</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sky diver:
<strong> High Flight,

Happy to hear your starting to mend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Does this experince confirm your a real Bee-liever now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Or convince you of the reality that we're all poor children of Adam. BEE-fore and after the fall. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am truly, truly sorry for all your pain. Hope you get better soon!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

May his face, glory, touch and shine upon you- sometimes he has to pin us down to receive! This I how I learn, as my life and Bible tells me so...

Bee-have, Bee-careful and Shine on!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for the well-wishes Sky-Diver. You're hilarious!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Whew!! I'm just glad to BEE home now. Just walked in from Chicago. The thunderstorms across the plains were killers today. I expect some folks lost their lives in these.

Again, I appreciate the humor.

High Flight

Hi High Flight,

I bet you must bee relieved to bee back in your home zone.

Welcome back, good to know you, and your passengers, are all safe, sound and on ground.

Wow, what a rough go around, you have had.

I am crestfallen to hear of your news, that the thunderstorms, are severe enough that people lives are at high risk, fate- stakes.

I imagine the rains, must be producing flash flooding, swellin over many homes, roadways,and bridges being washed out. I thought of the fate of all the poor frightened and confused animals, too.

My what deep, deep sorrow awaits for some. How tragically sad.

How wonderful we have an awesome mighty God& His angels so near, to reach through every zone of the unreachable.

Glad you were able to wince a grin or two!!!

As you can see, I having bee-n there myself. I could zero in, & feel the high decibles of pain bee-ing emitted from your tales from the pain zone of flip, flop and fly.

I am reminded when life takes me on a stinging bee-zzaro course, which it often does, sometimes of my own doings.

My soul reprevial & retrival, response options are to pray, breathe, cry or simply laugh outloud, at the outrageousness and lunacy, of it all. What else is there to do, when it all spirals of of control in the land of oz and absurdities.

Just when one thinks we're in the clear zone now, all of sudden, we get zinged, brought down to our knees...

I am sure you will agree now, that bees really have a unique point, in drivin even spiritual lessons home to the forefront. Huh?

Indeed, our perspectives bee-come more kalidoscopic than ever than bee-fore. Does this resonate for you? Get's us hummin to the tune of life.

Since, we have bee-n literally, "stung" by all our Bee-loved's, in more ways than one.

What else is there to do, but leave all former things bee-hind, and press on... heaven bound.

You have definately earned the rest and your landing rights!!!

Hope you have some good quality honey, lemon, vicks, good vaporisor for your chest cold & time to feed on the honey of the WORD, to mend and refresh your spirit.

Lo & Bee-hold- the passage which comes to mind.

The BEE-titudes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Matthew 5:1-12

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted...


Hope you'll share more with us, when your up and around, feeling better about your lay pastoring experinces.

I am including your xw and son in my prayers for today. This is definately a fragile and delicate time.

Perfectly, so right to have deep feelings towards your xh, as I am sure there were many good times, memories still to be cherished and honored.

Now that your home and alone, chillin with God. Does this mean, you'll bee listening to any of Bee, Bee King Blues, tunes? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

In the meantime! Bee- of good cheer, Bee- good- Bee-kind to yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope we hear from Laura-she's our risin hope sisah, she's been too, quiet lately... we need more of her cheery spirit& smiles. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As for me, I am still packing, moving more loads as I go. Getting there. The dismantling process, takes time, shifting, swirling circumstances.

My daughter thinks it's wonderful to have the entire house to herself, she is quite a hurry to have me depart. So helpful--which only means as I add up the accounting. She will having quite a few dinner parties, which is good. The house is back in order and civility finds it way.

My son is havin a blast studying his French in Montreal. God really answered my prayers of relief, xh has done everything to take him away from God, to corrupt him.

My prayer, of havin him intercepted by my Christian friends out East, in a nic of time.

Last sunday, they had him attend their church, out for brunch, and enjoyin the 25 yr of the jazz festival sights.

God is so cool, when we relax and let him out of the box and let him just BEE Himself. He really has such wonderful style of humor, mixed with compassion, and loves those tunes.

God's healing hand is over us and guiding us. Nice to be out of the grips xh negative influence. I can BREATHE, smile and laugh again. The sun is shinin.

My life is totally up in the air, in a tail spin, and hasn't taken form yet. Just stuck in another air pocket to get through for the next few turbo weeks.

I know, I know, time for me to Bee quiet, and time for me to buzz off into the wild blue yonder, to ponder the age old sage question;

TO BEE OR NOT TO BEE... (couldn't resist that one. Hamlet, sure knew where it was at...) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

More memo's from the MB honey comb hive to come...

I promise I will Bee nicer, next time, as a little comic relief does the soul good !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I truly appreciate your bee-ing here, kind affirmations,and sharing the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable.

A good reminder that we are just fragile humans and apart of Christ Body, even though we ourselves are scattered, bruised, and battered on the run way of life.

And Ugg, hit the skids, every once and again! Pick ourselves up, and that together, we can rise up, be plucky and heal once more.

I have learned alot from your experince. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take good care in HIS Grace... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Smiles& Pax...

Man the ups and downs of divorce recovery are aweful. My exW is in China on a 2 week business trip with several other men. I'm really feeling down just now.

Clearly I have no further claim on any loyalty, but it still hurts. I just wish I knew how to "fall out of love" with her. I know: TIME. But meanwhile, it's hard coming home and dealing with the emotional melt-downs I experience at the drop of the hat.

God will get me through this, but it's just aweful. And...I miss her terribly.

High Flight

OK, please don't jump on me too hard for what I'm about to say, but here's some honesty about what I'm feeling right now.

I just sort of woke up to the reality that I don't know what to do about other women in the state I'm in --> Heart broken. Still in love with an exwife who doesn't want me.

Without really recognizing it before, it has suddenly occured to me that I'm surrounded by women wanting into my life. There's a girl at the bank who "checks on me". There's a former high school sweetheart from 25 yrs ago who's gotten in touch through a mutual friend. There's a girl from church (2 of them) who signals interest & sympathy.

All these are really nice, decent ladies who are available and want to help, be nice, be friends, etc. But I'm so lost in my anguish, I'm really a mess.

I know, I know, it isn't good to enter a relationship for a good amount of time after a divorce. And that's the stand I'm taking. But I'm also a lonely man who could use some friendship and companionship right now too. I'm just such a wreck, I don't know if it's too dangerous for me to even have anything to do with anyone female.

What to do.......High Flight

<small>[ July 23, 2004, 07:10 AM: Message edited by: High Flight ]</small>

TTT

Hi Everybody. Been following the posts but have not been on computer much lately. Been tired and realized that work is wearing me out so the computer is the last place I want to be.

God is cool and he works in ways that make me flip out. My son came home for a visit and it turned out to be so healing and soothing when I thought it would be painful. We all had fun with no expectations of things being what they were. My son was staying with his dad at my former home. I went back to my old house for a barbecue and some visiting and that was really the most difficult part of the visit. I feel confused when I am there but we had fun inspite of my confusion.

HighFlight---when I was looking for an apartment, I went to some 2-family houses owned by single men. I decided against both apartments and I am glad that I did cause I realized later on that I wanted someone to stop my pain, so I could have fallen into another unhealthy involvement with someone. I was so vulnerable for a long time. I feel God was protecting me and I thank him for his wisdom and grace.

The biggest problem with wanting a relationship right now is that it is not fair for us to "date" anyone right now. We will not be able to give in any relationship right now cause of our pain. Also wanting your marriage and XW back is not fair to the person you are dating. Women like to rescue so be careful of the caring concern of these women. Rescuing is not what you need right now.

I truly feel your pain....I have it at times still but it is lessening in its severity and depth. Ride this storm, hold on tight to what is secure and stable and let yourself heal so that you can one day be special to someone else again. Through all of the past 3 years, I thank God for work cause it was an escape for me. It made me focus on something else......Get something to take your focus off your emotional and physical needs....a hobby, a project, volunteer work etc.

I have the papers ready to file for divorce. I had to take a day off to work on them. Need H to sign and then I can start the process. I cried the whole morning I was pouring over these papers. Not only are they hard to understand but the emotional heaviness was unbearable at times. BUT I am one step closer to my goal and the ability to move forward. Still have to get in some deep discussion with God to keep on track but I am making progress. Of course, I also am struggling to accomplish something I do not want .......divorce.

Laura_lee, how are things by you?

Hi Sky diver. You were married a long time and am glad you are here to support and get support for your pain. Are your kids living with you or on their own?

Praying,
TW

TW ~ Of course I know these things that you've said. But somehow I needed someone else to say it again to me.

A HUGE THANKYOU! I just need to hear these words that describe reality and what I know is true.

You know how our minds go round and round and play all sorts of tricks on us. We get to hoping and thinking that maybe things will be different with "Me", etc. Not so! I needed the reality check.

~ High Flight

HighFlight... I can't stop laughing. .... Still laughing.... still laughing....

ok... still no composure. lol... guess i'll just type anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Reminds me of a song... see below:

**************************************************
The Mississippi Squirrel Revival
Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip every summer down the Mississippi
To visit my granny in her antebellum world
I'd run barefooted all day long climbin' trees free as a song
And one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel
Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoe box, punched a couple of holes in the top
And when Sunday came I snuck him into Church
I was sittin' way back in the very last pew showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
When that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk
Well, what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven others thought it was hell
But the fact that something was among us was plain to see
As the choir sang "I Surrender All" the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said, "Somethin's got a hold on me", Yeow!

Chorus

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!
Well, Harv hit the aisles dancin' and screamin'
Some thought he had religion others thought he had a demon
And Harv thought he had a weed eater loose in his Fruit-Of-The-Looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg and the squirrel ran out of his britches leg
Unobserved to the other side of the room
All the way down to the amen pew where sat Sister Bertha better-than-you
Who'd been watchin' all the commotion with sadistic glee
But you should've seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her garters and crossed her thighs
She jumped to her feet and said "Lord have mercy on me"
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame
She told of gossip and church dissension but the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her love life and then she started naming names

Chorus

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!
Well seven deacons and the pastor got saved,
Twenty-five thousand dollars was raised and fifty volunteered
For missions in the Congo on the spot
Even without an invitation there were at least five hundred rededications
And we all got baptized whether we needed it or not
Now you've heard the bible story I guess
How he parted the waters for Moses to pass
Oh the miracles God has wrought in this old world
But the one I'll remember 'til my dyin' day
Is how he put that Church back on the narrow way
With a half crazed Mississippi squirrel

Chorus

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They was jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Written by: C.W. Kalb, Jr. and Carlene kalb


Published by: Ray Stevens Music
1707 Grand Avenue
Nashville, TN 37212


This song is available on the following products:
Ray Stevens Greatest Video Hits
Ray Stevens Latest and Greatest Video
Ray Stevens Greatest Hits Vol 1, audio cassette or CD
He Thinks He's Ray Stevens, audio cassette
Ray Stevens Songbook
**************************************************

Well, HighFlight, the Lord doth work in mysterious ways! I'm so sorry... I didn't know what I was doing... as I prayed for REVIVAL... and for you to have a "pentecostal experience". jk lol.

Well, guys and gals, I haven't been on the computer in a long time... only had a chance to read HighFlights hilarious battle of the b...
and have to run.

Quick update on Laura Lee... I finished my first draft of my new book. I'll edit it and send it off to publishers for consideration, prayerfully, quite soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I really liked how it came out. God moved me to have Jesus speak about how we are saved by grace.

Will try to catch up soon to read your posts!

God bless you!

Laura

Hi High Flight.

Sounds like your under way to much pressure and pain.

I read TW post- I am in total agreement with her, we are much to vunerable and into much pain. Really, we would only contaminte and marr the other relationships.

Are your honestly ready for more complications in your life, when you are in such deep grief?

Would it be fair to these other women to carry around all the negative baggage around or to be double minded in a relationship?

Do you think the situation is reasonable and fair?

Reverse the situation, how would you feel being with some one knowing their heart was still spoken for, occupied and unavaiable?

Wouldn't you feel a tad insecure, constantly wondering what thier intentions were really all about and true motives?

Over the last two years I have turned away quite a few relationships with men that wanted more from me. I was surprised but found it way to much pressure. Emotions can easily be clouded and produce poor judgements.

Not that I was looking for relationships by any means. Situations just occuring in normal living. I so enjoy relating to men as human beings, interacting as friends or persons on so many subjects, issues of life, etc.

God protection was upon me and politely had to steer these fellows in the right direction, to let them know that their plenty of women in the right mind frame, ready for that scene, happy trails.

I can appreciate the loniness aspect-- but I am not ready for the dating scene as TW has avoided. I think there is good wisdom of waiting a good year until were aleast whole.

Some of motives of avoiding the dating scene, has been for also for the respect of my children well being.The deplorable model my xh has been, their hearts would be devastated.

More importantly, I want to model to them the merits of standing alone in Christ, for HIM and seeking HIM, above all things, other persons or worldly distractions.

To know that Jesus will never leave us, reject us or abandon us.

Although their earthly father is model of a different power and influence. I want them to know the values, merits of intergity, honor, loyality and love.

I see my divorce as a special blessing and calling. It's a different path but have so much growing and healing to do.

Am having a blast being at my mother place, hanging with so many widows that have such strong relationship with GOD, it's fun getting back into organic gardening, holistic health, fitness, and sense of wonderful community of where people share and connect the love of GOD from their gardens, etc...

These forgotten overlooked women are amazing powerhouses of strength, stamina in thier 70 and 80...

I forsee myself doing alot of gourmet cooking, gardening in the future, it's a wonderful world. Planning alot of adventures and outings with the girls. It's off to the pool and country markets. As the girls need some new challenges. God is opening up new path ways.

Cool thing is there are two churches on the block. The street is humming GOD love. We had the opening of the black Epthopian orothodox church having celebration. The tiny church was filled to the brim with people, bursting at the seams overflowing with people filling throughout the street.

The praise, worship, drumming was awesome celebrating God. The taste of Africa was fantastic. Thought our street was going to lift off into heaven. 5oo epthopians showed up in their cultural tribal wares. So cool.

We are so fortunate to be able to develop hobbies and expand our horizons to please God, ourselves and others. TW has great advice to pick up something new hobby, new challenge to take care of you. Try some different.

I personally haven't thought to much about my xh for several weeks, one unpleasant telephone conversation. God gave me the mercy and grace to see him as mad and a lost soul. The grief is passing, parts of my heart seem quite mended over.

It doesn't hurt think scar tissue is forming from all the wonderful support from everyone here on MB.

I don't even care anylonger about his adulteries. That pain for the most part is now gone. Yahoo.

It doesn't hurt, it doesn't matter anymore. He could be on a island with 500 women. Good for him. Who cares. I don't. I have better things to do. I still pray. Who knows maybe God will heal and save him . Great Amen!

God is doing amazing things.

Maybe with all your deep feelings for exw- God is calling you to write some Bee nik-- poetry. Good laments where have they all gone?

Funny thing- while being at my mom's had a plane fly right over our house and had a bunch of bees flying around at the same time. Couldn't help think about your ordeal. Said a silent prayer for you and whisteled away a tune at the low flying bees, which dispersed.

Time to get jiggy with GOD!!!

Your in my prayers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Highflight:

Sorry to hear that you have to join us but I am impressed by your positive outlook. However, beware, you cannot cheat the healing time. You are lucky that divorce is only 30 days but you will still have that "year of hell" with the emotions and everything that goes with it. 2-3 times may be a bit overambitious and that does not make you a bad person.

I thought I had my emotions in control until I entered the 4th-5th month of my cheating and abusive spouse's divorce. Then my body erupted and I discovered that I could not cheat the mourning process. I would get angry. I would be depressed. I would cry.

You can have confidence in the fact that you are seeking friends.

You can have confidence that you tried everything you knew of to keep your marriage together.

You can have confidence that God loves you and it is not dependent on you (or all of us divorced/divorcing would not be loved).

Oh, by the way, thanks for posting on my topic. I love the way people respond and help one another on this web site.

I would like to join.

I'm going thru a divorce now after 20 years of marriage. In my case, I was a good economic provider but a poor communicator. My wifes emotional needs exceeded my ability to deliver, even as she loved the economic benefits of our marriage. As a result, she had an affair, which lead me to see her in a different light. I have lost trust, and no longer respect her. She no longer believes we share interests and can communicate. She no longer respects me. Its a sad story, but one I have accepted. Early on in the marriage, when economic support was more important, she was happy with me. No longer.

I would like to think, maybe we can formulate a MB divorce convention sometime, and meet each other someplace for an exchange. It could be healing.

I would like to join this thread.

Hi TW,

Thankyou for your very kind welcome and warm support. Loved your well thought out- wise advice. Well said.

We all are so terribly vulnerable and we just can't cheat the grief&healing process. Relief alternatives presented to numb the pain can come in many forms but not always benefical.

Choosing and loving wisely has such sensible weight and gravity to that expression.

I was married for 23 yrs and dated my xh prior for 4 yrs off and on during our teen years. He had quite the intense feelings for me wanting to marry me, have a family.

Major reason I have am so deeply annoyed and have so many resentment knots, that he would drag myself and our children down such a slippery slope.

My daughter who is 20 lives with me and my son who turned 23 moved in with his father last OCT father, because he became outrageously out of control, mistreating me.

Behaving in the same fashion as his father was, especially hanging with the wrong crowd, and doing wrong things. My exh has really been a bad influence on my children and dragged them down.

My son has wised up a great deal- now living over the last several months with his two friends.

I am deeply, deeply sorry to learn that you have been married for 34 yrs. I know what the 23 year mark feels like and am so deeply grieved for you. I can't imagine what your interior world must feel like to be disgarded.

What does it feel like? I felt so vulnerable at my stage but at your stage how do you rebuild. It must be so terribly complex and so intricate!

A time of life to celebrate the hard earned golden years and your beautiful home. Your faith is so beautiful, solid and strong. How terribly cool blooded to be betrayed at this stage.

What was your hus like throughout the years. Could he be suffering from a brain tumor?

You are especially in my prayers. I so understand your screen name now- I hope you are surrounded by so much compassion and caring people.

I am pleased to learn of the healing time between your son. Reading your post put a giant smile on face of warmth.

My son is coming around, God is doing amazing work, as I refuse to give up on him.

Ballons of hugs, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am sooooo blown away by the wisdom and caring and loving that goes on here on MB!

I tuned in this AM to find these awesome posts of ENORMOUS value and comfort and caution.

So, just THANKS! From the bottom of my hurting heart. I need each of you. Only wish we could all sit together once a week or something, but this is the next best thing.

My friend, Shocktreatment. A very warm welcome aboard! You are here for a reason. I look forward to hearing from you and receiving your wisdom too! Ask your questions, put your needs out on the table. We're all here for each other.

I'm going to do something here...I'm going to simply state what my top felt need is right at this moment & ask that you guys pray for this need of mine.

And please feel free to post your top felt need too if you'd like. We can all pray for each other specifically that way.

Narrowed down, my top felt need is just this:

*** I need to know what to do with my feelings of love that still exist for my ex wife. They were once so precious...I hate to discard them like so much garbage...but they cause me so much pain still. Dear God, please help me with my feelings for my exwife. ***

I don't know why I feel that if I let go of my feelings for her it is like a betrayal and the worst thing I could do. We're divorced. She doesn't want me. But I still love her. Maybe it's just wishful thinking that somehow she'll recover enough to recognize her big mistake and come back. She does still call & lately has been more sweet & kind.

This is so very tough.

Thanks all,
High Flight

Hi everyone,

I am still trying to "catch up" on reading these posts. First just want to say hi to everyone as I play "catch up".

HighFlight, you are a rock of wisdom. What I say will probably not agree with what others say... but I think you should go out with someone who will appreciate you.

It's only dangerous if you feel yourself being pulled in more by a need of your own than by the reality of what this new relationship has to offer.

I don't think it is healthy for you to sit around and miss your EW. You're divorced. It's not a winning situation to try to wrestle with these feelings. It's like moving backwards - alone - instead of moving forward to rebuild a new life.

Definitely, you should pray about it, of course. However, just check to make sure your own judgment in a new relationship isn't being clouded by longing for the XW. Don't get pulled in over your own head - or further than the relationship really warrants.

If you need affirmation from women to rebuild - I can affirm you without dating you. I think you're awesome!! I believe you have a lot of wisdom.

Have a great day.

Skydiver, thanks for your poetic plays on words. How are things for you? OK, girlfriend... don't be talkin' to me like you're gonna be this 70 or 80 year old woman puttering away in a big ole hat in a garden... all alone.

Come on, now. You ain't no spinster. Please don't start speaking spinsterhood.

Speak like Robert Redford, in his heydey, is comin' your way.

You deserve that funny, witty, friendly, calm, gentle, kind, caring, loving... GREAT LOOKING!... guy!

TW, glad to hear from you! Life is healing, isn't it?

New people, welcome to our group.

Guess what? I had a conversation with the man who most rocks my socks... makes my knees weak... last week. Did I ever tell you the story? Well, he was supposed to be getting married a couple of years ago to the gf he keeps out of town. I knew that wasn't true. He's been having a relationship... outside covenant... for over 16 years. That's why he wasn't available when we met. He was stuck in a rut with someone he had zero intention to marry (that's what he told me - and, obviously, time and situation that's the case).

The only reason, I think, he said he was going to marry her was because news got out at his oh so (appearing - but immoral, really) conservative church about the relationship. I come back to town... and he blurts out, "I'm gonna marry my gf!" Well, I knew that wasn't true. Hogwash.

Two years passed. Did he marry her? Course not. It's an addictive immoral relationship - not the kind that would lead to marriage.

The elders in the church have been doing backflips covering up immorality in that church. This guy was a deacon... and a lot of people there, I bet, knew about his "secret life"... and pretended not to notice... and voted him into office.

That church is a force of evil because the elders say, now, it doesn't matter what the Bible says... it only matters what they say. That's what happens when immorality creeps into a church and takes over church office.

Well, they can't touch me now. I've moved on... and they have their own consequences to face.

The conversation went pretty well. We both stayed calm. I shook his hand and turned away. I'm on top of it... on top of the situation... and it will never drag me down or pull me under again. I've recovered from my divorce and I'm way too strong in the Lord to be hurt by this situation.

Life is moving upwards and onward in the Lord for me.

Talk to you later.
Laura

Laura---always wanted to write a book. May God bless and use your words to encourage others.

Shocktreatment---sorry that your long-term marriage has come to an end. My WS told me in the middle of all this that he just took me for granted. and that he did. It is so easy to get so used to someone. Funny thing, though, I NEVER felt that way about him. I adored my WS but thank God, I do see another side of him now.

Skydiver---no matter what age children are, they are deeply effected by the ripping and tearing of their home life. My sons are 33 and 29 and they both reacted differently. My older son pulled away from both WS and myself. That was dreadful cause I needed some sense of family but I realized I could not depend on my son for MY needs. He had a family of his own that was his priority. My younger son was the "counselor" for his dad but he lived in Japan so he was somewhat removed from the pain in my eyes. The Bible talks about some kings "who walked in the ways of their forefathers". I pray often that my sons will not walk in the ways of their forefathers. All were womanizers, alcoholics, and really emotionally bruised people. I will pray for your son to walk in the ways of the Lord.

I truly felt discarded----that was my first reaction to the infidelty. Our marriage was troubled....I was a rescuer, fixer and WS was a alcohol abuser. He had a drunk-driving accident which made him a paraplegic in 1979. At that time he told me he was in love with someone else but decided to stay with me after his accident. I stood by his side and supported him through everything so discarded was truly an overwhelming feeling I can relate to. After D-day, I felt like someone was stealing my whole world from me or giving it away. I truly lost everything. But like it says in the book of Matthew "what does it matter if you gain the whole world but loose your soul" (my paraphrase), I have my soul back---healed, mended and restored so Thank God for his wonderful grace and power. I never lived alone so the aloneness was the deepest struggle. Letting go of my love for WS was the other huge battle. I idolized him cause he has so many strengths. I see him more realistically now and he has become more of what I feared he would become. I feel that scar tissue has formed for me, too and the pain has lessened tremendously. I cannot believe that I am where I am right now and it makes me weep with joy and thankfulness. I never thought I would be able to live without pain......Hallejuah.

HighFlight---my felt need is aloneness. I do most everything alone. I go to the movies alone, to the pool alone, to church alone, for walks alone, to the store alone. I don't feel apart of anything or anybody except at work. I have friends but most are so busy they don't have a lot of free time. There are some places I refuse to go alone, so I just do not go. Also life is so one-dimensional when you live alone. But it is not driving me to distraction and only comes in waves....mostly weekends. I feel that I need to learn to live happily alone before I can give what I need to others. We also live in a society where there are so many distractions and I think relationships suffer because of that.

I will pray for your lingering love for your XW. If a flower is not watered, it will wither so is the case with love. My love has withered for my WS cause I keep my distance emotionally....detach as much as possible.

I don't know why I feel that if I let go of my feelings for her it is like a betrayal and the worst thing I could do. Were you her rock, provider, and protector? She has turned her back on those benefits of marriage.

Prayers and God's best for all
TW

Dear Highflight:

You should listen to this advice. At first, I was not sure what to write but I am sure that the last post is correct. Don't water your love.

I had to do that with my WH. I thought I was calling him about the kids but when it got to be almost everyday, I decided to just quit. At first, he would call me instead (even though he was engaged) but now its almost never. It really is quite freeing.

I believe you deserve someone who will love you exclusively. Hey, I really love happy endings to infidelity but if they leave or they want to continue the abuse, then you are free.

Be careful though, timing is everything. This website recommends waiting 2 years which has much wisdom, otherwise, you are just throughing affection you really have for your wife on someone else--very dangerous.

Keep writing. You have a way of putting things into words that others just "feel." It really helps the rest of us heal.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by createdinGod'simage:
<strong> Dear Highflight:

You should listen to this advice. At first, I was not sure what to write but I am sure that the last post is correct. Don't water your love.

I had to do that with my WH. I thought I was calling him about the kids but when it got to be almost everyday, I decided to just quit. At first, he would call me instead (even though he was engaged) but now its almost never. It really is quite freeing.

I believe you deserve someone who will love you exclusively. Hey, I really love happy endings to infidelity but if they leave or they want to continue the abuse, then you are free.

Be careful though, timing is everything. This website recommends waiting 2 years which has much wisdom, otherwise, you are just throughing affection you really have for your wife on someone else--very dangerous.

Keep writing. You have a way of putting things into words that others just "feel." It really helps the rest of us heal. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear Created....

(LOVE your handle by the way) -- Thanks so much for this succinct summary. I have to agree with the wisdom. Don't water it...so simple. Yet profound!

I'm praying for the loneliness needs we all have! It was God who Himself said, "It is not good that man should be alone". We were made for relationship. Therefore, I'm presenting this back up to our Heavenly Father as His own word, which then means He will provide for each of us. He will fulfill His promises to each of us to find us a companion according to His will.

I believe we can all safely pray this type of prayer to combat the loneliness we feel as divorce victims.

Meanwhile isn't it wonderful that God has provided this venue for comfort and help for us all???!!!

God IS good!!

High Flight

I sort of was asked on my first date ----or should I say that someone said that he would like to date me. This guy I know at church has been coming to talk to me often after church. The only problem is that I have no interest in him as a date plus I am still married. His personality turns me off. He is controlling and talks excessively so it is hard to get to know him. For months he would always talk to me about how he really wants to get back with his wife but this weekend he said that his wife made him see that there is no hope. So only two weeks ago, he was obsessed with his wife and now he wants to date. He has lots of problems from his alcoholic days so I can feel myself wanting to help him and the helping him makes me feel needed. It is not a great situation so I need some help in thinking through the time when I will have to refuse a date. Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Ugh---I attract the strangest men.

TW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tossedwave:
<strong> I sort of was asked on my first date ----or should I say that someone said that he would like to date me. This guy I know at church has been coming to talk to me often after church. The only problem is that I have no interest in him as a date plus I am still married. His personality turns me off. He is controlling and talks excessively so it is hard to get to know him. For months he would always talk to me about how he really wants to get back with his wife but this weekend he said that his wife made him see that there is no hope. So only two weeks ago, he was obsessed with his wife and now he wants to date. He has lots of problems from his alcoholic days so I can feel myself wanting to help him and the helping him makes me feel needed. It is not a great situation so I need some help in thinking through the time when I will have to refuse a date. Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Ugh---I attract the strangest men.

TW </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TW ~ First of all, know I care about YOU. But I'm going to be direct here OK? I hear several things here. 1)You've been hooking up emotionally with him after church for months now. 2)Both of you were still married. 3)That sortof qualifies as an emotional affair doesn't it?

So, if you ever needed motivation to get on with resolving your marriage situation isn't that it?

Then to this guy...You've already said tons about you don't want to be with him. That's your boundary line. ENFORCE IT!!! Done!!!!

Then ask yourself WHY you would even consider going out with him? Why you're even talking with him? There are your answers.

I care, & believe me I understand the loneliness and wanting someone to just care about you and that you can care for.
High Flight

Hi everyone!

Hi TW,

Here's my suggestion. Listen to yourself... and don't respond to outside pressure. You need to build a life that works for YOU... and you can't do that by trying to please others. Right at the point you stop listening to yourself... and you are moved by someone else's "demands"... what they want and need when it doesn't really work for you... you've begun to be pulled into a trap.

It's a trap of passively agreeing to a life you will NOT enjoy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So listen to you... build carefully!... as the scripture tells you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Move slowly. Listen to TW. Don't be pressured into making ANY choices... until TW has spoken.

TW, tough love, you can't "help" anyone but yourself. If you think you are "helping" someone with their problems - trust me, in a male/female dynamic - you're not helping. You're being pulled into the role of caregiver, enabler. When you do that, you're getting "hooked up" alright... not with a man... but with a problem. Don't "hook up" with a problem.

Misery loves company. Problems need enablers. Same principle... same spirit.

You want to be miserable? Try to "help" a man in a male/female dynamic. His misery will love your company. You can be his enabler... his problem needs one.

Don't go there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Stay out of trouble. Give yourself time to heal if you are trying to "help" men. Stay away from the ones that seem to "need" you and "need your help". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Best wishes!

L

<small>[ August 20, 2004, 03:49 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>