</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by laura_lee:
<strong> Hey tw and HighFlight,

I just want to thank you guys!! One puts a thousand to flight... 2 put 10 thousand to flight... and, I'm sure, 3 put 100 thousand to flight.

There's incredible power in unity... joint prayers for one another... and group support.

Yes, tw, it's about intimacy with the Lord.

Well, HighFlight, I pondered your words. While I can pray with mega-"authority" (we all can when we don't "WAVER") based on grace and faith in God's love for me and His children, in this area of my life... I, admittedly, have wavered due to my own life experience.

Well, last night I was praying (I love to pray), and I got bold about it with the Lord. I was like, "God, you need to move here. You need to keep your Word, fulfill your promises, and you need to level the devil and get him out of my way!! I need you to get this job DONE!! I don't want anymore games about it. No playing games!! GET THIS JOB DONE AND FINISH THE WORK IN ME!!

Sounds a little "bossy", huh? Well, people tell me I pray like thunder. All hell trembles when I pray. I'm not really "bossing" God around... I'm just being bold and getting the "waver" out of me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So, anyway, I get done praying... and, boy oh boy, I feel the power of it in my inner being. It hit my "pain pocket". Kind of like how sound waves or something would hit a kidney stone and shatter and burst it and crush it and dissipate it and relieve one of the problem.

So I feel the effect of the prayer hitting the "pain pocket"... like sound waves, or laser, or whatever they do to demolish kidney stones or something.

THEN, shortly afterwards, the pain is mostly gone... and this is what rang on the inside of my spirit, "There is nothing to fear."

All fear is gone! I'm FREE!!

Thanks, HighFlight, especially, for focussing my prayers!!

God bless,

Laura </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TW & LL ~ WOW!!! You guys are really making some great progress here! I'm sooooo happy for you two. That's what I envisioned with this lil support group thingy.

TW, Truly God is healing you my friend. You've made significant progress in the little while I've been knowing you. Simply: Prayer works! Why? Because GOD WORKS!!!!

LL, I like that sort of "Prevailing Prayer" too! God asks us to claim His powerful promises, & hold Him to them! Ask + Believe + Claim! ABC's of Prayer.

Clearly our Enemy cannot stand this sort of prayer. It is the kind Jesus prayed through too.

Good work my friend! What was going on there? In my opinion, it is all about the Human Will. In the rules of engagement between God vs Satan, our choices make the difference. God WANTS to do great things for us. But He must honor His foundational truth...He IS love! And love ALWAYS honors choice in another. It NEVER forces or controls or manipulates. Those are Satan's tactics.

Therefore, often it comes down to Satan standing there demanding access to us and claiming territory in our lives based on a lack of clear choice evidence.

When, in prevailing prayer, such as you were doing Laura, you made it abundantly clear before God and the Universe what your unequivocable choice was, then Satan HAD to back off as God's fear destroying power came on in as a response to your choice.

And to bring it back around to MB issues: This is precisely why so many of us are here in this mess we're in...WS have made really bad choices. The Enemy is having a field day. God's power is somewhat limited, due to their bad choices that are unrepented of. So here we are....

God is good! He will never suffer us to be tempted above what we are able to bear, but will with the temptation also make a way of escape!

High Flight

TTT

Hi HighFlight---how is it going? anything new? What is happening in your life?

Laura---what is going on with you?

I am doing fairly well although, a storm may be brewing. My son is coming home July 4th weekend for a visit so it will be non-stop family gatherings which can really cause so much conflict in me. The more we hang out as a family, the more ambivalent I can get. So I would appreciate all the prayers I can get.

I am taking a course and it is really interesting. Enjoying it alot. Joined a pool for the summer and I have been really enjoying that immensely. I lay in the sun and study and swim and get some great times of relaxation. What a life!!!!!

Been having some great Bible Studies and Spiritual gifts workshop. Learning so much more about myself and the other Christians I fellowship with.

TW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tossedwave:
<strong> Hi HighFlight---how is it going? anything new? What is happening in your life?

Laura---what is going on with you?

I am doing fairly well although, a storm may be brewing. My son is coming home July 4th weekend for a visit so it will be non-stop family gatherings which can really cause so much conflict in me. The more we hang out as a family, the more ambivalent I can get. So I would appreciate all the prayers I can get.

I am taking a course and it is really interesting. Enjoying it alot. Joined a pool for the summer and I have been really enjoying that immensely. I lay in the sun and study and swim and get some great times of relaxation. What a life!!!!!

Been having some great Bible Studies and Spiritual gifts workshop. Learning so much more about myself and the other Christians I fellowship with.

TW </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just rocking along. Lots of work / travel. Lonely. House is EMPTY when I come home. Very hard to keep up with all the loose ends by myself. Trying to adjust to being single. It's so difficult after so many years of marriage.

It's kind of like ghosts running around the house. I hear sounds like she used to make. Sometimes for a moment I forget the nightmare, and it's like she's right downstairs working on something in the kitchen. Then reality sets in...

Sounds TW, like you're moving along well. I'm very happy for you. Good job!!!!!!

I'm going to make it one way or another. God is so good through it all.

High Flight

HighFlight---it must be hard to live in the same house where you lived with your WS. Could you sell and buy a different house? There must be so many triggers regularly. I miss my house but I really think I would struggle more if I lived there alone. It has been hard adjusting to a new environment and missing what I had but I think it is the best for me. Just like the fact that I had to get rid of certain clothes and other items cause they only triggered stuff in me that I did not want to remember.

I am defintely doing better than I was but still not out of the woods. Sometimes the silence is deafening and I can relate to what you just said. My life is so schizophrenic. I have peace and serenity, relaxation and so many strengthening activities but I long, day in and day out, for marriage and a house. If I get tired, I feel the pain deeper. It is so hard to adjust to aloneness and I feel quilty sometimes that I feel this way cause I have so much. I live in a beautiful apartment, no problems, wonderful neighbors, but I have this emptiness that won't go away no matter what I do. I have asked God to remove these feelings that bring me down but there must be a reason for me to have them. I wonder if one of the reasons is that I have to get my butt in gear with filing for divorce. I have to move on and be pro-active with my new and improved life. When I get in the pity pot is when I really let myself be tossed back and forth.

What is that stupid saying ----"better to have loved than never to have loved at all." I am not sure I agree with that. My loving has not had too many rewards for me except giving me two wonderful sons. So I guess having loved is better than not being loved at all.

I just heard on the radio that this women is still mourning her separation from her husb after 16 years....EGADS. She is putting her energy into hoping one day that things will work for her husb and her. He is a real loser so the DJ/counselor told her to get help in moving on. No sense wasting energy on what cannot be. Sounds like a theme for us divorced/divorcing.

Keep you in my prayers,
TW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tossedwave:
<strong> HighFlight---it must be hard to live in the same house where you lived with your WS. Could you sell and buy a different house? There must be so many triggers regularly. I miss my house but I really think I would struggle more if I lived there alone. It has been hard adjusting to a new environment and missing what I had but I think it is the best for me. Just like the fact that I had to get rid of certain clothes and other items cause they only triggered stuff in me that I did not want to remember.

I am defintely doing better than I was but still not out of the woods. Sometimes the silence is deafening and I can relate to what you just said. My life is so schizophrenic. I have peace and serenity, relaxation and so many strengthening activities but I long, day in and day out, for marriage and a house. If I get tired, I feel the pain deeper. It is so hard to adjust to aloneness and I feel quilty sometimes that I feel this way cause I have so much. I live in a beautiful apartment, no problems, wonderful neighbors, but I have this emptiness that won't go away no matter what I do. I have asked God to remove these feelings that bring me down but there must be a reason for me to have them. I wonder if one of the reasons is that I have to get my butt in gear with filing for divorce. I have to move on and be pro-active with my new and improved life. When I get in the pity pot is when I really let myself be tossed back and forth.

What is that stupid saying ----"better to have loved than never to have loved at all." I am not sure I agree with that. My loving has not had too many rewards for me except giving me two wonderful sons. So I guess having loved is better than not being loved at all.

I just heard on the radio that this women is still mourning her separation from her husb after 16 years....EGADS. She is putting her energy into hoping one day that things will work for her husb and her. He is a real loser so the DJ/counselor told her to get help in moving on. No sense wasting energy on what cannot be. Sounds like a theme for us divorced/divorcing.

Keep you in my prayers,
TW </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TW ~ Yep, living in the old house isn't so nice at times, but on the other hand, it really simplified things at a time I needed that. Plus, my boys absolutely LOVE this home. The pool, their basketball goal, their very large bedroom (size of a garage). I'm willing to stay triggers or none. I'm just going to have to cope.

YES! I think God keeps those feelings you have to help you move on. Feelings are a real safety thing. They protect us from danger and really bad things. So cherish the pain! Hug the loneliness! It will help move you to a better place when you choose to respond.

It sounds like God keeps speaking to you. Never forget His words: "I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope"! (Jer. 29:11) And, "Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well." (3 Jn. 1:2)

God doesn't want us to waste away in grief and despair. That's from the Enemy! He wants us to have good health & success & happiness!

May God lead you to your next & BETTER level soon!

In Christian love,
High Flight

Grief accountablity exit group- Excellent, wonderful! Thank you, for organzing and bringing focus to this important stage of closure of our journey's.

I am on the same course-- officially divorced as of last week. Emotionally, tender, fragile,sad, happy, relieved, shock, frustrated, relieved, no tears, it's really finally over. I truly hope so.

I have been writing a great deal as I have internalized much and obviously feel the fresh new wounds surface and swirling to be released. I am amazed at the depth, complexities of the which truly do need to be felt, grieved, freed and let go of.

I too, am very sorry for your loss of your wife and dissolution of your marriage. It sounds like you have loved her very deeply and cared very much.

It sounds that the career paths might have been a major contributing factor in causing a polarity gap effect, black hole space of time of disorientation and vulnerabilty.

Often events, hurts of the past suddenly decide to make an appearance, intruding like unwanted visitor that will not leave, until unresolved issues are attended, put in order, laid to rest, resolved.

I can't imagine what your interior world really must feel like and what two marriages ending would be like, but it sounds very, very painfully deep and traumatic.

Here we are at audit time, which is certainly worth the effort, painful, but long term very benefical, to get back on course.

Way I see it, sometimes the magnetics of life in general and unseen forces can throw off our personal guidance instruments, making south look north and north south.

Without dealing with ourselves, partners, our life, it appears the that illusions, obstacles, paradoxs, of life and people can skew our priorties, divert us from truthful solutions and directions.

So complex subject dealing with our own matrix but doing without cross self exaimnation, can be perilous and invite further ensnarements and more complications.

Especially at stage where at this life needs to be simplified and not so complicated.

Throughout the years, I have worked diligently at reducing and lighten un-needed collectional of emotional baggage, to prepare actually for this arrival stage of the mid yrs life.

Now that I am at this stage, I am rather relieved I am not looking through the looking glass all once. As a priority, have been breaking issues down bit by bit through the entire years. Only to discover deeper layers.

I am back on MB, after a year-messy, nasty two yr seperation, battered, bruised emotionally, tired, weary, worn out.

I just completed a 23 psalm personal study. I have learned so much and my it feels wonderful to be under the care of the great shepard of our souls and destiny.

I shall not want.... means so much rest, relaxation, peace, enjoyment, contentment, even through the dark valley shadowing of our lives.

As for an outlet for the hurt, I am total agreement with you . I am finding that right hand and left key boarding activity certainly does get the emotion flow and frustrations out a good rate.

Works out all the trauma knots, gets the right and left hemispheres processing again. Though I still have short term memory damage.

Talking out aspect only goes so far, then one hears themselves repeating themselves and one knows it's time to get a grip or ask for spiritual duck tape to be placed on my mouth, but then where do all the feelings, emotions go.

The defrag process of all the painful damaged files being erected and finding my brain dumping damaged files at a very fast rate is astounding of how the body works.

I am marvelled by the human body and deep survival instincts for protection, resilence and repair. I had suppressed so much, buried so many emotions to press on to make the best out of a bad terrible situation with XH.

I wasn't aware of how damaged and injured parts of my heart and my spirit were. I am slowly just recovering and growing in other areas leaps and bounds. And can feel definate broken, numb parts.

I can't belive all the things I once enjoyed have little meaning. My mind tells is all the past now, get over it. It doesn't matter. My heart travels an entirely different direction flow rate much slower than my mind.

High tolerance for pain. I pray, forgive, back slide, pray, receive forgiveness, stumble, recieve more of GOD love and then trust in the process and letting go the memories of wrongdoings, which get released, or rehearsed coming in chuncks, bits and pieces. I get so annoyed by own doings.

Working through yrs and yrs of chronic stress of what I and my children have endured, will takes us more time too get debriefed and re-orientated.

Grief process has it's own lessons to teach such deep lessons to learn. Ouch, I never imagined being led into unchartered territories of the heart, mind, soul and body, had emotional altuitudes, which I have never knew existed before.

I assumed it was space that had no limits the human spirit, mind, heart feels as vast as the horizon. How could it be measured? With what instruments?

My convictions tell me, the value here of this experince is to increase my empathy capacity in the long run for the benefit of others.

The story: Unclouding the failures in my marriage ?

Each marriage,divorce is so uniquely intricate and has flight path of it own and life of it's own. I assumed for many of us that feel losing our spouse comes at during the last passage of life. What an disorientating interuption.

Failures in my marriage: Black Box tells all!

My failure part: Not concisely decoding XH intentions and exiting the marriage sooner.

Why: XH chose to lose his moral compass,incapcity to love, poor capacity to communicate, chose to be estranged from God.

What happened: Had a micro 911 on my hands, and terrible family tradgey occur. XH severe breakdown double life exposed. XH takes revenge and destroyed so much, my children, almost my life, our lives, my career.

Entangling the mess of our lives, sorting through the wreckage and re-ordering our lives has been a slow painful process as Xh has done everything to hurt us and cast obstacles.

I am at stage where I have lost patience down to a few nerves, over exposure to negative stress XH creates. Amazing how much damage one person can do.

Rebuilding of my life over from ground zero, has been a challenge. My son and daughter are the unfortunate casulties here and it is so painful that I cannot repair or sheild them from further harm.

The major damage done to me is the loss of self confidence. I can't belive I actually allowed that to happen. This is my assignment to work on. The overwhelming impact of stress has done serious damage to my internal organs health wise to survive the nightmare ordeal.

Summary data: I am simply am the wrong person for my XH-and he is the wrong person for me. We are extreme opposites, polarized and on different sides, opposite spectrums of beliefs, values, morals, characters,etc.

Why: XH was severly too emotionally injured,abused neglected from pre-existing childhood, youth traumas--excessive baggage unwilling to part with. Perfers to keep his dsyfunctional family of orgin traditions in tact and negative legacy too continue.

Payoff reward incentive attached to a dysfunctional life of having unlimited access to alchol, drugs,mutilple sex partners are enjoyable. So no incentive to take self responibilty. Benefited his father lifestyle quite well.

XH being agent of free choice has right to do so but not with me or my children. This creating oppositional conflict in our home, producing further hostilies, antagonisism, grievances.

I would not consent to excerise his exaggerated sense of entitlement with marriage causing friction.

What I contributed to the relationship: A great deal of love, patience, forgiveness, had his best interest at heart, did good to him.

Held him accountable via 23 yrs off and on extensive variety counceling for restoration purposes for his well being when he became out of control, violent, destructive, hurting and harming our children and addressing his unrepenant affairs, chronic alchol drug abuse.

Supported him through his professional musicianal career that he destroyed, job failures two educational career changes. Thus dragging our family into financial ruin for 15 yrs. Supplied lots of lavish attention, affection, partnered with him in his activties which were positive.

Made sure while he worked, we led a balanced enjoyable lifestyle of work, leisure, recreation, personal time for himself, friends. Adapted to his needs his preference at home was television.

Used my time when he was unavaible to keep busy to contribute meaningful activties to our children through community, country, global endeavors. Extremely, dissappointed he abused his time when out with his friends took his liberties to the extreme and would project his post guilt, shame, fears, wrong doings on me.

I dedicated my self to the raising, educating of of our children, through homeschooling, worked jobs around that were beneficial around my husband needs, children needs.

Discouraged there simply wasn't 48 hrs to a day, and XH believed there was. XH had chronic back problems requiring extenstive care, support for 2 years up until our maritial breakdown.

My situation: Over the last three years what led up to crisis. My being overextended with job responibilties, high stress demands as an over seeing project leader, overextended with XH health problems, overextended with dealing with our acting out unruly teens, overextended with having entire responisibilty of entire house hold, discover affairs going on with XH,my father suddenly dying, and my XH loosing all his moral moorings and goes off his rails.

Then unfoiling the nightmare of life, my XH foul intentions towards me. Betrayal,sever chronic exhaustion set in, certainly depleted my emotional reserves and reduced my capacity load to handle the next stages of seperation, divorce.

So I do feel immensly disappointed and frustrated that he betrayed me, in the deceiving manner and wasted so much of time, energy, life for problems of his own doings and repeating them over like a broken record.

Major source irration for me was always giving him the option to divorce me with opposition on my part, if he continued his affairs. I feel if a person wants out of the marriage they certainly have that freedom and right. But civilly.

I would not want to remain in relationship with him or any else that didn't want to there.
Sadly, Xh choose not to be decent and fair, wanted to have his own way.

Grieved, he would never support my educational endeavors, since the lion share of everything went to him. Fortunate God sent wonderful opportunities anywats long my path, which XH would feel threatened about. So that baggage is mine to resolve work out.

Have learned some indiviuals are not teachable, coachable or learn from their wrongdoings, incapable capable of giving life to marriage, family.

Irony here is that XH pursued me for 4 yrs off and on during our dating years,constantly at my heals to marry me and his children. I on the otherhand never saw myself as wanting to marry or have children as I felt more suited to a single person life style.

I have a clear conscience that all that could be done to do inflight repairs to save the marriage was done.

I belive marriage is a two way street, XH believed it was only one way.

XH perfers multiple sex, drugs, alchol route. Misguided in using manvolent control, became anti God.

My personal failure: Not having the opportunity, support, means to acquire the proper education, resources to relocate geographical elsewhere with my children. Dealing with XH was simly so consuming, exhausting.

Have now the means, opporunity, freedom to finally take off into the right direction.

What have I learned since I have done extensive and exhaustive analysis, recovered our martial,family black box of data--- volumes.

It all comes back to the matters of the heart and person ability to choose to connect with God and getting one self right with God. I still have a long ways to go.

Accountablity is a good thing. As I still have a few more resentments knots that are wrong, sin in life to work out. My baggage to rid be of.

I have learned when a person loses connection from their conscience, things just nose dive from there or must seek another partner (s) without one.

Re-calibration can only be accomplished by God.

De-calibration of a human being, well is entirely another new topic, complex, multi-demensional.

I learned, one cannot have a satisfying union without including God as heart and then head of marriage. Who creates the true connection of true love, peace, unity, harmony and balance in the souls, hearts of indiviuals, couples.

Takes two people to choose each make that connection, when it happens all those needs flow naturally. Grace system works very well.

My wings are broken, will take time to heal, before my heart can fly.

My greatest challenge has been dealing with oppresion, respression, suppression. I am free now and will no longer be blocked and in time it will be no looking back.

Many new horizons to rediscover. My were those feelings bottled up.

I also learned the value and consequences of the saying " Choose wisely, love wisely".

Wow, I am still in trauma... it's not all going to away over night. Forgiveness for me is a process and definately I more clearing to do with God help...

Blessings...

Skydiver,

Welcome Home!!! I'm glad you're back and chose to post here.

I just want to quote one thing from your post: "Have now the means, opporunity, freedom to finally take off into the right direction."

That says it all. It's time now for YOU to fly!!!!!

You're gonna make it just fine. Keep in touch. This is a prayer chain too. We all pray for each other here. Now you are included I promise.

High Flight

Hi TW & HighFlight,

Welcome back and aboard this thread, skydiver!!

I guess you belong. You can dive from the sky without a parachute... and fly along. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> God gifts us with wings of eagles and we fly along.

How's everyone. I read quickly to check up on you guys. Thanks so much for your kind words and ongoing prayer. I'll remember you in prayers. Our prayer chain gets stronger and reaches longer and further with every link the Lord adds. And skydiver just came alongside!!

That's so awesome.

Well, in my life, I'm moving to respond to the call on my life. I have on the "drawing board" three things:

1. Volunteering at a downtown outreach church to relieve the "yoke of the oppressed". Starting out... cleaning!! I just feel to clean... so I started cleaning to serve Christ by serving the people. It would be my honor and pleasure to clean the toilets for them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

2. Going back to school to complete a degree in ministry leadership.

3. Starting to write a book I'm considering calling G.R.A.C.E. God Releasing All Christ's Energy. (OK, people who know me tell me they feel megatons of divine energy coming off and through me. Well, I'm going to share the simple truths of grace that release divine energy within God's chosen - those saved by grace... so all my sisters and brothers can more easily tap God's divine energy... and get in the flow! That's my goal.)

Thanks so much, HighFlight for your gracious words and thank you, too, TW, for thinking of me.

Have a great day, guys/gals!!

Love you all in Jesus,

Laura

UNDERSTANDING GRIEF PROCESS

Tradegy occurs: Divorce, Death, Significant Loss.

When trauma occurs in our lives, we often experince feelings of shock, denial, and disbelief.

Post-trauma reactions are natural and often predicatable reactions in most of us. These reactions do not indicate fragility; rather they are a natural reaction to an abnormal event.

These reactions are a natural, and although painful, are a normal part of the healing process.

Predicable normal reaction to an abnormal event: Stress symptoms:

EMOTIONAL REACTIONS;

Emotional roller coaster, moods shift, more frequently than before, can be more protective of friends, and family members, feelings different.

Feelings of being overwhelmed,fearful, powerless.

Period of shock, disbelief, emotional numbness, and detachment. Wide spectrum of emotions, difficult for words to describe.

Possible reactions experinced feelings of anger, sleep distrubances, flashbacks, mood disturbances, possible social isolation, anxiety, fear, irriability, frustration, helplessness and intense feelings of grief.

PHYSICAL REACTIONS;

Sleep most often affected, staying a sleep and not feeling rested in the morning. Extreme exhaustion. The mind starts thinking about what happened and the " what if's".

Many can experinces night mares, and vivid flashbacks. Some may feel tired and fatigued others may have extreme activity.

Eating patterns may change, vary, not have an appetite, eat more or usual. Noises can easily startle. Changes in health nausea, upset stomach, diarrehea, headaches, muscle aches, digestive difficulties.

BEHAVIOR REACTIONS:

Thoughts can slow down, taking time off to grieve alone in the after math of a tradegy, is entirely normal while others perfer to be in a supportive enviroment with friends or family.

Everyone, is an expert of their own lives. Each if us may feel and respond differently to the tradegy and choose their own way to say " goodbye".

How one grieves is a unique journey based on past experinces, including cultural, and spiritual beliefs, or relationships with indiviual(s) involved, and the world it self.

Some people experince post trauma delayed reactions, some coming to terms with things and letting go of the anger.

There is no timetable or "right" way to grieve; each of us has the right, to think, feel, and express our grief, regardless of others" think" we should "be".

BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

No set answers, as to how long each of us will feel this way, what we can do is be kind to ourselves- rest when we need to , follow a balanced nutritional program, lower our expectations temporarily, rely on the help and support of others, try to accept our limitations, and take things" One Day At A Time".

As we are experts of our own lives, and our own grief, we need to do whatever we can to cope with our pain. We must have confidence taht in time each of us will return to the activities of daily living that we enjoyed before the traumatic incidents of major loss of a loved one.

Time doesn't neccessary heal. Who ever coined this expression "time heals" could possibly never lived through the devastation of a traumatic incident.

Questions will always exist, that may never be simply answered, as well as images and memories as vivid as the day the tragedy occured.

Time, however, will allow us to move through the intense emotional pain of tradegy and time will move us forward in our redefining the loss and move us forward in our search, to make sense of some that, at this moment, doesn't make any sense.

The search for meaning after a traumatic event is a natural and healthy part of the grief journey.

It takes courage, inner strength, the love of a family, and friends and a sense of community to journey through grief into healing.

Hi sky,

Who wrote that? Did you?

That was awesome. It IS perfectly natural to go through post-traumatic stress after being an innocent party (not victim) touched by a traumatic deed or act.

A very mean person tried to make me feel "inadequate" and tried to label me so that others would stereotype, stigmatize, and shun me because I shared that I was feeling overwhelmed.

Feeling overwhelmed just means "slow down". We will catch up to the situation, become stronger, and overcome in Christ.

Feeling overwhelmed also means "assert yourself". Feeling overwhelmed, having experienced powerlessness and helplessness can leave us paralyzed in fear. HighFlight did an awesome job of encouraging deeds, action, and doing something instead of being gripped by the passivity of paralysis. That's good advice.

"Slow down"... emotionally... and "assert yourself"... practically... does help in getting on top.

Vestiges of my trauma are now gone. But when I went through my trauma... the trauma was a literal, spiritually immersive plunge into hell.

That's the result of marrying a man who blasphemed the Holy Spirit in my presence as I was held in covenant relationship with him.

Praise God! The trial was over... and what a baptism by fire.

I'm thankful, still, today for the experience because of the grace God gives to overcome all things througoh Christ.

We learn to rely on His strength when all of ours is burned, fried, and gone. His strength is made perfect through weakness.

My experience, my trauma, is one of the life experiences, along with the Word and prayer, that God has used to make me a conduit of His grace, love, and power.

For all these things, I am grateful.

"My grace is sufficient for thee".

All-sufficient grace... sufficient to overcome and sufficient for us to heal.

All-sufficient God Releasing All Christ's Energy.

God bless,

Laura

High Five- High Flight--Laura_Lee.

I just finished writing you both a post and lost everything a moment ago. I am sorry if I am being sporadic. My mind is like a freeway of traffic activity, that I am trying to slow down.

I am in the middle of move, and still deciding what to do with my house, if I should sell, or rent it out. My mortage renewal comes up at the end of this month. So I am bit all over the place.

Deeply grieved that my son is dragged down into XH pit...

First of all: On the bright side. Thankyou, for your kind warm welcome, encouraging words of ministry and support.

It's been so long and too long-and sad that so few people understand the journey, the extreme heights and low daring depths we go to, to retrieve those we love.

It can be a lonely journey, but in Christ we stand, so we're not alone.

On bright note, it feels so good to be back on board JC/HS airlines again at MB, where civility/sanity and God's people shine. Though we are all scattered, we all gathered under his great wings of love and care.

Although, not a very pleasant experince of being on AC/DC lines of anarchy and where absolute insanity rules, absolutely. What a struggle to get my kids off the transference is still not complete.

A mid life, mid-air cross over shadowing experince, which I want to put well past me. Deepest saddness, when our XS choose that service, and attempt to drag us along.

High Flight, Thank you for taking the time read my post, tunning in, for your encouragement and putting into crystalization my own thoughts, direction.

I am reminded, to instant recall when I enjoyed and experinced better days, what that felt like and rewarding experinces which followed. I forgotten what that almost felt like to live a normal, sane life.

Allowing my words just to flow on screen, however they may free fall. I can clearly see now. I am in state of vertigo and thankyou for holding up the right mirror that my soul can keep focus of. Otherwise the reams of memory tapes and data keep running into a continous feedback loop.

Good reminder we mustn't bury our emotions alive, otherwise they do come back and sometimes in negative ways. All negative baggage must go.

It is clear that I am deeply grieving. My numbness is slowing departing.

Apart of that grief stems, as I waded through the emotions and mess, I detect is survival guilt. Saddened, that XH, changed his alliance, and the strong pull to collect my children into that dark vortex.

This is an area for concerned prayer as for all of us. A prayer for our XS salvation and hope they will grasp the life line in our Savior and be on the next prodigal carrier to heaven. (smile)

However, I feel so much better only many other levels, and not as disoriented, the vision and destination becomes clearer.

Great reminder you made to debrief, refuel [ by prayer ] before take off. My prayer indicators on- as the journey home, is far from over.

I am blessed beyond measure to be on this thread, this thread serves as linkage opportunity to truly connect, and pray, we shall here.

The verse that comes immediately to my heart for you to pray for you. Is the completeness of, Zephaniah; 3:17


Laura_Lee, your such a dear heart. I too, feel very connected and akin to this special prayer chain. Your too, funny to connect to my screen name and so attuned.

My time with God these past two years has been breathtaking. I have never soared such heights and delved into so many pits. It has been a year of soul diving retrival this year, and hovering at low levels to find God's injured baby eagles.

I marvel, at how our God, covers us in his wings, to protect and comfort us. Then takes us on soul flyin whirling journey to the highest heavens, that we could never imagine, and swoops us low, low into the wilderness, and deep into valley in the shadows. We can't fly without him and dare not try our selves.

Were obviously in training.

I just love the defination of Grace, the HS has placed on your heart. So awesomely true, and touches my spirit. Your book sound wonderful and so inspirational.

What a powerful prayer link which I am so blessed and prayed for 2 years. Wow, we're all apart of God's POD. Can you feel it. Awesomely wonderful, my spirit is flyin right along side, joyfully rejoicing, delightful, wonderful.

Just think we all will be spending eternity together with all the special dear souls at MB. Everything has a reason, and makes such perfect sense we so stick together, get to know one another, heal.

God has obiviously some thing in mind for us all to do...

Must get some sleep, more packing to do....

Balloons of Hugs...

Hi everyone...

Since we are going through our Divorce trauma/grief experince together.Thought I would contribute this "soul warming letter" to help us get through just today. Hope today is brighter a day for some, and grey skies are beginning to lift.


Dear Friend,

I just had to send a note to tell you how much I love you and care about you. I saw you yesterday as you were walking with your friends.

I waited all day hoping you would want to talk with me also.

As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you.

And I waited but you never came.

It hurt me, but still I love you because I am your friend.

I saw you fall asleep last night and I longed to touch your brow. So I spilled moonlight on your pillow and your face.

Again, I waited, wanting to rush down so that you could talk.

I have so many gifts for you. But you awakened late the next day and rushed off. My tears were in the rain.

Today you look so sad, so all alone. It makes my heart ache because I understand. My friends let me down and hurt me so many times. But I love you.

Oh, if you would only listen to me. I really love you. I try to tell you in the mountain streams and give the birds love songs to sing.

I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature's scents. My love for you is deeper than the oceans and bigger than the biggest want or need in your heart.

If you only know how much I want to help you. I want you to meet my Father. He wants to help you too, my Father is that way, you know.

Just call me, ask me, talk with me, please, please don't forget me...

I have so much to share with you. But I won't hassle you any further. You are free to call me. But it's up to you.

I'll wait... because I LOVE YOU!

Your friend,

JESUS

Just a quickie note to everyone to let them know I'm alive....just been vacationing and flying (imagine that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So, I'll read through what's been written and get caught up, but this is just a "howdy I've missed everyone, but I'm with ya in prayers and spirit".

More to come OK?

High Flight

earth to High Flight
earth to High Flight...

come in!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Talk to you later,

Laura

High Flight,

Woah, wild child, did I hear ah "Howdy", the lingo sounds darn familiar, perchance are you visiting my "YAHOO" city about now.

It's "STAMPEDE" time here, everybody is in high gear, high stylin cowboy gear. The spirit of the wild west, has taken over.

Accountability; Hang on to your saddle, watch out for road apples, happy trails, and happy landing, dude...


Laura,

My whole city has gone pratically left earth during these next two weeks. It's Yahoo, Howdy Rowdy time, people are lost in time. Pancake breakfasts everywhere. A time where no one goes hungry, and mega festivities galor for the next 14 days.

FYI, in my city, we still have civic by-laws that state: if you get kicked out of the city, for outrageous disorderly conduct. One is duly provided with a horse, blanket, gun and must leave town by sun down.

Layin low in dodge,

Smiles,

OK. I've got a few moments. I'm on a layover in Chicago tonight.

Well...I've been...shall we say...challenged of late!

Try this on for grins. In the past 2 weeks I've had all of the following:

* Torn shoulder muscles trying to help free a passenger who got caught in a metal gate that closed on him.
* Bronchitis of the worst kind. Totally lost my voice.
* This AM I slipped on a large pool of clear turbine oil walking from my personal plane to the jet. Went clear to the ground on my back & banged my head but good! Tore my uniform. Skinned my elbow, etc.
* This weekend, I was just stepping into the church where I was to preach (I'm a Lay Pastor on the side), and a bumble bee made it up my left pant leg headed towards ... shall we say "higher ground", when I stopped him just short of my personal "no fly zone" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Anyway, last thing I wanted was to be stung "down there" when I haven't even been sexually fulfilled in a very long time due to my WW and now divorce!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Kinda figured that would just sortof finish me off for good if you know what I mean... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Sooooo, I grabbed my crotch & squeezed the life outta the durn bee, but not before he got in a lick or two. OUCH!!!!!!!!!!! Man I nearly changed religions on the spot!!! At least if I was a Pentecostal I could've started doing the "jig" and it would've been accepted as normal or something!

So what do you think? Am I recovering from my divorce or WHAT????!!!!!????!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now, that's the good stuff. The other stuff is pretty sad. I'm missing her like crazy. She came by unexpectedly over the weekend. Hugged me and my boy. It felt SOOOOO good to hold her for just a brief moment. But we're so divorced. And she won't consider coming back. I'm telling myself I've got to move on. Cut off all ties. Don't let her manipulate me. She knows I still love her. I wish I didn't. That would make it infinitely easier for me.

In some ways, I'm just too nice a guy I think. I've put up with her crap for so long. I take it and take it. Why? Probably cause I still hold on to a sliver of hope. Maybe she'll come to her senses. Maybe?

I'm glad I have you guys to discuss these things with. What do you think I'm doing wrong here?

High Flight

High Flight...

Ouch...welcome back. Waz the buzz.

Maybe the lesson here is "BEE Still and Know that I AM GOD".

Sounds like your wanted back in GOD's ICU ward. Seems like God wants your undivided attention, in traction and has more inflight soul repairs wk to do.

I wonder if the navagating lesson takes us too, Judges 13- 16?

I cringe at your pain. Brings to mind a few yrs ago, I went to collect a batch of fresh wild baby breath for my floral center before wk. Beautiful crisp sunny morning. The hills were alive with... I accidently, stepped , crunch on a ground wasp nest.

Next thing I knew I had been invaded by a swirling squadron legions of wasps, with seperate divisions, which stragetically flew up my long dress.

Several squads, proceeded to sting each of my inner upper thighs, another division headed landed on my head and swarmed throughout my long hair. Next divisions stung my hands, and face.

I was quite the sight performing a mad dance on top of hill, waving arms, legs, doin the jig, gyrating, for all the oncoming morning traffic to observe. What a spectacle to behold, while thinking is this what happened at pearl harbor.

Amazingly, as I dropped my flowers, knife, booked to my car, another scout fleet squadron rose up from nowhere, in hot pursuit and escorted me straight to my car.

What pain, what agony, the welts, what strategic mobile intelligence the wasps had. They just knew how to instantly divide, conquer, and zone into the thermal hot spots. I did make it the wk on time, but without my flowers. I was quite the mess.

Thing I learned later about Bee's etiquette, if they sense fear, and anger they become agitated. Rule, is don't swat. If one starts to whistle, it often melts a bee's temper and send the bee love instead.

I know, I know your possibly thinking juz "Bee Quiet" and give it a rest. Rest...

Be,

Still,

And

Know,

That,

I,

Am,

God,

Rest in his care and safe hands...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sky diver:
<strong> High Flight...

Ouch...welcome back. Waz the buzz.

Maybe the lesson here is "BEE Still and Know that I AM GOD".

Sounds like your wanted back in GOD's ICU ward. Seems like God wants your undivided attention, in traction and has more inflight soul repairs wk to do.

I wonder if the navagating lesson takes us too, Judges 13- 16?

I cringe at your pain. Brings to mind a few yrs ago, I went to collect a batch of fresh wild baby breath for my floral center before wk. Beautiful crisp sunny morning. The hills were alive with... I accidently, stepped , crunch on a ground wasp nest.

Next thing I knew I had been invaded by a swirling squadron legions of wasps, with seperate divisions, which stragetically flew up my long dress.

Several squads, proceeded to sting each of my inner upper thighs, another division headed landed on my head and swarmed throughout my long hair. Next divisions stung my hands, and face.

I was quite the sight performing a mad dance on top of hill, waving arms, legs, doin the jig, gyrating, for all the oncoming morning traffic to observe. What a spectacle to behold, while thinking is this what happened at pearl harbor.

Amazingly, as I dropped my flowers, knife, booked to my car, another scout fleet squadron rose up from nowhere, in hot pursuit and escorted me straight to my car.

What pain, what agony, the welts, what strategic mobile intelligence the wasps had. They just knew how to instantly divide, conquer, and zone into the thermal hot spots. I did make it the wk on time, but without my flowers. I was quite the mess.

Thing I learned later about Bee's etiquette, if they sense fear, and anger they become agitated. Rule, is don't swat. If one starts to whistle, it often melts a bee's temper and send the bee love instead.

I know, I know your possibly thinking juz "Bee Quiet" and give it a rest. Rest...

Be,

Still,

And

Know,

That,

I,

Am,

God,

Rest in his care and safe hands... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sky Diver! You are a hoot!!!! I enjoy your wordcrafting. Thanks for the laughs and smiles. Yes, God's doing more work I can tell.

Have a blessed by Heaven day,
High Flight

High Flight,

Happy to hear your starting to mend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Does this experince confirm your a real Bee-liever now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Or convince you of the reality that we're all poor children of Adam. BEE-fore and after the fall. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am truly, truly sorry for all your pain. Hope you get better soon!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

May his face, glory, touch and shine upon you- sometimes he has to pin us down to receive! This I how I learn, as my life and Bible tells me so...

Bee-have, Bee-careful and Shine on!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />