Hi Still--

Sounds like you had a great time, and so glad that the wedding was a success.
I bet you loved watching your kids. How special for you!
And, wonderful that your BF got to come and be a part of the whole event.
I'm sure you are whipped! You have been going none stop seems like.
Now, the depressing part. Settling back in before the back to school junk!

August is the most depressing month for me, I swear.
As soon as it hits 8/1, I feel down hearted. I love my girls being at home with me. But, I guess not enough to home school them, haha.

Things are going pretty well here.
Everytime I think my X is falling into place with everything, he pulls one.
He has the girls every used to be Thursday, but that wasn't convenient, so we switched to Tuesday. And, that was supposed to be all night, until 8 pm the next day.
Well, he just started, this summer, keeping them all night. But, returns them at 8 am!
He is supposed to pick them up right after school, while school is in.
He told my OD today, they he will just come to our home at 4 and get them on his days. (They get out at 2:40)
She told him he needs to talk to me about that.
I know I have posted before about this stuff, and was told to hold the line with him.
I hate being a hard nose, but, I also don't want to be walked on.
My problem with this whold thing is, how to not make it seem like your children are a burden of your time.
I feel like standing my ground to him, makes me feel like the girls are an imposition to me (which I would move earth for them if I could).

The guy thing, I have to say, I'm not having any regrets. Sure, I get lonely. It would be very nice to have male companionship, but, that will have to come in time.
He did come across as obsessive. Maybe he has a little of that in him.
He was so into figuring me out. He was very much in to details.
I never had a man listen to everything I said, and be so intune to me.
I enjoyed it for a time. He was very generous.
But weirdly enough, I got to where I felt guilty accepting gifts.

I am at peace with the ending of the relationship, and will see what lies ahead of me.

It was great to hear from you again.
Hope you get all unpacked and settled around soon.

Take care,
K

Hi Karona-

I tell you, I am simply dragging today. I feel like I haven't slept in weeks. It is amazing how tired I am. It was well worth it though.

I hear you on the whole setting boundaries thing. I found it very difficult in the beginning and still do from time to time. I too have a hard time setting limits and holding to them. I try to be flexible, but have found it really gets me nowhere as my XH rarely returns the favor.

I also remember all too well when we first separated and then divorced. The kids were the last thing on my XH's mind. If he could've he would have parented on a schedule of his convenience only, but in the best interests of everybody, especially the kids he was forced into a set visitation shedule. Still I think of how many times he had to cancel visitations or pick them up late or bring them home early and it just gets to me. Now of course that has all changed since the OW now wife has moved in and they are pursuing the change in custody. Now everything from them is presented to me as them giving me a break, letting me enjoy my single life, etc. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I guess my advice to you would be to present the issue to your husband as a matter of the girls' best interest. Tell him how important it is for them to have the time with him and that every little hour he skips negatively impacts them. I am not saying that it will work, but it has done better for me than anything else.

Anything else new and exciting?

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still

I would have/be so mad to have had X tell me he is doing me this grand act, spending time with the children, so I could enjoy my single life.
WHO does he think he is??
He is their father for goodness sake!
Why is it that some men, think they are doing this great huge deed, for NO ONE other than the X wife when they spend time with the kids.
They are so clueless.

They really don't get it.

I can see my X saying the same thing.
I can tell, sometimes his time with our girls is such a major inconvenience. It's so sad.

One thing I will say though, the OW doesn't do anything as far as my girls are concerned.
He does the cooking, I guess all she does is clean. The girls say, her house is way too clean.
My oldest doesn't even think the OW likes her. And, being the honest person she is, has even asked her!
I guess she doesn't engage in conversation with them.

Just maybe, this is an inconvenience to her????
TOO BAD!!


I tell you, whenever I travel, the second day home is always the worst. That is when it hits me!
Lay low, and recoup!

No new news to share.
But, I'm okay.
Bet you never thought you would hear that from me!
I'm not worried about meeting anyone, and really don't care right now. Yeah, it would be nice, but, it's not a priority. I think this is where I FINALLY needed to get to.

Take care and I will look forward to hearing from you again.

K.

Karona-

Your comments on our children and their relationships are so true and so sad. I would love to believe that my XH really is concerned with establishing a firm relationship with our kids, but from his past record I am not convinced and see it only as a means to his reducing child support.

My XH's OWwife is a clean freak too. She is constantly going through the kids stuff and throwing everything away. She has told them she can't stand clutter. My oldest feels she has no privacy there, which is just one of many reasons she doesn't want to be there more than she already is.

I do believe my XH loves our kids, but he has never been able to handle the responsibility of being a full time parent. It may look doable and inviting now, but it is his fantasy. The reality is that he relishes his free time and is too self centered to be more than a part time parent. I have said more than once that he has been a better parent at 15% than he ever was when we were married. The kids are comfortable with it why mess with it only to have them let down?

I also believe that the kids are an inconvenience to the new wife. I can't imagine life for them if they were to have them more. Images of Cinderella keep coming to mind. I truly believe she only does the stuff she does for them to impress the XH, but now that they are married the need to impress seems to be lessening. I am just very worried how her actions will affect my kids. They have been through enough.

You know what they say? No news is good news. WIth the roller coaster lives we generally live it must be a good feeling for you. Hopefully that good feeling will get you over your feelings of sadness at summer ending. When do your girls go back? I go back August 30 and my kids go back September 2. My stomach is churning just tying this!

Have a great day! It is raining here and I feel refreshed so maybe I can get some housework done.

Talk to you later.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do believe my XH loves our kids, but he has never been able to handle the responsibility of being a full time parent. It may look doable and inviting now, but it is his fantasy. The reality is that he relishes his free time and is too self centered

This would be a ditto for me!!
My X likes things to look so good, but, in reality, he has not 1 clue how to deal with our girls. The oldest one, especially!

What I see, is a 41 year old man with his 31 year old sweetheart, living like it were just the two of them in their world.
When he does have ours kids, they are to entertain themselves, as he and honey need their alone time.

Let me give you a little insight to his behavior.
My oldest is 13 1/2.
He and his honey needed some alone time a few weeekends ago.
His mother (who has been his cheerleader through his whole affair) was also present.
As I said, they needed alone time.
Sooo,
He tells my daughter, and her 15 year old cousin,
they are free to drive the 4 wheeler, and SUV around the grounds as much as they want.
SOOO,
the cousin rides the 4 wheeler, and my daughter drives the SUV!
How about that for responsibility??

Have you heard of stories where people accidentally hit the gas instead of the brakes??
My daughter has not the first clue how to drive a vehicle! Yeah, she has tried it a coupld of times, but never, ever alone.

The deal MIL, Grandmother, sat in her camper while this ordeal went on.

I would be worried for my kids all the time if they were with him anymore than they are.
He is a fool!!

whew, that got my blood boiling all over again.

I believe both of our X's are guilty of be irresponsible.

Now, off this thread.
I don't know her well, but, is JustPeachy really gone do you think?
I hope she figures things out for herself.

Talk to you soon.
K.

Yikes K!

That is downright scarey. I sure am glad he got his alone time while your 13 year old drove around an SUV. Can you say foggy! Nice Grandma too. Make sure you document this kind of stuff in case he ever changes his mind about how much he wants the kids like mine now has.

I think that's what bothers me the most about my XH. For the first almost three years that he left us he couldn't care less about his time with the kids, but boom he suddenly gets the live in OW, now wife to help him out and he wants equal time. Over my dead body!

Mine has never done quite what your's did right there, but he has this habit of falling asleep when the kids are there and he's a deep sleeper. Many times the kids have said he's fallen asleep and they can't wake him. Of course this has cut down since the OWwife is there since she won't let him, but it still bothers me since during the school year he has our youngest alone two days every third week because he works nights. She has told me how Daddy lays down to take a nap with her, but she doesn't sleep only he does for a long time. So far there has been nothing I can do about it because it's his word against a toddler's, so I keep praying to God for all of their safety.

When he and the wife dropped off and picked up last night I just sat there and realized how much they irritate me. When the kids got home they had asked what I did and were telling me what they did, etc. I asked what they had for dinner and it had been the same thing we'd had the night before. I laughed a little and then asked my oldest what her dad said when they told him and she said, "Oh we don't tell them that anymore." I looked at her and asked what she meant as they make it known loud and clear if I make the same thing they've just had with their dad. She said, "It's no big deal Mom. It's just different there. Besides, I liked what we had so who cares." I said it was no biggee, that it was lucky for her as it was her favorite food and changed the subject. Yet in my mind I saw yet another example of how they are not comfortable in that house. They are not allowed to state opinions on anything for fear of offending the OW and it really bothers me.

As for Peachy, I hope she's not gone. I know she got her feelings hurt, but that has happened to all of us here. Not that I agree with how harsh some of the people were, it's not my style, but unfortunately it does happen and sometimes mixed in with the harsh words are some valid points. I am hoping she is just taking a break because I have really come to like her.

Well, I better run. I'll talk to you later.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still--

Thanks for the tip, to log!
I have been told that so, so many times, but, I don't do it as I should.
But, tonight, I will.
I never know, he just may try your X's antics one of these days.

He played big dad last night.
My OD asked him WHY he did what he did.
He has always been one to be painfully honest, without using much tack.
He told her it was all sex!
(And, of course, his new love provides plenty)
That he wanted more than I would give him.
BUT, that she was NOT to tell me they had that conversation.
She told me she wanted to talk to me, but promised him she wouldn't.
I asked her if she was upset about what they had talked about, she said No.
So, I told her, to keep it to herself, but, always to remember, when any two people have a difference, that there are always two different sides to the story.
I'm sure she is still confused, my goodness, she is only 13, and a sheltered one at that!
I hope one day, his schlong rots off!

Anyway, yes, granny is a real Peach! She has pushed her beliefs the whole 18 yrs of our marriage.
Preached to my girls about saying "dang", or if they would ever dare to read or see Harry Potter, that was the devils work.
When she found out about her dear sons affair, she said, she wants him to be happy.
She is a real piece of work.
Anyway, I don't miss this part of my old life at all. I hate it for my girls that they still have to deal with it.
Let me add this too.
This is the same woman, who when my D's would go to her house to stay without us, encouraged them to go skinny dipping in her pool.
I didn't like that idea, and said NO MORE!
She was less than pleased with me over that. I remember my counselor having a fit over that one.

My blood is hot, better change the subject.

So, I read on another thread that you will have some time to yourself coming up.
Sounds like you could use a little down time before your life gets going in full swing again.
Enjoy your alone time, and your BF time, you deserve it!

Yeah, I hope Peachy comes back too.
She is an artful writer.

Take care.
K.

Karona-

You really should start a daily log. When I first started it mine was very brief only documenting time XH spent with the kids or called, and any significant events. Over the course of three years it has evovled to a daily journal entry briefly detailing everything we do and any contact we have with the XH. Although it is by most counts heresay, it has come in handy as I have had to recall specific events and examples of XH's behavior.

Speaking of XH's behavior, is your's nuts or what? What was he thinking saying that to her? She is to young to truly comprehend what he is saying and even if she could comprehend it is totally inappropriate for a father to say to a child. I would be seeing red! How nice of him to tell her not to mention it to you as well. What a piece of work!

As for your former MIL, I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I guess she has written the book on what is sinful and not. Let's see, can't say dang, but can skinny dip and have affairs. I tell you, some people are clueless!

My former MIL had always been great and very supportive of me, but has never been able to really stand up to her son about it. She came on strong at first, but quickly backed down. The whole "He's my son, I don't condone the things he does, but I still love him." Then it went to, "You know, I really didn't want to like the OW, but she does so much for my son and the kids, she really is a better person than the affair would suggest. Things came to head this past fall on the weekend of my oldest daughter's birthday. MY MIL had invited the kids and I over because two of her other son's and their families were home. XH found out, had a fit, and made her choose between he and I. Well, you guess the decision. She tried to reason it away, but it was a major slap in the face. After that I stopped contacting her. She sent me a Christmas card and said she missed me, but never called and I wasn't ready to contact her. When my birthday came this summer I didn't hear from her and assumed that she had given up. Anyway, yesterday was her birthday and I called her, she started to cry and said it was her best present as she misses me so much. She asked to go to dinner and I said I would. Who knows, what will come of it. I do miss her and his entire family, but things are just different. Life goes on and I don't expect her not to accept his new life and wife, I just feel like I really had no choice in what happened and therefore feel she should be able to stand up for our relationship and not let him dictate the rules. I guess we'll see what happens.

I know we are clearly better off without our XH's, but sometimes I still get upset when I see how much turmoil their actions cause all of us, our kids, and families. It really is unfair.

Thanks for defending me on the other thread. I really felt a bit attacked and responded as so, but I have calmed down a bit. It just gets to me when people presume anything.

Have a great night!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still--

I will do what you have suggested.
One never knows what the future holds, so a log would be in my best interest.

Yes, my X is something.
Funny thing too, when my family sees him, which isn't often, they can't believe how much his face has aged. That double life stuff, must take a toll on the ole bod!
As far as my XMIL, well, she supported as much as enouraged her son to do things. She can be such a hypocrite though. Then, she will invite me to come stay at her house.
The last time she invited me, I told her I couldn't. Things are not the same, and I won't be able to do that, BUT, I will never not let the girls come.
She cried of course.
This woman, while I was crying, begging my X to come home, had an old girlfriend of my X's come and stay with him at her home. He had just been out of the house a week. Went to his mommies, and she invited this woman to her home, with her son to spend the night. Apparently, they went to a church function, (which my XSIL says, they were very attentive to each other). After that, went to the bars, and then back to mommies to sleep.
Yep,
How bad is Dang??
I talked to my XSIL about two months ago.
This time, I cried. She had mentioned that her and MIL were getting along better. I said, what?
She said, they were not getting along, because she wouldn't change her beliefs as to what my X was doing. She said they are slightly removed from the family because of all of this.
It made me so sad, to know that what my X has done, has put strain on his family.
This SIL/BIL (his brother) tried so hard for my X to turn himself around, but he wouldn't.
I know its not my fault, but it hurt me just the same.

ON the other thread, I couldn't let that slide.
This person wasn't getting it. It wasn't the hair, as much as it was this woman, doing something she didn't have permission to do. It simply, was not her place!
You answered very well by the way.
Bet you felt somewhat like Peachy didn't you??
And your right, your question is more about, HOW to handle the fog man.

Take care, as always, enjoy hearing from you.
K.

Hi again Karona-

I hope you are right and my reply on the other thread to Garbo was okay. It just got to me because I know there are always two sides to the story and it's all about perspective, but I felt put on the defensive about something that I as the mother should be deciding. I guess what really got to me was the part of not cutting the hair to be vindictive. While I don't know if vindictive is really the accurate word, she did do it intentionally knowing full well that it wasn't wanted. She took advantage of the situation plain and simple. I am actually glad she did it as she is constantly doing things I don't approve of, but when I mention them my concerns fall on deaf ears. This latest episode has toughened up my backbone and the end result will be me having them include exactly what her role and decision/discipline capabilities will be in our new custody arrangement. I'm sure my XH will squirm and pitch a fit, but I'm not expecting anything from them that he shouldn't expect from me. It is my belief that parents are the only ones who have the right to make major decisions and do the discipling. If she doesn't like it tough.

Your XMIL sounds like a real winner. I can honestly say mine never did anything like that. The OW wasn't even allowed in her house until the divorce was final. Actually the OW's parents had the same restrictions, but as soon as the divorce was final it was as if all bygones were bygones. I know that is usually reality, but it is still a slap in the face from people you consider family. I think the slap was harder because my XMIL was left by her husband and throughout my entire relationship it was made clear how much pain the affair had inflicted on their family. My XH was adopted by her after the fact, but none of her biological sons talk to their dad to this day. It was made clear to everyone that forgiving divorce was one thing, it was the affair and the sense of betrayal they couldn't forgive. Funny, I guess those same standards aren't applied to sons and brothers.

I have a friend who's BIL had an affair, divorced his wife, and married the OW. His mother let the new wife in her house after the divorce was final, but she also made it clear to her son and his new wife that she didn't approve of what they had done and that she hadn't divorced her former DIL and therefore she was still welcome in her house at all times. To this day the XMIL and XDIL have an amazing relationship.

I guess that is what I hoped would happen in my case and what I would have preferred. I was very close to my XH's family. I was the one who kept in contact, attented all family things etc. He was the first in his family to get married and I was actually the first permanent female other than his mother in the house. I watched those boys grow up. Now that my XH has remarried I know that the new wife is the one keeping in touch, but out of shame, whatever, isn't as close to my XH's family as I was. She and the XH are always doing things with her parents, but the kids say that their real grandma is rarely there. I also know that my XH's relationships with his brothers have also suffered. They used to be quite close, but seem to be more just aquaintances now. It is all very sad.

Who knows, maybe she is realizing all we have lost at the hands of her son and all the consequences of it, but we'll have to wait and see.

All I know is that the fall out from this affair and the divorce never seem to stop and it is three years since the affair was first proven and two and a half years since the divorce. I know that a great deal of things would be healed up if my XH would just accept the life he was chosen and leave things well enough alone, but as is his typical fashion he just can't seem to do that.

Well, I am rambling so I'll let you go.

Talk to you later.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still--

Glad to hear from you again.

I guess I need to put all this stuff behind me.
I realize this is her son, and she needs to stand by him, but you would think having the christian beliefs that she has, she would have never encouraged it.
Anyway, done, overwith, move on K.

I just have to share with someone.
I got back from the doctor just a bit ago.
My tests have come back okay, for now. I think in a year or two I will have some issues, but that goes with age I suppose. It's just not like it was when I was in my early 30's.
I'm very thankful though, to say the least.
I had myself prepared for surgery, and wondered how the heck am I going to get my kids to and from.

I'm anxious to see what the response from Garbo will be.
You had the right to come back, and defend yourself. It doesn't appear at all to me, that you are a whiner, and complainer. I think you had every valid right to be upset.

Have a good day. I will be in touch again soon.
K>

Hi K-

I can't believe those tests have already come up. Where has the time gone? I am so happy and relieved to hear that thing are okay. You see, God is looking over you. You must be so relieved!

The whole XIL situation can be trying and you are right, we do need to let it go and move on, but sometimes it's just not that easy. Oh well, that's what we have each other and our friends here for, to vent right?

I reread my response on my other thread from last night. I hope I don't appear to defensive as people are just stating opinions and offering advice, it just got to me because although maybe vindictive is too harsh of a word, but the OWwife is certainly something, mainly insecure and desperate to prove herself at any cost. Anyway, it is doing me no good obsessing about it so I must to let it go and move on.

So do you have any big plans for the weekend? I'm not sure what I am up to, but the kids leave tomorrow for the week with their dad. I should stay at home and get stuff done, but what fun would that be?

Once again I am so happy to hear that your tests went well. Celebrate!

Talk to you soon!

Take care and God bless!
K

Thank you Still, you are a good friend indeed!
I appreciate your excitement for me.

I do feel very fortunate that things came out well.
You are so right, as far as the time going by so quickly. I was told in June I needed these tests. Aug. 9th seemed so far away, and now, it's been and gone.
Amazing!

I don't think you were out of line at all on your thread.
I didn't agree with what they said. I don't feel at all that you wouldn't be open to an opinion, but they were off base.
You know just what this woman will do!

As for me, I have no plans for the weekend.
I have two single friends. They are both busy with their BF's, most of my friends are married. (Poor me)
I thought about you this past weekend. I saw a mom that I haven't seen in awhile. She asked me if I was seeing anyone. I told her no.
She said, oh, if I would have known, my cousin was in town last weekend. You could have went out with us.
I guess he and I are the same age.
It made me think of you, and how you met your BF.
Who knows, maybe she will keep me in mind for the future!
The girls will be with their father this weekend, and next week they will be going camping with him.
I need to hang on, who knows what stories they will come home with.
I need to remind my OD to be the adult. Someone has to be, he sure forgets he is.

Take care! I think you should do something fun with your time. There will be plenty of time in a couple of weeks for routine!

Take care.
K

Hi again K-

You are so right about time flying. I remember when we first talked about your tests, August did seem so far away. It's the same with my custody hearing. It has been almost two months since we first met with the judge. I am just hoping we can get this cleared up quickly.

When I saw your message about your girls going camping with their dad - yikes! It is so sad that you have to tell a 13 year old to be the adult.

My kids are off to a cabin owned by someone in their stepmother's family. They are excited to go. I guess I am lucky because unlike your XH and his OW reliving their second childhoods my XH's new wife is so busy trying to prove herself a mature stepmother that she hen pecks the kids to death. See I guess you can find hidden blessings in the worst of situations!

My youngest is however back on the kick of not wanting to go to dad's, saying she hates them and crying when they come to pick her up. It is very difficult to see. I know that she isn't in any harm or anything, but to see her uncomfortable is very hard to handle. Then today I was dropping off a friend of my oldest daugther's. My kids had already gone with their dad, so it was just me and the friend. Anyway when I got to her house her mom asked how my daughter was doing and I said she was doing great and was very excited about middle school. She then replied that it was good and asked how she was handling her dad's remarriage. I told her that she doesn't really talk about it. She then told me that she had been over there a couple weeks ago and she had asked her how the wedding went, etc. She said my daughter said it was awful, that she couldn't believe her dad would actually do it, and didn't want to talk about it. I was really taken aback. Granted, she may have just been "playing to an audience," but it still bothers me. I guess things aren't as smooth as I thought.

I am hoping that my weekend plans will be firmed up tonight. I think whatever I do, I will extend the weekend, but then come back for a few days to have some quiet time and get some things done. I get the kids back next Friday and then we are off to a long weekend with my BF and two other families. It should be a blast!

Weird coincidence about your friend. Maybe you will get to meet the guy in the future. You know, when you least expect it!

Well, I have a lawn waiting to be mowed. I'll talk to you later.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Karona-

How's it going? If you read my newest thread you'll see that things are a bit rocky here. I really want to do the right thing, but I really can't get past my XH's continuing lies.

How was your week off? Mine was pretty good. I ended up down by my BF and he talked me into extending the weekend by a few days. We went to the State Fair, a couple of movies, ate a lot, and played house (something we never get to do due to the distance between us). It was nice to have the time with him, but needless to say, all my plans for around the house and out at school got put on hold and I was stressing quite a bit. My kids had a good time with their dad. He of course pulled a lot of Disney Dad crap, but at least they thought it was fun. Yes, I bit my tongue off several times! How did your girls survive camping? Any horror stories?

Then this past weekend I got the kids back and we went to a baseball game with friends and spent a day at my BF's. The kids really do enjoy being with him and it was a nice way to end the week.

It is hard to believe that I go back to school a week from today, well actually now yesterday. Yikes, where did summer go?

I finally got to read The Wedding, how romantic, I want that. Well, actually I want it, but I don't want to have to wait as long to get it!

Well, I better get going. I just wanted to touch base with you as it's been so long.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Long Lost Still~~

So good to hear from you again.
I'm glad you had such a good time for your week off. I'm sure that was very nice for you both to get to spend so much one on one time together.
I'm sure the time went so fast!
Glad your kids had a good time too. That makes your life easier while they are away.

Yes, I did see your new thread. I didn't respond because I simply don't have a clue what to say.
This guy is a real piece of work! And, we are not talking some business deal, these are 4 childrens lives.
It makes me hurt for you.
You know, when I was going through my divorce, I found that I don't really care for attorney's.
Seems like they tell you one thing and give you hope, and then when they come face to face with it, they waffle.
It sounds to me like, this guardian thing is the same.
I wonder in my mind, that if your X got more time, and reduces his $$$, in the end, will he really want the kids like he is saying he does now???
It just seems like its all about the money.
I'm thinking, he will get more of what he wants, and then he will back out of his time.
I hope I'm wrong, but I don't have a lot of faith, based on my own experience.

As far as my girls being gone, it was LONELY!!!
I hated it!
I walked in the park, A LOT!
That was the most of have been apart from my girls since this whole deal happened.
No horror stories to share. They both came home with sunburns, which kind of ticked me off.
He just is so busy with his woman. He even goes as far as to say to the girls, "I told you, you will have to take care of yourselves, I'm busy".
My youngest always has fun, b/c OW has a D the same age. My oldest, is usually lonely, b/c she has no one. They called me everyday while there. She said she was lonely, I asked her what her Dad was doing, she said, sitting w/S, talking to her.
UGGHHHH!
But, this will never change. His world revolves around his W.
I think it's so funny though. When we were married, I did all the cooking, cut the lawn, cleaned. Well, his new honey doesn't cook, AT ALL!
He does all the cooking, and that's not saying much. Were talking, frozen salsbury steak, cheeseburgers, and fast food! It's a hoot!!
He has ALWAYS been in to his body, and eating healthy, and working out. I hope this is a sample of what goes around...

I have had no contact with the guy I was dating.
I do miss the great things about him, but, there were the negatives that make me know I did the right thing.
While I think this time alone is a good thing, I hate the loneliness. I hope in the right time, I meet some great guy, and I hope it's sooner than later!

As for us, school will start Thurs.
I'm dreading it!
I hate to think of homework, and schedules...

Glad to hear from you. I hope there will be a solution that works well for you in this whole mess with your children.
I'm wondering about your saying this guy knows OWwife. That almost seems biased to me. Who cares who she was growing up, this is a whole new case, and she is not goody two shoes!

I will watch for updates on your thread, and say a prayer for you.

K~

Hi Karona-

I'm glad to hear that sunburns were the worst of it for your daughters. I do feel for them as well as I remember all too well when my XH was still so caught up in the infatuation of his affair and the kids were mostly an inconvenience. They really felt badly about themselves.

It may seem hard to believe, but when you describe your XH, except for the fact that he's not an alcoholic, he sounds very like my XH at first. My XH simply couldn't be bothered with most parental responsibilities. I guess that's what gets to me so much. Sure, on one hand I can rationalize that if he really is changing and wants to be with the kids it is a good thing, but what about the fact that for so long he basically threw them away? Doesn't that matter at all? Also, doesn't the fact that I have always been the stable, loving parent matter either?

You really should have seen him yesterday. He played his part very well. It made me sick and I called him on it many times. The Guardian seemingly agreed a couple of times calling my husband on things he said and then changed, saying he felt my XH definately had a flare for conveying his part, etc. My XH also brought up the fact that I need to move on with my life and get over the divorce. He said he truly hopes I can find happiness because he feels that once I do I will see him for the person he truly is. At all of this the Guardian interjected that he felt my XH was off base and thatI seemingly have moved on quite well. I tell you my XH is so full of himself and still caught up in the soap opera of me pining away. I really am not, what I am having difficulty with is constantly having to change my lifestyle as he dictates it. It isn't fair, but nobody seems to care about it.


I hear what you say about the loneliness. I remember it all too well. I know they say that finding yourself, etc. is the greatest gift of all, but it sure can suck as you do it. Hang in there, good things will happen for you.

Well, the youngest want something so I better run. I'll talk to you later.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still~~

Oh, your X makes me sick. Does he really think that you are not over him. He must have brass b#@L@! He needs to get over himself! And quick!!

Yeah, there are some similarities with our X's.
The biggest one being, they are both full of themselves and selfish!

I read your responses though, from Newly. I think I see light for you through her. Sounds like she can really relate, and will offer you some sound advice. I'm glad there is someone on here that can help you, that has been there.

Keep your chin up! All the good that you have been for your children, can not go unnoticed.

Yes, you are so right. Everyone says how this time alone is so beneficial, and I believe that it is too, but it is darn lonely!
Although, there is this whole other side of me that thinks, do you really want to meet someone, go through all those emotions?
I'm not an easy nut to crack.
I have a hard time opening up to people. I was not graced with the gift to gab! So, for me to meet new people, they have to be pretty good conversationalists. I try to do better, and have as I gotten older, but I was very shy growing up.
Sometimes, I wonder, if a man would give me a chance because I'm this way.
I also lack that confidence that some women have. The ones that are totally compfy with themselves. I have a friend, and not to sound too pleased with myself, but I do feel that I am more attractive than her. When we go out though, men are like magnets to her. She is so totally at ease with men, it's amazing! Looks them right in the eye, and doesn't move out of their way.
I have so much to learn, but I still want to be myself too.

Anyway,
I hope you are able to come up with a workable solution. I'm sure Newly will be there to guide you.
Take care.
K~~

Oh Karona-

Denial is such a powerful thing. The scaries part of this whole ordeal is that I think my XH is so caught of in his lies and delusions that he believes them to be true.

As my XH went on about how I need to move on, etc. it was wonderful because the Guardian interjected that I didn't exactly seem to be pining away. It was like hello? Wake up to reality hon!

Loneliness sucks plain and simple and sometimes being strong does as well. I have a friend who divorced this summer and her XH has since been seeing someone. She is totally bummed right now because she is lonely and I worry about her as she has made a couple of hasty decisions because of it. I really feel for her as I can totally relate to the feelings.

I can also relate to where you are coming from on the meeting people. I was an incredibly shy child, I think I was intimidated by my own shadow. As I have grown I too have come a long way, but as I watch some of my friends I am amazed at their self confidence. Trust me though, I have some friends who go overboard and are way too aggressive and that doesn't work either. When the right person comes along you will find that you are perfect just the way you are. What we need to find is an outlet for you where you can get out of the house and meet some new people.

You are right, newly has been a wonderful resource and support system. She is very knowledgable having been there herself and is extremely rational. I am really grateful for her friendship and support as I am for yours as well.

Well, I have a wee one demanding that I snuggle so I better run.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Take care and God bless!
K

Thank you both, and I have many faults. I can totally relate to K's comment </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Although, there is this whole other side of me that thinks, do you really want to meet someone, go through all those emotions?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And given the poor choice I made in a H, why bother? I have been pouring my energy into my children, my home and my friends and am a more relaxed person than when married.
I do have the gift of gab and still don't meet anyone - and I'd like to believe I look good. I know for me that I'm not open to meeting anyone - nor have I found anyone who attracts me. Hmmm.
Ladies, all in good time. I know I am still healing and not ready for a relationship.

I do wish you the best. I'm trying to get a ton of stuff done at home since the girls are on vaca with dad. Too much to do, too little time. My only chance to meet anyone is in Home Depot or Lowe's lately. And, do you find that you check out the shopping carts of single men, just to see if they are married, have kids, etc?