HF-Welcome back! Appreciate your checkin in! Exactly what we wanted to hear- your OK now. I felt led to increase extra prayers for you! Not sure why?

Take your time to decompress there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cool--High Flight Poem and your handle name! Wow-what a connection- I did not know that which I did not know! I was awestruck while reading it.

That poem is a brillant soul stirring piece of inspiring work... so lucid, so sublime, so thrilling, it's given me a sudden change of direction...What a writer! When did you come across this wonderful pose?

Relax, relax, relax... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Big Hugs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi all,
My computer has been down and my life has made another major turn. (See my post) I just wanted to check in here and say hello. I need to take time to read all the posts before I say more.

SkyDiver - Thanks so much for the poem. It made me cry, but was absolutely beautiful. I am trying to put my life completely in God's hands. It is so hard though because I seem to want to answers before He is willing to give them.
Thank you for the prayer in the garden. From what you described it had to be a lovely place. it means a lot to me that you would say a prayer for me when you had so much of your own going on.
I am doing well all considering. Physically - my hormones have went back to normal.
Mentally - I feel sad over the lost of my baby, as I always will, but I know it was for the best. I now longer question God on his decision. Perhaps it wasn't healthy or God didn't want another child living in the mess of my life. Whatever the reason, I know my baby is in heaven and we will meet someday.

Take care all

Coolduck---Blessings& extra huggs plus extra!!!!

Wow-read your other post-you really are going through such a hurtful, painful, frightening, confusing,challenging passage. You are most welcome for the poem and prayer. I was moved to tears reading it myself the sweetness and tenderness. I wish I could wipe away your tears and saddness!

God really blesses people with the ability to express deep things of His heart& soul to find,touch,soothe,heal,turn us to face His love. Seems learning to trust GOD for some of us, me for one can take a lifetime.

The master plan- His mosiac plan for my life is but a puzzle. I am sure if I knew I would probably mess things up.

I wonder if you have considered setting up some phone time with Dr. Harley? Your situation is so delicate, fragile, advice dispensed should be definately handcrafted with the upmost skill& sensitive handling.

Losing your baby at this time is so difficult-added grief upon layers of grief. Glad to know your feeling better on some levels. Takes time, perhaps one day in the distance future would be nice to plant a special rose garden dedicated to your child. Love&life you felt will be never forgotten,by your heart.

Your babe, was real, special, and deeply apart of your every nerve, fiber, entire being. A part of you, a part of your husband, apart of double ancestors gene pool, God's secret miracle. So sad, when sometimes the DNA crosses misfire somewhere.

We are encouraged to suppress so much in our lives just to survive. Sometimes we need to out of safety. Sometimes, we need to let things be as they are, honor, cherish a memory, value a sacred experience that graced us, moved us, took us places to wonderful ecstasy in our souls. Breaks all barriers of humdrums of life.

All those beautiful fluttering feelings of liberating freedom of love& joy connecting! No matter the duration of our precious tiny guests stay. Babies are truly a miracle. Experince the formation of a baby within our bodies are the pure essense of joy!

Connecting, yet overwhelmed by the touch points within our bodies and souls that we touch, feel. We have entered the actual inbetween worlds of heaven& earth itself. How does one turn off a value like with such an encounter with a miracle or treat the experince like a scraped knee.

Please don't be to harsh or expect to much from yourself to soon. Something wonderful and sad happened to you at the same time. The mind overules many things, especially memories--likes to be treated with respect, and care! As does our hearts!

That garden was such a splendid, beautiful place to visit. You would have loved the place and so lifted up by the beauty.

Truth for me, with my first child birth. I fell sooo deeply, deeply in love with my son and next my daughter. I understand your desire& longing to want to have more children. I did too, but my x husband lacked the ability to deeply love them.
Perhaps, my deepest resentment knots that I have harbored in my heart towards him.

He thought he loved our kids, convinced me for 4 yrs to have children. Why I was so puzzled by his selfishness, harshness.Under those circumstances--it was wise not to have more children with him-when he was& is so reckless, careless with highly valuable treasures.Our own two children-was test enough.

I would have loved to have more children. My x would harmed more little innocents hearts. My deep motives where not to give in to my x because of his deep character flaws of being untrustworthy& irresponible.

X wanted more children, too. Truth, about my x there is only enough room in his heart for himself, what he can gain from others. X particular makeup, he chooses to paint on himself almost daily with careful brush strokes.

Sorry to hear about your computer problems, my computer is really acting up, think it's going to blank soon any time here. I have part 2 of my daughter wedding next saturday. So I probably won't be around for awhile. Lots of cooking to do in preparation.

Hope you will pray about connecting with Dr. Harley and bridging your situation. You truly deserve to be loved with Christ love, and care!

Hope your husband will understand you will not tolerate nothing less than respect. Hopefully, he might regain some self respect, do what's right!

All my love!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sky diver:
<strong> HF-Welcome back! Appreciate your checkin in! Exactly what we wanted to hear- your OK now. I felt led to increase extra prayers for you! Not sure why?

Take your time to decompress there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cool--High Flight Poem and your handle name! Wow-what a connection- I did not know that which I did not know! I was awestruck while reading it.

That poem is a brillant soul stirring piece of inspiring work... so lucid, so sublime, so thrilling, it's given me a sudden change of direction...What a writer! When did you come across this wonderful pose?

Relax, relax, relax... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Big Hugs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I need your prayers. Quite a bit going on. I need a few quiet moments to compose my thoughts & then get them out here. I do need support right now. I'll be back with things before long. I'm flying so much right now it's got me just in one track of existence. But I'll have time soon.

Thanks all!
High Flight...touching the face of God.

I think you are on the right track in your recovery, one way is to join a recovery group for post divorcees. how about that? you may need some real support.

High Flight-- Ground to Air-Take all the time you personally need to process. Sounds like there have been incidents!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Our prayers,support are for you, ever with you, locked in place! Seems your one track existance, is dovetailing exactly where God wants you, in the sancity of space.

My focus to day is to be mindful, when faced with the storms of life, to face God, not the storm. Thank you, for the reminder& touch down! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

May He continue to hold you in the palm pilot of His HAND!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Enjoy chillin in the heights of His easy grace!!!
Out of the blue, I sense that rainbow halo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

V-His Peace! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

High Flight, I am just curious and I hope it's not rude to ask... but you remind me of my husband in some ways, you were controlling of your wife and treated her like a child instead of an equal, and you say you ignored her when she wanted a more equal marriage. Part of this is your personality, detailed, your job, etc. Anyways my husband is a banker, is 12 years older then me, I'm about to divorce him over this control issue. I'm trying to get closer to God, I grew up with the Bible and I made many mistakes in this four year marriage too, but what I can't stand the most is control and being treated like a child. If he could change the constant cut downs we would make it through without a divorce. Perhaps I'm like your wife, I'm not a good communicator, likely I'm co dependent from bad childhood experiences too and initially I was likely looking for someone older and more controlling. I once talked to a Christian man who got divorced and out of the pain of the divorce finally realized how controlling he was, in his next marriage it was better. That's the shame, I told him about my husband - why do I have to leave him to get him to wake up, sort of Dobson's Tough Love theory. Anyways I'm about through, partially moving out, need to get moved out and I have a young baby with this man. He's finally doing a few things for me as I pack to leave, but it's been a bad marriage, I dont' even think I'm up for more counseling as he went over the edge grabbing and bruising me a few times. Had I not been enraged at him this wouldn't have happened I'm sure but the control has really been awful and hard to live with. You seem like a good man, I just wondered about this. Do you think God really can help repair marriages that are so lost? I'm trying to dust off my Bible these days as my marriage has been so hard without God and support, plus my dad is dying of cancer too. I know it says to reconcile if at all possible but my husband doesnt' seem to want to change, and I only see him wake up a very little every time I'm about to divorce him. At some point I have to get off of this merry go round ride. My mom says I can't be a woman of God with a man like him, at least how he is now. He won't go to church with me and he's very hard on me. Sorry to vent, but it looks like maybe I'll be joining this divorce board here soon. I liked reading what you wrote about trying to get through the pain quicker then most. I can't even picture a year or two of hell, that's partly why I can't seem to move out right now even though my husband physically hurt me three weeks ago when I screamed at him. How can I go down the road of lonliness and pain? How does anyone get the courage to leave a bad marriage, especially when they feel such guilt, worse for me as I was raised with the Christian faith to never divorce and I'll be one of the first in many generations to do so. I dont' want to take the easy way out, but this has been a hard four years with this man.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by horsey:
<strong> High Flight, I am just curious and I hope it's not rude to ask... but you remind me of my husband in some ways, you were controlling of your wife and treated her like a child instead of an equal, and you say you ignored her when she wanted a more equal marriage. Part of this is your personality, detailed, your job, etc. Anyways my husband is a banker, is 12 years older then me, I'm about to divorce him over this control issue. I'm trying to get closer to God, I grew up with the Bible and I made many mistakes in this four year marriage too, but what I can't stand the most is control and being treated like a child. If he could change the constant cut downs we would make it through without a divorce. Perhaps I'm like your wife, I'm not a good communicator, likely I'm co dependent from bad childhood experiences too and initially I was likely looking for someone older and more controlling. I once talked to a Christian man who got divorced and out of the pain of the divorce finally realized how controlling he was, in his next marriage it was better. That's the shame, I told him about my husband - why do I have to leave him to get him to wake up, sort of Dobson's Tough Love theory. Anyways I'm about through, partially moving out, need to get moved out and I have a young baby with this man. He's finally doing a few things for me as I pack to leave, but it's been a bad marriage, I dont' even think I'm up for more counseling as he went over the edge grabbing and bruising me a few times. Had I not been enraged at him this wouldn't have happened I'm sure but the control has really been awful and hard to live with. You seem like a good man, I just wondered about this. Do you think God really can help repair marriages that are so lost? I'm trying to dust off my Bible these days as my marriage has been so hard without God and support, plus my dad is dying of cancer too. I know it says to reconcile if at all possible but my husband doesnt' seem to want to change, and I only see him wake up a very little every time I'm about to divorce him. At some point I have to get off of this merry go round ride. My mom says I can't be a woman of God with a man like him, at least how he is now. He won't go to church with me and he's very hard on me. Sorry to vent, but it looks like maybe I'll be joining this divorce board here soon. I liked reading what you wrote about trying to get through the pain quicker then most. I can't even picture a year or two of hell, that's partly why I can't seem to move out right now even though my husband physically hurt me three weeks ago when I screamed at him. How can I go down the road of lonliness and pain? How does anyone get the courage to leave a bad marriage, especially when they feel such guilt, worse for me as I was raised with the Christian faith to never divorce and I'll be one of the first in many generations to do so. I dont' want to take the easy way out, but this has been a hard four years with this man. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Horsey ~ God put it in my heart to come to the site here to check messages. I think it was mostly for you right now. It's 12:25 AM where I am & I have to preach at church tomorrow, so I've got to get sleep. But I promise you I'll be back here tomorrow for you. Meanwhile, I'm going to God in prayer about your situation. I can give you that right now.

I felt my heart grow heavy & sad as I heard your pain pouring on out here. I'm so, so sorry my sister that you are hurting like you are. I will speak with you soon. The most truthful thing I can say to you sounds like the most trite thing as well...BUT, here it is.....God is especially close to you right this very moment. He is craddling you in His almighty arms. I can absolutely completely assure you of that!!!

((((Horsey)))) Just a special HUG for you ok?

High Flight

Hi TW---

How are you doing? We had my daughter's wedding part two on Saturday night everything went really well. Relaxed gathering for all her/hubby's friends who couldn't attend their wedding out at the coast.

The kids did their own self catering, did a awesome super job organizing!!! Showed their wedding video which was so lovely& ultra romantic! I was assigned to cook up their favorites dishes. My daughter/sil chose to exclude x,& his entire side of the family.
Voila, presto, with zesto, hold the pesto--No stress, no mess, plenty of great guests& rest!

The party night happened to fall on my sil parents 28 yr anv on Nov 6-- our 24 yr anv would have been on Nov 8. Hopefully, they will be far more blessed by sil parents side with a good model! As my daughter said-it was time for new memories to begin and out with the old! I am in agreement!

My son's state was terrific-in his right self, as my friends this time were there with love&support him/my dau/sil. The awesome real joys of being in the company of the saints!!!

I'm still in the mood with the country Greece on my mind& Adriatic. Which I think I will hang on to for some time! I would have'd loved my daughter to have choosen a Greek styled wedding--ooozo out all the emotions out in joy!

Dancing away under the stars, tossing coins at the moon. Nothing like playing frisbee with flyin china plates, tossed & zzzzinged into an open roaring fire pit-Greek style on the beach! Acceptable, polite, big sigh of Relief Release Feelings-- like no other!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I wanted to pass on this site at Daniel Hotel in Greece, before I forget. They have some terrific recipes on their site. Mediterrean-Styled Chicken stuffed,with spinach, feta cheese, other yummies.

Hope you are having a good week---know that I am thinking& praying deeply for you!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Check out Hotel address menu- recipes:

www.danielhotel.gr

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by horsey:
<strong> High Flight, I am just curious and I hope it's not rude to ask... but you remind me of my husband in some ways, you were controlling of your wife and treated her like a child instead of an equal, and you say you ignored her when she wanted a more equal marriage. Part of this is your personality, detailed, your job, etc. Anyways my husband is a banker, is 12 years older then me, I'm about to divorce him over this control issue. I'm trying to get closer to God, I grew up with the Bible and I made many mistakes in this four year marriage too, but what I can't stand the most is control and being treated like a child. If he could change the constant cut downs we would make it through without a divorce. Perhaps I'm like your wife, I'm not a good communicator, likely I'm co dependent from bad childhood experiences too and initially I was likely looking for someone older and more controlling. I once talked to a Christian man who got divorced and out of the pain of the divorce finally realized how controlling he was, in his next marriage it was better. That's the shame, I told him about my husband - why do I have to leave him to get him to wake up, sort of Dobson's Tough Love theory. Anyways I'm about through, partially moving out, need to get moved out and I have a young baby with this man. He's finally doing a few things for me as I pack to leave, but it's been a bad marriage, I dont' even think I'm up for more counseling as he went over the edge grabbing and bruising me a few times. Had I not been enraged at him this wouldn't have happened I'm sure but the control has really been awful and hard to live with. You seem like a good man, I just wondered about this. Do you think God really can help repair marriages that are so lost? I'm trying to dust off my Bible these days as my marriage has been so hard without God and support, plus my dad is dying of cancer too. I know it says to reconcile if at all possible but my husband doesnt' seem to want to change, and I only see him wake up a very little every time I'm about to divorce him. At some point I have to get off of this merry go round ride. My mom says I can't be a woman of God with a man like him, at least how he is now. He won't go to church with me and he's very hard on me. Sorry to vent, but it looks like maybe I'll be joining this divorce board here soon. I liked reading what you wrote about trying to get through the pain quicker then most. I can't even picture a year or two of hell, that's partly why I can't seem to move out right now even though my husband physically hurt me three weeks ago when I screamed at him. How can I go down the road of lonliness and pain? How does anyone get the courage to leave a bad marriage, especially when they feel such guilt, worse for me as I was raised with the Christian faith to never divorce and I'll be one of the first in many generations to do so. I dont' want to take the easy way out, but this has been a hard four years with this man. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Horsey ~ I'm so sorry for the delay in reply. Life has been crazy full, including some emergency items, etc.

Anyway, to some of your questions: YES! God is able to restore ANY situation so long as He has willing human hearts to work with. There's the catch!! It takes surrender on the part of both H & W. Without the surrender, the results are basically inevitable.

I am really NOT like your H the way he sounds. I had my role in my marriage failure for sure. We all do. There's never been a marriage on earth that failed soley because of one party I believe.

But I'm not an abuser. NEVER physically hurt or even threatened. That takes everything to a wholly different level. My ex used to say she wished I would've hit her or something after her affair --cause it would've made it easier on her to leave. ??? What sort of twisted logic is that?!?

Further, she had plenty of "issues" as per our counselor of 5 yrs. So please keep all of that in mind. My control thing was very much along the lines of a benevolent leader. And I didn't understand her codependency issues either at the outset. Actually I didn't treat her like a child. I just didn't bring her up to the level of an equal partner as the misunderstood dynamics of codependency unpacked into our marriage - in part because she didn't act like my equal nor communicate her needs well at all.

In short - lots of mistakes. But NO abuse. No unfaithfulness. No attempt on my part to terminate the marriage. And I'm a HARD worker the second I know there's a problem. I have NO HESITANCY to admit my mistakes and go to work to fix things. I'm truly a committed life partner type who also screws up and struggles with sin like we all do.

To your situation. Here's what I think:

1. God CAN indeed heal your marriage. But it will take BOTH of you surrendering to His will.

2. You should NEVER put up with physical abuse. Leave immediately. Draw a permanent boundary line there.

3. Sounds like genuine separation is your best course of action right now. Then implement a Plan A treatment. If that fails, go to Plan B. If that fails, your decisions are going to be clearly in front of you.

4. Be VERY clear with him about what you need and must have in order for this to have any hope of recovery.

5. Counseling by folks like the Harleys is a non-negotiable for this to ever recover. AND, for you to look yourself in the mirror 5 yrs from now and know you did the right thing.

6. The period of loneliness and discouragement you are about to go through IS one you will survive -- but ONLY with your own personal hand firmly placed within the hand of your Savior, Jesus Christ! There is no other way through this. Let not a day go by without opening your Bible and getting down on your knees. That's all I've had to sustain me. But that's all we really need -- for "My God shall supply ALL your needs in Christ Jesus"!!

Please stay close to us here on this group. We will support you.

Your brother in Christ,
High Flight

Sky diver---The 2nd wedding sounds like fun. Glad it was stressless with no xh. Isn't fun to be around people who love and care about you? Life can be so easy and smooth when someone isn't stabbing your heart out.

I am doing great. When I am not on the boards much, it is a sign that I am doing well. I have turned a corner. I have let go more and seem to be getting closer to the final step----divorce.

My S & DIL living with stbx has been a little irritating cause if I talk to my son, he tends to complain to me about his dad. They are having stupid little problems that living together can bring and living with an alcoholic can bring. I do feel that my stxh is pulling away from me more so that can be good too. My desire for a house is still strong though and been praying about it. Maybe God is trying to show me something. Maybe having a mother/daugther thing with my mom would be a good idea. My mom and stepdad are in their 80s so living with them would be helpful for all. If they have a problem, I could be available 24/7. God will show me----but for now I am happy and content.

How are you doing?

TW

TW--Delighted to know you turned a corner! I feel your words& deeper peace! I am so happy for you that life is moving in a good directional flow.

Nice possiblity-to be able to move in to your parents home. A new home front opens up- yes, sounds like a wonderful win/win situation all the way around. Good quality Mother/daughter time, at any age is still very good. Minding their care& your care.. Hey who's knows after the dv, you might be able to ENJOY a holiday somewhere.

I am sorry for your son--must be so hard on his nerves, in trying to do the right thing. Sad to be still drawn in on some level--when we just want the memories, pain to fade into oblivion.

If you go anywhere, or do anything what would you like to do, your desires?

Remember you too, are indiviual, human, woman, once a loving wife in a limited one way relationship, mother, not a machine, but a full blooded human being, God's daughter!!!

You know what in my journey, I met& observed many people in their bondages to whatever addictions. A great many of these people still are in thier marriages, with big hearts holding on to values, generous, kind, morals, excellent with their kids.

So I am led to conclude-- there are people who either have the love of God in their hearts somewhere and those who are simply un responsive to God goodness,attentions, affections.
Some connect with Him, some searching needing information, but on the same side. The givers and takers. Two different camps warm hearts vs cold heartless impaired.

So what are your other dreams beside a house ? You can respond if you want to or not. After the dv happens, the battle ends, months pass by? Who were you before you were married? What were you all about? After marriage before things went terribly wrong with your spouse?

You'll really be freed up from misery attachment. Seriously-one gains a lot of freedom, storage, and a new slate. Just as long we think of what we want, what God wants for us.

YES! Beautiful BLESSING not to be in the company of adversaries-- xh/consorts negativity fields of jabs, tension. My I was I battered--but we are healing.

To experince ENJOYMENT, PEACE, PLEASURES is a gift of God, HIS rich grace. I love it, like it, enjoy it, thrive on it, always need more of it& worth it.

When our Jesus Christ comes to divide the home-to save, perserve what is HIS& it's baffling as he slices away through with His sword, at the dualing dynamics. Rids the rotten core within the family dynamics- it's sure a pretty wild experince. Lots of swinging swords going on.

Each day passes by--I am acutely aware of how much my xh drained, fed off my soul enegeries for a life time. Lacked so much enthusiasm. His sad motto-- Take, take, take, drain, drain, drain& gave so little, had too much fear, misery ridden& deep intimacy issues.

Emotions can be deceiving at times- one wonders is this person really good for me- an oasis or mirage...trick of a clouded mind.

The plight of "human bondage"--overall rape of the mind- misery attachments& all the adverse consequences that comes with it.

So sad that xh& I could not be on the same GOD channel wavelength. Seldom never on the same equal frequency to achieve EQ--co-equalizing experince of harmony, unity in Jesus& life... one operates at very low frequency of existance of depravity, misery and anothter a higher end of morals, values, loving life==no equality just collisional deadlock.

Basically, boils down to this for me not enough spark to create combustion to make a relationship all it should be in GOD. I realise that my x never knew me or understood me.

So that's how I am doing--Trying to EQ with God, myself, and life again. I am fortuanate to be able to compare, make comparisons.

Am othewise now experincing an whole wide range set of powerful emotions that I have repressed, kept the lid on for so long. I am taking a good look at what under my own hood-- like what I see, am -- lots of creative power building up-facing certain coping survival skills I no longer require any longer. Life seems juicy again!

Reminded to stay far out of the wrong hands--- my lesson to learn. Yesterday, justice bells went off--ring sweetly& loudly in my soul today! My being is changing again.

As I heal this deplorable marital breadown, dv-- I am healing from something so ugly-- Hope my x reads the news papers&will see a clone of himself, his stupidity, dangerous games exposed, truth & God triumph.

Pramatic level- big step for me has been dumping alot baggage. At stage where I have decided to dump out volumes of my beloved well researched files& most of my former wk files from my filing cabinets, closets, shelves. Thinking all I need is my bible to get through life-who cares about the rest.

Tough call for me to make--letting go comes in many forms! Collected bags, bags full which I hauled off to the trash heap without a tear, flinch! Said--Hasta la Vista...baby--good bye!

My filing cabinets are almost empty-kept few files that bring me joy& happiness.My mind feel free, memories not to be so bogged down--time to fill new things that I ENJOY.

Focus in collecting enough energy within my self to align my self with higher frequencies of life, release the throttle, where I can contribute. God knows the way--so I am following HIS lead... EQ ing! A good thing.

Now as for my computer--its' been touch and go--my virus detecter hasn't been able to repair things. The last several few days-the computer is now unable to shut off- not a good sign.

So if I don't return on line for awhile- its' due to very serious malfunction. Who knows I might go computerless-hope not-but it may happen! I will miss everyone deeply.

I am planning to do alot of Enjoying and spending time in the FUN Zone. headed that course. My kids have needed to stablize, we are blessed with a home, reconnect my happy wires again.

All my love& affections in our loving Savior !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

SkyDiver ~ Computer probs??? Have you done a disk defragmentation exercise lately? Also deleted extraneous "stuff" kinda like you dumped old files that were harmful to you?

By the way, I LIKED what you did there. Reminds me I need to physically get with it and clean out JUNK from my X too. I'm thinking that I need a ceremonial cleansing service so to speak... Might help me move on......

Love to you too,
High Flight

Hey High Flight--

How are you "really" doing now??? Care to share?

Thxs for your concern/advice! Yes, have run a scan disk/removals. Looks like reinstall/add new components. My 2nd comp in 2 yrs.

You read the situation correct! The "stuff' was "harmful"! Creating to many neg-g---

Dare to dump? Your getting braver! Felt so good! Double points if you do! lol. Nothing like that sound& feel of slam, dunk, thump- dejunk. Be gone silence!

Ceremonial Cleansing-- speaks to me as re-entry back to normal life. I like it!

To grip or ungrip this is the question? Baby steps, perfectly--- OK!

Love to you!
Sky

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sky diver:
<strong> Hey High Flight--

How are you "really" doing now??? Care to share?

Thxs for your concern/advice! Yes, have run a scan disk/removals. Looks like reinstall/add new components. My 2nd comp in 2 yrs.

You read the situation correct! The "stuff' was "harmful"! Creating to many neg-g---

Dare to dump? Your getting braver! Felt so good! Double points if you do! lol. Nothing like that sound& feel of slam, dunk, thump- dejunk. Be gone silence!

Ceremonial Cleansing-- speaks to me as re-entry back to normal life. I like it!

To grip or ungrip this is the question? Baby steps, perfectly--- OK!

Love to you!
Sky </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, Sky --- I'm "Really" doing kinda crummy. About 2 steps forward & 1.9 steps back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Man oh man this recovery business sometimes seems so painfully slow.

It's all complex - of course.

Too busy now. Can't keep up with the home / domestic stuff any more since I'm so seldom here with consistency. That's got me feeling down a bit.

Trying to recover financially from losing 1/2 of my assets to my X, so I'm working on the side too. More busy!

Yet, the busyness helps ease the pain of loneliness. But I don't want to just medicate it with work distractions. I'm actually feeling angry about being too busy.

I don't think of my X like I used to.
I don't miss her ALL the time now...just some of it.
I'm starting to "see myself as single" vs married.
I enjoy not having anyone here to yell at me!
I enjoy doing my own thing at home.

But sometimes I worry if I'm just going to get "stuck" in post-divorce & not move on.

For awhile, all I secretly wanted to do was to FIND SOMEBODY QUICK to replace my X. It was like I needed some one to be around.

Now, I'm actually worried, because it's like I'm turning a corner & now I don't even want to talk to a woman of interest. (and there are many in the orbit of my life) I avoid social situations. It's like I have no energy or drive for it now??? That's got me quite puzzled, cause I've always wanted a significant woman in my life in the past.

Although tonight walking through WalMart I saw in the distance a physician friend's very lovely wife. We are really true & close friends. Anyway, I found myself suddenly praying outloud to God! "Dear Lord, PLEASE help me find someone like ... Ann over there"!!! (I was very much in earnest as I prayed this)

So what's up with that? I'm just really in a confused, numb, don't know stage right now.....

Kinda blah,
High Flight

Hello--
Hey High Flight, I like the idea of your thread and wanted to tell you that.
Hope you have a good day!
LC

Thanks LCakes! Feel free to jump in at any time. Tell us what you're feeling & need too.

High Flight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Thanks, HF.
I don't think that on a cellular level I expected my M to work. The whole time were dating felt fun and exciting, and a lot like a fling. BUt it kept going that way for so long I thought "This is so much fun and has been fun for months. What's wrong with me that I don't consider how blessed and lucky I am to have found someone who is totally fun?"
WEll, we talked about how it felt like a fling, and I was disappointed with myself that I was in a fling becase I was 29 and ready to be more serious. I had told myself I wouldn't introduce my next man to my son unless we were serious. And well, I had introduced J to my son, and we weren't serious.
I started off the relationship in internal conflict and in compromising my own vows to myself.
ON my H's part, he was non-comittal for too long. Here we were, spending Christmas together, with my son, at his parents house, and then he left to go to a town he used to live in, where his x girlfriend still lives. I had no idea what was going on with that-- if they still talked and in what capacity they were "friends". I was already in love with him, and felt like like i needed to be prepared to hear some sad news when he got back to town.
WEll, as it turned out, he started the relationship off compromising his principles as well. While he as gone, I went to a party in which a game of Spin the Bottle was being played. I had never played Spin the Bottle, not even in jr high. Not that I really wanted to kiss a room full of people, but I had no committment from him and figured I didn't have a reason not to play. After all, he was at that time in another town visiting his x girlfriend. Which was worse? Me playing a harmless game of spin the bottle, or him exchanging presents with x girlfriend (they had only been broken up for 3 months).
Well, I told him about the game, and he didn't say anything, and the next thing I knew, we were committed. He told me he loved me and wanted to date me exclusively.
Then he vascillated for a while and said he wanted to be free to date and be single because he had gone from relationship to relationship too much in his life.
But somehow, he decided he didn't really need to do that and stayed with me.
Turns out, he was very offended by the spin the bottle game, it still bothered him after we got engaged, after we had gotten married, and even now, it came up in counseling and it's been nearly 3 years since then.
Turns out he thinks he should hvae listened to himself when he said he felt he needed to be single for while and just date.
So.... I'm not sure if this letter is making sense yet, and I apologize for it's length. But it seems to me that we started off on the wrong feet, and spent the next 2 years, even when we were married, pushing each other away.
To him this meant bringin gup every little thing. To me this meant not letting him push me around. He was controlling, jealous, manipulative, and essentially someone I came to think of as evil. I lost all self-respect and so did he. WE were abusive to each other.
And then we started to heal from that. My H stopped bringing things up, stopped hurting my feelings everyt ime I turned around, but it seems it was too late for us. What had been done had been done. He isn't very patient, and always sees little things has huge traumatic events.,
I find him to be unreasonable and have shown him what unreasonability looks like by (stupidly) being unreasonable right back.
I have been ugly to him an dhave not treated him like someone I love. I do in fact love and care for him, but it's too late now. He's changing into a more reasonable person, but it's too late for me. Now that he's reasonable, he can see he's pushed me away, and he knows why, and those issues are still there.
The 2 years we have been married, and being a famil y with my son, aren't enough for him to overcome the way we started, the internal conflicts, and compromises he made. He boils it down to us not being right for each other.
I think this is balogna, but I suppose maybe he is being as honest as he can be. He thinks we're too different, and I don't see how that is a problem. Most of hte couples I admire are very different people.
My parents are a good example of this.
I have illustrated for him how lucky we are that we aren't alike, but he still comes up with "we are so different"
I hate to think that when friends ask us why we are divorcing he'll say it's because we're too different (and I already hear the hint of disrespect that I'm too different in a bad way.) The truth as i see it is that we said too much, "Went there" too often, said things we can't take back that hurt each other too much to heal in a reasonable time frame, and regardless of how we started out, where we ended up is more important: with no trust between us.
That is the real reason, I think. We hurt each other too much to trust eachother again and don't have it in us to stick with it to learn the trust becasue it's easier to walk away. At this point we have only been married 2 years, and dont have any kids, or any combined finances, or nothing. We have no goal we beleive in to strive for, and on his side, there is nothong to make him want to resolve it (for me, I want to resolve it because of my son. His dad died 5 years ago, and now this.... I know I can so the work to resolve this because I have a damn good reason to.) But my H says it's a mistake to stay together for the kids' sake. (I clarified, I didn't mean stay together for te kids' sake, but work things out. There's a big difference between just staying together, and working things out.)
I guess he just doesn't ahve that thing t beleie in to make it worth it to him.
And I guess that does make us very different.
Lucy

Lucy -- I would like you to tell me how YOU really feel right this moment? Tell me ALL about the feelings you have inside.....

Scared? Sad? Angry? Tell us, OK?

Thanks for sharing a part of your life story. I'm digesting it. Now I need to know how you feel.

We hug around here, so here's one for you from me...

((((LUCY)))

Your fellow pilgrim-struggler-painfilled partner,
High Flight

You know HF, I feel good!
I feel at peace, and grateful.
I feel like this is how it is meant to be: me and him as people who have changed each other's lives for good in exponential ways. We were in each other's lives for a reason and I'm so thankful that God gave me him to get to know. He was worth it. It didn't work out as a marriage, but it did work fantastically as a vehicle for changing into what we will become.
I have no regrets, except for some mean things I said and did, which he's forgiven me for and I'm letting go of. I'm sorry that the process had to involve any meanness at all. It needn't have.
I hope he can get through this without dwelling too much on the bad stuff, without feeling like a failure. He didn't fail me, or fail at M. It was never meant to last. It was meant to be something else, and I think on some level he knows this. BUt in all honesty, it doesn't matter if he feels this or not. He needs to look at it from his own perspective for it to be meaningful to him.
I know how I feel, and that is enough: grateful, glad, up to it.
I have a wee little bit of sadness when I think that our clean break will mean we might not know each other at all by this time next year. But that remains to be seen, and I have given our realtionship to God, and have no agenda for it.
THanks for listening,
LC