Hi Karona-

Thanks for the support. He called last night, but it was late so I didn't answer. I figured that if he wanted to talk to me he could have called at a decent time. This has always been an issue of ours. Anyway, he called this morning and asked if we could talk. He said he hasn't been sleeping and doesn't know where this is coming from.

I don't know, can he really be that oblivious? We have had the priorities, etc. conversations over and over again. He always rationalized everything, but then says he'll put in more effort. He always does for a week or so and then it is back to normal. I am not blaming him, but it really hasn't been great for a while and it's not like we haven't discussed it.

I do feel badly though. I just really need this time to find myself. I wish I would have felt this way sooner, but I didn't. To tell you the truth, the more soul searching I do, the more I see problems existing for longer than I thought, mostly with the priorities, but coming off of my marriage they seemed trivial. As time goes on, I am seeing how they effect me, and I want more.

I will talk to him tonight, but I am not looking forward to it. I know I have to do this, yet I know he will try to convince me otherwise.

I will give you an update tomorrow.

I too, wish we were closer. I would love to hang out in person.

Have a great night!

Take care and God bless!
K

I know this is tuff Still, but you sound to me like you have putting a lot of thought into this already.

I think coming from where we did with our x's, that these men that came into our lives seemed like true gems. And they are. But, I do think we need to be true to ourselves and take the time we need for ourselves.

I have not heard from the guy I had been going out with all week. I have missed some of the conversations, but mostly I think I'm relieved.

He too tries to convince me to continue dating him. For me, there is a piece missing, and I don't know what it is. I feel like I have to take time for myself, and figure it out.

Anyway, I will wait to see what happened with your conversation.

Take care.

K.

Good morning Karona-

Well, we had the conversation and it wasn't fun. He kept asking me why, but when I told him he wouldn't accept it and would start the whole conversation again.

To top it off he started offering all kinds of thing like making me a priority, more time with the kids, moving here, etc. When I asked him why now suddenly, he said we've been talking about all of this for a long time and now is the time to do it. It is amazing how hearing stuff you have wanted for so long only hits you in the gut when it is too late.

He said he was going to come up here and whisk me away for the weekend. I begged him not to. I feel really badly, but know this is what I have to do. I am hoping that last night's call was the last for a while. I honestly cannot take it.

Have a great weekend!

Thanks again for the support.

Take care and God bless!

K

Hello,
Thanks for your interest on my thread. I know both of you are much farther down the dating spectrum than I am. When the time comes for decisions, I know I have two great resources in both of you.
Thanks.
Have a great weekend!

Hi newly-

Have a great weekend.

Enjoy yourself. I would much rather be at your point in this dating game than mine.

None-the-less I am still optimistic that real love is out there waiting for me and I am not going to settle for anything less!

Take care and God bless!
K

I agree with you 100% Still.
The 3 of us will find it, and not settle for anything less.

Have you heard anymore from you xBF? I hope not. I mean that only in the nicest way.
I know you need this time, and it can be annoying when they call and you are not ready for that.

I have not heard from the guy either. I have to say, I'm glad. But, I will also add that it is lonely.

I'm wondering if the other guy has caught wind that you are not dating now?? Keep me posted.

I hope you have a good weekend.

I will talk to you next week.

Newly, I wish you ladies a great and safe trip!

K.

Hi Karona-

Thanks for thinking of me. The weekend went well. Well it kind of did. I went out with friends Friday night and drank a little too much. Let's just say I was the life of the party! Anyhow, I felt a little under the weather come Saturday and still feel embarrassed. Let's just say I was a social butterfly!

I have not heard from my XBF since Thursday. I am very thankful for that. I was worried that he would call or show up this weekend, but he didn't. I totally relate to what you are saying as we need this time to ourselves.

I have no idea if the other man knows I am single now, however, my friends did advertise it quite a bit on Friday. Being that I live in a small town, who knows!

Have fun with your girls tonight. I am having dinner with my kids and my mom. Remember, age is all relative. You are as young as you think you are. I know for myself that at 36 I am much happier than I was 10 years ago!

Take care and God bless!
K

Oh Still,
You had me giggling.

I have got to meet you in person some day.
Your too funny!
I would have loved to have been there to see the show.

Something tells me you needed this night.
It sounds like a load has been lifted, and your taking some time for you.
That's great!!

I'm glad he didn't show up. I don't think that is what you need right now.

I think about you alot, always wondering how it's going. I'm glad you are doing well.

I took the girls to dinner last night at Outback.
We even split a Chocolate Thunder from Down Under!

I think they felt special going out on Valentines Day. That made my day!

Take care of yourself.
Keep me posted on the goings on!

K.

Oh Karona you make me laugh! I keep wondering how many people saw me! I was the dancing queen and I don't dance! I even got asked out, but declined. Thank goodness I had two good friends to run interference for me. Luckily one was a guy and that really helped. I feel like I have so much up in the air and I just want to have fun for a while!

Your night with the girls sounded fun. I bet they thought they were pretty special going out with you. You are a great mom! The kids and I went to my mom's. It was really low key, but very nice.

Did you hear from your man friend? I didn't and I am continuing to be relieved. I don't want to hurt him, but I know I am doing what I need and want to do.

Well, I better run.

Take care and God bless!
K

Goodness Still,
I had to read your last post twice.
I misread something, and thought, WOW she really did have an adventureous night out!

When I read, that you were out with friends, and that you got asked out, and luckily, one was a guy, you had me wondering.
But, I re-read, and I figured it all out.

You sound like me.
I don't dance too often. Not that I wouldn't want to, it's just that I feel too stiff.
I think it adds to a fun time to get up and do it though.

I have not heard from the guy.
I know it's for the best also.
When I'm so unsure, it's not fair to him.
I wish I had more single friends to go out with.

Glad you and your kids had a nice night last night.
And yes, my girls felt pretty special going out to dinner on such a big day. They are special, they deserved it.

Take care.

K.

Karona you had me laughing out loud again. Yes, all people hitting on me were male, but the friends running interference were one male and one female! Luckily it is mid-week and things have died down!

On another funny note, my oldest had a basketball game last night and I went to watch. Of course the XH and wife were there, anyhow, a male teacher I know who works at the school we were at saw me and came over to talk. Neither the XH or wife know this guy. You should have seen their heads turn as they checked him out and seemingly tried to listen to our conversation! Then when I got home, the wife called me to ask about my summer plans. I have gone on a trip for a week with my XBF for the past three years right at the beginning of summer vacation and she wanted to know if I was still going this year. She said that they were planning their vacation plans. I know they are generally anal, but this is really pushing it. I told her that I would not be going on my trip this year and she was like really. I told her yes and told her to plan away! It just makes me laugh!

Any big plans for the weekend? The kids and I will be taking in some basketball, but other than that we are lying low. It is good, I need to clean my house!

Talk to you soon!

Take care and God bless!

K

I bet you were laughing.

I really did have to re-read what you wrote.
It mad perfect sense the second time around.

I'm so glad you had a good time. You deserved it!

How funny about the teacher.
I bet they were craning their heads to hear.
And how conspicuous of her to call you. You know they must know something is up.
They must not have enough going on in their lives to be so concerned with yours!

I have no plans for the weekend. The girls will be with their dad this weekend.
There is a teacher at my YD's school that told me to call her sometime for dinner. I have been thinking about calling her. I don't know her well at all, but it would beat staying home.

Thanks for the reply to my other post.
I will let you know what he does.
The reason I think he may try to trade that ring in is because, believe it or not, that is how I got mine. He was engaged before me.
He kept the ring, and traded it in for mine.
I didn't mention in my other post, but will, that after some time of searching for the ring, I did turn it in on insurance as I had it covered.
So, I know, in his mind, he is thinking, she got the money for it, I will keep the ring.

Maybe I'm all wrong on this, but there is history of his actions. Not to mention the fact that he is cheap!

Have a good night.

K>

Hi Karona-

How was your weekend? Mine was nice. I actually ended up with a free night from the kids as my XH had relatives come up who wanted to see them. Nothing major went on, but all in all it was nice.

Then again, my XBF has called a couple of times this past week. I have always missed the calls and didn't call back, but yesterday I decided I should just in case there was something serious. Well, I should have stuck to my guns. He started by asking me where we were since I had left him hanging the last time we talked. I immediately put a stop to this and told him I had not left him hanging, but had told him something he didn't want to hear. He then went on to say he didn't realize I was serious or he would have changed, etc. He says that he/we deserve another shot and this time will be different, etc. I told him if that was really true he would have done it long ago and that you don't change because you have to you change because you want to etc. Either way I told him that for now I need to do this for me.

He didn't take it well and asked about me seeing other men, etc. I told him that I hadn't, but was considering it. I really don't want to be hurtful, but I don't want to lead him on either. He said that this time he will respect my need for space, but we will see.

How about you? Anything new and exciting in the dating world? Have you heard from the XBF?

I tell you, life sure is never dull!

Have a great day!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi K!

Here's a blast from the past. Started to read the entire post but then skipped to the end. Have to say that I'm glad that BF is XBF. You could tell from your posts what was going on, but that it is really ahrd to leave once you have put so much into a relationship, but if after three years it's not working, then probably best not to wasts any more time. Man that sounds so blunt. Sorry about that.

But it's better to marry someone who you are totally 110% about then only %75.

Still working on my new marriage. Marriage is tough when you aren't ignoring the problems that arise in your life and trying to deal with them. Not to mention trying to blend 7 kids, dealing with crazy exes and trying to still heal ourselves.

Sometimes I think it's easier to be single.

Just wanted you to remember what marriage was really like after the infatuation floats away and reality sets in.

Sounds like you had a good time this past Valentine's Day. Keep giving yourself those moments of joy! You deserve it!

K

Now mother of 7. 4 mine 2 his and 1 ours.
Ex and OW still married and still driving me crazy.

Hi K-

This was sure a pleasant surprise! You are not being blunt, you are being honest and I know you are right. I always appreciate your opinion as we have been through so much together. Can you believe that this past Saturday, February 19, was the three year anniversary of my divorce? Boy does time fly!

In that time I have grown so much as a person and much of that is due to this site and the wonderful people on it. It is weird because even though so much has happened since then, I can still remember those days vividly and I don't know how I would have gotten through them without this site.


So how are you doing? Your life must be crazy with the blended family and all. I am going to blunt here, how is it going? I know you don't post much anymore, but I sense from your posts that things aren't all as you would like. I know you got pregnant and married sooner then planned, but is everything alright? You are right about things being tougher when you actually deal with them, but that is what makes them work in the long run right?

How is everything else going? I can imagine you have your hands full as I do with my four. Seven kids is just amazing! You continue to be an incredible woman.

It was great hearing from you. Pop in from time to time and keep us posted.

Take care and God bless!

The other K

Hi Still!

Glad you had a pop in from an old friend here.
That's so nice.

So, your xbf called you. I hate it that it took him too long to wake up. You are one strong woman!
I'm proud of you!!
And 3 years now d'd! Time goes so quickly.
It's amazing isn't it.
You seem to be doing well, and it sounds like you are liking your time to yourself. I'm glad for you.

As for me,
well, I did see my xbf, or whatever I should call him.
I do still have very strong feelings for him.
In my case, absence makes my heart grow so much fonder.
I'm finding that maybe I'm not ready to date other people right now, as much as I need to get my self in order.
I need to fix myself from within.
I have been on such a emotional roller coaster for 3 years. I swear, if my daughters illness wouldn't have happened, I could fly through this other process. But that is not how it happened.
Anyway,
I did go out to dinner with him Sat night. I enjoyed his company, but it was a very distant feeling. He is the one this time putting the distance in there.
And, it needs to be. But, it feels a whole bunch different with him being the one to do it.

We don't have plans on dating too much right now. I think we are going to let things kind of cool off and see what happens.
It's fair to both of us I think. But, I do miss his company.

I called a couple of my friends today that live where I used to, in Daytona. I'm trying to plan a weekend away with them. I'm trying to do some things for myself, that might make me happier inside. One has been married for 25 yrs. and the other just got remarried 3 yrs ago. I'm hoping they will have some good info. to share with me.

Thanks for catching me up.

OH, news flash!!
I got the ring back!!!!I was so shocked. And, totally wrong!

The girls were excited about it!

Take care!
K.

Hi Karona-

Yes, GIIC and I go way back and it is nice to hear from her. I always appreciate the friendship and support you all give me.

Things are going well. I feel badly for saying this, but I feel like a weight has been lifted. I don't know how this will all turn out, but with every passing day I am more confident that I made the right choice for me. I am lucky to have a very busy schedule so I am enjoying being able to do all of my stuff rather than sacrificing it. Yes, I know I sound selfish, but I can't help it.

My kids now know as well. I told my oldest the other day as she had heard part of my phone conversation with him. I was really shocked because when I told her right away she said she understood and said I probably wanted someone who would be here more and do more with us as a family. The younger three were not so understanding. They really like him and the middle two called me stupid and mean. Oh well, they aren't old enough to understand. This too will pass. It's not like they saw him much anyway.

I can understand your feelings for this man. He has treated you very well. It must be weird to have him backing off. Keep an open mind on everything, what is meant to be will be.

A weekend with your old friends would be great. It would give you some fresh perspective and also sounds like a lot of fun. You really deserve the best, don't settle for less!

I am shocked and happy for you about the ring. I guess he did the right thing after all. It wasn't so much a monetary thing as it was a sentimental one. I bet the girls are excited.

I better run.

Take care and God bless!
K

Kids are funny aren't they Still.

My girls want me to get married so bad.
I will NOT jump into that though.
I know too much about it, and know that I never want to be divorced again.

Our kids just want us to be happy. They see their dads (yours and mine) with their choices, and they are not alone, and they don't want us to be alone.

I'm happy for you that you are comfortable with your decision. I know what you mean about the weight thing. I had felt that way before.
But, lately, as I said, I have been a little lost.

I'm trying to concentrate more on myself. Figure myself out, and then maybe, I can be more relationship ready.

So, any plans for the weekend? I'm thinking this is your weekend alone.
I will have my girls this weekend. Maybe we will rent a movie, nothing big planned.
I wish I had family near to visit.

Nothing else going on with my xbf. We have talked, but it's still distant, which is the best for now.

Take care, and thanks for being there for me!
K.

Hi Karona-

I have been sensing your feelings of uncertainty lately. Remember that this is a process and you will go through many of the stages multiple times before you get it all figured out. When you write you sound like I was feeling this fall. I think it is normal. Just remember to focus on yourself and the girls and stay positive. You have so much going right for you.

Well, the XBF called again this morning. I didn't answer, but he left messages on both my cell and home phones saying that he thinks he deserves more after almost three years together and just wants to talk. Funny, but I seem to recall having the same conversation with him a few times. What is there to say? I know I sound harsh, but this is driving me nuts. I feel that he is totally disrespecting my decision and it is pushing me further away.

It is my weekend alone. Actually my X works Friday night so I have the kids and we are going to a basketball game. Saturday my oldest has a tournament and I am going with my mother to watch her. Then Saturday night I am going to dinner and a movie with a friend. It should be a good weekend.

Enjoy your time with your girls. Let me know if you rent anything good!

Hang in there, you deserve only the best!

Take care and God bless!
K

K,
You rate! Having GIIC drop in to check on you is great.
I can't imagine blending 7 kids. If GIIC reads this, hello from newly. I think of you often when I hear the song GIIC on the radio.

I do like reading this thread to give me an idea of what to expect in the future. I'm still swooning after 2.5 months with someone who I'm not yet ready to introduce - and your recent posts remind me why. Kids do get attached.
And he's not ready to meet the kids either. He jokes that I'll marry a divorced dad who will understand. I told him a never married man with no kids is easier to incorporate than a blended family - less baggage.