Do you want to know what I think? I think each of us should to get to “know ourselves” after a break up or death. When a relationship ends, we need time to mourn and we need time to see who we are now. Relationships change us. The end of relationships has the power to change us even more if we’re willing to search for the lessons.

Funnily enough, I felt ready for dating about nine months ago. I feel less ready now. Oh, and for those who like semantics, I mean going out with a man who has the possibility of more than friendship, but not sleeping with him or become exclusive. I’m not afraid, just ambivalent. And here’s the kicker. I KNOW I don’t want an intense, time-consuming relationship with responsibilities in my life right now. Unfortunately, men seem to be looking for one of two things from a woman my age: immediate sexual gratification or marriage, neither of which they’ll be getting from me.

GDP:
Thank you ever so much for the granular clarification of my post, ye ole' word smithy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


DTIA:
Point of order ... "I am a SHE [female]".

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ August 18, 2004, 02:11 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

It is really easy for all of us to judge each other, not knowing our personal character, the fabric of who we are as people. It is easy to make generalizations about what it will take to heal, to recover personally. It is really convenient to judge what it takes for someone's heart to be truly originally vested in their marriage, or make generalizations about what a person who was TRULY married in mind, body, and spirit will need to properly heal. But, in my opinion, you would be dead wrong to offer up that kind of generalization or judgement.

I am NOT naive enough to think I am completely whole or completely healed from this ordeal to recommitt to a serious, marital relationship right now with someone else. In my humble, and perhaps mistaken perspective, I only just think we need to sometimes accept that an individual's recovery plan will not fit some pre-prescribed formula. And the amount of time it may take one person to gain clarity, introspective perspectives, and ultimately, be healed, may take another person a different time all together. I simply believe that we cannot possibly offer a cookie cutter approach to all of this HELL.

That is why I believe in time. Time. Time to heal. Time to discover the true essence of someone else. Time to figure out if there are unresolved issues that have not surfaced before within ourselves. And time to let our families heal. Time to feel holidays, and triggers. Time to discover things that you want to improve or grasp about yourself, as you wade through all of it. Time, if used wisely, can better prepare us for a healthy, tested, constructive relationship in the future. So, in my opinion, if I meet someone who seems to be a good match to my likes and dislikes, time will surely prove that. Something I did not observe with WH. And the time I did spend, there were a hundred warning signs I missed. I can only hope at the very least, I have wised-up enough to potentially see them in a potential dating relationship! GOSH...I HOPE!!!

But, I see no harm in coming to a place where you know you are capable of facing the world again (even the dating world), trepidaciously, maybe, and going for it. Take a step. Don't take the plunge, but take a step at least.

I also believe immensely in personal empowerment. I see no value in wallowing. I see no value in getting "stuck." I see no value in letting a horrible personal experience become the crutch that keeps you from taking risks, from living your life. And I am not saying this in reference to moving forward or not in romantic relationships, but, in life in general. I am the type to get up, figure out what the hell just happened and why, do some deep, internal investigation on the part I played in it and WHY, and figure out if there is any benefit in enduring this...what can be the silver lining. Why did I have to go through this? WHAT DID I NEED TO LEARN? And, maybe more importantly, DID I LEARN IT???

I personally believe God allows us pain in order to foster growth. And I guess we have to determine, using time and prayer and introspection, if that growth actually happened.

Am I completely equipped to enter into a relationship and be the mate they would deserve? Well...who knows...I wannna believe that time will tell!

I really want to believe at the very least that I would be a hell of a lot more equipped than a lot of people who are blindly entering into the marriage convenant. At the very least, I hope I learned a little something, equipped my self with some really awesome tools, and learned a thing or two about what NOT to do.

I have enjoyed and appreciated all the viewpoints of this thread. I also enjoy and appreciate this venue where one is allowed to express their viewpoints, and still be respected, no matter how popular or unpopular they may be.

<small>[ August 18, 2004, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: SerendipiT ]</small>