Female<BR>Age 35 (turn 36 8/31)<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 15 years; together 18<BR>3 kids (12, 10, 5)<BR>Found out about "her" 10/98; turns out he's been chasing skirts for years and he continues to do so.<BR>I filed for divorce 5/99.<BR>We still get along.<P>I'm happier now than I have been in years. I would never take him back, even if he wanted to. I have moved on... <P>I know now that this is a good thing after all. I only wish it didn't have to be so painful for so long.

Female<BR>Will be 44 on Friday<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 12 years<BR>H started online "relationship" some time between April and June, consumated relationship "once" in November, 1998. I discovered whole story January, 1999. Were separated from March 30 to late June, 1999. Still working on marriage, I go to counseling, read any and all books, he just wants to sweep it under the rug. I will be returning to school in 2 weeks and will just wait and see. Things are better but not great, tired of being the only one trying to solve things.

Well I guess I should chime in too..<P>but I may suprise some folk who know me here with a little extra "disclosure" about my more distant past.<P>So here goes:<P>Current Stats:<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>Male<BR>Age: 34 (5 days ago) Wife: 30 (10 weeks ago)<BR>Betrayed <BR>Married 7 MONTHS, 1 Week, 1 day. (2nd marriage for me, 1st for her.)<BR>Known wife: 10 years (Friends 9yrs, "involved" 8yrs, living together 2.5 yrs.)<BR>NO CHILDREN at all.<P>Wife got involved emotionally & physically with co-worker 7 weeks after wedding day because I wasn't meeting her needs. I was too engrosed in finishing a second degree to see the forrest for the trees. Affair went on for 6 weeks before I woke up to the signals and investigated/uncovered proof & made everthing hit critical mass by giving W immediate choice of OM or me! She chose me, & even though she has struggled with withdrawal here & there, with counseling and a whole whole lot of pain, patience, and perserverance, we are making very good progress.<P><BR>Old stats:<BR>_____________________________________________<P>Married 1st W 9 yrs ago <BR>I was 25. She was 27y. <BR>Met in college & dated 5 yrs.<P>Thought she was the "one" but had doubts and wanted to date some other girls before making the big leap. Her & I were talking about moving into our own places (we were living together)& doing just that. But my mom died suddenly (me an only child, dad died at 15) and I panicked & immediately proposed to her. She accepted (her dream come true) and we were married the next summer. Six months later (about a year after my mom's death) I found myself getting over the grief but feeling like I jumped into marriage too soon. (I might have been 25, but I had the emotional maturity of about 16!! Plus I was unbelieveably stupid!!) So instead of doing the smart thing and talking to my W about it and either separating/divorcing/going back to what we were talking about doing about a year before (before my mom died) I was an idiot and started messing around with a good friend/co-worker. We soon fell into a full-blown affair that lasted over 16 months (most of which was long-distance since W & I transferred out of town & later even out of state!) When W discovered/finally found proof, I broke all contact with OW and committed to making things work with W. But all the lies and deception took their toll. She couldn't get past them, and my guilt made me want to separte. That led to a year long separation, followed by divorce. I never really gave her or our marriage a fair chance at recovering.<P>Now here's the "kicker". The co-worker, OW that I was involved with back then is...... my CURRENT, WIFE #2!!!!!<P>Yes folks, I am in that very, very small statistic (5-6% I believe)of those who left their spouse and married the OP. <P>And yes, what goes around does come around (at least for me). My first W said back then, that she hoped that I would one day feel the pain that she had. Well she got her wish. I really couldn't understand why she freaked out SO BAD all those years ago. Again being young, selfish, and emotionally retarded, I thought it was her. But I now know better. I now know first hand the pain of being betrayed. And it does freak you out and hurt you to your very soul like nothing else ever could.<P>But for me, what has seemed like a bit of "salt in the wound" is that since the OW for me back then was/is my current W, & she experienced first hand how messed up I was for YEARS about betraying/hurting/leaving my first W (in fact she dumped me and started seeing other guys for awhile because she didn't think I would marry her or anyone else again because of it). I eventually overcame those self-imposed demons and after dating some others, we got back together. And after getting past 3 years of long-distance dating (our careers led us to separte cites/states) we eventually moved to the same area, then the same city, then the same house. And we married the first of this year. THEN WHAMO!!! She turns around and burns me!!! It was like...hey wait a minute here. Didn't you see any of the hard lessons and stupidity that I discovered??? Weren't you right there over the years??? No, she did her own selfish thing too and is now fighting through the guilt & personal demons that I battled many years ago. However, I now have been able to see the side of the fence that my first W saw. <P>And let me tell you....both sides of this awful equation SUCK!! You don't want to be either the "betrayer" or the "betrayed". But we all are certainly capable of either.<P>-knifed/knifer

Female 31<BR>Betrayed<BR>9 years married - 16 month old <BR>Husband met "her" when he hired her. He felt sorry for her (divorce - both had cheated). We took her into home - offered a place to come. They had a connection - I noticed the way she looked at him from the beginning - he said I was imagining it - neighbors noticed - called her a baracuda! I don't know when it started, but she is on hold while he decides what he wants to do. I am waiting - cause I still love him and he says he loves me.

Female<BR>Age 38<BR>Betrayer and Betrayed (double whammy)<BR>Married in 1981<BR>Had my affair from Nov 1997 through July 1998 when I discovered my H had an affair from May 1997 through August 1997.<BR>Ended my affair immediately.<BR>H and I recommitted to rebuilding our marriage.<BR>Been going strong ever since and am enjoying the deepest love and most intimacy we've ever had.<p>[This message has been edited by new woman (edited August 10, 1999).]

Male<BR>age 44<BR>married 16 yrs in Oct.<BR>2 children, 12 & 8<BR>Betrayed, found out about affair in mid May, went to two differnt counselors.<BR>Nothing worked, told wife she couldn't live her if she planned to date.<BR>She moved out July 2 into motel w/om, his wife attempted suicide, he moved back home. <BR>Wife moved to hotel suite, om paid for it.<BR>Wife found apartment following week and moved in, om followed a week later.<BR>Am waiting to hear from her lawyer with disillusionment proposal this week.

Female<BR>-Age 33<BR>-Betrayed and Betrayer<BR>-Married 11 years, together 14<BR>-Husband betrayed me before and after marriage (serial infidelity). Has not betrayed me for 9 or so years. We never fully recovered from those, as we did not have the tools. <BR>-I betrayed him 2 years into marriage with an emotional affair (I only kissed OM). Another emotional affair about a year later with different OM (no physical contact). (Hubby did not know of these until we were in recovery from last one). Nothing 'til this last year, an internet emotional affair, never met the other man in person (although was planning to, husband caught me in time, THANK YOU LORD!) and in recovery 5 months. <P>Man, are we messed up or what?!

Female<BR>Age 30<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 4 1/2 years<BR>2 Kids age 7 and 3<BR>Husband had an emotional affair for 6 months with his best friends wife (no longer friends) then went on to have a - full blown you name it they did everything - affair that lasted 3 months (until I found out) I am pretty sure that there were others but I did not find out about them and he is not telling, anyway it does not matter anymore because we are working on our marriage now and so far so good. I just pray that it continues this way perhaps then we can be truely happy together!!!<BR>Jenny<BR>South Africa<BR><P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<P><BR>

Age 50<BR>Male<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 25 Years<BR>.....<BR>Diagnosed with prostate cancer in 96.. Sex life ended shortly after due to treatment..<BR>wife's did not..Found new friend to meet her needs..June 98 found the evidence..Would not<BR>work on marriage and I moved out aug 98...<BR>Won't put up with bull###t and divorced in<BR>May 99... She's still in Disneyland...<P>------------------<BR>

Cutiepie<BR> female, just turned 36, husband 38<BR> betrayed <BR> married 17 years on valentines day<BR> 2 kids, 14, and 12<BR> found out about husbands affair on memorial day weekend 99, they met on internet and then phone, then spent weekend together.<BR> This went on for two years until husband ended it and other woman sent me proof.I made him leave but he was only gone for about<BR> a month.I had no idea it was ever going on,<BR> it turned our lives upside down. Our families still dont know what happened and neither do the kids.He is willing to do anything to make things ok again except talk about the affair.

Female<BR>Age 38<BR>Betrayed<BR>Together 20 years<BR>Married 13 years<BR>Two boys (6&9)<BR>H had affair with coworker 5+ years<BR>Found out by anonymous phone call 1-99<BR>H experiencing tremendous guilt and confusion<BR>Moved out twice but is home now<BR>Trying to recover feelings and rebuild<BR>

Female<BR>age 45<BR>Betrayed<BR>Husband 53, Vietnam Vet with PTSD<P>Fell in love with H 29 years ago. I Have been married twice only because H couldn't commit in early years. Never really loved other H, actually one only lasted for 6 months. <P> We have been married for 17 yrs and I have loved him for my entire life it seems. With all the trouble that we had in finally getting together those 17 years ago, to dream that he could have an affair was devasting.<P>Still in dilema of getting the truth of why he felt the need to do this but to no avail. I quit work 1 month after I found out what he was doing, he seemed to want the ow so I filed for divorce and was going to let him have her after 4 months of him running back and forth with the "I love you" I love her routine. 3 days later he was home and case was closed...this was from Oct. '98 to Jan '99. <P>I have not returned to work....we travel a great deal and things are going well except for the inability to find out what went on and what was that mess all about.

OK Kids,<P>You have succeeded in making me feel like the old man of the board. But, I guess it just goes to show that when it comes to matters of the heart there are no age barriers.<P>Male<BR>Age--52<BR>Wife-51<BR>Married 32 years--and still counting<BR>Children--ages 28 & 29<BR>Betrayed<P>W and I met and fell in love at a very early age. We, in every sense of the word, grew up together. We worked hard and there was never a doubt, in 30 years that we loved each other. Yes, we made mistakes along the way but we did the best we knew how.<BR>The last 4 or 5 years we slowly fell into a state of complancey, we took each other for granted and began to drift apart. We let work and a ton of other distractions become more important than US. We didn't know we were doing it, it just happened, ever so slowly. The only need we were meeting was the security of being together.<BR> W ran into an old HS sweetheart who had just recently been divorced the 2 nd time and the affair began in Dec.97. W revealed affair in Feb 98. We immediately separated for 3 mos. W returned home june 98. The last year has been a roller coaster ride of emotions but we somehow began finding our way back together. We learned a lot about each other in that time, things that 30 + years never revealed, but we are now on the downhill side of a very difficult climb. <P>Take heart kids, if there is love and understanding between you, you can make it, but only time will allow it to happen.<P>Bless you all<P>Step by Step, Day by Day<BR>VMV

Hmmm, ok I'll play too.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hmmm, ok I'll play too.<P>Female<BR>age - 41<BR>Betrayer 19 years ago, <BR>Betrayed by h a total of 4 times since then. (I didn't do anything about the first affair he had because I did it first and figured I had it coming. ) 2 of these relationships were supposedly non sexual, but they hurt just as bad, maybe worse.<BR>Married for 21 years, together 22 in October,<BR>H's last affair ended Sept. 98, I still have some really days with this, maybe because it has happened before. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Female<BR>- Age 43<BR>- Betrayed<BR>- Together 5 years (Cohabited 2 years, married 2 years)<BR>- H in affair 2/98 - 10/98. Disclosure 10/98. Promises of ending affair but incomplete followthrough until 6/99. I think it's over now. (see below)<BR>- Husband is drawn to internet chat. Spent much time in IRC chat rooms and met OW who lives cross country. Managed 3 face-to-face meetings without my knowlege (business travel). H revealed affair in Oct 98 (almost on our one-year wedding anniversary) but had been unable to complete close off relationship. Continued e-mail relationship until June 99 until I intercepted blatantly dishonest e-mail to OW (he said he had filed for divorce from me and was living independently) and I called her and she cut him off totally.<BR>- He is angry with me but is here and willing to work on marriage.<P><BR>FYI <P>- This is the second marriage for both of us; I hate to admit we met via the Internet while still married to others.<P>- I always believed it wouldn't happen to me!!!! <P>- Plus, I was a serial adulterer in my first marriage. (stupid, stupid, stupid) I'm amazed my ex still talks to me.<P>------------------<BR>RobinAnn<P>*********<P>Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!

Female<BR>31<BR>Betrayer/betrayed **<BR>Married 6 years, 2 months, 2 weeks, together 7 years 2 months, 23 days... (moved in anniversary is next week) Sorry.... been dwelling on this today .<BR>Seperated 3 weeks - April/May 99, will seperate again next week.<P>Old college friend & I got reacquainted via internet.... became emotionally attached. Were always very close friends..... but was inappropriate now because we are married.<P>Suspect H is having an affair... possibly physical..... DEFINATELY Emotional. He denies it. Won't realize that my feelings about his "friendship" are as strong as his feelings about mine. I broke off all contact w/ my friend ..... H refuses to do same (they work together).<P>H has asked me to move out again.... says he doesn't want to put in any effort toward our marriage. He admits he is being selfish, and that it will get worse if he "tries to work on us". I'm moving out on the exact 7 year anniversary of the day we "officially" moved in together. <BR><P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

C'est moi, c'est moi -<P>Male<BR>Age 13 (mental)<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 20+ years (W #1)<BR>Married 3 years (W #2, much younger than me - smart, gorgeous, foxy professional woman I'm simply nuts about & who's probably too much for me to handle!)<BR>Cheated on in both marriages<BR>Current W cheated on me practically from the get-go, before we were even engaged (only suspected it then, am sure of it now). Still don't know who OM is. Been in couples counseling w/ her since before we were married. She lied and said she wasn't having an affair, so we're not even able to deal w/ this issue in counseling. Which is unfortunate, because it's the basic issue that's tearing our marriage apart. So my present focus is on "snooping" to find out ID of OM.<P>--Wex

Age 51<BR>Male<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 11 years<BR>Two girls ages 15 and 9<BR>Second marriage for us both. Both were betrayed in first marriages and swore would never happen to us. High school sweetheart (om) came paid W a visit at our house last Nov. and off it went. Emotionally strong but no sex (I’m told). W has "ended" affair several times but OM keeps calling and she has accepted and continued meeting. Now in counseling with Dr. Harley and affair has again (I hope, finally ended).<BR>

Ok,<P>female<BR>betrayer<BR>28 years old<P>Also known as deceiver...