Laura - you have the power of a preacher. The problem I have had most of my life is that I had a controlling mother and a twin brother that put me down regularly. I was not as bright as my twin brother, and there was jealousy on my part that I could not compare with his intelligence and ability to comprehend music quickly and get great grades in school. I worked for my grades, and I worked at my music. I did not have to work at being a respectful person, a kind person, with compassion and love. I did get mad but was easily able to give it up and turn my love back to that person. I loved my brother, but hated his actions towards me. Then I married another controller. I should of put my stand on things from day one. But I was afraid of rejection, for that is what I experienced in my childhood. My brother rejected me, and with being a twin he was my buddy. My mother rejected me for she admired my brother in his abilities. I failed in her eyes. And now I failed in my marriage in both their eyes.

Rejection is one of the hardest things a human has to experience. Rejection causes depression, and causes one to think they are not not capable of doing much in life.

With my ex stating to me to claim bankruptcy, I was hurt deep inside. Then I thought about it, and realized this is for him, not for me. I am getting better at recognizing statements, but I still have to say it hurts like heck.

Laura - if you think positive, things will turn around for the good. If you think positive of yourself, you will succeed. I thought positive about many things, and found that God did not come around like I thought he would. Wishful thinking, probably on my part only.

There are many things that I am very thankful for. One for my 4 beautiful grown children. I admire each and every one of them for each of their distinctive abilities. They are what I created, with the seed of my ex. I cherished the growth of each one of them growing inside my womb. Now the delivery, was something that I can't say I enjoyed, except for when I saw them come out and was able to view their little faces and body. I can recall, the different pregnancies, how I ate differently, and how my 2nd daughter caused great pain on my spine. She was transversed. Each pregnancy was so different, and so unique.

I need to concentrate on myself only. I am the important one, for I do supply the grown children with a home, love, food, and having their animals and having their friends around. I love people, I do love for my kids to have their friends over. I am going to have cell group here, and let the kids see the people that I enjoy at church.

Laura, I get down, with the pain I have in my back and shoulder. Been using my heating pad that I put in the microwave for warming up. The cold and damp weather has really caused some ugly pain. And I am overwhelmed with all the stuff from the apartment, and needing to get this house downsized and ready to sell stuff. I am organized in that fasion.

Thanks for listening. Just moving along SLOWLY!!!!

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 07:08 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

I have also fought the good fight after being obliterated financially by the x.

I almost too filed bankruptcy as he squandered over 100k with OW and left me with no savings and 40k in debts. At least he's paying it off and I went to a debt consolidator instead.

Have slowly paid things off. Paid off one student loan completely last month and one left w/only 1k left on it!

Try that route. Don't file.

Laura - I am in Michigan too. Which church is it, the biggest here? What dating site did you go to? My friends want me to try eharmony.

Not sure I am ready for the dating scene. I have a probable surgery coming up, and just seems I don't have a real life yet. What am I to tell the guys on eharmony, I was abused physically and emotionally by my husband. I gave birth to 4 children. I don't have a job, and looking to have surgery. Not much to really say to a guy right now. Oh yeah, my ex left me with his mess, medical bills that he is suppose to pay that the judge ordered. I can say that I just finished a semester of school at University of Michigan Dearborn. I can talk about the church I go to. And my ex seems to think it is a cult. Yeah, he doesn't go to church, or anything of that sort, just do the biology experiment with the other woman. She lives in another state, and he is flying out to see her tomorrow.

I do love my kids, and they live with me. The one daughter will be moving out in a few weeks far away to another state for 6 months. Will mess this daughter that is so smart and making a career of her degree.

I do read my bible, nightly. It helps just to ease my mind, and relax. I love my church, it is Lutheran. I have friends, male and female at the church. I will be with my MIL and someone will come up to me, and we hug and I introduce them to my MIL. I enjoy being with people, and enjoy their company. My ex is a loner except for the OW, and likes to sit on his computer, he posts here daily on MB.

I just feed friends of my senior in high school. They asked if I could feed them. I really can't afford it, but I did get them feed, and they all were very thankful. You know, it hurts, when I can't even feel good about feeding these kids, for I don't have money for food for my family. But I was a whimp today, and got stuff out of the freezer and made them a quick dinner. They all were very thankful, told me they love me, and called me mom. Inside, I was crying, cause I knew what they were eating was taking food away from us. But I used to do this all these years, and now I just can't make ends meet. Ex, flies out to Arizona to be with his OW, buys expensive dinners for the kids, takes kids out to the movies. I am hurting financiaally, and the ex didn't tell the truth on earlier MB posts. The truth, is he doesn't care if I crash, burn, or whatever. He is in his glory to be with his other woman, and do the biology experiment.

I better go, getting things off the shelves, and putting them in boxes for garage sale. I am down sizing to get rid of stuff and make some money. One day I hope to have a job, and make a decent wage. But for now I need to get what I can legally. SElling things is legal, and I need money.

Laura - if you don't want to expose your church here, that is fine. If you wish I can put my e-mail here and we could communicate. If not, that is okay too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by becontent:
<strong>
Also, I really don't think it is a big deal if he came over as long as you weren't there. You have much bigger battles to fight in your life.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, I do see this as a big deal. It is not his home. It is her home and she has told him he is not welcome.

Faith - have you changed those locks? I know you avoided Elan's question. And if you haven't, what is the reason? Not the excuse. The reason.

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 10:06 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 07:09 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 07:10 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

I didn't change the locks, cause I need to get a new door. I did have the locksmith over. But what the ex did was put in a unique lock. No key with the lock, just push buttons, and then you turn a knob. The locksmith stated that I would have to put a new plate to cover up the extra holes, and then burglarly would and could happen. All they would have to do is unscrew the plate.

I do believe that ex would come here if I was away on vacation or whatever. And this is my house not his. I was over at his mothers house, one day last week. And I had to go back to the exs bedroom to ask him a ?. He was on the phone, with a customer. While I was waiting, my eyes were looking around the room. I could tell ex was very uncomfortable. That I might see something that he didn't want me to see. Cause as he was talking to a customer, he kept turning around in his chair to see what I was doing. I should of done what he did when he was here, and go through his stuff. But I have respect, and I just looked and waited till he was off the phone.

Well, the ex is in phoenix arizona today, probably in bed with the other woman. He called yesterday, to ask me if there was anything I needed done. I just said nothing. For why would he ask the day before he was leaving, when he has had weeks to ask this ?. So I said, after a long pause, everything is under control. I really don't need his help, for he really isn't doing much around here anyway. I am trying to get a painter for the house. The outside was only painted once, wood siding, and only one coat and it looks terrible. I had bids on getting the house painted before his affair, and ex said no. So now I have to get this done, for part of the house is showing bare wood.

I do love that my time is for me and my kids. I do love that I can read my bible with ease and peace.

I am moving ahead, but I still get down and then will spring back up. These rollercoaster rides are literally making me sick.

The chiropractor Dr. I saw today, said my back is in severe inflammation. She has me on a natural substance to take 3 times a day to take some of the inflammation away. Was expensive, but I will try it. I haven't been taking my Soma (anti-spasm) pills, for the prescription ran out. And my back is very inflammed now.

I did tell her that I see my ortho Dr. next week, for the surgery on my shoulder. She stated that I should wait to have surgery, for I am still trying to heal from the first surgery, and with the whiplash to my back and spine, I am having a hard time healing. My shoulder is getting so weak, and I can't even lift a bag of groceries anymore. The pain hurts so bad.

Also, I am going to start taking Flaxseed oil. She recommended it, not the capsules, but the oil. So I went and bought that today.

When you hurt like this, seems everything seems to be in extreme pain. Sleeping has been difficult, for the back really hurts after being in one position for long. The heating pad works for awhile.

I am scared, for at my age to find a job is not going to be easy. I did do a side job today. Can't work, until the Dr. gives me the okay. And if I have surgery, will be awhile to go to work. Who is going to want a 50ish woman, with back problems. I am looking at life with squinted eyes, cause I really don't see where it is going to get better. Just like the ex wants me to go for bankruptcy. I really am not sure what the heck I am going to do.

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 07:11 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Thanks Laurie, hey you are getting a picture, so you can find him at church. Good for you. He may be a keeper.

I have a friend that was on eharmony. And now she is on another christian based singles. This one is of the religion that she practices. I didn't realize there were more than eharmony christian based sites. Which site were you on, that you met this guy?

I did tell the ex that everything is fine here, cause there was no sense in telling him anyway. For he was leaving the next morning. And he is too involved with the other woman. And things are fine here anyways. I have made calls to get the driveway done, and the painter is coming out next week to give me a bid. Through some friends, I have found these people that will hopefully be honest. I feel that if I can get the outside looking nicer, and cleaned up, and the house painted, that it will be more presentable to sell next year. If I can get boarders, maybe I will keep it another year, who knows.

Asking people at church if they know of anyone that can do certain jobs, is turning out to be quite helpful. For they know semi-retired people, like the painter. He will come to bid the job, and it may take him awhile. But I would be willing to help do the lower half.

The finances are low here, so I do have my mother helping. I will pay her back when I sell the house. I promise and we have an agreement set up that is good for her and me. I hate to ask for help, but that is the position I am in right now. For the ext wants me to claim bankruptcy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> !!!! So he won't have to pay for all the medical bills that he is ordered to pay by the judge.

Why would you filing bankrupcy relieve him of the medical bills? If you have a signed order by a judge then you need to sue him for the bills plain and simple.

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Thanks for the ChristianCafe site. I will look into it. You are meeting the gentlemen. And I think it is grand that you are having brunch after church. Gives you both time to see what you both thought of the sermon. That at least starts the conversation. I will be interested to see how things go for Sunday. Keep all of us informed.

I am ready to start the dating scene. It will be slow, and just being on the website first. I am confident that God will help me. For I don't want sex with a man before marriage. I will save myself for my husband only. And if I never marry again, that is okay too. I just would like a male friend to talk to that believes in God, that is a christian, and would like talking about morals, values, and committments.

A man that values God #1 in his life, then his spouse. There are so many things in this world that God provides as art. Spring time is a big world of artisitic values. I love spring with all the colors and smells. Except for the latest hale we had.

Keep us updated on your interaction with this fine gentleman. Hope you have a wonderful brunch, and find out if he eats healthy, doesn't smoke, loves his family, loves his children, loves many things you do. Good luck.

Better go to bed, took my meds. and am getting tired. Had a wonderful day today, with my boys. Then tonight I watched a really good movie with my daughter and her boyfrined. Was a tear jerker movie. I was crying and boyfriend of my daughter was compassionate in my tears. Then I took my meds, and said goodnight to my family. I love them so.

I will call my oldest daughter tomorrow for she is out of town to see how things are going where she is at.

Goodnight. Tired!

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Thank you so much. I will go to church tomorrow, and spend time at my fathers grave. As far as mothers day tomorrow. Nothing will happen. The divorce has put too much stress on the kids. So I will celebrate in my own fashion. And if I want to take a nap, I will. Just going to try to get my room cleaned up, stuff packed away and labeled.

Happy Mothers Day to all the great mothers here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Hi - I went to church, the sermon was great. About how husbands should treat their wives. About committment. About divorce. He went through quite a few of the verses. The childrens message was great, to the kids on all the things that mothers do.

Then I stayed and talked for about an hour with some of my friends. Then I stopped at my fathers grave and talked to him. Went to the grocery store. Took a gift to my MIL, and mother. Came home and worked on my room some more. No one said anything to me, nothing. Which was okay. I didn't expect anything anyway. Used to being ignored. I was going to make dinner, and told everyone it is fend for themselves. I took a nap too. Then I got a call from my youngest daughter, and she and her boyfriend invited me out to dinner. My oldest son went too. So I had a nice dinner, and my oldest son bought me flowers and a candle. Which was really appreciated. My youngest son, told me happy mothers day. And my oldest daughter which she was out of town did not call, which I really didn't expect her to. That is okay too.

I know that I am a good woman. And the situation at this house will get better in time. I have set my boundaries, and I will stick to my boundaries.

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>