And they should have issues.

I think that most importantly I do not want my children around the OM because of the message it sends. Children have so much around them that has the tendency to mislead them and confuse them as to what is right and what is wrong. They need not be around a man who is not there father while their mother is married on the notion that that is "mommy's boyfriend". Most psychologist agree that children of this sort grow up and repeat the same behavior as their parents. I want it crystal clear in my young children's mind that you are not to have "boyfriends/girlfriends" when you are married. All of your friends become your spouses friends and you don't leave your spouse for another. I want them to know of the pain of going against this...and they do know, they know first hand.

Great book, by the way, that you are reading. Private Lies.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by deadtoitall:
<strong> you asked her if she wanted to be a skank??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Now that has to be the funniest thing this year! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey there D2IA, DJ… how are you guys today? No, actually the way I put it to her was if she wanted to be a skank instead of their mother, then she would have to be the one to tell them that… not me. Yeah, I totally agree it was major league guilt on her part. She won’t even talk to me anymore…at all. She just talks to the kids and hangs up…or lets me talk to the kids and hangs up when they are done. It is amazing.

I agree with you guys on the kids being around OM. The mother of the year (WW) has been bringing them around this @sshole for months with regularity. She actually told me at one point that she felt they should be able to form their own opinions of him rather than what I was telling them and she hoped they would see that he was a good guy and I was just a piece of sh*t. Now, the reality is that I don’t tell them anything about him other than he is a bad guy and is trying to take mommy away from us (this was months ago when my 4 yo asked why I don’t like OM anymore…I’ve said nothing about him since). Also….H E L L O!!!!! The kids are 3 and 4!!!!! They don’t get to form opinions about these sorts of things at this age!!! That is why they have parents…. To protect them from this sort of crap!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

SC-
I’m sorry to hear about your troubles with the H… he sounds like a treat to be around. I think though (…and this is only my opinion, take for what it is worth) that as parents we have to grow enough as adults to put aside some of the bitterness and anger to do what is right for the kids. Birthdays, holidays, and some special events are perfectly natural time to be in the same setting as the x-spouse and the kids. I couldn’t have imagined 6 months ago myself being willing to invite WW on an outing like the museum trip… but as time goes by and I see how important it is to the kids… I find myself able to put aside the crap for a few hours on their behalf. I still hate her…don’t get me wrong there… but I can bite my tongue and behave with civility for my kids…just for a couple of hours.

On a bit of a side note… I think I’m starting to see the beginning of cracks in the armor as far as WW and OM go… I was talking to a mutual friend/neighbor of WW, OM, and myself (actually it is the guy that live between OM and me) and he was telling me that things are not as rosey as they appear. He thinks WW is racked with guilt, says she has her head down and long face ALL the time. Also, WW and OM’s daughter fight A LOT according to this guy. OM daughter is really starting to not like WW at all. On top of that he was telling me that the other neighbors are really taking a dislike to the OM and WW flaunting the A out in the open like they are and really don’t like OM all that much. I couldn’t believe this I thought it was hilarious! I just stood there with my jaw on the ground hearing all of this. The neighbor was telling me that nobody is expecting the WW and OM to last much longer… they are coming to a grinding halt to their party days and everyone sees it. Also, the neighbor was saying that he can’t believe what a child the OM really is. Seems that he takes a liking to sitting around getting drunk and taking shots at me behind my back… to which (from what I understand) he gets nothing but disapproving looks from everyone around him. I just started laughing… I couldn’t believe it…well actually I can given my encounters with this @sshole. Suffice to say, it put a smile on my face fro the rest of the night! I’m still smiling…
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

sorry not that easy he hurt me too bad, remember I am the bs here he won't admit it but I know it.

and for along time. I am not trying to be a great person, I just know my heart and I can't sit across from him and smile. He is a cheater. Manipulator and liar. I don't trust him I don;t like him. I am not a great actor.

Why subject my kids to their mother being anything else other than truthful. Let him be the liar. Sorry truth hurts.

Hey WMWB! That is something to smile about. These types of relationships don't last too long. Back when I was still snooping I found out that wife and OM had a big falling out. But at this point they are all each other has so I don't think they will end it quite yet. Your situation may be a little different.

But you know, you can't help but feel a little bad for these wives. I look at my wife and I know she is hurting. She actually came to church this weekend because our children sang a duet. She sat by herself. She tried to look happy and as though everything was wonderful, but you could see through her smile. There is pain. Much pain. She has gained so much weight since she moved out. Her clothes don't fit anymore and she does not have money to buy more. But that is the least of her problems. Her children...the ones she breast fed, are growing up without her. She sees them growing up. I see them everyday and I am amazed how fast they are growing. They do so many more things than just a year ago. Life is moving right along.

Most of their friends, she does not know and most of their friends don't know her. That has to hurt. She is a stranger.

If things are starting to go sour with your wife and OM, she probably is starting to question her decision, seriously question her decision. But what can she do now? Come back? Say, "I'm sorry"? How do you apologize on something like this? It is a sad, sad situation. I have learned so much from this. I think I truly am a much better, more understanding individual because of this. Wow! I almost think I'm ready to start...what? I think I may be ready to start over again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

DTIA: I tell my kids that what their mother is doing is wrong, that she and I are still married and she should not be "dating" someone else. They also know that this OM isn't the first. I think the upside of what they are getting out of this is that they will be very careful in choosing a mate for themselves. I doubt they will ever forget the pain of this tragedy.
WMWB???: Doing well and hope you are too.

Something odd is happening with my kids. I got an email from WW asking if she could have them Wednesday night. I asked the kids, individually, if they wanted to go. The youngest has been mostly nonchalant about whats happening around him and ususally just wants to do what his brother does. He said he didn't want to go. The oldest has been very clear he is unhappy with his mother but usually agrees to do things she asks to keep from hurting her feelings or p!ssing her off. He usually doesn't want to do anything with his brother, the pest. He says he will do whatever his brother wants to do and seemed relieved he didn't have to make the decision and was happy with what his brother decided. So, I wrote her back that I just talked to them and what they decided and how. I also told her that I didn't know what was going on with them but that I am not going to make them and I hoped she wouldn't pressure or guilt them either. My concern is that maybe they are too young (9 and 8) to have to make such decisions and I should have just gotten a feel for what they wanted and then taken the heat myself that they aren't coming.

Yeah, I think that may have been best. From what I understand, kids that age (my son is 9), it is hard for them to be put in a situation where they have to decide. But then again, it is not a terminal decision. It is for one night. But I would have gotten a feel from them and let her know that we are doing something and they cannot come. Did she ask at the last minute? She should give everyone a weeks notice if this was a change from the norm.

Not really a last minute request, she asked yesterday and didn't know I was out of the office and wouldn't get it til today. Also this was something WW and I had discussed a couple of weeks ago but decided to determine on a week to week basis. The kids stateing they don't want to go is a new developement on the one night a week deal. When I had them every other weekend it was always hard on the 3 of us to return them to her. She gets this weekend by court order, we'll see how that goes.

Hey guys… go and check this site out, it will anger and sicken you…

www.gloryb.com

I think I’m ready to start a war…

Best thing to do is leave it alone.
You go there & start crap & they come here & start crap. No one wins.
They think we are loons and vice-versa.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> Best thing to do is leave it alone.
You go there & start crap & they come here & start crap. No one wins.
They think we are loons and vice-versa. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know... I'm calming down some now... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

They march to a different drummer. The same one WW hears.

sick people in this world...

The decision to join your stbxh is completely up to you, and it sounds like you made an informed decision. But you should still attempt to see the kids. When my husband was trying to take the kids away from me, I tried all I could to get them to go with me. When my girls were 15 and 16, my hasband took them shopping for clothes, shoes, and continuously gave them money. They never wanted to spend the weekend with mom, because going with their father was much more enjoyable for them.