<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> You told him that and that was his response??? Now see...people like that need to go to jail. If you can go to jail for having a suspended driving license you should go to jail for breaking up...knowingly breaking up a family.

Hey! If one were to win an adultery case then they would be in a better position to getting charges on the OM for adultery. Hmmmm. I am pretty sure I am going to win on grounds of adultery. The evidence in outstanding. Afterwards, I think I am going after this loser.

Oh, he said more... he had the nerve to tell me that I was my own worst enemy... that this is happening because I do stuff like this (refering to confronting him about the A)... I wanted to drag him out into the street and literally beat the daylights out of him... still do.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 05:59 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

And, recently (within the last year or so)... police broke into an apartment with a warrant and found 2 homosexuals in the act. On the books, it's a crime. The officers arrested and charged the two men with anal intercourse...

Result? Prosecutor went with it... and the law was declared ipso facto... not valid. Thrown out... and a huge gain, apparently, was realized for the homosexual movement.

So when the test pattern of a cultural more that had been eclipsed by altering social values was tested... the law was thrown out.}
They were most likely not prosecuted because the warrant was for something else. A warrant has to be very specific about what they are looking for. Usually anything they find outsid eo fht ewarrant cannot be used in court.

<small>[ May 28, 2004, 05:14 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:02 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

I don't think a couple of gay guys doing their thing compares with destroying a family. It's not my cup of tea but what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home is their own business as long as they aren't hurting anyone else. In Judge Jeff's court the anal intercourse charge might be thrown out and the adulterers might get the chair. I don't see how it could hurt to talk to the prosecutor and see what happens. A sympathetic judge might see that justice is served.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by laura_lee:
<strong> Ok, WMWB,

What you did in bringing those kids over there and causing a scene... was not in the children's best interest.

As a mom, let me tell you what... you don't put your kids through any trauma.

You put your kids first.

If I was your W, why I oughtaa!!!

You'd be dealing with some repurcussions.

Sorry, but you need to put your kids first and protect them.

Laura </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Laura-

Ok, let’s get a few things straight here…

1) I don’t know what you are reffering to with regards to “dark humor”. I wasn’t being humorous about anything, I am trying to exercise ALL of my options with regards to dealing with my WW, her A, custody, and our pending D. As such, I filed a formal complaint with the local PD about the adultery. It will not go anywhere, I know that… but I had to do it for me, to get my objection to it on record.

2) Who do you precieve I was threatening?


3) On the subject of me being my own worst enemy… I didn’t go into the finer subtle nuances about the confrontation here, go back and read some of my earlier posts on JFO if you are interested in finding out how everything went down. When the @sshole said that, he was being holier-than –thou… as though he was only being a friend to her and “helping “ her with a problem. He denied the A, as did she. I asked him to get out if the picture. He twisted things, I assume to make me doubt myself. Confrontation of the OP is part of plan A. I did it the same day as exposing the A to her family and mine. A few days later I exposed to some of our other neighbors.

4) On the subject of the kids. While I may have done things differently knowing what I know now, I don’t regret bringing them down there. It was a peaceful confrontation. There was no yelling or swearing, there was no bashing of WW in front of the kids. I wanted him to get a good look at the lives his actions were affecting, I wanted him to see their faces looking up at him in his sleep, I wanted guilt to be a part of every encounter they had. I wanted the A to be over so the kids would have their family back. It was a strategic move, it didn’t work. I did NOT put them in any harm, I did NOT put them through any trauma, and I did NOT cause a scene. If I wanted to cause a scene I would have dragged them over to this @ssholes house at 4:00 in the morning the night before when I walked in on them kissing and the loser bolted up his stairs and around the corner. If I wanted a scene I would have brought them over to the bon fire earlier that same night and sat them down in front of their mom and her boyfriend… with all the neighbors there to see. I didn’t do that. I did what I deemed necessary under the circumstances to execute all the parts of plan A with the utmost efficiency and expedience. The kids best interest was the ONLY thing on my mind… still is. If it were not for them, I would have filed for D after about a week of dealing with this sh*t.

Please do not pass judgement on the steps that I have taken in the course of dealing with the destruction of my family without at least getting the entire story. It is pretty easy to find, and if you can’t just ask… I am more than happy to tell my tale to help others here decide what to or not to do. I have tried like hell to conduct myself with the utmost decency, class, and tact as I can throughout all of this. My children and their best interests have been paramount to my actions and my only driving goal… I think I have done pretty well in keeping that focus. If you disagree with things that I’ve done..that is fine, you are entitled to your opinion. But don’t sit there and tell me how wrong I was and how bad of a parent I must be for doing what I did…. especially when you are drawing some pretty obviously false conclusions about the incident in the first place.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

WMWB???: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Confrontation of the OP is part of plan A. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not doubting that it is part of Plan A but where does it say that? I was reading SAA but quit about 1/2 way through. It seems to be totally geared toward reconcilliation and I couldn't figure out what that had to do with me. I have looked for a clear breakdown of what Plan A consists of and haven't found it. Even though I don't want to recover my M, I do want to confront OM. All my local support group, including my attorney, tell me not to. Especially before DV-Day. Whats the pro arguement for confrontation?

Hey DJ, how are you this morning? Plan A is pretty clearly outlined on this site… Go to the home page and start there. However, You need to understand that both plan A and plan B are designed to bring an end to the affair and make reconciliation possible… for it is not while the A is still going on. Confronting is part of the exposing phase of plan A, you put it on the evening news, so to speak (and those are Harley’s words, not mine). Tell everyone… family, friends, employers (his and hers), clergy members… everyone. But you can’t just go around and start maliciously spreading rumors. You have to do it in a caring sort of way. It is very touchy business doing this when you are trying to get your WW back, for they almost always see it as an LB.

Look though, you are a little past this point and I fear you are only looking for some vindication. Justified, but not necessarily productive. I would have to, under the circumstances, agree with the others you speak of who are trying to dissuade you from confronting this guy. You would be doing it for the wrong reasons. Just have some patience and wait till after the D is over…

On a side note, I took my kids to the science museum Saturday and invited my WW to come along (the kids were excited and wanted her to come). I invited her on Thursday. Finally on Friday my kids are talking to her and my 4 yo asks her again if she is coming, she tells him to give me the phone. When I say hello, she starts yelling at me not to do this sort of sh*t to her… that I know damn well that there is no way she would go if I was going to be there. I told her that the kids asked if she could come and I told them it was up to them and her… I didn’t mind. She continues to yell at me saying that she would never spend an afternoon like that with me there… and that I should stop telling the kids that this is ok to ask her. I told her that I wasn’t going to tell them that and if she would rather be a skank than a mother (I know, I know… huge LB. Didn’t care at that point.) then she would have to be the one to tell them that… I wasn’t going to. She yelled more obscenities and it got a little ugly… she wound up hanging up on me. I can’t wait til this is over.

By the way, DJ, in your sig line... in the part about your WW moving out... what does IDLYAM mean?

WMWB???, vindication would be putting it lightly. I'll do my best to wait til after DV-Day. But it ain't easy, I'm more of a right here right now kinda guy. You got a problem, lets deal with it, now. No patience. I love to deer hunt but can't sit very long, after 10 minutes I have seen everything there is to see and want to go some place else, so I never kill anything. Same thing here. Lets deal with it, get it over with and move on. I'll wait but its hard for me to do.
I hope you enjoyed your talk on the phone with your WW. I got a kick out of it. I find that p!ssing mine off while I stay cool is a lot of fun. I wish I could do it more often. I have my kids the first 6 weeks of summer vacation and she has been calling them daily and asking them if they want to go do stuff. I just talked to her and told her to ask me first, this is my time and she shouldn't be asking them to do things without my OK first. I could tell it tweaked her but she knows I never did that to her.............. I look forward to causing her to really blow up. Wouldn't mind if she literally did.
IDLYAM- I don't love you any more. But replaying it, it was actually "I'm not happy and I want a divorce." so I guess that should be INHIWAD.

Well, no actually I didn’t enjoy it… it really p*ssed me off!!! I wasn’t trying to fight with her… the invitation was genuine. My son is REALLY into dinosaurs and was very excited to go. Earlier last week the kids had a dentist appointment and both WW and I were there. We got along pretty good… no name calling, no scenes. This is pretty easy for me… but dreadfully hard for her. On a bit of a side note, it never ceases to amaze me how I have every reason in the world to be angry and bitter at her and I’m not… and she has really no good reason to be towards me and is so with resounding rage and anger every time we are within eye shot of each other or even on the phone. Amazing. Anyway, last Tuesday we took the kids to the dentist and got along pretty well… I think the kids saw that and really missed us being a family, doing stuff together; having BOTH parents in the same room for the same reason and neither of us was bitter or angry. I think my 4 yo really saw what he was missing since she moved out…and, well missed it.

So, when we decided to go to the museum… and after I explained to him what it was… he wanted his Mommy to come and be a part of the experience with us. I don’t blame him. Now, I have no problem (under normal circumstances) putting my issues with her aside for the betterment of our kids. Apparently she has a bit of a problem with the concept though. My kids asked if mom could come too, I said sure… that is up to you guys and mommy. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to rain on that parade for them! I didn’t really expect her to want to come, and if she accepted I would have told her that the invitation was for her and her alone… no friends, no sister, no OM’s daughter, NO OM!!! If anyone other than her showed up… we are outta there! But alas, it never even got to that point. I was met with hostility and anger from the very notion of her being invited!!! I don’t get it… take her exact words: “You know damn well that I would never spend an afternoon at the museum if you are going to be there.” I do? Huh, it seems to me that a mere 10 months ago we were relatively happily married to one another. What has changed in me so much in that time that you couldn’t stomach the mere thought of spending a couple of hours with me at a museum with our kids?

So, to answer the question… NO, I didn’t enjoy it at all.

Oops, I'm sorry. I was seeing myself and my WW in the conversation when you invited her to go and laughed at her response. They, your WW and mine, obviouly don't care what is in the best interest of the children and there isn't anything funny about that. Looks to me like they can't be consistent either. One time they are almost cordial and bearable to be around and the next they come at you with hostility over things that happened only in their own mind, no where near reality. Fog talk or whatever. At the very least, they should be commited to a mental institute.

Hey, I wasn’t chewing you out or anything… just saying no I didn’t enjoy it. You’d think I would… but it just irritates me when I do something for our kids and put my issues aside and she has to just make it all about herself and how wrong and horrible I am. It is very frustrating ya know!?!?

Yeah, she pretty much only cares about herself. She told the kids that she would take them some other time with out me there. Now, what do you suppose that tells the kids? Here, I am the one who is kind and decent to her… I tell the kids that I care about her and miss her… I say prayers with them (in part hoping that she will come home to us)… and I am the one who invites her to these types of events. She, on the other hand, is bitter and angry, yells and screams, causes scenes, tells them that I am mean to her, brings her @sshole boyfriend around them, openly sleeps over at his house (a mere 150 ft. or so from my front door), and tells them that she will not go if I’m there. Huh, I wonder who looks like the better parent here?

I'm sure your kids know it too, I think mine see who is trying to make the best of things and who is only thinking of herself.
I guess I'm fortunate that OM lives 2 hours away and doesn't come here anymore since D-Day that I know of. WW says her attorney told her it was OK as long as she kept it out of town. When she does bring him around my kids, the fecal matter is going to hit the fan and I'll probably need someone to bail me out of jail.

you asked her if she wanted to be a skank??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Now that has to be the funniest thing this year!

But I think what you did was totally acceptable. The kids wanted her and so they asked. Her guilt could not take it and she knew it. They should not be encouraged to NOT ask for her.

You should not have indulged her after that. She took the focus off of herself, she swtiched the fight of her own conscience and made you the point of attack. It's easier for someone to fight another person than themselves. It would have lingered on her for days had you just left it as it was.
My daughter would always ask my wife to come with us on events and trips. It would kill her to hear her own daughter ask for her (why would a child have to ask their mother to come to the zoo or where ever with them?). It is natural for your children to want their family. It is unnatural for your wife or our wives to not want to join the family.

But the skank is classic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm with you Jeff. The OM being around my babies...hmmmm, I am not the same person. Like I said, it has happened once. I think my wife, the OM, the OM's mother (I still can't believe this fool lives at home with his mom...as old as he is. Anyone familiar with Sanford and Son?) the OM's sister, I think they all know it is in the best interest of everyone not to have my children around him. Even with the order now expired. My wife, she is crazy, but she is not that crazy.

sorry deadtoitall, not natural at all for a wife to join a stbxh on an outing with the kids. I will not do it. I will attend functions not speak to him or cause trouble but I would not go to the zoo with them. Sorry I will have my turn to be there with them as permanent parent. and then I will not invite him on our outings. But I will make sure he knows about their special events unlike him and what he does for me.

Try not to be dead to it all I am not really stone cold just use it as that is what he is trying to make me. MY counsolor laughed at it. Said I was too passionate to be stone cold. HAHAHA One of my pastors shook his head!! I am not sure what it meant.

I love my kids. I want my kids back. He is not making that easy. But he has never played fair so I expect the worst for a long time.

DTIA, my kids already have "issues" with OM. When my WW told them she had been on "a date" with him (they have never met him) my oldest cried himself to sleep. I asked him the other day if he would have a problem with me dating the divorced mother of a friend of his after DV-Day and he thought that would be wonderful. Then I sked him if he would have a problem if his mother continued to date OM and he was borderline hostile. It might be unhealthy for others to cause my kids pain.