Yes a connection.

My xh was the product of a very twisted homelife. It was all covered up until about seven years ago..

His father was a Baptist deacon and his mom both taught sunday school. When I first started dating Jethro, I went to SS at church of fil and mil. Sat in on their class. A few months later they had announced to us they had left the church they had raved about and were at another smaller church yet. Mom casually mentions in kitchen about how one woman had "grown attached" to her H and that they just felt "uncomfortable". That was my first hint but I knew nothing of it.

Three mos. before Jethro moves out permanently from our family home, we are awakened by a 10 pm call at front gate of subdivision guard who says his mom is at door and needs to visit us. We let her enter and she comes in crying and screaming. Our baby is asleep upstairs and meanwhile, I have been openly fighting the own affair demons in our marriage...his parents know about it btw.

Seems fil has had ongoing affair with a client from the family company for over 2 years now and has hit the fan. They were in counseling (never mentioned it to either of us as they would put on fake smiles and be all about family in front of us always)and when it was fil's turn w/counselor in private, her cell rings while she's waiting. On other end, woman calls her a b#tch and cusses her out. She then hangs up and calls the mil back and announces she's the OW and that he is leaving her for OW. MIL storms into counselor's office and confronts fil with info at that second. FIL storms outta counselors office and announces dramatically to everybody that he's "flying home and ending it all"..

Thus for the entire night I am on phone with 911 operators and local fire and rescue units in their area (my medical experience) getting them to agree to do an intervention and kick in the door b/c he is unstable and suicidal. FIL had hopped a plane in ATL and flown back home to TN. XH jumps into car and drives all night to get back to TN. Meanwhile I do all of this while taking care of the MIL who is hysterical as well.

Cops kick in door and find fil with gun to head and him threatening to kill himself (about 13 hours later...he's being dramatic and trying to get outta being guilty for affair basically...pure narcissism and sociopath if you ask me).

Next week, back in GA, the reunited "couple" announce that FIL has "re-found God" and that he's rededicating his life publicly at the church and he's getting baptized again. I am nauseus because all he's doing is taking mild antidepressants and going to counselor. Once again, MIL was enabling this horrible behavior and allowing it.

Turns out, it was known it was his fifth or sixth affair.

I think some of this is learned and I have absolutely NO respect for my former IL's.

They created my xh to become the man he is now and it's their fault. But he had choices as well and he chose WRONG.

As for my family? They disapprove of xh and do not have anything to do with family of his at all. They have completely wiped them outta their existence. When it was apparent divorce was imminent, and that I was not going to make it easy for Jethro, Jethro's family abandoned me. Completely.

When I almost lost everything I own financially and one week had less than one dollar left to live on except a large money jar and what was left in my freezer for me and my child to eat, my xh's family was nowhere to be found and never NEVER ONCE offered help to us. My family ended up sending money and it was not alot, but it was enough for food and gas for me to provide for son eating and to get to and from work.

And the xIL's want to hug me when they see me at soccer events or school events. They want to wipe everything under the rug as well. They make me want to puke and are completely supportive of his new affair marriage to Family Values and were even condoning of their living together as apparent last year.

Perception depends on acceptable behaviors. That varies from family to family but imho, those doing bad things will imho accept bad behaviors themselves. AFter all, if you are an adulterer and a liar and confirmed cheater, will you bash your own child who is doing the same thing? Might make you look bad.

Peachy,

Thanks hon for sharing, look at the big picture. What xfil-modeled, Jethro followed. Can you imagine the pain, shattered life, he has been in his whole life.

Dad messin with his mind, spirit, heart from the get go and still.

Not much fathering from his dad, that's forsure. Abandoned, rejected, dad too bzy playin with the alter, ladies halters. Jeth, doesn't even know what normal is, can see why he choose dope to cope.

Did I understand u right was his dad actin a demon or as deacon on board, at the church of GOD? Or was that a typo?

I can sure see a pattern why he has such tantrum with you. That you stood up to him, protected your son, confusion and angry his mother didn't protect him from his lunactic father. The pattern matches xh, xhmil and me. She never took a stand and had no primal instincts to protect her cubs.

If fuels him more, and sad thing he probably doesn't know why in his mixed up jig saw mind. Clearly, the dad broke his young tender spirit so long ago.

Wow, looks like xh and xhfil are both locked in tight of jaws of the black dog. They have it bad.

Man, that's one family that needs to be resent back to the puzzle factory for repairs. Look how all the truth came out fizzlin out, like COKE.

Why would they want to help u-as they saw you were a traitor in not letting their son have his fun, crystal clear they never cared about him, just tried to keep him entertained, amused, and punished you for gettin in their way. It was all about performance, keeping up appearances.

Anyways, with hiz dad, where could he find the time with him. I imagine maintaining his harem was full time career, as gamin was good in pews.

Proud of your courage, bravery to stand and fight the good fight of faith.

One big can of worms, snakes, mistakes...Sad, that some people never have enough sense to know when to come out of the rain...

Sad the truth, I bet your xhfil, father did the same thing to him.

Giant bouquets of huggs.