Coolduck*** Giant bouquets of hugs for you today.

How are you feeling??? I hope that you are getting a great deal of bed rest and sleep.

In my heart, I am holding your hand very tightly. Your entire situation is truly a travesty.

It's ok to feel far away from God because He does seem far away. All side effects from heavy pain, loss, shock, numbness and acute distress.

Jesus himself felt alone and soooo forsaken.

He understands us, weeps for us, and has so much compassion for us during our unbearable pain. We truly are His chicks, as He spreads his wings around us like a mother hen to comfort us.

I am praying this verse especially for you and your children.

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah,40:31


Be gentle with your self and I hope that one of your family members can gently brush your hair over and over, take a warm face cloth and soothe your face, hands and feet.

Spray your pillowcases with some lovely perfume, fluff your pillows, place some fresh roses beside you. Heap some big comfy blankets on you, prop your feet up on some mile high pillows.

Make you chicken soup, bring you juice with a straw, a fruit platter with a variety of cheeses, watch your children, and give you a several hot water bottles, a ticking clock to place under your heart, stuffed teddy bears beside you, close the curtains and just let you just sleeeeeep away... not think about a thing....now just isn't the time...

Coolduck ~ I'm here for you! I've paused to offer this prayer to the Lord:

Dearest Lord Jesus, You are the only One who has the comfort my friend so desperately needs. Please shower it abundantly upon her this very day I pray.

We know death is never welcome. You Yourself hate it! You Yourself suffered through eternal death for us so that we wouldn't have to.

Please Father, through the tears I know You shed for this little one and Your precious daughter who is so grieved right now - Father, through Your tears please send the sunshine of Your eternal smile right now, that my dear friend will begin to sense that You are still on Your throne, You know all about what has happened. And one day You will sit her down in Your lap and hold her, rocking her back and forth in an eternal embrace that will forever comfort her -- and then You'll whisper in her ears the exact reason WHY!

And she will finally be at peace with it Jesus. Meanwhile, Lord?? She NEEDS YOU!

We pray humbly in Your holy name....

((((Coolduck))))) from my heart straight to YOURS!

High Flight

I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be cared about by people who don't really know you. I have felt your prayers and I'm sure they have helped me survive this. I appreciate all of you sharing your painful experiences with me. It has given me hope that I will come out of all of this stronger. I have laid low and did nothing for days now. Physically I am feeling tired, but ok. Mentally I am in another world. I am going back to work tomorrow. I really just want to stay hidden, but I can't hide any longer.

My counselor thinks I am doing as well as can be expected. I don't know what to think. I either feel numb or I am in so much pain that I sob beyond belief. If that is normal OK. I am grieving over my baby, but I have also finally allowed myself to grieve over the lost of my marriage. I still have this stupid hope that something might change, but when I talk to WH I don't get much reassurance. Funny thing is though that I am not totally convinced anymore that the M is right anyway. I guess I am seeing things about WH that I don't like. He is always telling me that I have a lot to lose, but he doesn't think he has anything to lose in me. I don't see him making any changes. He blames me for everything - right down to pushing him into the A. He has never deeply apologized for the A. He has even said that I deserved it for all I put him thru. I never was a bad wife. I always waited on him and tried to show him love.

I feel like maybe I am just trying to hold on to something now. I am feeling a renewed love for my H, but I'm not sure what is real. What if I am trying to keep the known just because i am so afraid of the unknown? I mean part of me thinks that better things might be ahead for me in the future. WH doesn't want anymore children. I have this need in me to try again. I know I want more. Wh is so negative about us. I want happiness in my life. I want someone who wants to make me happy. How do I know what is right anymore?? I am trying to put it in God's hands, but the wait is killing me. At least while I was pregnant, I had something to look forward to. In PA, where I live, we have a 3 month wait for D then proceedings start. I just filed at the end of Sept. That means I have to go thru Thanksgiving and Christmas before anything is even started. I knew I could make it thru because I was enjoying each new week with the changes the baby was making. Now I see only sadness. i don't know if any of you can even help me, but what am I supposed to be doing/thinking about this D? How do I know what I want? I know that all of you are living this same pain. How do you cope?

In love,
Mary

Coolduck you are our beloved precious sister. It is so comforting isn't it to experince the goodwill, love and heart from your greater family in Christ.

All though we have never met, we are yet very connected to our Savior's body and really apart of His family. We are the larger family, soon to be apart of even a larger, larger body. It's so kool.

The body of Christ connection is so real and we here so do understand the piercing that goes through our souls and hearts.

Jesus will personally walk each of us all through this devastation somehow. Not that we know exactly how He will do this- but He has a plan for us, sometimes his plan works through our children.

I heard a profound saying today. That one' doesn't plan their life. Life plans you.

I really pray that you won't rush your healing to fast. You have been through so much, so fragile, bruised and tender. You did the right thing in filing--

Since our spouses love elsewhere, reality is not much we can do about that, other than release them and let them go.

I belive it is fair to say, the majority of wayward spouses lack the capacity to love. Honey although it feel like us, it's really about them and their inabilities.

Our part is the most difficult in that we are not to be passive in allowing them to cause further devastation, or destruction, by harming us or our children, or be aggressively reactive, but to take action in a civil manner.

God hates divorce no doubt about that, because he hates to see a man deal treacherously with the companion of his youth, because he made us one, joined us to our spouses and we are mutually equal, not inferior, or less than, or to be down trodden.

Of course the devastation impact on the children. He permits it, regulates divorce because of the hardness of heart on the spouses part. The divorce act is lesser of two evils.

Two legitmate causes for divorce, adultery, and unbeliving spouse who can't tolerate your faith and wishes to depart. God clearly says let them go.

Also it is an act of mercy to prevent the innocent spouse, children from further harm.

God Himself, our Father is Divorced, so we can take comfort with our Dad! We're not so alone as we think.

As we know Jesus commands the husband to Love his wife, to CHERISH, NOURISH, PROTECT, and PROVIDE for her. As we women we are to respond.

Your husband is foolish man- God does not allow spares in the marriage relationship. The problem is really between your husband and God Himself. We get caught in between the crossfire.

We of course are Christ bride.We must get ready for a grand celebration that awaits us in due time.

Today I am really hurting so it's my turn in the valley.

Love u!

Hugs in our Savior.

Greetings to all! Prayers going up for all. I'm about to go outside to mow my lawn and PRAY! I love to combine prayer with daily living stuff! It draws Christ into everything!!

CD ~ I'm sure we all here continue to pray for you and each other every single day. Keep reading and praying. Keep coming back here! Keep telling us how you feel. You sound right on target normal right now for what you've experienced. Two of life's most devastating things in short order. Your stress rate is over the top Mary! Give yourself permission to grieve, to take your time, to be good to yourself & seek help from others.

Skydiver ~ I have to say with all the good things you've ever written, I think this past post of yours was about the most profound yet!! Simple. Direct. Filled with truth! I was truly blessed in reading your words here. Thank YOU!

God bless us all with "a complete healing"!!!

High Flight

CD-Located a poem for you. I don't know who the author is but thought it might be appropiate.

Unfolding the Rose.

It is only a tiny rosebud
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
GOD opens this flower so sweetly,

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
The flower of God's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So, I'll trust in Him for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to Him for His guidance
Each step of the Pilgrim's way.

The pathway that lies before me
Only my Heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

High Flight(((Brother)))-- Your prayers are such a welcome delight, felt very deeply,treasured and appreciated. Hope you can feel mine for you.Thank you-for your kind feedback of encouragement. I am always deeply blessed by you. Great to know your enjoyin some of the outdoors, prayin and mowin! I do believe I hear a gospel blues song...

Our prayers for one another wholeness, completeness, oneness. Doesn't it feel so good to be apart of one accord, one soul! Awesome delights to linger on.

I need prayers this weekend that God will place spritual ducktape over my mouth with my daughter wedding on Sunday. My x will be present- I hit the skids wipe out yesterday. I pray that God will put blinders on my eyes to focus on HIM, my children, my daughter wedding and nothing else.

Extra blessing to shine down on you this weekend.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sky diver:
<strong> High Flight(((Brother)))-- Your prayers are such a welcome delight, felt very deeply,treasured and appreciated. Hope you can feel mine for you.Thank you-for your kind feedback of encouragement. I am always deeply blessed by you. Great to know your enjoyin some of the outdoors, prayin and mowin! I do believe I hear a gospel blues song...

Our prayers for one another wholeness, completeness, oneness. Doesn't it feel so good to be apart of one accord, one soul! Awesome delights to linger on.

I need prayers this weekend that God will place spritual ducktape over my mouth with my daughter wedding on Sunday. My x will be present- I hit the skids wipe out yesterday. I pray that God will put blinders on my eyes to focus on HIM, my children, my daughter wedding and nothing else.

Extra blessing to shine down on you this weekend. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear Father in Heaven! Please grant my dear sister SkyDiver the desires of her heart!! Plain and simple Lord. What she asks for here, please give it to her in the name of the giving Jesus! Amen...

Hugs...You are being prayed for I assure you.

High Flight

High Flight--- U do it again- God uses you in the most delightful,useful and humorous ways!!! The Canna Wedding! I didn't see it that way before... Takes on a whole new meaning brother!!!

Blessed assurance for your prayers that spiritual duck tape fit perfectly and long lasting. I love it-- need more of it--- works wonderfully. Silence is truly golden.

Hope you were able to take a peek of the gardens visited. Interesting thoughts occured to me while reading about the history of this particular garden. Primary purpose of it's creation.

Created as a distraction, diversions from the harsh realities of war and great depression.

My thoughts zoomed into focus of dealing with realities of our divorces. I think of spiritual warfare that comes into the forefront and grief that comes into interplay.

I wonder if we really would benefit from having greater diversions and positive stimulation to further assist us all and look forward too?

My question is do you garden? I am thinking on some levels might be very healing for many of us here, to plant a tribute garden for those we have loved and lost. You seem to have experinced many losses throughout your lifetime. Deep, deep wounds of pain, and hurt.

I think of your precious daughter you lost, I can't imagine what you actual go through. I was very deeply saddened, moved by your sharing of your unspeakable loss to reach out and comfort- I have not forgotten and have prayed steadfast for you!!!

Secondly, I owe TW a good post--we were about to embark on a few virtual tours to help alleviate with our general demise of aloneness theme as we move through this stage of the grief process.

I did pray for you in your feelings of aloneness factor you are undergoing in your stop overs. I do understand at this common level, as I too have been involved in the travel, tourism industry.

My programming involvement with non-profit international student exchange, which has been a program of creating network of people connecting the invisable hands across the seas to connect in meaningful rewarding ways.

Making dreams come true for others is what I do best! I know you know exactly what I mean! You do it too, every day!!!

I thought it would be nice--for your sake and everyone else while you are on your stop overs. If you are comfortable, if possible you would kindly be our tour guide. I know your rest is of the upmost importance--but boredom has a way of creeping in too.

Even if it meant sharing a few words from the local newspaper you might be reading, what plays, operas, events, are playing in the city you are visiting.

Kool places to visit, art galleries, sites of interests, restuarents, shops that you might think be of interest. Raises those neuro-transmitters. Worked wonders for my culture shocked students,families and volunteers! Wonder if it would be useful now?

I truly miss this global dimensional travel aspect within my life that I so truly enjoyed. God blesses us with gifts and so many talents that can greatly enhance the body of Christ.

I know I instantly feel in step, with my upbeat normal self again on this journey of my daughter wedding.

I believe philipians 4:8 has tremendous healing strategy in that verse to pull us through the grief timeline we are on together. Your comments would be greatly appreciated! No pressure here either!

Smiles& Huggs!!!

Hi Everybody- How are things?

HighFlight---what is going on? How did your sermon go on God saying NO?

CoolDuck--how are you feeling? Been praying for you.

Laura and Sky Diver, been reading some of your other posts....the wedding, virginization etc. How are things?

I am doing pretty good....guess I am in an updraft. I am discovering the less contact with stbx, the more liberating. I have noticed on other posts that when there is xh's encounters and contact, the stress heightens and the feelings conflict and get confusing. I am trying to keep contact at a minimum but it is not easy when there are kids---even grown ones.

My S ad DIL are moving into my "dream" house with my stbx. They want to save money to buy a house and help stbx with his health problems. I have tried to keep my distance from this happening but I want to help and be there for them. I want to be a part of their life so I am gonna take supper up to them on moving day Saturday. I know it will stir up feelings I don't want to feel, but I can't just distance myself because they are choosing to live in the house I have always wanted and still want.

I guess I am feeling that stbx does not deserve help and does not deserve to have "company" to lessen the loneliness. It pains me, too, to see all my DIL's dishes and spices in all the cabinets I picked out myself but I KNOW that the kids moving in is far better than OW. But if OW was there, I would not be visiting and would not see all these hurtful reminders of what I have lost.

There is a fine line between longing for things you can't have and someone depriving you of your longings. I really long for a house. But I seem to be not longing for a spouse anymore---so that is PROGRESS>

Hope all is well with you guys
TW

(((((((Tossed Wave)))))))

There you are--- I am over due in my post to you. Thankyou for all your prayers and support over my daughter wedding. I feel so different on the inside.

Foremost, I felt so pained to learn about all the love, care and attention being given to your x. What difficult circumstances to endure. He seems so undeserving. Yet, your walk is so outstanding.

I just hurt for you so much! I hope you are not feeling like an outsider with this move your son, dil they are undertaking. I probably would feel deeply hurt.

Why does he get the house again? It sounds so very sad. Your dream home after all this time. Would be so wonderful if you were all together sharing in this achievement!

I do understand. I pray that God does a tremendous work in that man's heart. He is so harsh and cruel! Where is his compassion, consideration.

I hope we can do our dinner and movie thing. WE really need to block some of this out, get a distraction. Lots of them, as many as we can to get break!

Were you able to check out the garden links? I can assure you as I strolled through these gardens my mind was so happy that I didn't have a care in the world, no recall just bliss, joy, wonder, contentment, HAPPINESS.

So very gratifying. A deep, deep nice feeling I haven't felt for so long.

Joy, blocking it all out! I know you would have thought the same, we would taken lots of photos, had tea in the tea room, laughed, cried and laughed.

Next post here sounds like we will really have too spring into action in really praying for your x heart to soften!!! What a hard heart he has!!!

I hope you can take a mini,micro trip away from it all. Even for a weekend.

A good drive through the country will do, with the radio on, scarf on, wear loads of pink lipstick, lots of wonderful perfume, jewelry, wear your best cutest shoes, prettiest clothes, put on a terrific wonder bra for extra lift effect--lots of make up on.

Even if you end up in a small town shopping for groceries or having a nice lunch in a charming cafe, just read the paper. You can always return home in a few hours.

Surround your self around people who are just pleasant and kind to be around. Worth it...

www.butchartgardens.com

www.englishinnresort.com

Huggs,

(((((Coolduck)))))

I am so, so touched that you prayed for me and responding to my post with such encouragement. You made me feel so warm and good in my heart! Bless you for caring!!! What a precious gift you are-especially when you my dear sister are going through such incredibly difficult time!

As you can tell-- we all have our good days, rocky days, and I had my fall through the floor day! I wasn't kidding!

I took you with me in my heart at my daughter wedding to pray for you! And even included your name in the guest vistor book at the gardens!!! My silent prayer was said there for your aching heart!

HOW ARE YOU FEELING????? HOW IS YOUR HEART?????

I have been praying for your husband that GOD would do a ALMIGHTY work to remove his stony heart!!! Prayer changes things indeed!!!

How are your dear, dear children doing as well?
Hope you are relaxing, and finding some special just time for you???

One of my friends called me the other day- to tell me that her stbx now wants to put the marriage back together. Do all the work needed to put things together.

He has been such a tough case. They were seperated for a 1 1/2 yr. We have prayed for him, prayed for him and done aleast 1000 back flips in more prayers for him to return to senses!

Anyways, my girlfriend told him that until he could love her with the same quality of love which she has received from Jesus. Not to bother to apply as she will not settle for anything less. She is very content with her life now, job, new friends, kids. The best part she has been around so many people that treat her kindly!

I think she has given him a fair statement and realistic benchmark! I thought that was so wonderful on her part!!! She wants nothing less than LOVE, TRUST and RESPECT! No one knows what will happen. But the entire matter rests in God's hands!!!

Please update us!!!!

All my love!!!
ooooxxxxxoooo

^^^^^^^^^^^^^INSPIRATIONAL GREETINGS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

High Flight, Laura_Lee, Tossed Wave, Cool Duck,& significant others who might join in!!!

I am doing soul flips of jubilant JOY!!! I invite everyone to chek out & explore this most wonderful beautiful soulful poetry, graphics, site accompanied by music:

Site: Words Do Touch The Heart:

http://csoakley.com

Touch(click) on one of the white smaller flowers (gardenias)right or left side.

The most amazing menu selections drops down with so many beautiful heartfelt theme poems that will speak directly to the deep realms of your indiviual hearts in unique ways!!! That will lift your spirits so high!!! As they say ANGELS DO GET HIGH or was that HIGH ON??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

High Flight-- This bud is for you! On this site linked into another incredible site! I came across a poem, was stunned! Perhaps, you already know of this wonderful poem? I was awesomely blown away reading it. Definately U for U !!!

Called "High Flight" by John G. Magee

http://jjoakley.com

Oh sky diver is doing a happy twirly, swirly dance over the top of moon beams!!! La,La,La,--Zippity do da---ta-day!!! GOD SO DELIGHTS IN LOVING US !!! SINGS RIGHT OVER TOP US!!!YES--HE DOES!!!

I'm so excited!!!

All my love, prayers, thoughts which I have wanted to get across cyber screen!!!

Cheers & super nova huggs too each of you!!!

(((((((((((((((((((Dearest TW)))))))))))))))))))

I am re-processing, diving deeper into your post deeper hearts longings! I am struck with deep panging of hurt vibes that I can't seem to sidestep. Please forgive me if I am not tuning in quite right.

The entire combination of my spending time with my daughter wedding, wading thu the flowers, fragrance, poetry, adventure, spins,my spirits soaring into heavenly romance love affair state, with God, like no other. My heart state is changed.

The more I ponder & dive deeper into your true soul heart-longing thoughts. I feel your dreams of this house and all that it represents the marriage, your children, new families yet to come. Very NOBLE stance on your part.

I wonder here and feel-- The entire picture here which you present just doesn't sit right with me. Besides the obvious, is there something we are missing?

I wonder again-- not too challenge you, or add further hurt to your situation. For some reason, my alarm bells seem to sounding off--that perhaps God just may have something bigger on the horizon.

The entire situation rings with loud bells of tremendous insensitivity! You are a very valuable person here, a FAITHFUL, STRONG, COURAGEOUS FAITHFUL WIFE, & MOTHER. Not a doormat, to be politely side stepped, disregarded, swept out the way, to be forgotten, not heard. No, No, No...

My heart is filled with such strong other thoughts, vibes mother bird. Why cannot you not just move into your home? Why not? Take charge& command???

The family seems to be drifting aimlessly afloat with husband who's driven off his moorings. Logic says on hand, command of calm hand, is what's sometimes needed most.

On one level, I well understand the dimensional logic route here being taken into account for your son, dil to assist with helpin dad, and saving towards a home of their own. Makes fiscal sense,etc on many levels.

For what ever the matter is worth here. Another flip side another logic overtakes me. I say this not lightly but with thoughts of possible greater transcending purposes.

The word BOLD FAITH rises up in me. Engery thoughts of courage, daring, bold, restorative moves & focus, comes to my mind, to flip the battle over on it's back side.

The word that comes to mind is "RECLAIMED", for HIS victory and HIS greater plans for you& your family!!!

I could be way off base here- please prayerfully resonsider what I am about to say. I am not trying to be judgemental, flippant, insensitive, or advocating conflict. So please receive the heart felt spirit here which this intended.

First, in my imho do I think it is right-- that everyone should move into your dream home. Truthfully, let's be reasonable and fair. NO!

They haven't paid their dues, earned the right, especially the ow.

In my imho it is morally, biblically scripturaly wrong that you be left out in the shadows. If you were my mother, and I witnessed what my father had done to you. I in good conscience would not be able to move into YOUR HOME!!! Simple!

I would take the struggle route-- have done so in my life. To get around the HONOR YOUR FATHER, MOTHER command, I would find alternate arrangements for dad's care, that would not hurt my mother. Even though my mother has terrible things to me but she does wonderful things in the same breath.

Lines of justice here seem unitentionally crossed. Grief factor has alot to do with people not thinking as clearly, and sensibly as they should. Disorientating.

I have experince in this area with my own parents believe me. Held my ground firmly on so many levels, circumstances, when my parents were not functioning in their right minds. Respected them enough to do what they wanted.

What they themselves put me through, is beyond sanity. However, I came out the other side with more love, forgiveness in my heart--damage done to me is the areas of confidence in certain areas-which shows up time to time.

How I see it. Truthfully,& tackfully the "dream house" should really be sold out of prinicple here. Especially, out of respect for you!!!

The ROYAL blessed command states HONOR your Father and Mother, not just Father here. Based on that prinicple alone, we have violation of inequality here.

Everyone within the family dynamics should reallly vacate the home & disperse.

Now, to tie in my traumas knots-- which all of sudden links calibrates right into my triggers. I too,was advised to leave my home by the various professionals, took a passive route, due to the fact I was in shock, trauma. Go on with my life without my family.

Not desiring to generate huge conflicts to hurt my children. I lived at my mother place for 3 monthes.

While my poor children were stuck in deep trauma living at our house with my x living his lie, crafty deceit. My goal was not to hurt them further. They were stuck... it has been a long haul battle to stand in the battle, pull them out deep wreckage beyond comprehension. They have come a long way since the orginal nightmare incidents occured.

Long story short-- I prayed, prayed, prayed for direction. To let go, let what come may fall in what ever situation He felt appropiate. If passing over the home directly to my x, women wre to be so be it. Truly, God would even the score.To accept the situation as it was.

HIS will be done about our HOME!

I had no rest-real peace. All of a sudden out of no-where, GOD changed winds, and empowered me with such a conviction, strength, courage, boldness to go HOME. My home, our family home.

God wisdom overode man's and all the well intentioned professional wisdom.

Informing Dr. Harley later about the radical events, which he called a bold move on my part of flying under the radar. I had no real understanding actually of what that meant entirely.

Looking back it now, today. I see so differently that something pure evil had a grip of my x, and entire household. Outnumbered. God was greater I had no idea I was being accompanied by scores of Angels and the hounds of heaven.

I am so pleased that GOD gave me enough strength, BOLD flyin leap of FAITH-- jump into take radical action of the unknown.I didn't quite understand, but now I do at this exact moment more clearer.

My daughter wedding was more of a healing of GOD hand reversing the dreadful incidents, of my once ill intentioned fate. God pronounced an act of justice more deeper, than I could possibly imagine or could describe on the deepest soul level.

What was meant for harm, He turned out for the greater good!!! He zipped me through such deep tormenting pain process, while through a liberating healing process at the same time. Today, I can sincerly feel to the point. Yeah, all that dreadful stuff did happen, Ok... let's be done, & MOVE ON...

(Why my soul was in so much distress about the wedding!) The wedding re-opened the deepest trauma lines imaginable. I faced my worsest fears!

But what I am trying to get across here. Is my soul is much stronger now by HIS grace. Truth is, I have survived the reality of many of my x affairs prior and in those particular places it doesn't hurt, is this healing. More tests of course will arrive but I welcome them.

The question that lulls through my mind is. Why couldn't you just move in to your HOME with your family, too??? I certainly am not suggesting any conflict on any level, but quiet detached firmness, take charge boldness.

Sounds like your husband there has learned to wheel around a great deal of power by manipulating everyone. But darhling GOD WHEELS AROUND ALOT BIGGER CHARIOT--MORE POWER--than your husband.

The scene that runs through my mind at this exact minute. Saying, honey to your spouse. NOW HEAR THIS! I'm movin in. Get over yourself, get right with God, be a man, be a better man!

I,, meaning we, our children have had enough catering to your NONSCENSE. In fact honey, there will be no further nonscence from you any longer. Enough, wise up& shape up! Reality, WE have a new generation with our kids,precious dreams of their own to help out!!!

Move over buddy or pharoh-- Let the kids pass, red sea part in the name of Jesus Christ. AMEN!

His adultery issue is his problem not yours. Let him own it. All of it... why should you care.

Go on with your life, at home, ignore,tune him out with the ow--yeah don't give her any power. Be polite, happy, kind, etc. Focus on your house, your church, children, your own nice things, new friends, hobbies.

Have your son equally enforce the same attiutude and step up to the plate. Dad we will have no more incidients& NO nonscence-don't drag down us anylonger or mother!

I don't know if this is a possible option for you at all??? Maybe OPTIONS might be thing to look at.

I am so pleased God overode my x plans that God determined in the end. That I have and my children have this house now. Not so much for myself, I am quite content to live where ever he puts me.

Live light, travel light motto works for me. But I surrendered it all over to God--even made the move to my mother, fully planned to sell this home. A logical course. I didn't plan on getting so ill--which delayed things from my perspective point of wanting to sell. Which as you know I was so sick.

Blessed be all your prayers got me through a very difficult passage. In the final moments GOD over-ruled.

Please pray about this--why this is has come all about on my heart for you!!! I don't understand- my self as I said I could be way off course!!!

As I have discovered that truly GOD ways are not our ways. Or to lean on our own understanding. It's your call, your life, it's what do you really want? I feel your longings, stirrings!!!

Please don't misunderstand me I wouldn't want to see you hurt or suffer any further, or placed in harms way!

Truth, is what does GOD really want done in this situation that counts!!! What is HIS divine plan for each of us! Only you and GOD know what's the right, reasonable course to take, that so personal!

It's how you described your dil putting things away in your cupboards. I caught the up-draft, felt those deep tinges inside.

I know you are a sweet, sweet soul and would never harbor a mean thought--but still it's like a deeper dager being plunged in further in place of the heart, where you silently weep.

And gladly yet. I know you move over when duty calls. Your such a TRUE MOTHER in your heart to make such deeper sacrifice, to go without, let what dreams may come, fade away, if need for the greater good!

You are a woman, a human being, a person, of tremendous value, high intergity... I think of Moses own mother who let him go over to another household, for the greater good. Hannah, turning her son over to Eli the weak priest& his evil sons.

I know your dil is so immature being young, and doesn't understand what you have given up, never experinced the hard road of Calvary that you have walked sister that your spouse took you on, unawares. I guess there was a greater purpose, and apart of our destinties.

Natural way we women are designed and created in HIS IMAGE. Built in desire to build nests for our beloveded's, just as HE does here on earth for us.

He's very much heads up, on the project of giant construction theme going on up in heaven, working on HIS DREAM-arranging HIS home, abode for us HIS children one day return,too, soon!

Homes can be hollow building showcases shelters and nothing more some. Homes to us others are love wings&fires of nuture, nourishment, saftey, cherishment, joy, shelter, protection for our chicks, to embrace other chicklets to come!

Those nests are also nest eggs representing too, prosper and bless another upcoming legacy to leave to our children.

Hope I haven't overstepped my boundries-- if you choose this particular course to allow husband, kids live together in one household. You have my prayers and support a hundredfold!!!

I can't help but wonder if you asserted your needs, put your foot down, take quiet command, and put your self back into your dream! What would happen?Why not? Appeal to God over the matter might be worth? He is a GOD of surprises.

Thoughts & sayings that are challenging me, and might bring you comfort!

"Sometimes it's the things that you can't do-that brings out the brillance of what you can do!"

"Marriage may be make in heaven but the maintenance must be done on earth!"

"Forgiveness, the perfume a flower leaves on the shoe that crushed it!"

"Let Love rule thy heart, Logic rule your mind, and Faith rule thy soul!"

We still need to plan our movie, and dinner eve one day soon!

I am thinking of a great movie that just might be close to your situation. Not a christian film, but hilarious, comedy. Touches adultery point, the foolish reason of why older men stray,in a most tackful, sensitive manner. Not what we might think. Best part is the much more intelligent,graceful wife handling!

Called "Moonstruck" with Cher!

Also located some fabulous recipes on the web from a Greek Hotel in Greece for a mediterrean chicken--that we must all try.... Sounds delicious!


I LOVE YOU, GOD IS TRULY AT WORK !!!

Sky diver---I do not feel that anyone that gives advice is overstepping their boundaries. I would not post on here if I did not want others input. So I thank you for your long response and thinking and caring so much about my situation.

I have wrestled with the thoughts you have brought up but see no clear leading from God. I sometimes want to stand and fight for what is mine. I am not a fighter, though and I have seen many choose that road and ruin their health and all sense of serenity. God knows what I can endure and what is best for me.

First---I left my home cause I needed to separate from stbx. His drinking was sucking the life out of me way before the OW. The OW was the straw that broke the camel's back. I could not afford to live in our house and buy him out. He was able to buy me out and afford the monthly expenses. God spoke to my heart with Proverbs 15:16-17. Not only did that speak to my situation specifically but also right after I left, Matt 16:26 revealed a wonderous truth---"What good will it be for a [woman] if [she] gains the whole world, yet forfeits [her] soul?" I could sense God telling me that he wanted to restore me and give me health and a new and improved life. What I had materially was of little value at this point. Cut your losses and run was what someone told me once.

Second---My S and DIL are a connected and mature couple. They talk things through and they never would do anything to hurt me. But I do not express my deep pain and longings to my kids so they are not completely consciously aware of what I have left behind and how I feel about it. I think they are a little aware but not totally. I don't share alot with them cause they have enough to work through of their own sense of loss with the separation. They came to the conclusion that they could help both stbx and me by moving in plus give them a financial boost for the future. My son apparently cut a deal with his dad that if he helped him out and paid him rent that stbx could give me extra money each month while they lived there. My rent went up and this is generous and timely offer so I can see God's provision in it. So I think my kids intentions are good and I think they have the upper hand here. My son claims that he does not need to live there so there is no feelings of being trapped. He is choosing to live there for various reasons. (my kids are S 33, DIL 35 and other S 29)

Third---I am at peace here in my lonely, house-deprived world and when I step into my stbx's chaos, I wither and weaken and become something I am not. I could never live in the same house with him and detach. I tried that for years and failed miserably to my own detriment.

But thanks so much for your caring response. You gave me the opportunity to think through and stablize my thoughts. I will continue to pray about what you have advised.

A wonderful thing happened on Saturday Moving Day. I did go to my former house to help out with a heavy heart. Had trouble talking and being light hearted but I wanted to help my kids so I endured the pain. Then they left to get the truck and get the furniture from their old apartment. While waiting, I sat for awhile and just read the Bible. It seemed that God, in that wonderful encounter, absorbed all my pain cause I felt a total release of all the hurt. I then had a great time just enjoying my kids and some other relatives that were helping.

Pray for my S and DIL---cause I think this is a learning experience for them. It is hard to live with a drinking person and my S has been there and done that while growing up.

Thanks again for your prayers and support,
TW

((((((((((((TOSSED WAVE))))))))))))))))

I just hurt for you so much and deeply...

God designs us all so differently, assigns us each different portfolio assignments, tasks, gives us different personalities, characters, though our growth track paths of how he starts the work in us and completes the work.

What is clearly a right response in one person, may not be right for the next. Each person life is so multi-dimensional, with so many layers.

Thankyou, for clearly explaining the complexties and capacity of your unique situation. God certainly took me to that particular passage for a time in a season! A wonderful passage to take refuge in!!!

I do understand from your perspective the greater canvas for your particular dynamics. In my particular family dynamics God has given me a different spirit for the purposes of saving lives and for the most part adverting tradgies. Starting way back into the recesses of my childhood.

Each situation is unique, puzzle, complex! My children would have been orphans and scarred for life... So I was placed in a situation that one lays down their life for their friends.

For me that is how that conviction played out in my life. Risking it all, giving up things which were worldly important, losing my health, serenity, my life everything for a greater good at that time. My children are glad during the darkest passage of their lives, that I didn't give up on them. Not that everyone, endures the same pecularities.

Crimes of hate can spiral too such high flames levels that is truly beyond normal comphrension. Many marital conflicts, seperations, or divorce levels never ever reach.

Back to your situation, I have also seen countless women in your position led to continue in the path you are on, stay that way and or complete about turnabouts.

In fact my aunt overseas has been seperated from my uncle for over 15 yrs- because of his excessive drinking, lives in a tiny apartment, lives in dire poverty, with my two cousins, will neverdivorce him, because my uncle is her sons father. Loves him deeply, would never dream of re-marriage, or dating. Committed to him, would take him back in heart beat, cleans his house, cooks. My cousins take care of their dad. He is now in his 65 still hasn't bottomed out. It works for them and my cousins. Wow--she amazes me...Is she a champion of love or forgiveness?

At one point when my uncle was so out of control, extremely dangerous. A tiny village where there were no laws and community lived in fear of my uncle. I did have to intervene to save her life, my baby cousin, grandfather. And stand up to my uncle fury, violence no more, in the face of possible death. Hide my aunt, counsin, grandfather.

Hold my breath, become Fearless, it was going to be him or me- I was young had nothing to lose, but not innocent and meek people whom I loved!

God was with me then, and managed to calm him down to reality that which he operate. No violence, just a game of whits, bottle of gin, no fear, and prayer.

It's great to see my cousins grown now, with careers, enjoying life. They will rebuild the family dream in the next few yrs. I am glad they all survived and so are they. Why I get so many situations like these assignments behooves me. I ask God why is my life track so wild.

My girlfriend that knows my life story just calls me Jane Bond. I laugh, cross my eyes. I am so tired, weary and not getting any younger...

My uncle is still poor soul, locked in bondage. Funny thing is over the past 20 yrs of my life manages to mail me a birthday card every year. Phoned me several months ago. I tell him I pray for him, and am sad he suffers in a prison of drinking.

He laughs, doesn't want me to pray, he'll be closer to the grave, will ruin his good time on earth. Thinks he's not in a prison but all the miserable people who don't drink also are in another prison. We laugh- and I see his perspective and agree--

Since your children are not aware of your deepest feelings, that too, put things into a different light, and your absolute right. I understand your perspective there and working out a different plan.

I know me, if I were faced in those circumstances I could not.I would be a disappointment. I would have to be true to my convictions wiring, and conscience.

There were places that my mother asked of myself to enter in areas of support regarding my own father that I could not go because serious lines were crossed. Though, I accepted, supported her in her convictions, choices in areas of forgiveness, she chose. She couldn't drag me into.
My role was to hold and defend the line of boundries. Her lines were different.

The gray areas of life that are not so pronounced as black and white areas which are clear. THose grey areas are the zones which we all struggle with. For my mother it was the right thing to do, yet it was also the right thing for me to do. Both of us were right in addressing the same problem.

I will most certainly pray for you, your husband and children. If it is peace with in your own circumstances of living alone, which we need to focus on, zone into that's exactly where my prayers and focus will be.

Also for your children situation living at the house that they will be able to reach their goals. God is still working things through!

But with GOD anything is possible, and it is your call, and upmost well being at heart that counts.

At any rate it isn't easy living with someone locked into that kind of bondage with excessive over the top drinking problems. This I know..But I find living away from a person like that hasn't made my life easier... just shifted the problems into a differnt pile.

I hope that my desires will my x will be so absorbed with his ow that I will never hear from him again. Out of sight, out of mind! However, should God decide otherwise, I hope that I am prepared with the right heart, right spirit to serve HIM, and HIS higher call. Hoping, of course that higher call means I am off the case forever.

I know as the years pass. I am sure I will feel much different& not as sensitive and tender as I am now. My friend put the situation in a great way which spoke to my heart.

Used the analogy of we are like bone porceilan china cups that have been dropped, shattered by the throws downs of adultery. God puts us back together like a cup, each delicate piece by each piece with glue, which takes time, when be are smashed to a million pieces.

We have no measurement to extract the exact amount of how much our spirits, minds and hearts are broken.

Sometimes what gets in the way of healing and forgiveness is time readiness factor of the glue agent bond time to set, hardened before we are re-newed. Works for me!!!

Blessings, blessing HIS LOVE SHINES FOR YOU!

I love you!!!

Ooohhhh Laura_Lee & High FLight!

The two of you have been both pretty quiet! Ummmm?*? Things are just a little too quiet!

Light comes on!!! Remember to drop us your friends here at least a "virtual postcard" from your each of your latest elopements!!! LOL


Praying for all good things, situations!!!

Blessings <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh Skydiver---I don't want to be like your aunt. I will divorce stbx and hope to one day be able to live without him having any hold on me anymore.

Not sure I am all clear on your path----when did all your marital problems begin? How did you make decisions to separate?

TW

TW-- Speaking of my aunt-- she just called from overseas this afternoon while my son and I were over helping my mother. She is such a dear, her timing! Her road is definately a rough one.

My marital problems showed up actually a few wks before the wedding. I felt a huge shift in my x attitude, wanted to call things off. He persisted not too. (Truth, 2yrs later came out he had a one night stand with an older woman dv who picked him up in the bar.)

One month in to our marriage-things when abruptly down hill. I was unaware of his bondage of hard drugs, alchol, evil companions and the underlying affair. X never did them around me.

2 affair I discovered- 11yrs ago.

We have had many seperations, taken many stands, big legal sep 9 yrs ago. I took him to court on my own. He knows the Bible well enough, used lots of tears, remorse, repentance, forgiveness, the unbeliever postion of having to forgive him, and believer position to forgive him continue with the marriage. We did have intermin periods of being his wonderful& good.

3yrs ago he became obsessed with his high school committee reunions--ended up with chronic back problems 2 yrs, wicked evil work mates joined the ranks of his depart. I strongly suspect he himself entangled into the drug culture again, guys,women of his high school still operating in the old realm.

What about you, when your troubles stbx surface?

Should mention, x told my son recently that he see himself as a Savior too women! Ok, uhmmmm, let the world spin!

I have forgiven him twice- three strikes your out works in the baseball world and for me just fine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm still alive!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just lots of UPS and downs!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Most literally I might add....

I'll post more soon. Looks like I've got some readin to do here first though.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SD ~ Yes, my "HIGH FLIGHT" handle literally came from that McGhee poem! My favorite of all time of course......

Love & Hugs to all,