, or anyone, you need accurate information, which you do not have...and few of you seem motivated to actually figure out her issues.... I agree in part with nsso analysis, although I do not see anything in snl's past postings to support a charge he was anything but a responsible individual. But my point is not about defending snl, rather it is about the issue of "control" that was raised here, and commented accordingly. Further I would prefer my name be left out of these discussions, it is inappropriate and has nothing to do with helping f4m... and serves nothing but a self-serving aggression by those who do so.

Baba your theory is interesting, and has happened before. However as someone else mentioned these two individuals were known to other board members, as well as had harley counselling. I doubt there is any nefarious agendas, just two people like many whose life blew up and are trying to find there way, and deal with their issues. Be my guess.

Nsso, what I may know or not is irrelevant, and was not the point of my comments. Ultimately though, no one knows what is in the mind of another, and I sure don't know what is in f4m mind, but I do know her posts are not consistent, so that suggests all is not as it seems. IMO one should question posters who seek help for more factual information, and help they see where perhaps they are biased, or emotionally responding inappropriately. What I see instead is people often respond and fuel the fires, I don't think that is helpful...and it seems to happen a lot to f4m.

One thing I know for certain, SUFDB, You are not interested in helping F4M or you'd stay away, even though she makes you dinner and invites you for Christmas dinner with her mother and whatever.

Have the decency to just leave her alone, pay your obligations to her, stop damaging her credit, etc. etc. etc.

Oh. But give up the facade that you are someone else, totally disconnected from the situation. You're pretty bold to post right on her thread. I'm not going to tell you how I know, but I know. And I know how to catch you with whatever computer and identification you choose to invent the next time around.

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: KaylaAndy ]</small>

kayla your preocupation, one might even say obsession, with penetrating the gauranteed annoymity policy of most on-line forums (including this one) is perplexing, and says more about you than anyone else. I am unsure what your threat was supposed to mean. I registered the same as everyone else here, and I suspect your suggesting you can penetrate a posters annonymity at will is not in a accord with MB guidelines. Who I am or am not is none of your concern, that is the whole purpose of annonymity, to protect one privacy. I registered, I participate responsibly, and I follow the rules....why is that a problem for you? I don't know who you are either, or who you might have been, or what personal issue you have with the poster snl, perhaps you knew him in real life, but it makes no difference. The only thing one can (or should) respond to is what you see printed in a post... anything more is just conjecture, assumption, and guesses, and serves no useful purpose.

As for my post here today, it was to suggest considerations that might be helpful, that is pretty much the only reason I post. I may not have even posted at all but my name was mentioned alot, and the subject of control is a complex one, worthy of comment.

btw, if you have an issue with my thoughts, ideas, suggestions....then feel free to say so...but you have said in the past you intend not to comment on my stuff (guess you think it has no merit, that's fine), so just avoid me.

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 05:00 PM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

SUFDB,
If you are SNL you have some major issues. Do you really think it is ok to treat our ex-wife this way? I know there are always two sides to every story so fess up and tell us your side.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sufdb:
<strong> kayla your preocupation, one might even say obsession, with penetrating the gauranteed annoymity policy of most on-line forums (including this one) is perplexing, and says more about you than anyone else. I am unsure what your threat was supposed to mean. I registered the same as everyone else here, and I suspect your suggesting you can penetrate a posters annonymity at will is not in a accord with MB guidelines. Who I am or am not is none of your concern, that is the whole purpose of annonymity, to protect one privacy.
....

The only thing one can (or should) respond to is what you see printed in a post... anything more is just conjecture, assumption, and guesses, and serves no useful purpose.

As for my post here today, it was to suggest considerations that might be helpful, that is pretty much the only reason I post. I may not have even posted at all but my name was mentioned alot, and the subject of control is a complex one, worthy of comment.

btw, if you have an issue with my thoughts, ideas, suggestions....then feel free to say so...but you have said in the past you intend not to comment on my stuff (guess you think it has no merit, that's fine), so just avoid me. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have an issue with F4M's ex husband's motivation for posting on her thread. I have an issue with someone toying with people's minds, including mine. You may have learned more compliance to rules but you still operate on the fringe.

I have not "violated" your privacy either. Didn't need to. You gave yourself away. You may be a very bright and intelligent mind, but you don't have all your bases covered.

The fact that you post "helpful" information on a thread started by a woman who has been psychologically whipped by your "superior" brain for her entire relationship with you; it sends her a specific message, especially when she has enough information to lower the feds on your case real quick. Perhaps you're trying to let her know you care "a little" about her, in some sick subliminal way so that she'll hold out hope that someday you'll be nice and loving to her again, so she won't report your identity fraud....

You probably have very little to worry about. She's already lost all identity she ever had, and I don't know that she has enough backbone left to take even the smallest of steps to reclaim who she is from you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jillybean36:
<strong> SUFDB,
If you are SNL you have some major issues. Do you really think it is ok to treat our ex-wife this way? I know there are always two sides to every story so fess up and tell us your side. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't have a side jillybean, you would have to ask snl, but they posted a long time, and I (and others) are famililar with their circumstances, so I comment a bit sometimes. Snl doesn't need defending, his posts speak for themselves. His big crime seems to be his effort to understand why his marriage blew up (it ended with a short affair after 20+ years of faithfullness, and focus on his family... but had been disconnected/troubled for a long time), and what and how marriage is supposed to work in the first place, whether it is just duty, or should be a safe/healthy/nurturing/joyous place for both parties (in this case both were miserable, and his wife had been telling him she wanted a divorce for several years, he resisted because or religious beliefs, and for ther kids, but was emotionally trashed and wore out). Read the history if it is still around Thinker and sad_n_lonely (snl), if you are interested.

All I know is:

This whole thing is waaaaaaaay more entertaining than TV!!!

I don't respond to her anymore....I figure there's about as much of a chance she'll take the advice as my screaming my answers to the contestants on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"

Then I read sufdbjkl;masdfgh's posts and try to "catch" him in "hiding" his true identity!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

It hasn't happened yet....he's pretty slick. Either that, or he spends INTERMINITABLE amounts of time writing/editing his posts.

sorry, double

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 05:17 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

YUP! Its a drama alright. I do not even need to turn on the TV and watch a soap. He or she is really slick.

(but not slick enough!)

Your issues have no merit kayla, and you are way off base. But free to say what you want I guess...even if they just fuel the fire.

As for me, once again I point out to you my comments were about control, they were appropriate for consideration.... your comments however, are not helpful at all, nor is fanning the witchunt fires on this posters thread. If you really want to help f4m, then try to understand her, ask her questions that illuminate her real circumstances...she vents alot, vents are emotional truths, not necessarily actual realities. Stop fueling her victimization....stop telling her to throw her kids out, and so forth and so on. She appears depressed and uncertain, and she seems to react to what people say good or bad....so why not encourage her to think positive, why not ask her what her kids think, her exh thinks about a given circumstance....maybe then you could have a more accurate picture of her life. I suspect it would be quite different than what you seem to think. Mitzi has noted the inconsistentcies, so have others, why do you persist in promoting her as some hapless victim. You are not helping her at all kayla, in your pride and arrogance you are doing harm IMO.

HA,HA,HA,HA,! We know Kayla is telling the truth!

sufdb,
Why would we ask her what her ex thinks. I know! Why don't you tell us what he thinks?

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 05:45 PM: Message edited by: jillybean36 ]</small>

Jilly - he already has - to quote SUFDB himself:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
His big crime seems to be his effort to understand why his marriage blew up (it ended with a short affair after 20+ years of faithfullness, and focus on his family... but had been disconnected/troubled for a long time), and what and how marriage is supposed to work in the first place, whether it is just duty, or should be a safe/healthy/nurturing/joyous place for both parties (in this case both were miserable, and his wife had been telling him she wanted a divorce for several years, he resisted because or religious beliefs, and for ther kids, but was emotionally trashed and wore out). Read the history if it is still around Thinker and sad_n_lonely (snl), if you are interested.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just read SNL's threads - ID #9983 if you want to do a search - his own posts don't portray him so benignly or innocently. Looks like F4M isn't the only one who sees herself as a victim...

SUFDB, Sorry Pal. Gig's up. I do care about F4M. I'm hoping that she sees through you too and finds that place in her back that God created for her to stand up for herself. As for her children - interesting that you should mention them in your thread - as the older ones are wiping their feet on her too and we're not supposed to encourage her to set some boundaries, for God's sake????

F4M - If you do decide to stand up, don't wait to change the locks. People who want change can and do find resources to do it. Have you had enough of this yet? Have you called the credit reporting agencies yet?

I would like to know how a poster who joined the board well after snl left knows such detail about him. You have to read extensively to get the kind of information he knows about the man, and who would waste their time if they were accused? If I were so accused, I would read only enough to find one or two examples that didn't fit ME, then share them with the board.

Of course no-one knows why sub is here anyway. He has never shared WHY he is part of a MB board. He has never shared his particular story with us. And why not? Because there isn't one under that name.

He knows too much about posters on this board, too, first names of people like cali...I have been here for a lot longer and I didn't know that. But of course if sub was snl, he was here a lot longer than me.

People compare this example of writing style by snl which I have cut and pasted here, with sub. The similarities are too obvious to ignore:

"All human relationships (and how they start) are subject to the same psychological rules. Affairs are no more (or less) likely to result in love than dating and marriage in general....marriages fail (or are unhappy places) at the same rates no matter how they came to be (including fairs)...it is comforting perhaps to a bs to assume their ws can only be happy with them, but such is not true by simple observation....most likely neither the marriage or the affair is about true love, cause most relationshiops are not period....they are usually about someone trying to get someone else to meet their needs, so they try to get em into marriage, or they try to get em in an affair... really makes little difference, the problem is people do not understand themselves, or how to select a compatible partner..."

I mean, really sub, you cannot possibly think you are fooling anyone.

I don't think this could be called a witch hunt either. The fact is we all know one is the same as the other, and I believe we as a group are offended by someone trying to pull the wool over our eyes. We have all had that in our personal lives, and shouldn't have to deal with it here.

Here is my advice f4m: get a bolt lock. Screw it to the inside of the door and keep it SHUT. He can't get in that way. If he does he is breaking and entering.

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: Nina too ]</small>

Sub, you say you wished to be helpful and so do I and since I'm pretty sure I am hearing words straight from the horse's mouth I feel at least a bit confident that the person in question will hear them. If you're not, well I'm sure SNL follows his w's posts here anyway.

I never attacked SNL, I agree that F4M is manipulative in her own right. However, SNL is using that weakness for his own gain. The children are as well, their father taught them well, it seems. That's not an attack but an observation based on watching the whole drama and reading(with a cynical ear to the inconsistancies) what F4M posts.

If you are reading SNL then please, do the right thing. Stop expecting your exw to move mountains right now. Give her room, pay your obligations, stay out of her home, give back your keys and let the poor woman heal without you in her face.

It's cruel what you are doing to her and you are expecting far too much from an emotionally weak and dependent person. Allow her time and space to find her feet. Take care of your obligations financially and don't let her worry too much. Please show the humanity you used to post about so much on this board.

The kindest thing you could do for F4M is to let her heal and don't be in her face all the time. You just keep slicing wounds open even if it's not the intention.

Geez, I almost feel like I'm begging here, I guess I am because I really wish you could see the damage you are doing.

nina...I don't think this could be called a witch hunt either. The fact is we all know one is the same as the other, and I believe we as a group are offended by someone trying to pull the wool over our eyes. We have all had that in our personal lives, and shouldn't have to deal with it here.

sufdb...So you come on this thread with nary a helpful thought for the poster (f4m) for the purpose of what? Hounding an annoymous poster about a previous annonymous poster....if that isn't a withchunt, I don't know what is. Surely you have more productive things to do with your time? Re wool over your eys, milady you doth presume too much. You have no status for which pulling wool would be a goal. You are an annonymous poster in a cyberworld, why in the world would you think anyone would have any interest whatsoever in wool pulling re yourself? To what end? What purpose? As for myself, I do simply post my thoughts, and occassionally respond to these thinly veiled characterizations, and wonder what in the world possesses people to obsess this way.....and I wonder what this behavior says about how they conduct their relationships, and why maybe they have some difficulties in that regard. Aggression is not generally conducive to good relationships.

I understand displaced anger, but equateing an annonymous poster to ones spouse and the deception suffered is not really healthy nina.

nsso... I agree that F4M is manipulative in her own right. However, SNL is using that weakness for his own gain.

sufdb...What gain? I don't see anything that could be called gain in her posts.

nsso..The children are as well, their father taught them well, it seems. That's not an attack but an observation based on watching the whole drama and reading(with a cynical ear to the inconsistancies) what F4M posts.

sufdb....Not sure what you mean. It is harder to see (from her posts) the role she plays in her relationships with kids, but it does seem there is a lot of conflict. Also unclear what you mean by father taught them well, taught them what?

nsso... f4m to move mountains right now. Give her room, pay your obligations, stay out of her home, give back your keys and let the poor woman heal without you in her face.

sufdb....well, this is getting off track in terms of personal responsibility to react in a healthy manner to life. It makes no difference what an exs does or does not, it really is up to each of us to fix ourselves, and take responsibility for our own feelings, not blame others. I recall the posts about their seperation, and snl was paying his support monies, as well as lots of other bills...parenting his children, and minding his own business. He did not initiate any relationship talks, was polite, and edured a tremendous about of verbal abuse, I wonder if that continues to this day. I wonder if he is regularly subjected to tirades about his affair, and disgusting disrespectful comments about his person, accusations of not caring, and then complaints when he does ask/inquire etc. Near as I can recall he spends very little time at her home, and does not harass her when there. She use to ask him to bring stuff over (milk, bread, whatever), fix things, intervene with kids, I wonder if that still goes on. There is no reason two adult people cannot treat each other well if both are good people. In the meantime her exh is apparently working, leads a frugal lifestyle, she is able to attend school, come and go as she wishes, doesn't seem all that terrible.

nsso...It's cruel expecting far too much from an emotionally weak and dependent person.

sufdb...Near as I can tell, nothing is expected, what are you referring to?

nsso...Allow her time and space to find her feet.

sufdb....she seems to be doing that, all her time is her own, she does what she pleases judgeing from her posts.

nsso...Take care of your obligations financially and don't let her worry too much.

sufdb...She would have to answer this, but I suspect her exh does pay his support monies, and other things as well. Perhaps she will comment on this.

nsso....The kindest thing you could do for F4M is to let her heal and don't be in her face all the time.

sufdb...Their kids live with her, I don't think her exh is in her face at all, he simply interacts with their kids. They live there, I guess I am confused, they can have anyone else over and that's ok, but not their dad? Maybe she (and others in similar circumstances) have to adjust some too. It seems there is very little concern for the parent not present, and certainly there appears to be no concern voiced for her exh well-being....not by f4m, and not by those who feed her victimhood at the hands of this malicious, abusive, hitleresque, low-life, irresponsible (have I missed anything) loser....who just keeps paying the bills, absorbing abuse, and having every little human irritation/short-coming listed as another reason he should be shot. But then this is a board for bs, so that is expected I guess, but not healthy for the bs methinks.

By her own admission her exh is not a bad person, and all he seems to do is work, pay bills, take his kids to the movies, and try to cope with an aggressive exw who trashes him regularly for everything real or imagined she can find......not a recipe for healthy recovery I think. But what do I know, maybe you should ask her how many things she asks of him, either favors, money, repairs, help with kids, and such.....seems to me the complaint around here is exspouses who do little or none of these things, this one does, and is demonized...go figure. Frankly I think the guy stays out of her way as much as possible, never knowing when he is going to be unloaded on....in her face? I highly doubt it...occassionally gets riled and says stuff, probably, so I suspect would most, given the kinds of things she said to him on the boards in the past, and probably still does. Maybe if she stopped dissing him, she might actually feel better about herself, that would be my advice. If she talks to him like she does here about him....whew, how would any of you deal with that?

This is ridiculous (and I'm almost ashamed of myself for even posting and joining in on this "conversation" if you can even call it that)

Is there a MODERATOR anywhere????????

SUFB, I'm not going to waste my precious time trying to figure out who you are, who Faith is, or chastising either of your behaviors (that's the moderators job, not mine) nor do I care to enter into a fruitless debate on who is who and what you all should do with your lives. Personally, I think Faith needs to not post as much here and needs to find help for her situation from professionals/pastors/others in her life-- from people who know her and the situation better. But that's my opinion. She is a big girl and can do with it what she likes! I'm not going to get bent out of shape if she doesn't take my advice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Again, all this uproar is ridiculous and serves no good purpose and seems like some other past threads I can recall. I hope a Moderator will moderate this thread as it seems to be yet another "witch hunt."