Good morning Karona-

Your dinner sounded fun. Do any of these friends of yours boyfriends have any decent friends they could introduce you to? I may be biased, but you seem to be a great person and a wonderful catch. Maybe someone could have a get together and invite a bunch of people. That way it would be more comfortable than a dinner date. Although, I had the dinner date, the first blind date of my life mind you, and here we are still going strong 2 and a half years later, so who knows.

Well, the weekend is winding down and today it is raining. Thank God, I have work to do both at home and school and now it will be easier for me to get it done. Of course the youngest two kids woke up asking what we are doing today. I tell you, they get so used to ramming around they don't know how to stay home. However, they seem to be settling in.

I meet with my XH this evening. I am a bit leery to say the least, but am praying that things will work out. I reviewed my two offers and they both work out to about 35% time for him, but with different schedules. Of course this is less than he wants, but they are fair and take into consideration his time with the kids on his rotating schedule, so hopefully he will see where I am coming from. I will keep you posted. Thanks for the well wishes.

Have a great day!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still~~

Thanks for the vote of confidence!
This whole single scene is not easy. I swear, I think the guys that are my age, and not looking for a woman their age. I think they want someone in their 20's, or early 30's. I can't compete with that.
Funny you mentioned the friend thing. The one couple are married. His wife was saying to him, come on, you have to know someone in your business that is single. Needless to say, he didn't bite. He had his head so far in the menu, we almost couldn't see him.
I think some people don't want to get involved.
I'm not sure about this other guy. I couldn't figure him out. In other words, I'm not sure I would want to meet one of his friends.

This time alone is not hurting me by any means, but it does get lonely. (and did I mention, I have lost 8 pounds! all the nice dinners out that I used to get, are shedding).
Tonight my girls will be home, and that will be a blessing.

I'm thinking of you, knowing that your time is probably nearing with your X.
I hope he can be honest with himself, and listen to what you are saying. Goodness. He just doesn't seem to give up.

Take care, and good luck!

K.

Hi Karona-

You make me laugh with your descriptions of the men from dinner the other night. I totally agree that the whole dating thing really stinks. How do you meet decent people? It seems so risky. On another comparison note, when my friend set me up with my BF who is a friend of her husband's I was very leary as her husband although a great provider is very chauvenistic and controlling in my book. I was really nervous that his friend would be as well. Let's just say I was pleasantly surprised to see how different they are when it comes to stuff like that.

Well, the meeting went quite well. We actually were very civil. We left a few things open for both of us to go over and get back to each other with, mainly finances. It should be interesting to see what he comes back with once wifey gets her hands on it. Anyway, it basically gives us a 65/35 split and he was really willing to work with me. It should be interesting to see if he lives up to his promises. I would love to be able to trust him, but let's face it, I don't. I am just happy that we seem to be leaning towards compromise after all this time.

How did the girls' weekend go? I bet you are happy to have them home. Any more comments on their schedule from your XH?

I will talk to you later. Right now I need to get some sleep!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still~~

I was so glad to read that things went well for you today.
I hope the other portion goes as well for you.

I skimmed over your new thread.
I think we as the primary parents, seem to usually carry the burden of the expenses. I need to follow the advice you have been given an log things.
I don't, but I know that I pay for all kinds of odds and ends that come up. All these things can not possibly be added in to equation.

As far as my X. I did ask him why he agreed to the plan that he did. He told me he didn't put much thought into it at the time. But now, it's not convenient for him, and since I'm able to get the girls that works for him.
He just was willing to do whatever at the time, to get to be with his woman!
I also found out that his woman told her daughter that I don't like her. I think that is so cold.
I set him straight on that too. Of course he covered for her, but at least I got to have my say.
I want nothing to do with OW, but I have no ill feelings towards her child. Goodness sakes~

Well, here's what happened to me today.
I have thought about that guy I had been seeing everyday I think, since I broke it off.
Today, I had a new attitude. I thought, I need to put this in Gods hands, and let him work it for me.
I had a return to make at the mall. I stopped in a shoe store, look up, and there he is, standing in front of me.
So, I think, what is this??? A sign? Coincidence?
We talked, and it was nice. Needless to say, the butterflies were there.
I don't know if anything will become of the short visit, but it was kind of nice.

Keep me posted on the goings on with your X.

Take care.
K.

Good morning Karona-

I am sorry I haven't written sooner, but it has been really hectic around here. If you see my other post you will see that I think we have reached an agreement, but I still am nervous about it. I guess that is to be expected.

Your XH is a piece of work! It's really to sad to hear that his children are an inconvenience. Welcome to reality honey, it's called parenthood. His OW sounds like a piece of work too. She sure has some motherly instincts when it comes to your girls. Telling her daughter that you hate her is a classy touch as well. Like you really think her daughter has anything to do with her mother's poor choices or should suffer for them. Yikes!

My XH still balks at the reality of what it takes to raise our kids, support them financially, and get them where they need to be as well. I'm sure a lot of this comes from his wife as she is young and has no kids of her own, but it's like listen you two, if you have kids it means you put your wants and needs on the backburner to make room for their's. It's not always fun, but it is reality so they might as well get used to it. Besides, the rewards far outweigh the sacrifice, if only they could see.

So tell me more about meeting up with the guy you'd been dating. Did he seem any different? Maybe the time apart has made him do some thinking. You say you had butterflies. Were they butterflies of excitement or nervousness?

I hate to run, but I have to. I will check in later. Have a great day!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still~

I just read your other post. CONGRATULATIONS!
I'm so glad that you have an at ease feeling with the outcome.
I'm know you have been working for this, for too long.
I think we all need to trust in God more. We need to give up our issues, and let him work in them.
I have had good things happen in my life when I have done this. As hard as it is, and we may think we know, it's better to let it work through him.
I think you will find your bills do go down.
My girls have been with their dad a bit more in the past month. And, for whatever reason, bath night was ending up on his time. No kidding, my water bill was 1/2 this month, of what it has been running.
Groceries too. I don't cook for myself when they are not here. Nibble on something, that's about it.
I'm sure with school back in, you will be busy, and maybe enjoy some down time.
Again, I'm very happy that time and money issues have come to an agreement for you.
I hope now that he has fought for all of this, he is content, and leaves well enough, ALONE!

X and OW, yes, they are two peas in a pod! I can see, they do deserve one another.
Whatever misery comes their way, is theirs rightfully. I don't wish them ill, but a little bump or inconvenience in their lives wouldn't be the worst.
I did ask X through email about her D being told I didn't like her.
Well, he covered her butt, and said, she was told that I didn't like her (the mom) because of the situation, and that she has no idea how I feel about daughter.
I'm not sure how it was said, but, I did make it clear that I have no problem with the daughter, other than it is awkward because of who the mom is. Case closed!

Hmmm, lets see, the man....
WEll, I had butterflies of excitement.
I have thought of him everyday since I broke it off, but really felt this was what is needed.
While I have been lonely, and complained, I think the lonliness is a needed emotion. I didn't take the time when I should have to feel that part.
I should have, I know that, but, I didn't.
I will give myself the excuse that my life was spinning out of control, and I probably felt I needed held up. The affair was exposed a month to the day, earlier, then when I almost lost my daughter.
During the worst of her illness, I more less felt like I was alone. He was having his affair. He didn't lean on me, he had hoochie momma.
I had family and friends, but not the same as your spouse.
So anyway, a year later when the separation happened, I guess I was at the all time low in my life. I was in the deepest darkest pit.
I always felt that I met this guy too soon.

I don't know what will happen with him and I.
I feel like I need to step back, and let God work it.
I don't know that I would ever meet another man that treats me the way this guy has treated me.
Out of all the gifts he gave me, the biggest and best was TRUST.
I have learned that with the right person, you can have trust. Something that I didn't know if I would ever feel.
I have told him that I would like to go out to dinner with him soemtime. (he told me he would take me when he sold his house, which has happened during this time apart). He is planning on moving 1/2 hour away from me. Which, if we did start dating again might be a positive. He wouldn't be around my house as much, and it would put a distance between us.
I would lie if I said I didn't want to be some part of his life, but, I can't say that I'm ready to have a big relationship with him either.
So what does that mean?? Heck if I know.
He did tell me, (not bragging) that he has been out with someone a few times.
Ouch! That hurt! But, it was my decision to do this, got to suck that up!
I think I do feel a ping of jealousy! Got to keep that in check.

To be honest, when I dig deep down in myself I think about being married again.
It scares me to death.
It's what I want, but, I'm so afraid of failure again. I can not stand the thought of a second failed marriage.

I will keep you posted on this. I could use your insight on this one.

Take care. Thanks for catching up with me.

K.

Hi Karona-

Well, it looks like we have all the issues resolved. I am a bit worried about the money, but am trusting that God will see us through this. My XH is just so dishonest that it scares me. I guess I have to keep in mind that if he is dishonest about anything I can simply reopen this.

The part that really gets me is that he knows I am an honest person and I feel he preys on it. I really have to keep my guard up. I have also noticed that he has forgotten a few things over the past month or so. They are things that I can prove so I am not worried about anything, but it leaves me wondering is he lying and manipulating, has his past drinking screwed up his memory that much, or is he just cognitively disabled!? None of the choices are very comforting, but I will have to see if it continues. For example, my son is playing soccer. I talked to my XH before signing him up, his wife was there too. You may remember this, but his wife was hesitant, but my XH was like sign him up. Well, the other day when we were talking about wording for our agreementI brought up the haircut and how the two of us and the two of us only are to make decisions together on the kids. I told him his wife has no business in the decision making. Anyway he apologized again, but then blew it off. He then said that I do things without asking as well. I asked him for an example and he brought up soccer. I looked at him like he was kidding and said that I did ask him and his wife was there too. I told him I could even get the date at home if he needed further proof. I tell you, he didn't seem like he was lying, but he seemed totally clueless and blamed it on lack of sleep. Then the other day we agreed to have my attorney type up the stipulation, she charges $100 less an hour than his attorney or the Guardian. He said he was uncomfortable at first, but when I clarified that she wasn't typing up a proposal just our agreement he was fine with it. I told him I'd type up our agreed upon stuff with a note that we were still working on the support stuff and fax it to her. He said okay. Last night as we were finalizing the financial stuff he started talking about who was going to type up the stuff and get it to the Guardian. I asked what he was talking about and he acted totally clueless to the conversation about saving money and I had to go over the whole thing again. It is bizarre to say the least and I can't help but wondering what he's up to.Enough of that though it just gets me fired up!

I have to say I am surprised about the man. You have been pretty hush hush since you broke it off with him. I can honestly say to trust your instincts, in my book that includes butterflies. You have obviously grown in your time apart and taken a good look at yourself and what you want. Maybe he has done the same. You mention he had dated someone else, in light of his feelings for you this was obviously a rebound thing. You say he didn't mention it bragging, he probably wanted to get it out in the open so if you two try again it won't come back to haunt him. I'd give him points for honesty.

My biggest and best advice is to take things slowly and be open about what you need. Just be upfront about things and present them in a kind way. I think the distance between you will help as well. It is big enough to give a little space, but small enough to not hinder anything either. You also have to keep in mind that you have grown and are not the same woman he met. When he met you you were scared, vulnerable, and needy. Now you are assured and confident. What you once needed you now interpret as smothering. I think if you two can both express your feelings and needs you will be able to come up with a comfortable relationship. Just take it slow!

When I read your timeline about when you met him after the affair was exposed and while your daughter was sick I could totally relate. My XH left when I was three months pregnant and my dad was diagnosed with cancer three months after that. He died seven months later when my youngest was only three and a half months old. I too felt very alone at that time. Sure I had an awesome family and great set of friends, but at the end of the day when I came home and put the kids to sleep I was all alone. When I needed my H the most he wasn't there for me and it was at this time that I lost my final feelings for him. The loneliness was horrible, but I never met anyone. Ironically, I was supposed to be set up with my BF shortly after my daughter was born, but it fell through. I have often said it did for a reason because in the months from our original planned meeting to our actual one I grew more than ever. My dad died and I got divorced, but I reclaimed me. I guess what I am trying to say is that I see where you are coming from as I can totally relate.

I know what you mean about marriage too. Although most times I think I'd really love to be married again at others I think there's no way. I think that is normal after what we've gone through. I also think it is normal after gaining the sense of independence that we had to gain whether we wanted to or not.

Well, I better run. It's time to get ready for school. Talk to you later and GOOD LUCK!

Take care and God bless!
K

PS- Any big plans for the weekend? I am getting to see the BF for the first time in almost three weeks. It should be great!

Hi Still~~

I'm hoping for you that financially things will work out.
I can't imagine if my X were able to take money away from me. But, hopefully with the extra time spent with their dad, you will make up for it in utilities and groceries.
No doubt though, it would be tough!

You know, once again, I'm not trying to one up, but I can so relate.
While I was married, I would talk to my X, tell him things, he didn't have a clue what I said.
He pulled that crap all the time.
Now, I email him our daughters appointments. He has the nerve, to ask me to remind him a couple of days before her appt.
Needless to say, I let him know that is his notification from me.
Amazing, I wasn't a good enough wife, but I can STIll be his secretary. Don't think so!

Still,
Once again, you have been so powerful with your words.
I am printing this last reply of yours. It's so on target.
You are so right, I am not the person this guy met.
I never looked at myself the way you wrote about me, but everything is so right on target.
I thank you for being a friend to me!

I am not pursuing anything with him right now.
I do want to go to dinner with him. But, at the same time, I feel like I have unfinished business.
I have this underlying feeling that I need to go on a couple of dates, to rule out that there could be another possibility.
But, at the same time, I'm scared to death of losing someone that treated me like something you would read out of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
I mean to tell you, this guy does those things.
I guess that is why I can't get him out of my mind.

I didn't want you to think I was a complete sap, so I never mentioned him to you.
I wasn't comsumed with thoughts of him, but through the day I would wonder about him.
Then it got to a point of, I wished I bump into him, or he would call.

I think the answer is to take things very slow.
I have told him I felt smoothered. He says he knows, and he was guilty.
So, maybe you are right, maybe we have grown.

So, what about you? How about you and your man?
Have you gotten to spend much time with him lately?
I wish you two the best. It seems like things did time out so well for you. And be thankful that you met him later, instead of sooner.
Take it from me, Miss Confused! I feel like, if this guy would have come fresh into to my life now, I would know what it was, instead of this guessing game.

Take care, and I will talk to you again.
K.

Hi Karona-

Did you have a good weekend? Did you have your girls since your XH had gone off schedule and taken them last weekend or were they gone? My weekend was great! I went to BF's cabin and we had a very relaxing weekend together. I hadn't seen him in almost three weeks. This doesn't normally happen and it was getting very long! Anyway, things went wonderfully and it made me realize again that although or present and near future are very screwed up and will take the scheduling wizardry of a psychic and a magician, the future is ours and I very much want to be with him. We just click, something I never felt with my XH.

Thank you for your concern over me and this settlement. I am worried about the money. When we were divorced I wasn't able to get any support for myself because of the amount of child support. Now the child support is being reduced. It feels like once again he is getting the upper hand and is very scarey, but I have to trust in God. I also had to adhere better to a budget, not one of my strengths, so maybe this is a good thing.

You seem to have a very clear head when it comes to your plans for the man you'd been dating. I do agree from what you've said that it would be nice for you to date a couple of other men. That way you could figure out what you are looking for. Too bad we don't know what the future holds for us! Hang in there, it will happen when you least expect it. I also think going to dinner with him will be a more honest indicator of how you are feeling and how the two of you are together. Good luck!

Any big plans for the week? Last night my XH returned the kids even though in our new arrangement he will keep them Sunday nights. It's like whatever, he fights for one thing yet does another. I know it is because he was going in to work overtime, the same overtime he keeps claiming isn't available.

He has however asked to keep them overnight during the week this week. Actually that was weird as well. He was talking to me about a bunch of stuff and then when he went to leave his wife said, "What about asking?" He was like, "Oh yeah can we keep the kids overnight this week?" I let him as it is going to be the routine, but I found it odd that she had to remind him. Hmmm, could I be right in my feelings that he couldn't care less about the extra time, but wants the extra money and she is driving the whole thing? They also asked about bringing the kids to school in the morning when they have them. I explained that I thought it was rough on the kids having me pick them up after not spending the night with them only to see them for about 10 to 15 minutes. I also explained that one of the benefits to me of them keeping them occasional overnights was the fact that I could get to school when I needed or wanted to vs. getting there when I am required to since it is closer to the kids' arrival time, so they are bringing them. It goes back to that same old business of we want to do this, but are expecting or at least hoping you'll continue doing some of your duties. I say, they asked for it, let them see what it's really like. Of course I realize that his wife will be bearing the bulk of the responsibility, but that is not my problem. It should be interesting to see how things work out.

Well, I better go. I'll talk to you later. Have a great day!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still~

My weekend was kind of quiet. I did have the girls. One had an activity Friday night, and one Sat. night. It gave me one on one time with each.

I had a weak moment and invited the man over Sat evening.
Seeing him was so good last week, and I really missed him.
While it was great to see him, I still felt he need to explore and be sure that he could be the one.
I have to give this one up, and let God handle it because in my hands, I'm making a mess of it.
I have no idea why I'm so messed up about him.
He treats me wonderful. Why this is so hard for me to accept is beyond me.

Like you said, it would be nice to see into the future. I imagine I could be so much more patient, but I guess I have to wait and be surprised.
I have been walking with a couple of moms. Talking to them has been helpful.
When I hear them talking about the selection here, it makes me wants to run to this guy, arms open! The stories are pretty scary.

Gosh, your X is something else. Mine and yours love to keep the upper hand, and make us puppets.
I'm about convinced.
They want all the conveniences, and we need to pick up the slack at all times.

On Sunday, my X wanted my youngest to come play with his OW's D.
I guess it's hard for them to entertain her.
I started getting a cold and felt like dirt so I asked my oldest if she wanted to go along. She said that was fine.
Well, when X picked up youngest and oldest joined, he said, OH, your coming too? I didn't know that.
He is so rude. How can he ask one and not the other? I guess that blew his plan. He wanted hands free time, now he might have to entertain his child.
I have to stop trying to figure mine out. He drives me crazy!

I'm glad you had such a great time with your BF.
I hope things will work out for you in the near future and you will be closer. That must be so hard.
It's wonderful that you have such a great relationship with him.

Take care, talk to you soon.
K.

Hi Karona-

I'm glad you had a good weekend with your girls. One on one time is something I really miss with my kids. My XH is now promising that I should be able to get some since he has the kids more often, but we will have to see.

Your XH is such a jerk. Why he has to make your daughter feel like she's not wanted is so beyond me. Why wouldn't you assume when he asked one to come over that both would be included.

It looks like our modified custody agreement is simply a matter of signing on the dotted line. We have had a few last minute changes, complete with bickering, but I think we have the bumps ironed out. All in all I am hoping this will be for the best,but am more convinced then ever that my XH hasn't really changed and is still a totally self absorbed and self serving idiot. Oh well, I am handing it over to God. I have done all I can do.

Tonight is the first weeknight my kids will be spending overnight with their dad. It has been okay, but the middle two kids seemed a bit upset. My daughter, who is six asked me if they were spending more time with their dad because I didn't want them anymore. It tore me apart, and I reassured her that it had nothing to do with me not wanting them, it was just their daddy wanted more time with them too. With that she seemed okay and added that I was right because I have them all the time. My son seemed bothered with who would help him do his homework, but I assured him that his dad and stepmom would help and I was only a phone call away. My oldest understands more and seemed okay with things and of course the youngest was pretty much oblivious. It was needless to say one of the hardest days I've had in a long time. I did call them tonight and they were doing well so I felt a little better.

I don't know what to tell you about the man. How did it go Saturday? You didn't really say. Something makes you keep holding back, do you have any idea what it is? I hear what you are saying about the shortage of good men. The small town I live in is extremely limited when it comes to searching for a man. I too get scared at what is out there. I am glad you are getting out more and getting in touch with other singles, they are your best source of support and guidance.


Well, I better run. I'll talk to you soon.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still~

Well, how did the overnight thing go? That must have been so weird for you. I'm sure you were a little lost in the evening, especially bedtime.
I can imagine that whole thing. Wondering if they got their work done, if they got to bed on time, if they got to school on time.... the list just goes.
It must have made your heart sink to have your daughter say that to you. If she only knew that you were not the driving source in this whole deal.
My guess is, the wife won't be liking all the new responsibilities. I'm not saying your children are hard, but children do take time, and if you are not accustomed to them, it would be hard.
If she is the load baring party, this arrangement will get ugly, and quick!
What do you think, one month? two? hmmm, we will see.

Good question on the man.
I think it's fear on my end. I think me seeing him, in my mind, I think marriage.
I don't know if it's because I was married for so long, and I look long term, or it's my age, and I don't want to waste time with something that wouldn't be forever.
This man has wonderful, wonderful qualities.
He would treat me the way I long to be treated. Would never want for a thing, including attention, devotion, love, etc...

Here's the deal, I think.
If I'm the one doing the pursuing of him, it feels safe.
If he starts to call me, I feel crowded.
Is this the classic case of the cake eater. That being ME? Don't like that thought.
I like him in my life, there is love there, but I want my time alone too.
Another conclusion I have come to is this. That I have this feeling that if I met someone from the area, I would feel like I fit into this community.
I'm not talking about the status end of it, but to have roots to this place.
However, the flip side of that is, to have someone from here, there is dirty laundry attached at some point, and everyone knows that!
I find myself wondering, how would he fit into a social situation in my circles. I guess that would be something that I would have to try. I won't know until I try it.

I do feel it would be very healthy for me to see the world a little. I don't have a desire to go out with a bunch of men, but give me a couple to try.

Goodness, it's so complicated.
Bye the way, I enjoyed my time with him a lot Sat. I could have stayed up all night talking to him.
Just catching up, laughing, remembering.
There is chemistry there, for sure.

Anyway, if something jumps out at you, please share your thoughts. I'm open.

As always, thanks for your inputs.
Talk to you soon.
K.

This may sound crazy, but it's almost as if something has been revealed to me.

I take a womens Bible study class on Wednesdays.

Well, today, topics just jump out at me.

What we were studying today, a part of it says, God knows what your wants are, what you desire, etc. and provides these things for you.
He gives us the things that he knows would make us happy.

So, I sit there, and apply this in my own life.
I think, well, this man that has come into my life has the qualities that I ever desired. Granted, he's not drop dead georgeous, but attractive, and so giving.
Why do I question this then??
Then I go a step further, and I think, if I met a woman like this guy, I would welcome her with open arms. This is the type of person I would want to be my friend.
So why then is it so hard to accept in a male form??

Anyway, this was fresh in my mind, thought I would write it.
Just a question for myself to ponder!!!!

Thanks,
K.

Hi Karona-

Sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. Things have been really hectic around here. It's like with the kids not here I find myself cramming in things I normally can't do (unfortunately mostly meetings and work) and then when they get back I feel the overwhelming need to make up for lost time.

They survived their overnight. Actually it's probably best for them, well, at least the little ones so they can get to bed at their regular bed time and stuff. I know their stepmom does all the homework stuff with them and she is really into playing happy homemaker (I honestly am starting to believe that her lifetime goal is to stay home and that my kids play a key role in her getting her way) so they are well taken care of. Granted, on my end it is easy to see that my XH hasn't changed, but with her doing all the work it leaves him free to play, which is what he's good at. The part I worry about is when it dawns on her that he thinks she has to work and the double load gets to much. I've lived that life and it isn't pretty.

I think fear is driving you in your relationship right now. Obviously he wants to see you as he came over as soon as you invited him. Something I did notice is that you say there is chemistry there. Before you were saying there wasn't. Maybe your time away has made you realize some things. You also need to get marriage out of your head. Why even think about that now? It is a subject that seems to overwhelm you (normal after what you went through the first time around), but it is something that you shouldn't even be worrying about right now. Take things slow, you say if he was female he is the type of friend you'd seek out, well, go with that. Enjoy your time together and keep things at a pace you are comfortable with. If you feel smothered, discuss it with him. I think if you take things slowly and keep your feelings open you will find a relationship that you enjoy. Also, take him out when you go with your friends, they know you so they can give you input too. Not that anyone's opinions really matter, but your own, but they might see something you miss.

Relax and let things happen. You may pleasantly surprised!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still~~

UGGHHH! That must kill you to address her as the stepmother! I can't imagine when that day rolls around for me.
But, I suppose as long as she is bending every which way to please hubby, and your children, it can't be all bad.
So, your thinking she wants to be a stay at home mom eh? pretty interesting, you may be right on target!
Amazing!!

Any updates with the overnights with their dad?

I didn't have power Friday night, and into Sat. we got it back Sat AM. This house sure is quiet with no TV or lights. I guess it was our share of Ivan.
I did have the girls this weekend.
I went on a date Sat night with the man. It was wonderful to say the least.
I don't have any idea what will happen this time around, but it does seem different. Maybe the time apart was a positive thing.
I have expressed my need to have space. He doesn't call me all the time, and we are not seeing each other a lot.
He is in a wedding this weekend, and he has asked me to go with him.
It's 3 hours away.
I have already made plans with a friend for Sat. and I plan on keeping those plans. We are going to a 40th b-day party for a friend of her's, husband.
If I go, I would go for the rehearsal Friday only.
I think it's important that I continue on this soul searching thing I have been doing.
I have continued to be upfront with this guy about my concerns, and maybe going out with others. He says he understands, so I guess I have to go with that.

This is the week I go with my youngest daughters teacher to the seminar. I still don't know much about it. I think it's a reading program, but not 100% sure.

I hope all is well with you. Fill me in when you have time on your life.

Take care,
K.

Hi Karona-

I keep hoping this whirlwind I am living will slow down soon. I find myself longing for the lazy days of summer! I can barely catch my breath and keep my head above water lately.

It sounds like things are going well for you and the man. You seem to have a different perspective this time around and so does he. I think the fact that he is respecting your space is wonderful. Enjoy!

Things are going well here. The overnights at Dad's have been going well so far. Of course on my end I haven't noticed the free time due to work and meetings, but I am looking forward to the day when I'm not swamped and can enjoy a little of the time to myself.

Last weekend we got to spend time with my BF up at his cabin and it went really well. The kids had fun and so did the adults. It still is so interesting to me to seem all of them interact. It's been a whole new world for my BF since we've dated and he's gotten to know the kids. It's been a real change of pace from his bachelor lifestyle!

I am free this weekend and think I am heading south to see him. I am looking forward to the culture that the bigger city offers.

How about you? How is the conference going? You'll have to fill me in. Last week I attended a training session for a strengthening families class. I have now been chosen to lead a group so I am excited. I am hoping it will allow me to help some families in need along with strenghtening my own family.

Do you have any big plans for the weekend?

I better run. Talk to you soon!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still~~

I just don't seem to make it on here very much these days.
Funny how when school gets going, how our lives change!

That is so wonderful that your children fit so well into your BF's world. And what a change for him! From one to six!
He must be a terrific guy to be so adjustable and accepting. I'm happy for you!

I did go to the seminar Weds.
I enjoyed my time with little K's teacher very much. She has been through so much. She became a widow early. I'm guessing she is 43ish maybe.
She is now remarried, and seems to be doing well. What a nice person. I never knew her other than by name, but I like her very much.
As far as the sem., I don't think the principal had a clue what he sent them to. It was a reading literacy program.
It was for Title 1 schools, which ours is not.
I'm not real familiar with all of that, but my understanding is that it has to do with income levels of the children in the school. We are fortunate, that our area has higher income than others around us. Downside, our kids don't get the funding the other schools get.
Our bottom line though is parental involement.
They wanted us to have workshops at the school. Invite the whole family for this reading program.
My thought is, we would only get a few parents, and those would be the parents thats children don't need the help. Those are the parents that are already teaching their kids.
Anyway, they were told they had to do two workshops.
I think they are going to incorporate it into their school day, and invite parents in at that time.

As far as my guy.
I'm still going out with him, and enjoying it!
We have been very careful with time together to make she it doesn't become too frequent.
I would still like to go out maybe, and just know what exactly my feelings are, but at least I'm happy for now!

I have met a new friend, and her and I do things together.
She is so fun to be with, and she would like to have someone in her life also.

So, tonight I'm going with guy to a rehearsal dinner, as he is in a wedding this weekend.
I had made plans some time ago with this girl to go to a party, so I will do that Sat eve with her.
Sun I have a baby shower, SO, I will not be sitting too much this weekend.

Enjoy your time with your BF.
Hope you do something fun.

Take care.
K.

Good morning Karona-

You were an early riser today. I think there is an hour time difference between us, but you were up early none the less! I know what you mean about getting to these boards recently. This summer I had so much time on my hands and now I am swamped. What a difference a month makes!
I was also going through yet another time of crisis in dealing with my XH and that always sends me here. I do need to be more consistant and supportive of everyone here. This place has gotten me through some major low times and I need to return the favor.

Sorry the conference wasn't anything you can really use, but it was nice you got to know your D's teacher better. I firmly believe that parents and teachers work so much better when they can see eachother more as people and not just in the roles of parent and teacher. I hear what you are saying about the workshops at school as well. We are not Title either, but even in the title schools I find that usually turnouts are low and the people you really need to come don't show and you get the already involved parents. I guess it's just life wherever you may live.

I am glad things are going well with the guy. Keep your heart, mind, and options open and who knows what you will discover. It is nice that you have met this new friend as well. Being a SAHM you seemed a little bummed with not being able to meet people. I am glad you are enjoying your friend and getting out more.

It sounds like you have a busy weekend. Enjoy yourself. Who knows what fun is lurking around the corner? I thought I was heading south to see my BF, but now it looks like we're heading to the cabin, hunting season you know! Anyway, while the bigger city was sounding fun, now I don't have the drive adn that is a huge bonus. Being at the cabin also means I can catch up on some corrections while he hunts. It is also relaxing there so it will be nice to kick back.

The kids had another overnight last night and will now be gone through the weekend. It is so weird to have them gone. Yesterday the three youngest started asking why they had to stay there so much. It is hard to hear, but we talked about it and I told them to give it a chance. They really didn't have any real negatives except they missed me and home. I am hoping they will adapt because I know my XH doesn't care if they miss me or are down because of it.

Well, I better get ready for work. It's been nice chatting again. Have a great weekend. I can't wait to hear the details!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still~~

Thought I better stop by and check in with you.
The weekend was so busy, and this week has been full too.

I have had domestic issues this week. I thought I had a gas leak in the house. I had the gas company out two days making sure there were no problems. Seems I'm just not used to the smell that gas appliances put out. I have used the oven in the past, but thought I was noticing a smell.
I guess it's normal.
Yesterday, my washer broke, so I have been trying to get that issue resolved.

Anyway,
Friday night went well. I felt like the only woman in the room. This guy has a way of doing that. He does make me feel very important.
I'm still keeping some distance there as far as seeing him, and it does make my heart grow fonder.
I have invited him for dinner this Saturday night, and I'm looking forward to that.

Saturday night was nice to go out with the girls, but, pretty much a let down all in all. The one girl we were with likes to go to bars. That's just not my thing.
I like restaurants, with a band, but the bar scene doesn't do a thing for me.

Sunday I had the baby shower, it was nice, and she got a lot of nice gifts.

I have been so tired this week. I think it's the change in the weather. I could curl up and sleep, but I haven't.

I have been tossing something around. A good friend of mine has a Physical Therapy business. They are opening a new location, and she has asked me twice to come work for them.
It's supposed to be part time.
I'm hesitant about it. One reason being that I have not worked in 8 years, and I hate to not be around for the girls.
Second being, we are good friends, and I don't want to put our friendship in jepordy.
It's something for me to consider anyway.
I would schedule and do office work.

So, did you have a good weekend? Fill me in.
How are the kids? Is all going well with your X and them staying with him?
That would broke my heart too, to have your children ask if you didn't want them as much.
You handled it well.
OH, if they only knew.

Write when you can and fill me in on your goings on.

Take Care,
K.

Hi Karona-

It's good to hear from you. I still mean to set up an e-mail account, but never seem to get around to it. Life has been so hectic! I feel like I am constantly struggling to stay afloat. I keep telling myself that the beginning of the school year is always hectic and changing grades makes it even worse, but I am running myself ragged. I know what you mean about feeling tired. This whole week I have fallen asleep putting my youngest to sleep. I have gotten to the point where I dread her wanting to lie down as I know my night will be ending soon as well and it is not very productive. Luckily I have been ramming during the days so I am keeping afloat.

It sounds like your life is a lot more exciting than mine lately. I am glad to hear that things are going so well for you. I think the fact that you are taking it slow is great, but I think the fact that your guy is respecting it this time is even better. How wonderful. I hear you about the bar scene, it's not me either. I have a newly divorced friend and she likes to hit the bars. I've done it a couple of times, but dread it. Luckily I have been busy enough that I've had excuses not to go, as she is easily offended. I think the fact that your feelings are growing for this guy is probably furthering your distaste for the bar scene as well. I don't know, it's such a sleazy desperate scene where I come from. When I was available I felt so desperate when we'd go out to the bars as I'd look around and cringe thinking, "Is this it?" Since I am with someone it is like why waste the time going somewhere only to be hit on by scarey men and come home smelling awful.

How are your girls doing? How has the XH been? My kids are doing fine, although my oldest is experiencing a few growing pains in middle school. She seems to feel she is much older than she really is and is entitled to a lot of liberties. I am tightening her reigns a bit and hoping to snap her back to reality. She did another thing that shocked me tonight as well. She had made a family tree for a school project and came to show me her almost finished work to put in a few birthdates. I almost fell over because on my side she had my BF listed as her stepdad. I asked her what that was about and she said, "Well he might as well be, he's part of our family now." I just said, "Oh," and went on with our conversation. I guess it just shocked me because she is the child who holds back the most and never lets her feelings or thoughts be known. It was a big eye opener on how attached kids can become and why we as parents really need to take this involving them in relationships stuff seriously. Don't get me wrong, things with my BF are going wonderfully and I really can't imagine him not being here, but on the other hand, the side of me that has been hurt before, definately never wants my kids to have that upheaval again.

The overnights seem to be going okay. The happy couple is simply gloating in the fact that they have more time, stretching the truth as always. She told my youngest's sitter that they will be picking up and dropping off more as things are 50/50 now. Hello? I don't think so, it's so pathetic. They are in over drive to prove themselves, but so far I have backed off and let them make asses out of themselves. It's like just do it, don't advertise it. They are also dropping off the middle two kids way too early for school claiming they have to to get to work on time. I don't know how to handle it as I know if I complain they will say that I should pick them up and I know that is what they are hoping for.

This week has been calm as I have had the kids all week since my XH is working nights. Tonight my third asked when they were going back to dad's. I told her it wouldn't be until next week and she was like "Okay." What really got me was that her younger sister upon hearing this got all excited and said, "We're not going to dad's? Ever again?" I told her no, that they were going there just not for a couple of days. At this she got mad and said, "Well, I don't want to go there ever again and you can't make me because they're mean and I don't like them." At this my other daughter chimed in, "Oh Mom, I know how she feels and I remember when I used to tell them, but I got in trouble so now I just put a smile on my face and act like I like it." Not exactly comforting words for a mother who doesn't want her kids going there in the first place. It's weird because they never ask for him and seem perfectly fine when they don't see him no matter how long in between. To top it off, he rarely calls now. Even this week when he hasn't seen them, he's only called once. It's like out of sight, out of mind. All his so called love and need to be with his kids is so fake, it makes me puke!

About the job, on one hand I can see your excitement as I know you have toyed with the idea and would like to get out and about a bit more. On the other hand I can see your reluctance to let go of your freedom, being able to be there for the girls 24/7, and not wanting to mess up your friendship. That is a tough one that I will have to ponder for a bit.

Any exciting plans for the weekend? The kids and I are hanging low. It is homecoming weekend so we may take part in some of the festivities, but other than that it is time to clean house and relax. My BF leaves for another hunting trip as well, so I will have two weekends to myself. As much as I will miss seeing him, I have to admit that with things as hectic as they are the down time is really more appealing right now. Isn't that awful? I shouldn't say that, but the constant running on the weekends really takes its toll. Just last weekend my BF and I talked about where things were headed and he said that he really thinks we need to shift gears into getting him up north. He said it may take a while, but he would rather be up here even if I wasn't and since I am here and not able to move, it only makes sense. I was totally shocked and excited, but can't get my hopes up too high as I know that even with him working towards that goal it will take time, most likely a few years.

Well, I better go. I couldn't sleep so I decided to check in as I just don't seem to get here often lately. I know you are busy too, but I still enjoy talking with you. Fill me in on things when you get a chance.

Take care and God bless!
K