WARNING!
Long boring repsonse ahead...

If one is going to discuss the “180” in relation to marriage, then everyone is going ot think it is Divorce Busting.

If I invent a car and call it a Ford, people will simply think it’s a Ford, not something new.

I'm not interested in the DB book, really. Not if it is telling people to do "this or that"... just whatever is the opposite of what they have been doing. Like, if you have being kind... be unkind. That's erratic... and the behavior could be unkind.
No, that is not what the book says to do. As I wrote previously, the list is what some people think they have to do in order to do a 180. The list is merely suggestions to consider if what you have been doing is not working.
Just as some new people here come on and other new people not really familiar with this stuff tell them, “Do plan A. Be nice and be a doormat”. That’s not Plan A.

The author of the book doesn't have a "corner" on 180 moves.
Agreed. But the 180 is Divorce Busting. If you talk about a 180 in relation to saving a marriage, then everyone assumes it is divorce busting. Just as if you talk about marriage builder principles, it is about this web site.

(Harley is inconsistent) For example, he says not to be too self-sacrificing. Then, he tells BS's to continue to be loving... (overgiving)... when they are getting betrayal in return. (Plan A).
In Plan A, the BS is too self-sacrificing... and is getting hurt.
That's why Dr. Harley says to do it only for a short period of time... and go to Plan B. It's not consistent... but for a reason, I understand.... so I'll "let him off the hook".
In a normal, working relationship, people should not be too self-sacrificing.
An affair changes the dynamics in that relationship and people must adjust (at least temporarily).

Too many people here go to Plan B without even having read “Surviving An Affair”, just because that is one of the steps and people here suggest it. Plan B should never be attempted without professional help (see my signature)
And yes Plan B is not simply “no-contact”.

It's smarter to do an emotional, relational, behavioral 180... and would be, I believe, more successful in preparing people for restoration of relationships... or, in the absence of same, moving on and healing.
I guess the difficulty I’m have with your “180” is that in order to do it, then people have to be doing things “wrong”.
If they are following MB principles (or Divorce Busting) then they are not doing it that way.
They cannot & should not do a “Laura Lee 180”.

In fact, a person doing a Plan A... in my opinion, should be doing an emotional, relational, and behavioral 180... out of the "pit" of hurt and pain and into assertiveness, confidence, and positive energy!!
Okay, that is Plan A. Why should we call it a 180?

A person doing a Plan B... could do a Plan A... if they were STRONG ENOUGH to be assertive and positive instead of being continually harmed by "trying too hard"... "overgiving"... etc.
Plan B is not simply because you are hurting and not “strong enough”. In fact, Dr Harley seems to be now changing his direction a bit and recommends people go to Plan B as soon as the ws will not end the affair. Don’t wait.

He could continue to "try" to "Plan A". But, what he has been doing has not produced reciprocity or the healing of the relationship.
That is not what Plan A I supposed to do.

He needs to do a 180, be assertive, "change the rules"... and to put a stop to his own behavior that is playing into the negativity, and the imbalance, of the situation.
Hey, that sounds just like Plan A (better yet, Divorce Busting).

Wow! Guess I'm blending Love Must Be Tough, 180ing, and MB stuff - and, thanks, I have no particular loyalty to any particular author. I just like what truly works.
You like it but how do you know it ”truly” works?

A 180 is restoring harmony and balance... restoring positivity... instead of letting a negative person, or a person behaving negatively towards you, control your behavior by inspiring your reactions.
So your program is only good IF you are negative or being controlled negatively. If one is following just about any other program, then one can’t really do this “180” can you?

A sound program will do exactly what WIWH has said... it will either attract the other person back to you
There are no programs which suggest you can (or should try) to attract the other person back. In fact, most say it doesn’t matter what you do, this will not work and if you try to do it, you will lose (to the op).

or bring personal healing and make you a better person through the process.
This is the main goal of most programs.

If nobody gets hurt... and the person working the program becomes a better person... and the irresponsible party begins to take on every consequence of their own behavior (instead of the "responsible" party suffering in their place)... it's a sound program... even if it melds many ideas by many different authors.
The problem is that the people who developed these have tried different ways. Some worked, some didn’t. They kept the stuff that works (that’s why they have books and successful practices).
Just picking and choosing because it “seems” pretty good doesn’t mean anything.

Most everything you have described is straight out of Divorce Busting. I don't see much different at all. I haven’t read “Divorce Remedy” yet, but I’d bet it’s pretty much along the same lines.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 07:52 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 07:53 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

LL: Hang in there. Some of us get it and agree without getting anal about it.

Nah, I'm not trying to "pick apart" your thoughts.
Just quoting to make sure you understand where my response is coming from.
I guess I do it maybe a bit too much???

jeff,
Why are you getting anal about it?
It's only a discussion, sheesh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>