High Flight--- underneath it all--- dynamite.

Long heartfelt post for you-- Just because your hurting so deeply!

Be sure you are making tremendous strides & REAL progress, look back see how far you have come!!! I like hearing your angry! Great! Lots of good grit rebuilding ENGERY!Terrific-a good sign in due time--you will blow things off!

Boxed In-dispirited? Frustration? Normal.

Balancing/Partnering issues? Understandble. Normal!

Many of these counter productive discernment eliminating excercise, of all what you don't want, need! Excellent--HUGE progress!

Yes, for you things are very complex!!! I hear you! Here's my re-spin on your blahs...

Ann--Model,guide, sort of your own mirror reflecting back at you? Part of you. Semblance of your echoed counterpart.

Stark contrast being with people on the same channel, wavelength, same higher frequency, higher quality manifesting Christ love-- your type of equal. Sort of the right glove fit?!?

More accurate measure instrument reading of the type of person would sync& harmonize with.

Old Leonard Cohen- poem comes whizzing past in my thoughts. Ann who's eyes compare to the morning sun. Not that I did compare, but I do compare,now she is gone.

Your healing--re-opening your heart to real love again. But I understand--- you have no intentions to float your boat down that stream.

That ka-jing jolt must felt reeally scary. The sudden shift would feel tad unsettling.

On some levels I know what that feels like with many of x- male single friends sort of accidently bouncing into me. Nothing personal, they just miss having a comfortable family of their own. Just leak sometimes.

I am sure you have lots of women who have bounced into you. I have much compassion for these guys that spent to many yrs in being single-as I do for women.

Reminder that GOD could connect that right person for you in the most obsure places& situations.

Mindful- our adversary knows our desires. Timely set ups, to cast out the nets of illusions of doubts, re-inforce insecurties of false REJECTION readings, to re-ensare us.

Prime time tatics-- when we are hungry, angry, lonely, tired. HALT... Percise time- evaluate do about face- turn about!

Sounds like your in shell shock- Feeling your own wants of your own true north star to oscillate around? As Jesus is our true north star!

Think I hear you saying there are people, then there is that one special person. Some one heart which is wide open. Spirit lite switched on. I am so proud of you for side stepping all the typical traps.

Because posing yet another distraction of becoming entangled again, missing the right one. Of course not harming your precious relationship with our Savior.

Key fits the lock. The appeal--Your feeling that warmth, security, worthiness-under the rubble of the angry storm of primal enegry emotions.

Truth is GOD doesn't want us to be so distressed or means we don't love or serve him less, when we experince normal human desire of falling in love.What he wants. He's testing us be sure, created us this way. God is relational-designed us to be relational-our programming.

Why else would we have all these feelings& emotions. Otherwise those emotional values would be divinely sealed off.

Sounds like your re-finding your equilibrim again! Indicator lights start to work, flash.The numbness--- disorientation after effects! Perfectly normal!

I sense the anger wound underside is somehow quite deeper?

You lost a great deal more to your x-than just half the assests lost. You took a giant fall- risked it all for this x wife. Sort of leaped before your looked. Fall into the abyss,climb out well has been a deep imprisioning hell.

The damage fallout shock waves harm must reverberate more deeply perhaps in your soul, heart almost to immeasurable depths?

Matters of the heart, relationships by particular design. Praise God we're not in a regimentated rigid army-- of rules. God overides the well intentions of experts professional hands over.

Otherwise think the world would be overidden with a entire canktanerous population or no one it. Enough sciencefic reaserch conducted-Skin starvation is not good a thing for anyone!

Only two rules really-- Love God with all our heart, soul, mind.... Love thy neighbor as thy self. Thus fulling all the ROYAL COMMAND OF LOVE.

God is love-Enjoys when His children are enjoying His Love& sharing HIS Heart,affections, care.

He loves it, likes it! Look at all the pain, problems, of the human life, world in turmoil, God patiently tolerates,His pain& grief!

I trust He will provide the right person, at the right time for you, in the right season--working on your case! He hasn't forgotten about you!

He heard you the first time, knew from the beginning--what life experinces it would take to crack open & mature your heart to make you lovely, ONE,true, close with HiM! Look at the beauitful relationship cultivated. Awesome!

Well for many of us our good judgement wires needed to be repaired-cleared& unclouded -damages take time to repair. We're not exactly the most cooperative patients our precious Savior has to work on.

Though we sincerely might think otherwise! Place our selves on a never ending treadmill to perform to earn HIS love. His love is ours-we need to rsvp!

Imagine how much we frustrate God-how slow we are in learning our lessons, respond in a timely, proper heart felt fashion?

Efforts taken to extricate us from all the distractions, medications, we use to anesthetize ourselves. Flip side the perspective?

God knows I am my own worst enemy at times. Difficult, stubborn...

Look at how severely battered& bruised your mind, heart, soul has been??? Time for more compassion for YOU!

You'll know when it's right next time& right person!

Discernment wires are starting to work. Good thing!

Sharp contrast of being with those operate on a ultra low frequency! The orginal appeal of those without substance hurts. Feel we are learning this valuable lesson& fine tuning our measuring probes.

Feeling your humaness. Deprivation, scarcity is hard on the nerves/drives. True love is rare- you'll value, appreicate it when it finds you, your heart will be open, healed & clear to fully receive it when your perfect love shows up to connect with up you!

Pretty normal thoughts to want a quik replace. I had to wrestle through those internal dark knots thoughts. Fight to keep the safey switch engaged at particular stage, avoid people, situations as extra measure of pre-caution until I stablized.

Your not ALONE in that struggle! What a relief when He supplies GREAT GRACE in that area to just coast along.

What intense firey battle of our own flesh. Sort of placed my self imposed in house arrest on some levels for imperative reasons. Cool down-sabbatical, cross examination, mid course correction, etc... Pain is a good teacher of what to avoid.

The acculumation of that creative energy-- I see clearly that much uptapped creative energy build up,-state of mind ended up pulling my own engeries to a lower frequency, vibration rate--causing me to feel bla. Enegry is ment to move, find release, to create.

Needs to be challenged, re-routed to be Multi- CHANNLED into music& art other healtier fun expressions.

When I am in deep pain--I deeply retreat-- I understand. I keep almost everyone out my wound zone--to prevent more damage.

Protection&selection on your part is sooo very,very wise!!! I rejoice for you!

Caution warning note--For a time though mode. Accepting some positive enriching invites does the entire being soooo good!!!

Fine line- tight wire act, when home can become a home or a jail. One can really drop to such a ultra low frequency state that one hates everything!!! Blah, blah,blah--BLUE FUNK!

Meter reading? Sounds like your personal wells of fortitude reserves, dips exceedindly low& deep exhaustion has set in???

No rest, rotation, relaxtion, or outright evacuation drains the spirt, mind, soul. You must be in great state of pain-hurting. Burnout? Circuit overload. No wonder?

Sounds like your endocrine system has taken quite a jolt--Ka-Plunk plunge right down into a spiral state of FUNK???

Possibly B12-low, adrenals fatigue, hormones low? Check up/blood work?

Extrication from the x project is no easy lite task. Free spirit, free mind, free heart! More difficult for many of us to achieve. Easing off slowly. Excellent--your ENJOYING the peace, memories recede. Healing is doing it's thing.

Our commonality here is many of us on board here who love deeply-- are ultra extremely sensitive, ULTRA SENTIMENTAL by nature&wiring- letting go attachments release take sooo much longer. OK!

I am all for a clean break- see the merits of it-Prolonged suffering drama recticals does no one any real good.

My lesson learned is I have taken things much to personal. Hence my need to upgrip vs- my tight grip--underlying motive is I don't like to see others drown& give a damn!

On other levels I see my x affairs now as actually doing me a great favor, rather than a diservice. God has greater plans.

Stuck? Ok! Possible to self talk, walk thru? Apart from the deep wounds with the women in your life? Possible to retrace point/s of orgin of deep hurt, rejection? What was going on prior with you personally in your life?

Think, focus, feel back, retrieve those memories. Locate those damaged wires? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? Led up to the events that caused you so much harm??? You dont' have to respond but an excerise to ask your self?

OK- Time for some emotional free falling.

Another question?

Wondering what is your true MO/for flying? Besides God being your first love--is flying your truly second love?

For some reason- could be way off base-- I sense deep dissatisfaction. Definately, alternate situations in your field that are deeply fullfilling& lucrative. Prehaps, assist with getting out of that rut to rebuild. Tossing this out?

What are your true dreams? Sometimes when we're boxed in-thinking outside of the box opens up new possibilties, options, BREATHING ROOM?

What comes to my mind screen-at this moment. My friend brother owns rites to lake/lodge, owns many planes flys, tourists in for fishing/hunting expeditions. Operated solely by him/sons/wife. Multi-million operation. Loves his authentic--FREEDOM-automony! Though of you?

By the way he/wife led a pretty insane wild life. Tons of affairs on both sides. Remarkably they haven't killed each other. Recovered the sensibility wires. Pulled it all back to put the marriage/family together. Life is Very GOOD!

Anyways- apart from my work in travel, tourism with student exchange-- worked in qualitative market reseach field--performed airport intercept surveys, feedback focus groups. I understand the ups/downs on a multi-dimensional level.

The Grace system works best! From fallen to complete forgiven!

Heard a profound def of what bible code means:

B-basic I-information B-before leaving- E-earth...

His LOVE is the GRACE that saves us! Grace system works best!!! I love it-like it!!!

Thxs for sharing your internal weather report crummy, gloomy, grey--storming thunder clouds--Tis All OK-- THIS TO SHALL PASS!!!

PS--Any budget room? Hire/barter exchange of services for a cleaning lady to come in? Lady from your church to come in once a week or so? Win/win sit? Makes such difference--provides such a lift--free things up& enegeries!!!

Your making terrrrrific headway!!! I ENJOYED hearing how your "Really" doin--sad your feelng crummy like an "oreo" cookie!

Eazzzing off, eazzyy does it! We all need a good heart/heart connection chat every once awhile, and a good tune up!

Your getting better!!!

Lots of love& take care!

Sky...

Just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!!!!! I am thankful for many things but mostly I am thankful for the relationship we can have with God----He sure is the ultimate.

Hope you all have good, peace-filled happenings on Thursday (Don't eat too much)

TW

Touching base((((HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE))))

God is the ulitmate!!!- we are all so blessed- I couldn't begin a count! Importantly, I hope everyone here is having wonderfully blessed day with family, friends ! The turkey must be smelling delicious!

Our Cdn thanksgiving is in Oct-- The day my daughter& sil were married! As everyone knows we had much to celebrate on that blessed day!

I am extra specially blessed for everyone here for the extra sensitive,loving,supportive, caring, fellowship I have received here!

My damaged heart is healing-God has used all of you in unique& tremendous ways... I rejoice how far He has brought me!!!

Peace& goodwill in HIM!
Sky,
ooxxoo

Thanks SkyDiver for the great & helpful thoughts. You are truly a blessing here!!

A couple of things. Yes, God is my first love. Flying is a VERY DEEP love of mine. I would not like to consider leaving it UNLESS God so directed me.....It's been in my being since I was but a child. I'm one of those born aviators for sure.

My learning goes forward. God is teaching me to wait upon Him with patience. That is good.

It takes going through the "seasons of life" to get over a divorce. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Holidays. All have their unique challenge the first time through for sure. I can hardly believe it is coming up a whole year since my X left me. Unreal still in some ways.....

I'm in Jacksonville, FL tonight on an overnight.

My best to all of you great friends!
High Flight

Hey brother High---tis your sister Sky---

Delighted to know your still on speaking terms with me! Your just sooooo diplomatic! lol...

Your forbearance flex-is pretty good! Hope I didn't step on your last nerve? Foremost, want to clear- I don't doubt that God is your first love. Forgive me, if I gave you that impression...


Thought as much-your being a true "bird" aviator-is a natural state& gift for you, since your were wee high tot. Different experinces for everyone.

Sort of, it's all about the predestination, transformation,freedom& final destination. Being born again-born to fly.

Lesson of patience to wait upon Him is indeed a very good thing.

Considering, He has the directions!

It takes going through the "seasons of life" to get over a divorce. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Holidays.

Yes, it does. Your in the loop. May I add- insert the word " SENSITIVE seasons of life" for us tender souls.

Divorce hurts- smacking up against that giant D door. Definately, just messes up my molecules.

The "D" word conjures up many other d words, of dismissed, desicate, desert, disposed, dejected. D spiral formula for depression.

All have their unique challenge the first time through for sure.

I agree--The first time a round--is so different--unknown zone factors-makes it so unsettling, and so unpredicable.

All the fears, deep insecurity questions? Like will I make it- what if I become bitter, sour, damaged goods forever? Or worse touched in the head, or shut down my heart, forever, for the rest of my life& hardened by this hard boiling unpleasant experince???

I can only imagine enduring the second time round experince would be like? More unsettling, & unpleasant. Working through the compressed, imprinting of all the those tangled memories, feelings& confusing timelines.

I imagine extra crushing weight& recoil-duplicate messages of pain, hurt signals, reeling all at once? Ouch!

I can hardly believe it is coming up a whole year since my X left me. Unreal still in some ways.

Your doing wonderful!!! Definately, first season blur stuff. Even writing X, second season the x will sadly become lower case. Way to much "power" to give someone--imho.

When exactly did your x leave? The first year is such difficult-ambivalant period time of acute pain& mopping up.

I just call it the fetal position season. Feeling, all those unpleasant painful emotions of deep trauma that just make one want to coil up tightly.

The fist year for me, was intensely painful, magnified, sooooo scathingly surreal- the suspension& agony of it all. Feeling my entire family sucked through a very black hole.

My heart filled with supreme sadness that I couldn't stop the madness of my x, make things better again.

The heartbreaking days of my children pain, their pleas of mommy make us better, wanting their/ our lives to resume normalcy-times of goodness, stability. Such a bad dream-empty unknown reality.

Arriving at that zeinth point of no return.

You know-- in some ways- hope you will not take offense- I just feel that with your position known, I feel that your much of your pain goes unheard. And though you are such a blessing, blessed with tremendous gifts& stellar talents.

I am more concerned for you in other ways, and often wonder, feel at times you are hindered in your freedom of totality of expression to just be yourself, unaudited.

It just sounds to me you want your normal life back, with your wife, cozy, secure& serene? Pretty normal.

In your prior post you requested our support- I wonder if we have failed you somewhere, in some way to listen to you--hear you out. Or clarify what exactly do mean when you request support?

What would make you happy, or alleviate your hurts, what do you actually need?

I wonder if maybe leaving everything where things as just as they are, might be the most appropiate. Letting things flow, unfold as they should, until the second season.

Takes a lot of energy to make to the first season of grieving. That in it's self is an accomplishment. Since you mentioned your still in numb state-

Have you ever viewed the academy winning foreign film called Cinema Paradiso? Italian, sub titled, excellent film, the director, storyline, is so un-numbing- all about love& life- will have you laughing & crying, all in a good way!!!

I want to you know that I am very grateful to you for helping me stop& regain my emotional courage. I really was in a by-pass mode.

Didn't want to go there-feel-reopen dimensions that I had locked& socked away. I feel much better for it now. Although, the process to retrive go into backwards modes, was scary.

Nicely, other new dimensions open that I re- enjoy& for some strange unknown reasons for the past two yrs strong need to explore!


I'm in Jacksonville, FL tonight on an overnight.

Thanks for sharing-that's a good thing! Hope you packed your teddy bear! We all need them at this time of year.

Today-you must be elsewhere by know in who-knows where ever! Hope your journey's are safe& the food is good!

I have learned so much from you!!! Your such a good person, brother& friend!!!

Huggs as ever, because we are getting better- sky

Dear SkyDiver! I just love you!!! You're sooo kind and sweet and thoughtful. Thank you ever so much for the careful words and attempts to listen and draw me out & help. You do good work my friend!

You didn't offend me in any way at all with anything you said.

Very insightful you are! Yes, I'm one who helps others fairly easily, but often finds it hard to get my own hurts heard & helped. I'm doing better by necessity, but it isn't easy....I'll admit that.

I'm in Houston, TX tonight. Minneapolis, MN over the weekend. Another night. Another hotel room. But it beats "working" for a living!!! Hehehehe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God is soooo tolerant & good at healing us if we only just keep coming to His side.

My x left on 1-8-04. Notice! I used a small x. I liked what you said about X vs x. Good insight!!

What do I really need help on? Well, I have several aquaintances that would like to have more of me than just friendship. There are 2 mainly that I could see myself with, but actually about 5 that I could choose from. I'm fully aware of all the counsel ref relationships after D. It's coming up a year since this saga began. But it's also going on 6 yrs since the affair that became the death knell of our marriage. So I've had some amount of time....

So I'm trying to sort it all out. In some ways, I really want to focus in on someone. NOT to get deep fast. NOT to get married any time soon. But to begin to explore a more steady relationship again. I'm already tired of the casual dating world - which I've only done a limited amount of granted, in the past 3 months or so.

I'm praying a lot about this. I've placed myself firmly in God's hands. But it feels scarey too to begin to give myself to another again. And I'm worried about getting stung again. My heart's pretty fragile. Course that might tell me I'm not ready to date seriously too...I'm thinking.....pondering....praying.

Anyway, there's more, but that's the gist of where I'm at right now.

HighFlight,

Excuse the pop in, but I just read what SkyDiver said and had a comment to Sky.

Sky,
I think your very insightful, and when I read the "seasons of life", it really hit home.

It's all about how we come out of the trials that are put in our paths.
We don't know why life happens the way it does, but we have to trust there is a plan.

I'm approaching my 1st yr Ann of D. I still find comfort in this board. Sometimes I feel alone, but then I come here, and I'm reminded that so many of us are in this together.

K.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Karona:
<strong> HighFlight,

Excuse the pop in, but I just read what SkyDiver said and had a comment to Sky.

Sky,
I think your very insightful, and when I read the "seasons of life", it really hit home.

It's all about how we come out of the trials that are put in our paths.
We don't know why life happens the way it does, but we have to trust there is a plan.

I'm approaching my 1st yr Ann of D. I still find comfort in this board. Sometimes I feel alone, but then I come here, and I'm reminded that so many of us are in this together.

K. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Karona, no appology necessary!! I value everyone's participation here. I agree with you on the great value of our MB relationships here. I don't know what I'd have done without it. Let us hear more from you....

Smiles,
High Flight

Hi Karona,

My warmest welcome- thankyou for your kind words. I am sorry that another season passes by, and your heart still hurts.

Delighted you've shown up! Dv is weird!

MB site here holds a special place- Tribute Memorial Spot. Sort of safe cyber harbor personal "wailing wall". Not exactly Jerusalem or Shalimar gardens..

No matter where we are in our journey's. Comforting we can visit here around the clock. His presence is deeply felt through so many special& wonderful people here that allow his voice,touch and shine to come through.

A special place to sojourn, share,mourn,grieve, vent,flail, flap, wail, languish, love, laugh, learn, jest, heal, where God's love* compassion is deeply felt and so real.

Void space felt- sure is a different energy to manage. I understand and hear you!

Loved what you said! Your right on the mark. It's all about His plan for each of us& seeing His bigger picture.

The "seasons of life" credits all goes to our GOD!!! The designer of our beings, emotions& experinces!!!

For me, this entire ordeal feels like we are experincing, an "Ecclesiastical Cycle" -many of us directed here for a distinctive reason& season/s!

In my upside down knot states of confusion, lack of understanding& lack of vision these days. I have been asking God many,many questions to help me uncloud the purpose behind this adversity.

I don't know about you. I was taking things very, very, personal. Very slow learning HIS spiraling dance tune HOME.

Found His dance step pattern directions in Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 !!! Am practising now on tippy toes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Vs1- There is a "time" for "everything", and a "season" for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and to refrain ,
a time to search and to give up,
a time to keep and a time throw away,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Vs 11: He has made everything beautiful in it's TIME. He has also set ETERNITY in the HEARTS of men; yet they cannot fathom what GOD has from the beginning to end.

Vs 14: I know that everything God does will endure forever;nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere HIM.

Feel His loving warm embrace!
Dance& swirl on---visit soon!
ooxxoo

Hi again HighFlight and SkyDiver!
Thanks to both of you for your warm welcomes!

Sky,
I read the passage.
And reread.
I feel like I have done all those things.
The greatest accomplishment for me in those, is that I don't feel the hate anymore. However, I'm not ready to embrace OW.
I feel I have come out of the D fine, but find that I'm most unsettled mainly because this is not where I wanted to be at 41, and being a single mother.
There is no pride for me in being divorced.
I still hate when I meet someone, to say I'm divorced.
Even though it was my X's infidelity that led me here, I still feel like a society reject.

I had pride to say, I was married for 17 years. But, to say this whole D thing, not too prideful!

I know that there is a greater plan. I fully believe that. Sometimes I get anxious to see what it is. I must learn patience!!

Thanks again for the kindness.
Both of you have a good weekend!

K.

Dearest High Flight!

Wake-up-U-who!!!

Thankyou, for your very, very, kind,kind words!! I am deeply touched! You have been a true, kind friend to me, that has shored me up on so many occasions. You have been a beam of support, in more ways than I can recite.

Real friends help one another. It's your turn, time, need, hour& SENSITIVE SEASON! I'm here for you. Happy to share what I have- if useful to you!

I was very concerned about your safety& general well being. Relieved to know that I havn't caused hurt. I don't wish to "inflame" any tender wounds at this time.

Good to hear UB-jist-U and can feel free to flare!!! I like it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Thank you for your Up-dates-- HIGH-LIGHTS!

Thought you might be tied up in ribbons& bows somewhere! Your a smooth operator!!! lol..

Yes, I'm one who helps others fairly easily, but often finds it hard to get my own hurts heard & helped. I'm doing better by necessity, but it isn't easy....I'll admit that.

I understand-your kind hearted nature is instinctive. I can see how you always put others first-almost "forget" to include U.

You are a person, and as person, we all need first aid time to time. Someone to help us take our lemons life drops in our laps--- so we can make our own lemonaid.

You certainly have collected your quota of share of lemons waiting to be juiced. Let us aid you now! lol...

I'm in Houston, TX tonight. Minneapolis, MN over the weekend. Another night. Another hotel room. [B]

MN-tonight-ok-soon it should be breakfast time. Hope you have a nice suite. Hope the hotel serves great breakfast! All in the delivery of breakfast-makes/breaks the day.


[B]But it beats "working" for a living!!! Hehehehe

I love waking up in different parts of the country/world to specifically have breakfast-Just something special bout breakfast. Love hotels, always a micro reprieve for me. Solitude. TO. Prime >Be< time with >God<.


Your naughty--you definately "work" very hard for that living. I can only imagine what really all is involved-I imagine the "underappreciation" elements as well that the public has no idea.


I imagine for you it would monotonous challenge after awhile. For me-It's always a special treat to be served a good hot cp of steamed milk,lots of honey, do the spa action, cuddle up with one's teddy bear, watch "cartoons", listen to enriching bible study broadcasts without "interuptions".

Sounds you actutely feel the loneliness factor the most at your stop overs? Would like all us MBers--"bug" you more on the board?? Sort form eh caterpillar club? lol--- Or do you simply require more 02 in your hotel room. Nothin like pure oxygen to make it all better! lol..


God is soooo tolerant & good at healing us if we only just keep coming to His side.

I like that your brought that truth into focus at this time. Timely. I have feeling this need for awhile to grasp the art of "followship"-- coming to His side. Glad you brought that up.

Would appreciate expanding thoughts if you care to share?? What does "followship" mean to you?
Leadership is one side& followhip the other side. Fellowship is the middle. 3 dimensional relationship/discpline.

My x left on 1-8-04.
I am very, very sorry to hear that. Very painful.
I understand clearly why this entire month, next few months, will be sort difficult matrix funnel to go through. A descenting time.

I wonder if possible to "Flash" all the cherished times in your lifetime on 1-8-???. Rewind-Reset-Reprogamme.


Notice! I used a small x. I liked what you said about X vs x. Good insight!!

Yes, noted you took it down a notch. Well done!!! You deserve A+!!!

Now, can we play new games. Nice games that don't hurt/harm people. Prior X marked the spot. We lost points on that "treasure hunt". Bad.

X-man game- no we won't go there either. How about pyscho scrabble X? What's the "spell" our x had on us...

I'll toss in a vowel..letter "e" you can add other strong feeling letters like.... what does those two letters spell...lol.

We could play x/o// hard to do. Gees that a fun game. I am reliving my childhood.

Next- we will simply have to learn to now fed-ex our excess baggage- how about that- let them handle it all? lol.


What do I really need help on? Well, I have several aquaintances that would like to have more of me than just friendship. There are 2 mainly that I could see myself with, but actually about 5 that I could choose from. I'm fully aware of all the counsel ref relationships after D. It's coming up a year since this saga began. But it's also going on 6 yrs since the affair that became the death knell of our marriage. So I've had some amount of time....

HighFlight- a moment here the orginal task was to drop a notch the X-x-now here you are into whole other equations. Hold it xxxxx multiplication-now division-subtraction-down to two acquaintances?

lol--- I am just being a brat.

Sounds to me, this PDV- first season stuff. Why do I get a sense that you just don't sound like your in LOVE? Is it my vibe or your vibe?

Prior feelings-I had a stronger sense? This dear beloved person who you made reference to, seemed more a treasured model ideal. Reserved edition-limited edition, only so many reproduced. Rare?

Is it possible you are under extraordinate amounts of pressure? Saturated? Need T.O.-break to get through the next several months to clear?

Sounds like there might be "enmeshment" issues to still process--possibly cloud good judgement otherwise.

I don't doubt your judgement, maturity, growth. Self assurance.

State and condition of your fragile heart??? Self care repair.

Possible can these acquaintances accept you as you are? Where you are, With out pressure?

Let U B U ???

Seems the PDV-is like a shocked forced state of an awakening?

Your heart sounds so so so fragile--Handle with supreme care& tenderness. I wonder if you have collected enough wind, engery???

Enough time to pinpoint the past hurts& doorways?

Do you make amends anywhere?

What does REST& RELAX--mean to you?

Do you feel you have acquired enough of God's love and peace???

Does you "soul" feel re-fueled? Replenished?

Do you feel anywhere "emotionally" where your heart is still leaking? Can you feel it? From the damage fall out?

I wonder if God plan for you in the hotel-perhaps a gift to continue healing you. Micro solitary confinement because you are so emotionally injured.

Wish we had a flow chart- visual- graph line-track cycle here. Splintering off of high mixed emotions that are prevelant during a high season/blues, settling period.

Sort of being in a state of "reverse culture shock"- being married so long-conflict, dv, instantly single. That state of being in anxiety, and uneasiness waiting the final decree of dissolution?

Re-entry process presents type "culture shock" especially during these intense periods of acute stress? You are now changed forever, carring that exchange of living memory legacy with you of your x?

Are you truly "ok" with this phase?


You have been on top of your grief for some time-tuned in.

God word on the matter overides according experts.
As there is so specific penalty. Other than losing out on full blessings& completeness?


So I'm trying to sort it all out. In some ways, I really want to focus in on someone. NOT to get deep fast.

I understand- sounds reasonable& realistic!


NOT to get married any time soon. But to begin to explore a more steady relationship again. I'm already tired of the casual dating world - which I've only done a limited amount of granted, in the past 3 months or so.

Good safeguard- wise!It doesn't sound like you in LOVE- without feeling deep love- well-- you fill in the blanks. My concern for YOU??? Are these two ladies you refered back some time ago at your church?


I'm praying a lot about this. I've placed myself firmly in God's hands. But it feels scarey too to begin to give myself to another again.

I don't doubt for a moment your not prayin. I am glad you are solid with firmly putting your self in God's hands.

I have been thinking about my process, being stuck, and sort am working out a simple formula for myself to work out my stages.

Just popped into my mind, something simple. Why the accountabilty is so important. Why I am grateful to you for bringing the word into forfront.

Cross examing my walk followship,

TxIxPxAxP= accerlated growth, freedom in Christ.
-------
GIC

T-Timing, I-Incisions, P-Preparation,A-Attitude , P-Precision=

G-God I- in- C-control .

Hope I haven't lost you-follow my own simple clearing process to reduce traffic flow in my mind. I am amazed how much traffic there can within the six inchess between my ears. Uncluttered mind and heart.

God

Timing: Events for me. God setting up the events, time stages we are in ?

Incisions:

He needs to make in my heart to cut out the pain, excess sorrow, old memories, of hurt, angry, resentments etc-toxic garbage.

Preparation: Have I spent enough time along preparing my self in reprogramming my mind with God word. Preparation half the battle.

Attitude: Have I cultivated a positive attitude that aligns with God-proactive again. Lose the hurts, fears, insecurities, drop the traumas, repent for harboring negative harmful feelings, allowing for forgiveness of wrongs-let go?

Precision: God release& healing time to move into the right direction for accelerated growth and freedom He wants to move in.

GIC- God in Control of my life...

Anyways, something I am processing in my core being. I don't want to be walking wounded, traumatized the rest of my life. Work with God around the adversities, desiring that walk of JOY in Him.

My work, thoughts before me to work on my "discernment", etc.. Perhaps, where you are feeling vulnerable. Discernment lights are dim.


And I'm worried about getting stung again. My heart's pretty fragile. Course that might tell me I'm not ready to date seriously too...I'm thinking.....pondering....praying.

Good reason to be worried. Who in their right mind wants to be stung. Repeat all this pain all over again. Waste soooo much time. Prevention, doing the right work now would reduce that. The goal, focus to heal our hearts. Who wants to be pain orientated anyways or fearful ???.

I am sure you will agree, we don't want to STING hurt, harm others either. Two way street!!!


Anyway, there's more, but that's the gist of where I'm at right now.

I understand- you have a great deal of complications to work through--- I respect your privacy. Thank-you sharing. Good to get the exchange flow circulating. All about the flow& quality...Communication is a good thing.

I pray God will clearly show you the way through and remove the veils that making seeing difficult at this time. I doubt He wants us to be permantly damaged.

Well, I have written you an ear, eye full. You will not be bored this weekend. However, I wonder if asking your self more questions, more clear answers will arrive to foster enchancing your decisions.

Time is on our side we will over come these unpleasant negative feelings of loneliness. Feel more comfortable and start to genuinely enjoy our selves and others.Where ever our departures takes us!

On another level here- Question ask your self during your dating process.

Suppose you located a very rare vintage veichle, took great pains to locate it, trace unique parts,invested in overall restoration,

Paint, chrome, upholstery etc isn't completed.
You let's say being very busy, didn't have the time to obtain accurate appraisal of the car was actually worth. Half way complete?

Let's say a buyer came up offered a radom set figure would you just sell to anyone, at any price? Or would you prefer to have the work completed, done right, have it's true value known?

If knowing the true value would you be in a more discerning position to receive fair market value? You may choose to sell or may not? This is your choice.

My point being refering to the recovery/dating world out there. God investment in us. He paid a high price for each of us. Only you and God the answers to this?

On simpler level every pot has it's own lid!lol

Hope you get enough rest! I am praying for you! Best of luck with your ladies in your life. Do tell more, only if your comfortable...

Look what happens when you chat it up, with us Canadians during the winter!!!

Have yourself a wonderful weekend, hope you can enjoy yourself!

Well 7:45 am here in Cow Town--AB. Breakfast time!

Blessings, may your flights be safe and short...

Take good care!!!
ooxxoo

<<<<K>>>>>

Good morning-Glad your awake- Hoping you had pleasant dreams and slept well. Enjoying breakfast!

I hear you! I often have to re-read same passage at least 10 for the sink value down from my head to the heart. Feel it, own it, express it and live it.

Congrats-You've come a long way baby!! Bouquets!!!

The greatest accomplishment for me in those, is that I don't feel the hate anymore.

Ovation---Wow---that is a great accomplishment-- to be very proud of-less toxic waste in your system!

You benefit with more room in your heart to be free to love, give love, more love, then some more love. You are now beautiful& free!!

However, I'm not ready to embrace OW.

Do you need to??? If you do- couresty, keeping lite, polite& civil? She is not significant? She has her world you have yours. She is just a stranger.

She doesn't exist- if she needed a bible to save her self, I pray your heart be open to give her one-wish her well. The encounter for this exception ,I am sure would be welcomed, is she were hungry, thristy. Otherwise she is negative bad influence to avoided.

I feel I have come out of the D fine, but find that I'm most unsettled mainly because this is not where I wanted to be at 41, and being a single mother .

I understand what you mean! The situation is so unsettling- Disorderly. This is the best phase to time to enjoy life!?! 41 is TOUGH being a single mom-Harsh road& so unfair. I feel your plight. Sqeeze your hand warmly and so tightly. Long road ahead. One day at time.

Well, I will be turning 45 in few wks here. My kids are now 21&23. On every angle I view life this is "prime time" to being enjoying life-Difficult to live with impossible people who have no logic, so wasteful.

[There is no pride for me in being divorced.
I still hate when I meet someone, to say I'm divorcedB]

I hear you. It's Yucky-- DV feels weird... doesn't flow right with natural beautiful rise, rests, melodies and crests of life. You didn't rip/ break up the marriage& family.


Even though it was my X's infidelity that led me here, I still feel like a society reject.

I understand. So senseless isn't it? I am sorry you are feeling so oppressed & downtrodden. Often those who make such judgements are very shallow, deeply hurting distrubed people, with WORST PROBLEMS than you!!!!

Not someone I would value/respect as an authority in my life. Until they have tried surviving in the passionate trenches of real life, know pain, hardships, etc, tears, heartache, people like that are weak, cowards.

Lack logic& knowledge,compassion-to never risks, never stand for something, know nothing or severely damaged people who gave up along time go and lost. They too, will be dust on the wind. Must face God.

God has not forgotten you. He's keeping score, taking accurate notes to see how you are being treated by a whole lot of people. Multi-dimensional, layers of people being tested of how they treat you. He has His eye on you-loves you very much!

I feel like society hope-to share real hope in our Savior. I just couldn't give x that kind of undeserved power. Your x is not worthy of you! Doesn't know how to handle power responibly. He drove the relationship off the road.

What are you suppose to do??
Zap with them micro tranquillizer, place a tracking device on then, and then what? Take them to zoo, with the gorilla's. Wait patiently until they locate their senses or our savior return? Feed them peanuts, mice, oranges,-zoo food?

Steer clear signs off the edge means to protect lives. Signs are rules are placed for a very good reason, created by prior fatalties to prevent.
Placed before a dazzling cliff as preparation.
Drive in one's own lane. Hug tight-eyes on the course.

You sound so sweet, and a real honey bee. Your x faux' pas toss and your GOD favor and flavor!

Sounds like some destructive seeds by him were planted in your heart somewhere, sprouting up. You are not a reject. He choose to reject, eject, defect. It happens. You might have some weeding to do to root them out.

What have you done? Perhaps, more "demoralized"& rightly insulted by all the rejection. DV can weird things to the mind. I feel good knowing I am a person of intergity, character. Loyality means a great deal.

Be proud you were faithful, loyal, endured. You are not forgotten or you works. When Jesus returns the big question is will he find faithfulness on earth with His servants/?
Will they to have deserted,& abandoned him.

Imagine standing before the King of the universe? You can without reservation. You will be blessed!Sad times we live in a time of corruption that moral code means little. But a great deal to God- pleases Him!


I had pride to say, I was married for 17 years. But, to say this whole D thing, not too prideful !

17 yrs is so wonderful to be proud of it! Speaks volumes about you! You are the treasure here! I understand what you mean. Pride, your self respect& dignity--not excessive, arrogance, full one'self deep fears insecutries. Giant balloon air bag head. Realistic view. If one lose their self respect, dignity. Not a lot of value. Your a "gem" honey!!!

I know that there is a greater plan. I fully believe that. Sometimes I get anxious to see what it is. I must learn patience!! Thanks again for the kindness.

Comforting& true-God is in control-used all this adversity to develop us, refine, us. I understand exactly what you mean! I get anxious, your not alone in those thoughts-I am in the same class patience 101. How do you do? Pleased to meet you!

He understands us and knows how difficult it is for us. Patiently infusing us with His patience in us. I just love the part when He makes us all better. Feels so good.

What ever he crafts us into like beautiful gems stones, takes time, hot lazer guaged blazing, precise cuts, into multi strikes in the right places.

Why imho dv hurts as much as it does, lazer blazing cuts. Almost we get a previewing in a small way of how much it hurts for those to be cut/ seperated from God.

Big difference in wearing cheap fun fling wear, lots of glitz on the outside, short duration, fizzes out, breaks. Like fling wear tossed out quik when the thrill is gone.

But wearing real substance wear-character-has a distinct, unique, feel, weight, durable, valuable, precious,last forever, like an eternity ring. Given the choice I would rather be a real gem. Endure the pain-last for eternity. Than tossed out.

Remember when, giving precious birth to our children the discomfort.Transition period was unbearably painful-but when your darhling sweet babe was ready to crown, and enter through the matrix. PURE ECSTASY, ILLUSTRIOUS JOY, TEARS OF BLISS.

The discomfort vanished we remember no more. When we see our children they are the precious beautiful gems stand before us. Feel all the radiance& heat they give off in their love& warmth.

You lookly deeply into their eyes-your see your reflection, your self, watering, twinkling back at you like sparkling stars. Micro you, You a part of you, looking back!

Sorry to say you x is lacks this vison, appreciation, basically rejected himself. So my dear may need to readjust your rear view mirror.

How our precious savior Jesus loves at us with his pensive, loving eyes.

Value/Power is eye of the beholder& greater creater. He knows the precise intense heat it takes to get his precious rocks out, cut, polished, place them in a safe place for safe keeping!

So we are" ok "with HIM- a part of His heavenly cluster collection of gems! Imagine how he will receive us-when we crown for Him! Sweeet bliss! Joycity!!! You know when you think about we really wouldn't wanted to be dv-expatriated from God.

Tossed in the bins a useless worthless objects. Your x chose to toss himself out by tossing your,child. The stakes are pretty high!

Chin up---He loves you so much! I encourage you because you feel so sad-put on your finest fragrance on smell the burst bouquet, melody,symmetry, notes, symphany, harmony of beauty. Roses, jasmine, amber, lilies, lavender, gardnia, tangerine, ect...

Reminder for us of how sweetly we rise like a fragrant extraordinary vapor to our Savior.

Takes a while for him to plant a full rose garden in our hearts. He's silent but never still-just quieter so He can hear, feel, see us, blossom!!!

Have an Enjoyful weekend!

Warmest hugs& shine on!!!

Thank you SD for the words well chosen & thoughts conveyed. I'm in chilly southern FL right now & contemplating them.....

HF

Hi again Sky,

I appreciate all your kind words, and the time you took to write them to me.

You put so much thought into your reponses, and it's a real pick me up to read!

I think for me, my D was a double wammy.
I found out about x's affair a month to the day before I almost lost our oldest daugther to a serious illness.
Sometimes it's hard to beleive that God allows things to happen like this.
My daughter will turn 14 this weekend, and she is a miracle as they didn't expect her to live through her first night.

Like I said in my previous post, I believe that there is a greater plan, but it gets foggy for me sometimes, and that is where I need the patience 101 class as you mentioned.

I think I could be a lot further down the road of recovery, had my daughters illness never entered the picture.

To have an unfaithful spouse is not the ideal marriage that I want. So, I'm not wanting him back. The only part I would wish back would be the original family.

As I said, I appreciate your thoughts and time it took you to write them.
Thank you for your sincere words. You are a dear!

Until next time, take care!
K.

HF: Your most welcome. I am praying this prayer right at this moment for you. True words we can count on. We're still a work in progress.

Phil 1:2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. vs6: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

vs9: And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,vs10: so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.

Stay warm-Our chinooks have blown in, melted the snow, sunny blues skies smiles at us again!
SD.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sky diver:
<strong> HF: Your most welcome. I am praying this prayer right at this moment for you. True words we can count on. We're still a work in progress.

Phil 1:2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. vs6: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

vs9: And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,vs10: so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.

Stay warm-Our chinooks have blown in, melted the snow, sunny blues skies smiles at us again!
SD. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is precisely what I needed to read this AM. Had a painful conversation with the x. She's been pretty warm & friendly during a couple of Christmas decorations exchanges we had to do. But now she's all cold as ice & has that mean tone again....

Just passed our anniversary on 12/11. Also, just going through the first Christmas without her. I just melted down & cried hard this AM. My tears are on the surface again.

Man oh man this hurts!!!

It's amazing the amount of projection & blaming an affair-guilty x-spouse will do when their conscience is seared black & hard through not surrendering to God's Spirit!!

Suddenly, the D is all my fault in her mind......

High Flight

I'm thinking we should all just ask ANY person seriously, traumatically injured in some way....


THE ROAD TO REHABILITATION & RECOVERY BEGINS FIRST WITH PAIN-FILLED STEPS!!!

But the ultimate end is happiness & wholeness again!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let us all at this blessed Christmas season never forget that we all can have a GRAND ENDING to this painful saga we're on........

My best Christmas hugs & wishes to each of you in our little group.

High Flight

HF--Crown advice is always precise, comforting, healing and freeing. He makes it all better.

Tears are so very precious to Him and He is so mindful of every drop. More of His comfort just for you! It does hurt very much!!!

Dates like that well?? He helps us take it bit by bite, like appetizers.

Jn11:35 Jesus wept.

Psalm: 56:8 You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in your book?

vs 9. When I cry out to You, Then my enemies will turn back; This I know, because God is for me.

2 Kings:2O.5 Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father:" I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you.

Psalm:126.5 Those who sow in tears Shall reap in joy.

Things are so abstract, He seems to bring out His watercolors and paints something so wonderful in the canvas of our lives! Wonder what He's painting for us all?

SD

High Flight- Your dates are similar to mine of last year. I felt so sad but could not cry-where I got stuck. Why you are healing faster.

Admire your honesty and good accounting your doing!!

Unfortunately, all our xs,ws in transition are not transparent enough to do some honest accounting. Fear, shame, guilt mix- Really what's the worst that can happen to them? Get right with God& others. Blip.

Tears represent on some level genguine progress happiness index indicator of getting better. Plus benefits of crying, clears the mind vastly, improves concentration.

He will change our whine to wine. Good sign we are all still on the vine with Him. Grape pressing process is "ouchie". No doubt about that one.

Yes, these x's are tough birds- in my opinion, think they need more "prunes" in their stuffing to tender up. Sorry to hear your xw climate changes. Cross exchange of gifts sounded nice.

I know your prayers are for a "deeper reality" for her and true exchange. Doing basic math of ownership well simply on their course outline at this time.

I amazed and preplexed at the same time- how x' minds just "blip"- seem incapable of much else.

Assuring part about grief/trauma/ discovery wk- with God in the midst of our crisis He is Sovereign, limits it.

As you know so well. There is meaning,countering, flow, direction. He adds repentance, grace, forgiveness, sanctification. He understands best how His emotions wk& what to do with our sorrow, guilt,fears,anger, turn into the fruit of His spirit. Comforting we can be tender for now, but we will mend/weld well, in the right way, His way, if we respond His way.

I wish I was prepared beforehand on how to do so. My part, and ownership.

A favorite poem to share that I am minding, pondering deeply in my "let go" lessons. Fits His spirit of the season upon us. Sure you know this well.

Broken Dreams
As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my Friend
But instead of leaving Him alone
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said," What could I do?
You never did let go."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Karona,

Gigantic bouquets of hugs to you again!!!

I appreciate all your kind words, and the time you took to write them to me.

My pleasure and thankyou for all your very kind words and your time to read and listen too my thoughts. You are such a sweety. Enjoy your back talk sharing- also warmed my heart.

I was just hurting deeply inside for you, and your situation. Screen pain comes through in the most invisable ways. I Wanted you to feel comforted and cared for ! Your worth it!!!

As I think deeper--imagine your timeline. First year dv anv. Well for me it would brush up and release a whole lot unpleasant hurtful memories into your system, being. Probably, some good and tender times too? Like a big goose pillow ripped up feathers flyin everywhere. Ahh chooo. A whole lot congestion. Help I can't breathe.

Much like a whole lot of feathers being ruffled up, with bugs& dust, stickies. I don't know about you. I would prefer to clean those nasty memories out, put those old marital damaged feathers my x represents to stay put, and tucked away. Tossed away even better. lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karona, now that I think of it-as I write& feel in the moment. I reflect here- thought occurs to me, thinking the cleansing work I do now, will hopefully mean in the future a more rested, settled, resolution in my heart.

Perhaps, on those dates of marriage, anvs, sep, dv, marital, relationship calender cycle of that relationship, well. Maybe it's "ok" to take bring out the memories, once a year. Dust off. Look at it briefly.

Present it all back to GOD-say here's the goods dad. Could you please help me re-pack it all, do a toss, retain away, in neat, tidy, air tight space saver compartment back of my heart, mind.

Hold on to what to keep, or not to keep?
What to weep or not to weep for? This is my big question.

Problem with the pro&cons of pain analysis or in some cases can produce an paralysis. The clogs get stucks. Some of that "pain"it good stiff reminder guiding "tutor" to protect me from harm, and pain signals "tutorial" to remind me to let it go!!!

Now I think,well?!? God says in His good book, that we are all made out of the same cookie dough, Romans 3:23 verifies that one. We all make mistakes, sins. I had made my share, will continue to slip, flop and slide.

Flesh component is aways there. I open my bible to Prov: 4:23 Issues of life are out of the Heart. I see now I am enrolled in Spiritual Biology 101. Life long learning in God's university.

All about the heart. What a study courseline awaits. God tries, knows, searches, understands, ponders, influences, opens, enlightens, strengthens, establishes. On goes the list.

Importantly, what I am feeling so deep in my heart at this exact moment. As humans we are all vulnerable to spiritual, and moral failures on what ever level. Sayeth, our the Lord.

I don't want to develop a condescending, condemning, overly critical nature, forever griping, snotty, haughty attitude either in my pdv state. Taking pot shots where I shouldn't.

For me these are a serious issues that apply specifically to me. Much work to be done- so I need more time in God's hands& repair shop.

You put so much thought into your reponses, and it's a real pick me up to read!

You truly are WORTH THE TIME, AND CARE! The way you wrote, connected, linked up also equally flows influences me, supports, helps me to learn, grow throughout this discovery, painful grow process. You just have such a wonderful good energy about you!!! So back talk is a good thing!

I think for me, my D was a double wammy. .
You sure got that right. You did get a double wammy, cold slap in the face and dealt two very sharp blows at the same time. You got nailed.

I could feel the shocking, sting, moment to moment emotional replays of such severe trauma blows. Ouch!

Sometimes it's hard to beleive that God allows things to happen like this.

Yes it is hard to believe. Disorientating, this virtigo response does to us in our shock, disbelief, reverbrates deeply to our core.

I hear you, and understand. Trick universal question think many of us ask. The feeling of abandonment. Jesus felt that agony, betrayal in the garden, the false trial, crucification. He's been there, our sweetest, tenderest, sympathetic, compassionate High Priest who weeps for us, is there and helps us through.

Who hates the evil choices, wicked deeds of those entrusted with power, responibilties, duty, care to behave and do good otherwise. Was it our God who did these things nooooo. Owernership, was place on us indiviuals to respond, react the same way He would.

Freedom of choice, orginal innocence, orginal fall, orginal curse, warning system inside us all to choice wisely. I know I haven't always chosen wisely. The entire world groans, suffers.

Transference issues-- I look at the verse where God is spoken about so harshly. It hurts Him.

I look some more, dig around, evacatuate more scriptures and think we all have been harsh with God, ourselves, others at some point.

Some to great degrees, or less. Have been offensive, rude, misunderstood GOD. I too, have done it, been so naive, arrogant and out of outline.

I think to myself I am so grateful that I live in this Age of Grace of much gracious tolerance. Where I can return, back to Him, and receive His FUlL pardon, and unconditional love.

Then I think to myself- God didn't have to come to earth, put up with us ingrates. Tolerate people destructivness for centuries, who repeatedly failed His "Compassion& Sympathy&Care, Attitude Tests". Don't align with "Care & Share" program... welll...

Yes, He gave up His only son-to save billions because of His Divine Heart & Graciousness. Awesome, Almighty God. He will take His right and proper due settle the books. He hates evil, sickness, disease, wars, discord, tradegies and those who shirk their responsibities.

That is a terrible tradegy, situation about your beloved daughter, miracle she lived. Your situation struck a very deep, deep cord with me.
I went into a micro shock just reading. I have had similar experince, I feel your hurt, and sorry, and rejoice!

But you know what that kind of severe blows, life threating situation with your daughter, it was at the time where God's spirit was right there holding you up?

Most people with that kind of delivery would have not survived to well with that kind of cruel excessive force impact! For sure! And do you know what alot of people become so broken, shattered messed, permanently injured for life, that they never do ever recover-- YOU DID!!! Your still standing. Mamma!!!

I don't wish to sound trite on any level, but the net has it's limitations when it comes to real communication. Look at many of the homeless on the streets, out in the full view open. The pain, damage done to them and what they have done in revenge in some cases has taken it's toll.

I am sure they once had sanity, enjoyed life until.... Now I am reminded those homeless, or soul less, distraught, disturbed, highly damaged people, can also live with in our own four walls we call home, we can actually be married to some of them, and then we ask WHAT HAPPENED to them... what's their real story... and some are so damaged they can't tell us, frozen in blocks of ice of pain-do weird twisted things?


Like I said in my previous post, I believe that there is a greater plan, but it gets foggy for me sometimes, and that is where I need the patience 101 class as you mentioned .

Karona, your soooo right on! Your absolutely right, Kudos!!

It does get so foggy, moisture build up, within our selves can really throws off our own indicators& senses cause confusion within ourselves our lens outward.

So easy to be misunderstood, and misunderstand. Bi-Directional flow. Sometimes we see clearly, and then oooops loose our focus, concentration, or whatever and we mess up somewhere.

Patience 101 is definately where I need to be. So you are not alone here or our on your journey. We all have a story, something so valuable to learn from one another. I have learned so much from you in such a short time.

Think my look what you have been through, and your poor daughter and family. Here you are through this awful adultery, dv process a year later to tell us about and provide HOPE!

That we will make it through all though, you did and are still standing, and perserving. I am encouraged and inspired. I am sorry on every level, that you had to suffer and your family. It hurts.

I think we shall be good classmates! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think I could be a lot further down the road of recovery, had my daughters illness never entered the picture.

KARONA, I hear you, I sooo understand. I feel so much the same way. I am a 1 1/2 off schedule on my timetable. We have our committments, responibilities, obligations to those that have sacred worth, been entrusted to love, care for, guide for! Not easy, when we are so hurting, struggling to bring balance, sanity to a situation.

In my case- I look at my x go-alright he didn't want to be married. Sorrowful, but Reality. His right. His choice. His life. However, the part that has graded my nerves is the high style drama, nonscences.

If I wanted high drama, there is the theatre. I would buy premiere season tickets for 5 yrs. Or enroll in drama school,acting school, whatever outlets for that kind of expression musically. Hope you get my drift...better ROI on my investment that DV process.

Thing is the process can be done without the all the conlict. Peaceful, fair negoiations. No I am not amused. But then think to myself- in my particular sit.

My x needed the higher authority in his life to learn what ever lessons he obviously never learned and must learn. Hard to wrap my brain around that concept but God has a design and plan for HIM too.

So maybe if down the road of his life it fosters repentance he returns back to God it was worth it. God will be the judge of that. Truthfully, for whatever the matter is worth. I am ignorant of what a soul is actually worth eternal value.

All I know from what the scriptures tell us a soul is worth is of immeasurable value to God. Others means absouletly nothing. Zero. I don't know. But God does and it's His territory.

Korna, it' all GOD's money, time, everything is HIS anyways. What ever much we have or little we have. The distrubtion factor is as we know a complex equation so we won't go there.

That's part where I am short sighted and have a few knotts over. The bigger picture.

To have an unfaithful spouse is not the ideal marriage that I want. So, I'm not wanting him back. The only part I would wish back would be the original family.

Karona, I just loved how you phrased that entire thought. You said it sooo well and so concisely! THAT IS THE HARD CORE TRUTH REALITY--nice touch sweety, having the orginal family back in tack.

The state these spouses are in never, and to be reasonable and fair to them too, they would not want us back either in our states.

One can be one the same wavelength-but in two entirely different directions. Or not on the same wavelength=never meeting.But co-exisiting peacefully. I like the word peacefully, has very nice ring to it. Harmony...lovely words, way of life.

As I said, I appreciate your thoughts and time it took you to write them. !

I too, so deeply appreciate your sharing your thoughts, honestly and sharing your story with me! A gift of the heart. You are such a deer! And a dear! Very validating for me that you share and hold the same endearing values, our marriages, families, all the "good stuff", we treasure and are losing, have lost! We are not the only ones and why your reaching back is so deeply comforting!!!

Warmest, warmest hugs to you and your precious children. Wow 14--- what an interesting age of discovery. Keeps us young and our hearts!!!. Hanging out with too, many adults I find lose they just get bogged to much, miss out on all the joy, thrills, of being being excited about life.

The hormone challenges well, now--what wow- weren't our x spouses fun!lol... Only if they had the brains, heart to rechannel their engeries in a positive way life could be sooo much more fun, and wonderful! Teens, and kids are way to kool, and fun!!!

Until next time, take care!

Indeed, I look forward to hearing from you! Keep on sharing and very lovely experience connecting with you!

God bless you, hug you and take good care of you, and your children over the holidays!!! Kick it up and hope you have a whole lot of fun!! Kids just jingle and know how too rock!!! I love it:) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

oooxxxooo
Christ love
All my love
sky