To anyone that can help, I am new to this forum so I’m looking for any help. Thank you to those who gave me some advice. My wife does not know that I’m on here for advice, but I feel I am the one at fault in our relationship. We’ve been married for almost three years now and we’ve had our ups and downs. Mainly downs, that’s why I’m on here for some advice. I am one that gets upset really fast. When that happens I get selfish and defend myself because I think I’m the one at fault all the time. I feel my wife is after me for everything I do. Once my temper cools, I see the light in a way what happened made since. I really get down on myself when I make her feel hurt for something I did. I said I’m leaving you because I’m sick of hurting you maybe five times now, but in reality I can’t live my life with her. I know all I have to do is listen to her, but when things get heated and we start to fight I can’t calm down and just listen. What should I do to calm myself and really shut up and listen to my wife? When I don’t listen to her, she comes after me and I hate it when I do that. How do I stay cool?

Patrick,

I am going through similar things with my husband. I think maybe you need to adopt the motto that nobody has to be right. Me and my husband are bad with the "one-up's." Also maybe you need some help in gaining control of your anger. Dont beat yourself up all the time. It sounds like some of it may stem from self esteem issues too. I am the one with poor self esteem in my relationship.

Anger management class?

Read We Can Work It Out: How to Solve Co...Love for Each Other by Clifford Notarius