Stever!!! Awestruck amazement!!! can't locate find words to describe the overwhelming joyful prayerful presense.

Prior reading your kind, kind message, and heartfelt of encouragement. I was experincing such a joyful uplifting time listening to my Christian radio station, cleaning up the kitchen. Found myself caught up in a bubble of pure joy, happiness, dancing around in tears of happiness to the modern version of Amazing Grace! Cuttin loose!

I am soooo blown away on so many multi-- levels. That Zeph 3:17 touch your spirit with true truth. Alleuiah I am so blessed...

I am in awe ---- Vee's dreams, wishes and prayers. Naturally, my left eyebrow went up because I had the similar sensations quite similar to Vee's.

No kidding--- thought to myself if I were in Vee's pink laced sneakers, were to choose, let her dreams of her true heart shine- Thought wow what a tough choice really for a child to make distracted in the midst by kids bliss world & complicated Adult world at the same time.

Could feel Vee to be quite deep& down to earth keenly serious-- kinda of let's get down to business in kids mind of what's really important.She comes a cross as a very,very smart child!

Top thoughts that came to me for her would be of course true to kids logic with God-- Her mom to get better& come home, be a whole healed family, a HOME very important-- ooohhhh well let's see fun adventuresome trip somewhere. Being a young female shopping of course-feel those wonderful toys-- The home longing part I just felt-- Led to look up Habitat---

I read your sharing about your previous home& life in Florida! Nice wonderful times for all of you. You lived in Montana-- what a hoot! My province is just under Montana-

And have this thing of driving down there just for breakfast. Haven't the foggiest idea why I need to drive down there for breakfast, convincing my friend, we need a break from it all just zip to montana for breakfast! Quite a drive from my city... not sure what the appeal is? Guess I will figure that one out when I get there.

Actually when circumstances get drop off into the valley zone- I keep threating my friends we're going sell all our possesions, grab our kids, buy a bus, sell hotdogs, coffee. Leave our cares behind, tour throughout the states, stopping in every town without a map, asking people for directions to Willie nelson place!

Why Willie Nelson--who knows why but thought he would know-- life meaning--sometimes life should be turned into crazy comedy!!! Our spirits just cheer up with the wacky thought!

Wondered if you noticed the bigger overall picture here- I noticed job, various employment areas around the US& internationally-- You sound so perfect for the organization in more ways the one!!!


As for my writing--well it's definately in domain of children/adult book- have a story in the back of mind for 9 yrs& general draft written out. My friend has been patiently waiting to illustrate. Timing for me, God's leading timing& tempo, spirit/heart state, the feel is so important before I could write.

Tried several times to write it but the story actually has own release timing if that makes any sense. Cannot be written in state of conflict,pain, atmosphere of hostility or turmoil.

Oddest thing yesterday I too, kept having off/on thoughts, scenes about dolphins, blue waters in my mind, kept seeing their wonderful smiles, playful ways, thinking about their awesome sonic waves, super pitch way highway of communication, bone level- Healing. Then thought what was that all about!

I am thrilled to hear that God's verse touched your heart& soul! I just love that verse& delighted GOD spoke through on your low down day& lifted you up!!!

I am taken aback that you do so understand our family deep underlying heartaches--- Wow- I can't believe your deep sensitivity in tuning in! Yes, you are so right about my daughter deep down hurt and all of ours about their father. Brokeness is deeply felt. Hurts so deeply to the core. Reality is the acceptance scar must grow overtop of those wounds.

Say are you French, studied the language, travel???

Yes, of course it is ok to say that everything in French is romantic because it is. God is romantic, everything He creates is that way-- so wonderful when a culture is in tune from strong family& friends values, food, language, music, relaxed expression of living& enjoying, etc..

I am at instant ease, deep harmony with Paris, here in Canada Montreal--very wonderful culture to experince. Hope with God blessings will one day will experince more of the countryside...

I was so over the top with your extremely comforting kind words written in French and deeply again touched to the core of my spirit. Very,very special gesture of deepest kindness. You are being much to kind--- as I have done nothing.

As I grieve the sadness--of my anv I have another of my being in Paris at this exact time of year 25 yrs ago. This double saddness to me, represents a deep sorrow, that my x couldn't understand my deepest need for adventure!


I have joy in my daughter visiting paris last summer, she saved up for-joy of living at home.Nice we share those common bonds!

Adventure is wonderful to bring into one's life, marriage, family. Not many would agree with me on that one, that's ok-- but for me it is this way living, doing,etc . Walking down one's block can be adventure-depends how it's done!

Merci-- in understanding& reaching me without knowing this! Means a great deal to me more than you could know!

Wanted to comment on previous comment--about your wife focus with career--think it's fair to say that as women for the past 20 yrs or so-- That pressure to do it all, be it all, all at once, cram it all in. Short block of time to build an instant marriage, family, homebase. Not humanely realistic- Really has been so determinental.

I know growing up I thought the same way, felt the same way, believed it. Truly at points at my life where I could have the top of almost anything-- but at what cost---my own soul, not for sale, my children not for sale. Would have been nice if my x was normal but he bought a different program.

Think that many women suffer depression, isolation more lack a good solid support, community from women, especially healthy older women. Almost lost art, lost culture.

Not everyone has certain tests to face- some people have a green light in their journey.

I knew I needed to see clearly before I could be clear...

This dream you had sounds so deeply profoundly beautiful, what a powerful divine comfort. I can only imagine how wonderful encounter it must felt like? Special dream to be embraced in--Amazing Grace that set us free!

Yes, you must write a book--- your life is evolving. Granted sounds like your spirit has been broken-low self esteem, nah-- Oppression- yeah.

You sound more of God warrior, great faith, great courage, great strength, great heart for your children with heaping trials, tribulations like a dust storm!

Isaiah 25 Praise the Lord V:4 You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in distress, a shelter from the storm.

Having lost so much-- you can truly identify with those who have-- Why Habitat is such a strong vibe such a deeper personal level, helping those who have lost through such devasations- loss of health, wealth, weather conditions, loss of spouse!

What was taken will be restored! International scale what mobile homes mean??? Stand back and see the bigger picture...

I am touched you would even research your daughter condition-- learning& doing everything you can? Many people would be embittered give up or care less!

I just love hearing about Vee-zoey! How sweet-- Vee sounds sooooo adorable, so very cute-what a delight, she's in the pocket of my heart already!!! So you got the guppies-- oh what fun! Bet lots of fingers in the acquarium, smudge marks.

I purchased our fish for kitchen table to keep my teens focused on something nice as opposed to constantly bugging each other at the table. Non stop-- I was looking for actually pink pig salt&pepper shakkers who ever was acting out would have them placed at thier plate for naughty manners would have to do the dishes. Life with teens and young adults is very interesting.

Tell me about your other children---

Not many people could survive being broken in exact pieces, places of God heart, to feel, to understand, to have compassion, to struggle, to endure! Yet, you lead your children, keep wings around their young tender faith...

Jesus, too, longed to draw the jewish people close to himself, as a hen draws her chicks under her wings.

I contacted my colleague-- not home waiting for a return call- busy time as it's volunteer training time. Should hear from her anytime.

Shared with my daughter your comments, on the phone, looking for a place to live with hubby! Will pass on a hug she was deeply touched to be thought of& remembered! Meant alot to her.

Arranged prayers for you and your family from another MBer in Mich-- she is pretty zoned with her wk, family== will be back sometime to the forum-- put the word to her, church ministries. So knows what will happen. She has just finished writing abook, sent it off to the publishers. Perhaps, she might be able to help you with getting started with writing!

Warmest blessings& warmest giant huggs to all of you!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Skydiver,
children gone this week-end to their moms,, i spent Saturday at my sisters, hoping to get my van fixed,,




You do have Vee as she is, down to earth,, keenly serious! And i'm soo often informed how smart she is. This girl often is quite amazing, at times its almost unbelievable. With her seriousness, is she ever.
AT times, with some circumstances, it's as though she's my little arm chair pshyciatrist. lol


Montana,,, i moved to Bozeman, then eventually to Whitehall, that is such a beautiful state! Yeppers, just like you mentioned, Gods work, God's beauty.

With the drive to Montana for breakfast, sounds quite adventurous. It is quite beautiful there. Be sure to get a table next to the window! ;-)


When you tour the states, please be sure to stop in Mattawan! lol The first thing i'll do though, is give back one of those special warm hugs. Then afterwards, i'd ask "was that ok?" :-)


I sooo look forward to reading your book!!!


Last summer when i began writing my journal, these thoughts of actually writing a book were there, earlier this year when i began my college courses in the criminal justice system, writing was one of my classes- and i'm no writer! Sooo many broken fragments, my english/grammer is broken?? I even tried writing poetry, and even some songs. I "wanted" to do any of those, while i was in the pain and such, right in the crucial timing of things. ???????? I wanted to have an impact, and touch as many hearts possible,, does that make sense? I wanted to influence as many hearts possible.


***Oddest thing yesterday I too, kept having off/on thoughts, scenes about dolphins, blue waters in my mind, kept seeing their wonderful smiles, playful ways, thinking about their awesome sonic waves, super pitch way highway of communication, bone level- Healing. Then thought what was that all about!***

Well maybe now, you know what that was all about.

***I am thrilled to hear that God's verse touched your heart& soul! I just love that verse& delighted GOD spoke through on your low down day& lifted you up!!!***

elating, and warming thoughts racing thru, thank you for that, as i'm thanking God. He knew i needed something that day, so you apparently was the messenger,


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was so over the top with your extremely comforting kind words written in French and deeply again touched to the core of my spirit. Very,very special gesture of deepest kindness. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know too much French,took some during school, however long ago. lol i sent you those sincere thoughts in French, yet those are my true sentiments/thoughts, in English. i'm being sincere.

I do like hearing, and knowing that i was able to touch you like that though,, i take this as something special.

my family is from the Long Sutton, England area. As for the French i sent, i did the web cheating thing,, again, it was very sincere though.



</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> as I have done nothing.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">maybe this is how you feel, yet to me, you've done a lot. Thank you!
You've shared some of yourself, to me, and i so appreciate this! To me, it is something dear, and special. You've shared a part of you. From reading your posts, rather your personal thoughts/beliefs, and more,, there have been times of lifting my spirit, and thats a good thing.

You've done more than you're aware
one very important thing you've done, was help get me back to seeing the big picture,,, the picture of back to where i haven't actually been. I was talking the talk, but not walking the walk, w/ the talk. Including, i haven't been praying, i was back to thinking about what I wanted for me, instead of allowing, or thinking, or even asking/wondering what God already has in store for me.

As for me seeing the picture,,, often i've allowed the uncertainity of talking my faith, i didn't want to appear as though i was trying to push it into anybody,,, yet God says to encourage others.

For awhile, i was sitting idle. In my mind during this idle time, i was at conflict with myself for sitting idle. Until recently, learning/reading the scriptures pertaining to sitting idle, i now realize that it was God. Was i questioning the control?
Now i learn that
Maybe i was suppose to sit idle, to see where God was leading me to as my trials continue. ???? "He often brings us to a place of despair and failure, so that our trust is directed to Him and not ourselves. We find the trials of life are God’s means of proving out his promises. For His work is endless."


I've always felt the need to somehow help others. After my W decided to leave, i've been flirting with this and or that possibility, searching for maybe the answer, or the what, and the how?? The direction.

I think i was searching this in more of the flesh way, opposed to God's will. Thinking i maybe knew what "I" wanted, and not allowing, or even maybe trusting God.

After what my children experienced, it was as though i was desperate,,, I was convinced that somehow i would find the how, where,,,who,,,, to be able to help even if it was just one child, or one family??

IF that meant becomeing a marriage mentor,,, or whatever, even to work with the husband/wife, i would be ready! I wanted to be ready.


***Adventure is wonderful to bring into one's life, marriage, family.***
I could only agree. IMO, thats a good thing, it helps refrain from one becoming into that boring rut sort of just living/existing thing, that we call life.

***Merci-- in understanding& reaching me without knowing this! Means a great deal to me more than you could know!***

Hoping it's ok to share my more deeper thoughts with this?? I truly like hearing this,, said in a warm caring way, along with the same words, "more than you could know!"


***Not everyone has certain tests to face- some people have a green light in their journey.***

My light is green, as i continue forward, although i do have, and have had a lot of dust storms, my trials and tribulations continue.

He often brings us to a place of despair and failure, so that our trust is directed to Him and not ourselves. We find the trials of life are God’s means of proving out his promises.




***I just love hearing about Vee-zoey! How sweet-- Vee sounds sooooo adorable, so very cute-what a delight, she's in the pocket of my heart already!!! So you got the guppies-- oh what fun! Bet lots of fingers in the acquarium, smudge marks.***

i think it took maybe 2 weeks for me to convince Vee and William they had to leave the "guppies" in the acquarium, and that they're not "puppies." lol They were constantly taking them out, wanting to play with them, even take them for walk. It was actually cute in a way. But the fish were dying! During summer months we're always catching lightening bugs, a few hours later i share/remind them it's time to let the bugs go, that they are God's creatures, and they too have a family. Now that enjoy their beauty with the watchful eye, and they don't miss a day of feeding them.

Last night my sister gave me another acguarium, with about 30 more guppies, along with one neon tetra. When Vee/Willial comes home this eve, they will be so surprised and exicited.


***Tell me about your other children***

Stephan,13, i nicknamed him Nikkers. He was short, so i thought of the short pants nikkers. This year he's trying to get out of that nickname, :-) He plays the trumpet, he has a passion for football, and has played for 4 years. He looks forward to high school football. Currently he's going thru some issues in school?? missing assingments, and failing 3 classes, including band!? This week-end i refused to allow him to go to moms,, ouch!!! He actually is a wonerful caring individual, he quite often offers to do so much, for so many. He also enjoys bowling, and has several trophies,plaques, ribbons,,,

Stephanie- 16. her passion/fortay is girls fastpitch softball. She plays all positions, but her main position is pitching. This past season she broke a few freshman records, with 15 K's in one game, and with 248 K's for the season. At age 10 she pitched in the State Championship game, had 16 K's, and one hit. Her team ended up in 2nd place, due to an error in a decision by the coach. @nd is still fabulous. She has "a lot" of trophies for softball, newspaper clippings, a video of when she was in the news, yeppers, softball related. She also has several trophies from when she was bowling.

She's currently trying to save money so she can get her drivers training. I have the rule no b/f g/f's, it took her 2or 3 years to realize i was serious. I shared with her drivers training is a privalege, by the time she accepted that and decided to give up her b/f, several months prior, the school made a change. I had to pay $360.00 for drivers training,,, i wasn't able to come up with that amount. She too is quite the caring wonderful little lady. SO often she is put in the position of being like a mom to my younger two,,?? and i suppose this has it's advantages,

Willaim-4. He's so cute. He has extremely blonde hair. Everybody is drawn to that, along with his big boyish shy smile. When we go most places, for the most part he fefuses to leave his daddys side. Last week in church was the first time he went into playroom.

When he was 2, he was soo scared of almost every animal, the extrteme opposite of Vee, she thought she had to catch every animal she seen, where Willaim, when he would be out playing, and if a bird landed close to him, he would scream, run inside, and lock the doors!!! lol he also would do this when he'd see the neighbors dog.

Now he too for the most part enjoys God's little creatures. He and Vee now are constantly bringing in almost every bug they find,placing them in some sort of container, hoping to give them a new home, as they begin their search for the food they may eat,, and giving them all names. Vee's fav, along with mine are butterflies, so we are often chasing them,,


He has(d) some speech problems, Vee and myself taught him some sign language, Vee used a lot when she was younger, so i took some of her made up ones, and we shared/used them with William. When Vee was hospitalized, the ventilator, her extremely huge swollen tongue, she wasn't aboe to talk at all. The day we brought the other children into Vee's room, her and Willaim began their signing to each other. That(to me) was something special.


***Shared with my daughter your comments, on the phone, looking for a place to live with hubby! Will pass on a hug she was deeply touched to be thought of& remembered! Meant alot to her.***

This is quite warming, thank you. I'm actually elated in hearing this,,:-)


Warmest blessings& warmest giant huggs to all of you!!!!
Skydiver,,, i've just wrote maybe 2 more chapters,, now i'm all ears. Ears for you, for more of you and yours. enough about me,ok?? I'm all ears. :-) I'm listening to you now.

I would like to share this thought with you,, i "so" enjoy hearing from you.

Take care, have a beautiful day, and of course, find God in it. It's time i leave now, time for church. I won't be late this morning,,prayers to and with ya

stever

Hey Brother!

I'm back - barely eeked on--a mystery how I did. My computer has some serious malfunctions going on,almost toastda. Trying to restall another anti virus program. If it helps. Somehow- through a strange route I managed to get the web. Not sure what the next re-boot will bring.

So on that note- what a very pleasant surprise to read your warm post! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your warm heart, more about yourself, your precious delightful children & walk with the our Lord! What an awesome tribe you've got there!!! I just loved reading every single bio word on your kids and everything you wrote!!!

You are just so wonderfully sweet& so tenderhearted!!! And it's all good!

It is so so clear you and your family are very, very special! Yes, you do have so much to share,& give. You are a blessing, very beloved son of our GOD--dearest brother of Jesus.

No wonder there is such an intense battle of good & evil going on in your marriage, family. Look at the love, goodness& heart. I can feel loud and clear. God is going to break you out this situation and You will bless many for Him!

Even though dark times surround you, you and your family are shining even more brightly like diamonds in the sky! Hold a diamond up in daylight not much sparkle-- put a velvet back drop around it--- it brillance illuminates everyewhere.

The darkness is the hard times. Look how your all shining brightly for GOD, look what He is creating in all your house hold of faith!

Twinkle, twinkle lots of God stars in your house!

The spirit of God is truly with you and you are of great faith. Wow- I feel that in my spirit so powerfully!

All Glory goes to our God our father, and Jesus our Savior at this precious moment! You caught the message awesomeness of a greater picture, plan he has for you& life unfolding.

I am excited, enthralled, delighted! You are healing& your heart! This is what this encounter is really all about- It's all about you man and HIM& your descendents!!!

God motive for you: Deut10 12-15 read on---brother put all that in your spirit---catch the wave, feel the spirit, feel the deepest love from on HIGH!

I will leave that with you-- we will talk a bit later... This is your time...you and your Dad!

As for writing don't get to discouraged we read about Paul-- The Holy Spirit will certainly work through the mechanics of it all.

You know they have job postings with Habitat in Florida too, imagine that! I wonder if you noticed that???

Blessings, that God has used you too, to touch those places the joy spot in my heart in the hidden areas areas of where I have experinced so much joy& happiness touched by the abundance of HIS love& majesty of HIS wonders!

Language is a wonderful gift! I'm so touched you took the time to be so very thoughtful even looking up a translation. That is a treasure gift to me even more! You are so very dear! I will have to tell you later in a bit more detail why.

Warm, warm real huggs... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hey my sister skydiver
how are you??
I'm just dropping in to send you a warm hello.

I have some research to do, pertaining to CS. FOC informed me today my case shows it's still open,,

have a wonderful evening
, hugs to ya;-)
stever

Hey-Ho-Yo-Bro!

Warmest hello-back at ya!

Made it on line--works today-

Still want to comment on your post- Of course- I have lots to say! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Am a sleepy head-my friend sister in Christ- has kept me up pretty late last several wks. She has lots to talk about, in limbo land seperation.
Get this her two new friends, sisters in Christ recently moved to her town- were over for coffee. Guess what out of the blue tell her they have this desire inkling to go to MT for breakfast! To funny-- lol,lol, what a small planet! God is wild& wonderfully great! I like it!

Still unpacking, soorting all our things-laundry day-spent the day rake/bag of more leaves. Another pick up dog doo afternoon.

Touchy day with my son-negative influence of his dad. Topic is his lack of empathy. Talked to my daughter today. She is still enjoying being married. Ms. Tammi my ****zu got out of the yard. Lost but now found. She's racked up some pretty big doggy fines so far. Looks like big snow it's own it's way-

Not sure what CS or FOC is clarify?

Thinkin& praying for you& your family throughout the entire day!

How are you doing???

Balloons of warm hugs your way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

morning to ya,

CS-child support

FOC-friend of court

that is way to cool about the MT trip, looks like maybe you better plan on the adventure?? :-)

not sure what our forcast is, other than currently raining- but we're ready for some snow here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Touchy day with my son-negative influence of his dad. Topic is his lack of empathy. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i suppose with me- i probably will never truly understand how a parent can actually allow things. especially when it comes to their own children- allowing theirself to be so selfish of their own selfish wants/needs, above what their children need most. ?????? what confuses me more, is when a mother will do her selfish acts, she's the one who carried, and gave birth,,??


I realize there are times we hurt the ones we love the most, but to do it deliberately??

How am I doing? i'm doing ok,a little frustrated from last night's search,?
thank you for asking, i'm touched.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Of course- I have lots to say! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i like listening to lots from you:-) you appear to be so often Miss Bubbly. :-)


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God is wild& wonderfully great! I like it!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">time to get my children up and around,, have a wonderful day, ((((hugs)))) prayers, thoughts, to you and yours.
stever

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 05:02 AM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Good God Day to ya!

Ok- CS-child support

Ok- FOC-friend of court

Our Cdn system structure is entirely different.

Is this support good for all of you, complex, helpful, painful? How does this work on everyone's behalf? I will be on my knees praying God will be near you during this time.


Yeah-Kool it is about the MT trip-- Looks like it's a total God adventure which I have learned He, plans and my part is to be ready in the spirit whenever He is. Maybe we'll end up in Kalispell cafe somewhere with big windows, that serves green eggs& ham. Uncle Sam, Dr. Suess style. Love that Cat in the hat stuff!

Bozeman is way down state-- imagine it would be breathing taking. I couldn't locate Long Sutton, is this in the US?


Rain- you have rain! How wonderful! I love rain! The storm blew over so warm, sunny, blue skies!

[i suppose with me- i probably will never truly understand how a parent can actually allow things. especially when it comes to their own children- allowing theirself to be so selfish of their own selfish wants/needs, above what their children need most. ?????? what confuses me more, is when a mother will do her selfish acts, she's the one who carried, and gave birth,,??
QUOTE]

DITTO-DITTO- I feel the weight& gravity of your words. Mothers losing their instincts! Oh so do know all about that one!

My mother was like that, lost her instincts when I was 4 yrs old. Harsh woman, then to meet up with my x mil, 2 x sisters, 2 sil. Such a lack of maternal instincts for their kids. I have been at odds & repelled by them all. Managed to block for yrs most of x family right out.

My mother has come a long way, long way. She didn't have an affair, might as well have, her focus was just her jobs, housework, appeasin g my step dad. My step dad had an affair on her. No big deal to either of them--as long as they had all their toys. Life was great for them. Terrible thing to say on my part. Inept in their lack of parenting abilities.

Hard cold reality. Both she& both my step dad were both very selfish, self centered. Actually they were a "perfect match". They truly belonged together in their warped world, skewed priorties, "perfect pair" without kids- I didn't belong, nor did I want to.

Years ago I read in the scriptures about God hardening a mothers heart like the OSTRICH-- lays her eggs, has no regard for her young. I later read psalm 139, make all perfect sense.

I am grateful that God kept his guiding hand upon me, that I didn't absorb those unbalanced values. Glad that I have other DNA strands.

[I realize there are times we hurt the ones we love the most, but to do it deliberately??QUOTE] [/QUOTE]

Yes, unfortunately they do& NOT CARE. My parents never had any consequences. I understand screws up, made mistakes, we all make them, I have made my own fair share. Some of them I enjoyed doing.

However, when I do- I will go back to place of orgin make the repairs, do what ever it takes to make amends. My conscience would never permit to me to get away things not feel pain.

No logic in deliberatly harming others.

To live around people without consciences has been exceedingly difficult. X just blows my circuits. For some strange reason they are all cut from the same cloth--to me this is worst nightmare. Steals one's joy!

Don't know if sharing on this level provides you any consolation from a female perspective of growing up, and living among a entire group of females like that.

What was your upbringing like? Did you have normal parents, strong family values?

Actually, I am a very happy up beat person-can usually make the best of a bad situation. I am still operating on a lower frequency than I usually vibe at.

I need to make more altering changes to be where I need to. Not at my optium just yet. Your very kind to say that- but as always you are most thoughtfully kind& very sensitive.

Yes, I love having fun, and often see a silver cloud in the lining. Why raising children is a second chance of a never ending childhood. Doesn't have to end, it just gets better. I think it's wonderful you like chasing butterflys. Isn't it wonderful? Hope you never stop! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I still love & always will,worms, ladybugs, butterflys, caterpillars, bugs, frogs, turtles dragonflys...Kool to connect with them. I get so excited. I even blow bubbles, keep a giant bottle in my tub, have a giant size bottle out on my deck, that I blow bubbles, wear a bubble blowing pen. Call it multi-tasking. lol

My kaldiscope like seeing the world wierd. My kids are 21, 23...

Even in my previous work endeavors. I hand out bubble blowing pens&big wads of grape gum, chocolates to my colleagues,clients when adults get to anal serious, cranky or too very sad. I love having good fun.

I always thought as an adult-well more power& opportunties to make life even more of a pleasure.

I think of the prodigal son. His father loved him. I think about the other son, who hung around had no fun just worked, worked. Did his duty, no heart.

The father gave him the same equal chance to enjoy what was there's work, bring out the fatten calf, enjoy. Jesus words that I came to bring life! Abundance-balance...

When my son & daughter hearts hurt, I drop down many decibles-unable to unfilter. They hurt, I hurt.

Today I needed to keep the radio turned up way loud. Still wasn't feeling UP there- decided to rent kids movies to make myself feel better. Rented get this Chicken run, pipi long stockings, black beauty... I needed to be selfish today! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


[How am I doing? i'm doing ok,a little frustrated from last night's search,?

Yes, what does this exactly mean???? Expand- I am concerned, what's up doc?

I hope your getting enough rest, relaxtion here. Getting the kids up, ready for the day is tough. Hope you get enough snooze time!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessings for today-may all go well for all of you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mega prayers* mega hugs! sky

May He hold you up close to His heart! HIS love endures forever!!!

I really enjoy hearing from you,,:-)

With CS, yeppers, this will be a help. I've alwasy refused to accept CS, in fact, for awhile i was adamantly against. I was against this, for what it represented, do you know what i mean? A broken family, my broken family,, Including the pain associated. felt as though i was contributing, to what i'am faithfully against.

I realize that childrens mother is just as much responsible, regardless. Besides, i'm sure with me refusing, this resulted in her having it easier.


I think you better begin making and scheduling plans for this MT breakfast, lol :-)


***My childhood*** you asked dear, --the only other person i've ever shared the majority of this with, was my W. so, here goes a sample.

my mom had her first son, at age 16, gave him to her sister. I don't know who the father is, or was?? I was born when she was 17, then at 19 my sister was born. Not sure when my parents divorced?? For the first 4 or 5 years i lived with my grandparents. At sometime my mom, sister, and moms new husband actually kidnapped me, and we all moved to Dodge City, Kansas With this marriage, we moved "a lot!"

My mom has been married either 5, maybe 6 times. Twice to the same guy.

As i was growing up, there were 3 times my mother said, as i was being hit, kicked, and punched, how i was hated, and not wanted. hmm, nice mom huh? sarcastically said, lol "it's all good"

With one of my step dads, we were constantly in bars. 2 of my step dads, just loved certain drinks.

I do know my momwas involved an an A, when i was in 6th grade. All she has ever done, wes run,,,


She tried to commit suicide when i was about 14??
During the first few years after she attempted,I remember worrying about that, meaning if this was heriditary,?? Kind of crazy huh? it wasn't so crazy sounding, as it is now.


About 10 years ago, she stated that she was abused by her father, including sexually??? to this day, often she still mentions or brings it up????

An example of my step mom, when my half sister 3 she was held with her face under the running cold water, for lieing. After i shared this with my dad, the next day, well, i wasn't able to sit so comfortably for awhile. She liked using a tree switch, razor strap, and i think once included a piece of a garden hose?? I stopped liking her a long time ago, but tolerated her, for my dads sake. No, i didn't hide it from her, or my dad. I'm not bragging about this, hoping i'm not leaving that impression,,..


This lady, ended up claiming to be blind, yet, she was able to walk to the library, check out brail books,, roflmao. She, all of the sudden out of the blue, claimed to be an alcoholic. She claimed to have a broken rib, and it would poke her heart,, she too was involved in an extra marital affair. In fact, we believe our half brother, was a product of her A.??

When she decided to leave my dad, she accused him of killing her unborn child, 15 years prior, from him kicking her. My dad, i just can't imigane any truth to this.?? The year i moved to MT, he died ffrom a heart attack. For the longest time, from everything my step-mom did to him, and accused him of, i actually blamed her.?? I do know he was under a lot of stress.

Two days after we burried dad, step-mom placed her son into a boys camp. Then she moved to another community, and began her life,, for herself. Her olde4st daughter, is currently facing something like 50 years,, drugs/child endangerment?? yeppers, my half sister. My half brother, he's been in and out of prisons,, and he had the state take his first two sons. He eventually left state, and now has some more "new" children. ??????????????

We didn't see her(step-mom) for some time, when my 14 year old nephew was killed, (hit by a truck) she came to his funeral. I was kind of rude,o0k, i was nothing but rude, my words to her as she attempted to hug/comfort me, " the next time i care to see you, is at your funeral, and i'll bring poison ivy."

Anyhow, thast a sample of my childhood,,,i wonder if this has anything to do with me filling my children up with a lot of love, family standards, principals,,, and such.?? especially faith in our Father.


Anyhow,, thats interesting, and again i like knowing you took an interest,, Long Sutton is in England. My grandpa came to U.S. at age 23. Married my grandma, they had 6 sons.

I'm so touched, :-) and a special thank you. a thank you from that ole beat up, broken heart, that still manages to beat those warm beats,, lol
Yeppers, i'm eating/sleeping ok. have those moments at times, nothing lik eit was though. Thank God!!!


I really would like to give you an extra special thank you, for sharing yourself, and the depth/nature which you allow. I'm actually touched? If thats ok to share? I told ya, i'm ears for you, and about you and yours. Yes, i do enjoy and appreciate hearing a ladys perspective, to me, this actually gives, or allows me to undersatnd in different ways? Does that make sense to ya?

***I am grateful that God kept his guiding hand upon me, that I didn't absorb those unbalanced values. Glad that I have other DNA strands.***

I think i'd have to say the same, about me. As for you,, i'm "soo" glad for your different DNA,:-) and i know your children certainly are.

I really need to run,, past my bed time lol
ttyl, and of course, hugs to you!
stever

<small>[ November 20, 2004, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Hi Skydiver, Miss Bubbles.

i wanted to finish from my last reply,,

***I even blow bubbles, keep a giant bottle in my tub, have a giant size bottle out on my deck, that I blow bubbles, wear a bubble blowing pen. Call it multi-tasking. lol***

yes, you are quite the multi-tasker, wow!!! lol:-)

Bubbles in ouryard on a summer day/eve, sure has produced a lot of chasing-popping, and lots of laughter!!! and now i'll occassionaly have to address ya as Miss Bubbles. You do know,,this does fit you. The impression i have of you, is that you are quite the Miss Bubbly person. ;-)


***I always thought as an adult-well more power& opportunties to make life even more of a pleasure.***

hmm, quite thee Miss positive, one who may enoy smiles on others faces, especially those smile which come from more deeper,,??


***When my son & daughter hearts hurt, I drop down many decibles-unable to unfilter. They hurt, I hurt.***

maybe it's the mother in me,,lol the same applies, when mine hurt, i too hurt.

***Today I needed to keep the radio turned up way loud. Still wasn't feeling UP there- decided to rent kids movies to make myself feel better. Rented get this Chicken run, pipi long stockings, black beauty... I needed to be selfish today!***

need to take/make that time for "you" Well, i'm waiting??? Did it help? Did it make you feel better? art least for awhile? AS i'm hoping so.
((((((hugs)))))


***Yes, what does this exactly mean???? Expand- I am concerned, what's up doc?***
are you my little Lucy? from the peanuts Charlie Brown? .25 phyciatrist lol ;-)

not sure if i already elaborated, can't get my last reply to open(experiencing computer probs??)

During that search, i was reminded of the pain/sad/hurt?? you know, how ocassionaly just out of the blue, something reminds (me anyhow) of certain events, or thoughts from previous times. only to realize the hurt is at the pit of things??

I'm left quite touched with your concern doc. :-) I feel so much better now,,, thank you, can i schedule an appointment again? j/k rofl;-)


***Mega prayers* mega hugs!***
my sentiments as well, so right back to you.

stever

Hey Father Goose &Mr. Mom??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Please accept this is interuption as a commerical! lol

I responded earlier to you with a long reply. My computer froze again,crashed& lost the entire message! Spent the entire afternoon working on it. I am very sorry that I have been able to retrive earlier.

Especially, when you have taken the time open your heart, respond to my question, sharing your deeply touching heartwrenching life journey& hilarously warm other post!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was deeply moved you felt safe& comfortable to share at such depth from your own heart, deeply felt your wounds& tragic, tragic upbringing. I am soorry by the multiple family tradegies!

Please accept my warmest heart hug filled to the brim with compassion! I feel so soooo deeply sorry for you & sister treatement how sad. I do so understand. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I had no IDEA that you have never shared your journey other than with your wife. I hope I have not crossed any personal boundries???

I have nothing but tremendous respect for your bravery, to press into Jesus. Lots of hurt. Have you ever heard of Johnny Cash last CD- Hurt?

Truth is with the background you have endured is huge reality many kids, people would have given up on God, life,& humanity in general a long time ago!!!

Talk about adventures--I am sure you have some real tales to share!!!

God has blessed you with many gifts, you have so much to offer, obvious you would made/make an incredible YOUTH PASTOR! Ummmhummm!

I feel most sad for you that you have not been supported& surrounded by real brothers in Christ your family to express Jesus's deep love for you! Uphold you, comfort you, to dry your tears, hold your hand& walk beside you through all the traumas or your journey! What a sad shame!

I must say I could feel the emotions in many of your hurts. I do so understand on many levels, we a few mirror common wounds as well.

Ah yes, the famous "garden hose" brings back many unpleasant memories for me. Praise God- We are healed by HIS stripes.

You can seen the worst of humanity and yet to chose to be straightminded. You are a very wise,wise man-your children are so blessed!

I am saddened your mother was so deeply betrayed, and broken in spirit at such at young tender age. Child herself.

Sad, that she was looking for real love, misled in all the wrong persons& places. The void that only Jesus can truly satisfy. I can understand her pain, as I do my own mother.

I have sat for hours with many of my friends in similar situations of despair. Priveledged, to be invited in that sacred place/time, to coach, deliver a few of their babies.

Friends who blew life so badly never knew who any of the fathers were of their children, by unsavory profession& lifestyle imposed on their children ,-later joy when they came to Christ& enpowered to live a liberating-transformed life with their children.

I am deeply touched at this particular time as I read your testimony

What an AWESOME OUR GOD IS with his power to free the captives WE ALL ARE-- transfer us out of the kingdom of darkness & transform us into HIS!

YES, YES, YES ! I know the joyicity moments of a blessed babe arrival! Having the privelge of coaching, delivering several friend babies. Also actutely know the sad empty hurt of my friends daughter baby I have coached, having no father present to share in blessed occasion! Life always finds a way!

Everybaby is a wanted baby, created by GOD! Palsm 139. He overides, over rules. The lack of knowledge, ignorance, fear creates something so sad...

I think of this verse. Hosea 4:1 There is no truth or mercy or knowledge of God in the land.

I thankyou, for risking sharing! How do you feel now getting some of it out? Part sounds sooo extremely painful!!!

Man you have really gone through a lot of losses!!! I understand your living in Montana sad experince with losing your dad, step brother to horrible tragedy--wicked women in your life---much better--

I feel on the MB we come here to heal our pain, to be accountable, hold others accountable, but how can we heal our deeply infected wounds or better yet having Jesus have access to them, when we do have TRANSPARENCY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Wanted to say haven't been on line, on my selfish day watching my kids movies. My girlfriend happened to call in the late afternoon had an extra ticket that eve to see one of our favorite rock bands. R.E.M.

Invite I just couldn't refuse. Her poor husband had to cancel last minute due to wk. So my gf, her daughter,& I went had a FABULOUS TIME!!! The concert was ELECTRIC- perfect boost!
Don't think I could have turned my radio any higher! Touching time to spend with people I love dearly!

I have alot bandwidth &love almost all ranges of music pending what I am doing, mood, what's going on in life!!! How about your self?

The next eve- tried to finish up watching the rest of the movies which was exactly what I needed! My son Zack suggested I see the movie "Instinct" with Anthony Hopkins. What an excellent movie--definate must see if you haven't already! Especially, if your interested in CJ.

Kool thing was while watching Black Beauty- crying my eyes out. Thinking at that exact moment about my other girlfriend (the one I shared about in my earlier post to you who had the wonderful God rescue miracle!)

Drove in the country surprised me with a timely visit-right at the percise moment I was thinking about her& her beautiful horse Jazz. Which remarkably looks identical to the horse in the movie. We had an excellent hilarous visit, gabbed for hours!


God has brought her& great kids along way... they are turning their small town upside down for GOD.
As for MT--breakfast it definately will have to be delayed until spring! lol

So now I am Ms. Bubbles--- I never looked at that myself that way before? lol--Your funny!!! I laughed my head off at that one- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thrilled you can appreciate blowing bubbles with your kids! You have a child heart-- so your definately in the groove.

People forget to have fun-- if you only knew the antics I have pulled on some of my great hearted ultra consertive bosses. Oh my, my,my!

I have little mercy on them in that depart which I might add- had the guys wearing bubble pens, blowing bubbles in their offices behind closed doors. Nice reports later of these dads taking the time out with their kids to blow bubbles at home. Bubbles are so contagious.

Have you ever seen a whole office filled with staff blowing bubbles. Bubbles everywhere! Dealing with shocked cranky screming at ya public- have them pucker up joining in blowing bubbles out of our bubble pens? Moods melters- It's hilarious! Really!

I take many liberties in that area. Make no apolgies. Reminds what I did to one my former bosses office. Bubble Moment.

He always made a point of bugging me as being hippy flower child-with my being the florist on site, my round black sunglasses, flashing the peace sign at him. Constantly,razed me on the days I would wear my green leather cowboy boots, and vibrant red shoes to the office. Unrelenting ha, ha, ha moments.

One day, I thought it was avenge time. While he was away, with the help of our staff. We converted his entire office into a retro-hippy cool den! Staff all showed up wearing hippy gear! lol.

By the time my former boss approached the door way of his office behold yellow shiny happy face beads hanging dangling in his doorway. Lookin at the hippy dressed staff-acting normal, we adopted the sophisticated noses in the air- denial position, conducting business as usual. lol

He opens his door- stunned looking at all this wild psychdelic mood posters strung across the entire wall, james dean posters, batik peace sign flags hung over the windows, blinds turned down. 60 ties music playing, lava lights glowing, bean bag chairs& blankets on the floor for a sit in, heavy asian incense burning. The smoke levels achieved were pretty thick& hazy.

Oh his desk we removed everything had straw beach mat placed on with giant, 1 ft high mushroom shaped candle burning. Fresh white daisies in vase placed by the phone. Stick on tatoos. AND A BIG BUBBLE PEN! His reaction was hilariously priceless, it was like he went into a timewarp !!!

We managed with much persuading to coax him to remove his suit jacket, tie, shirt, glasses for 1 hr- He accepted the challenge in favor of putting on a comfy denim shirt-red bandana tied across his forhead, beads, john lennon round tinted sun glasses on.

Then we had senior upper management call him on the phone saying "Peace Man. Where's the party? What's burning". Other upper management guys visiting his office dressed in hippy gear bringing donuts doin the peace sign& briefcases! Crew field guys invited in to have a sit in, drink coffee, chillin on the bean bags on the floor.

The entire setup was a priceless hilarious kodak moment! We took some great pictures. I took off my glasses, blew big bubbles his way and said" Gottacha"!!!

Best part was leaving our boss by himself in his office door closed for an hour to chill put his feet up, forwarded all his calls. Left him alone to indulge in the hazed den, eating a whole box full of gooey donuts to himself, slip back in time with lights flashing, reclining in his chair lookin like a rite proper rebel, music blairing, blooooowing bubbles!!!

Now as for being lucy charley brown-that's a good one!! But can distinctly hear the echo of another lucy " Lucy ya got sum explainin to do!!!

Keep blowing them bubbles, how about today!

Lots of love, hugs& peace out !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi Stev,

Wanting to recap let know have put in 3 calls to my to colleague. She must be on field or possibly on short holiday? Will keep trying! Unfortunately, I don't have her current org email, telephone.

Also re-sweet Vee's particular situation. She is so much on my heart! Not sure if you are open to alternatives holistic therapys? I have been doing great deal of research this summer.

Perhaps when things "open up" for you later on& things are on track! Might be worth investigating. If you need more info let me know.

1) Essential Oil of Frankincense-Boswellia Carteri-- High quality healing grade the scientific, biblical research background is incredible.

A powerful highly effective healing agent for cancers, tumors with impressive results!!! Frankincense is the only known "oil" that actualy penerates the brain barrier! Took me awhile to locate highest grade of franc... it's incredible oil.

2) Essiac Tea--Highly effective well documentated herbal formula consumed as tea for cancers, tumors...

Hugs,take care!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Sky,

just dropping in for a sec,,
i wanted you to know i was here. and i'll reply this eve.

i hope your day is fabulous.

TTFN, hugs to ya:-)
stever

Hi Stev,

Awe-nice of you take the time to chek in. I know you have a lot on your platter--- so don't worry about having to reply... When ever! Totally! OK!

Hope you& your kids had a good day today! How are they? U? Wife? Hoping for progress! Let me know how that's going?

Yesterday spent over 4 hrs in a walk in clinic with my daughter. My poor dear was hurting-but much, much better now. We caught up in great conversations, lots of laughs,awkard moments,more laughs. Weird she is married. They need all the space they can get, only support when needed.

I shared that nice hug from you to her-- she was so touched. We talked about your kids, Vee-- she is so touched. Thinks your all precious.

Rushed home picked up my son from college, was his personal chauffer my son for the entire evening. His first official assignment to conduct first news reporting interviews of the candidates running for gov elections, victor.

Fun zippin through town-covering the poll stations, doin the beat! Waiting forever in the getaway car. He was so proud of himself for not accepting a bribe of all the free food, beer. Just the facts, sirs. Got his interviews! Kickin up his heels!

Funny-he with his mom--we laughed! I was on duty until 2:00 am--- so I am sleepy head. Supporting your kids never ends no matter how old they are!

Warmest hugs to you&your tribe! Later Dude!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Sky,

we're all doing great! thanks for asking, your concern is warming.

W was here for a moment or two Sunday(Monday was depressing cuz of it) W had to return Vee's glasses. I had very little to say to her, don't take me wrong, i wanted to talk to her??
It hurts when i see her, eventually i realized the frustration was surfacing. I wanted to say anger, just not sure of your definition of the word anger. I didn't want you to envision me running around scre4aming-yelling and maybe punching trees, you know. lol


I called my W today on my way home, just to say hi, that i was thinking about her, she expressed how that was nice.

Moments later, i was informed i was being a (labeled) so i asked what did i say or do to leave this impression. Her reply was cuz i wasn't talking to her,, you know, i couldn't even look at her as she spoke to me?????????????????????/

i replied sincerely, that "if" i always knew the right thing to say and or do, i would. It's just that xxxxx, when i see you now, it hurts, and i'm only being true to my feelings.

Anyway, she began talking about a list she asked for from me several months ago. She wants this, before she decides, or agrees to work on our M.
This list is to be of things i'll give to her. One of the things, is for me to give her joint custody?

Sky, it's really ironic, and backwards? I just don't get it. The thimgs my W has said-done,,,, all the lies included, her infidelity,,,??? She treats me as though i'm the guilty one?


With myself opening up, sharing a deep private issue of myself, with you, i don't know, i'll just blame it on you, ok? it's your fault. lol
As for what i did share, all of that has been let go, and whatever, along time ago.

An individual responded back today from Habitat,, saying i don't meet the required needs?? As he expressed his sympathy and concerns,,, adding there are counselors in schools available for my children to talk to.

Days ago i left a message with my caseworker from Family Indepence Agency, sharing the situation. She telephoned back saying there is nothing they can do, and nothing available. Adding i can still apply for emergency help, but she knows i won't recieve. She said she possibly could recommend me to some other agency??

She aslo lectured me, (sounding like a mom,,lol) regards to me paying rent, how there is no reason why i should be behind,,??

You mentioned about your daughter feeling better, that is a good thing!!!

"Miss Chauffer," i need to check out for awhile.

you are my miss fabulous buddy-ette. ttyl,
hugs, prayers, thoughts, and another hug, to you and yours.

stever

Hi Stevie "Wonder"!!!

Warmest hugs---thankyou for your kind words, prayers of encouragement, greeting of good cheer! Your great soul-have a such a wonderful heart--a real care bear!

Oh my---I am so disappointed & sad to know you are encountering so many complicatons! What gives?

I am happy to know you and your children are doing better on some levels. Man-do you have it tough-- what does that mean for your family? I just don't know how you do it???

Sooo sorry that your wife-is making such a horrible mess of things! I loved the way you handled the sit. Nice touch Stever! Bouquets to you!!!

I think the " whatever" detachment attitude is most appropiate. What else could you do? Keeping things lite, polite, civil! THAT'S MAX!!!

Peace keeping is serious business. Not for the faint of heart. Nice touch with contacting her like that "just because call". So wonderfully sweetful thoughtful! Took a lot of courage. TAKE A BOW!!!

I ENJOYED HEARING ABOUT THAT ONE!Rite on-high five-KUDOS!!! Your doing wonderfully awesome!

I don't blame you for feeling legimately angry, frustrated, your normal, human, being "real" on earth, feet on the planet, breathing person. Hello--outer space crowd!

I am glad your angry--Everyone has their internal limits. Blowing off carbon, steam, slag is healthy-energy release of all that pain, hurt, rejection. I have blown a few gaskets--but everyone has their own regulations about emotions, and anger.

Think anger is highly misunderstood emotion-highly powerful enegry... accomplish a lot of good.

Our real Jesus connected to the injustices cracked the whip, look out flying tables. I don't think he consulted Dear Abby, Ms. Manners on etiquette of the situation.

Minced no words in his replys, when it came to religious pharasees,scribes... He also wept, felt, joy, compassion, could love so powerfully, boldy so deeply.

What if HE had no heat of emotions& empathy? No energy. The light of the world would just go out! Just look out for the flyin foxes!!! Getting the good out of anger can be so much fun!!!

I would be really concerned if you felt nothing. Flatlining- code 9- emotionally the walking dead. Your alive!!!

You know there are people that have ice water that flows through their veins--just dense.

The encounter with your wife would be depressing. I always felt like that when x showed up. Reopens my wounds zone... I want air-space-distance for my wounds to cauterize, in peace.

Truth, hurts yes it does, once delivered, afterwards so freeing, healing. The lies hurts so much more, creates infections, deeply lodges in my memories, emotions. Energy of anger to blow off the carbon& tears to wash all the poison away.

Hope you were able to do something "kind" & fun for yourself-- something small that makes you feel better.

You have taken quite a few hits to the chest. I know, I know your almost bullet proof by now. But are a human being--one can only take so many darts to the hearts-slap shots to the head!!!

What kind of charitable kinds things do you do just for your own compassionate self care that makes you happy???

I am deeply thrilled though your wife wanted to talk- I know, I know-- it makes your head spin, make you want to eat pea soup, throw tomatoes at the wall, cut up a whole lot newspaper flyers, do puddding abstract art all over the walls, AND CHOP A WHOLE LOT WOOD! But Wait--can't leave it all up to beaver. Seems signs of something going inside her.

THE LIST--- sounds important! This is good!
Are her requests fairly legitmate? Other than custody? Is she " clear on that one"? If she wants to do her "free wheelin"-- wouldn't it better for her to do so solo undisturbed?

I could really get sarcastic, should hear the deflating things I said to my x-ow x in laughter. Shockvalue can be pretty funny. I reflect and laugh...

There were times TOUGH intensely serious moments, looking back, the most hilarously biting comments would just whoosh out.

All the power to her in that case- she can send you a postcard, enter your name in a contest, buy you a lottery ticket! "WHAT EVER"" BABE!!!

What's her motive?

What about you? Do you have a list of what you need, want from her?

Can't see a relationship recover on a basis of outright dishonesty, disrespect? Two way street here. Mutal respect! Your entitled to accurate information& good treatment!!!

Stever-- have some thoughts running through my mind. I don't know your entire story. But I wonder if after your babes were born- associated trauma complications.

I wonder if your wife developed post partum depression-- still suffering from depression? I don't wish to come across here as egoistical-- Please forgive me if I do. Just I have worn many hats-- lived a yo-yo life in regards to my wk& volunteer endeavors.

Yrs ago I did a lot of public relations volunteer work, for alternative choices in childbirth, midwifery, etc. Worked as a post natal worker many yrs ago.

As a post natal worker, I provided short term care support for mothers who suffered trauma during delivery with critically ill babies, provide relief for the other children in the home. Many women developed post partum blues, maxed with huge burdens of grief, guilt.

Made such incredible difference for those moms, to have support, to have timeout, break from their other kids-kids supported- visit their critical care babes in hospital.. Of course had loads of fun with the kids on our adventures!

I wonder if the impact OVERSTRESS plays a significant part in your wife, snapping and acting out? Not an excuse-- for the affair.


Your so right the lies is the major part that hurt me the most. The mind games are frustrating-lack of remorse is mind spinningly outrageous& highly enbittered heart doesn't help matters. Being blamed for everything. I don't enjoy insanity like that-- ws always do...

So what do you think she really wants??? Your take on it? What would it take pull things together. She sounds like of her half wants to try but the other half is lost.

I am sadly disappointed to hear situation didn't work at Habitat. Discouraging news!!! BIG HUGS for U? Your doing EXCELLENT!

What a bummer---what do you have to do to qualify& criteria ?? Isn't the mission purpose of Hat-provide housing for familes on a low income budget?

Could it be a goal down the road to meet their criteria?? Do they have any positions available to apply for?

Deeply sorry about this aid worker- she sounds so jaded! Hope your keeping a document file with these agencies. Sometimes speaking to the supervisor really helps.

Bless you for trying so hard! I am sooo sorrry for the hold ups! Errrr.

I get so frustrated& annoyed with people out of touch with things. Really what would she do in the same circumstances?

I understand I have dealt with many agencies, red tape politics that are "ridiculous" or people who are not on the ball.

I always follow protocols. Jumped many hoop, loops to bring advocacy, reality to situation to get a job done, especially when human lives are at risk, etc.

Man, have I had my share of being in some interesting grid lock& dog fights not aggressive-When I get torked well look out the pen is truly migher than the sword.

I look for nice& intelligent like minded people that have the keys to unjamm a log jam belive in working cooperatively& possess common sense. Diplomacy principles comes in many forms. lol

Not sure what the program coordinator in his comments about your children getting support at school?

What about this church your involved with? Where is the youth pastor? Not sure of what kind of church you belong to. But I am very concerned here that not enough is being done on behalf you, wife, children??? Don't wish to stir the pot but I can't help asking is this church body in tune with GOD, plugged into the scriptures?

Not to offend you on any level-- I my self have been unchurched for 10 yrs--have visted about 10 churchs thus far still scouting for a home base. I have lost confidence, when I see people hurting needlessly& when a body refuses to care& bind the wounds of hurting.

Pretty much I have relied on my own relationship with God, my own scripture reading, radio broadcasts.

However, I judge the quality of a church by the care handling of GOD word-- How the widows, orphans, strangers, lost, outcast& hurting are cared for. I understand most people are just ordinary folks, with baggage,& volunteers.

The building, hype, or programs mean very little to me if the love of CHRIST is not present in practical ways. Love, charity starts in home, on local level.

When I locate churches in the US-- that are highly functioning healthy balanced models in Christ love- well my heart rejoices in unimaginable soul flips of resounding joy...

Are you sure this town is a good place to live???Realistically provide all the healthy, positive opportunties you all need for a healthy marriage, family, employment???

I hope the WISH comes through!!! That worker sounds so conscending. So what would their supervisor suggest? Sounds like a gong show!!!

Shake my head, get pretty flamed when people needlessly falls through the cracks. Prevention, education goes so much farther!

I am so impressed your being so strong for your wife, implementating firm reality boundries, showing her the LOVE OF CHRIST! WAY TO GO!!!!

GOD used all your childhood tragic circumstances to make you so STRONG, you've seen it all.

By the way-- I'm now to blame-- well now--- YOU MADE ME DO IT--Oh, yeah ---it was that little naughty guy on my shoulder, twisted my arm-made me ask you! Yeah, that's right,yeah- he made me do it,-boss- I swear!!! Blame shifts away!!!lol.

Congratulations again with "Progress" with your wife! If she wants you to talk to her-- Well then take her on a date, have no distractions, business can wait! Home of the whopper, what's your beef moma??

Time for Peace talks--bring those lists-get down to nitty gritty of the art of negotiation!

Bold her over. See what she say's, mess with her her mind! Have lots of fun!!!

Your pretty fabulous bud-wiser friend your self! You have brightened my world, too!

But wait a minute I was suppose to cheer you up& here you are cheering me up! Your a light!!!!

Your such a hoot-- a real riot--real teddy bear!!!
YOUR DOING AN OUTSTANDING JOB!!!!

PLEASE TAKE A BOW, or kneel--- cause GOD Loves U so verrry much!

Well batman-- tomorrow is another day--maybe we will take Manhattan after all! Jokers are wild-flyin aces takes it every time! Eagles fly!!!lol

Hearts, love, prayers, hugs---good vibrations coming all your way! Blessings-- bud! Have a bubbly day- kick some butt!

Sky <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Sky! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Happy Thanksgiving.

you sure have a warm-wonderful way of brightening my day! (special thanks)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Warmest hugs---thankyou for your kind words, prayers of encouragement, greeting of good cheer! Your great soul-have a such a wonderful heart--a real care bear!

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">my personal thoughts of you as well. (coming from that beat up, cracked heart of mine,, lol

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> so many complicatons! What gives?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think i must have been one of those chosen to encounter almost constant trials-tribulations.

I know satan hides everywhere, always lurking(overtime) for another soul to devour. with the help of Jesus, he doesn't win very many here.

Weeks ago i asked my bil if he ever met, knew of, or heard of anybody else who has had the type of luck as i experience, and his comment,, can't say i have, and if so, it must have been quite awhile ago.

I just keep on moving forward. I know sometime around April of 2003, i began allowing certain thoughst to enter, the thougths of "what would life be, if i knew life was not to be." Besides our Lord, my children prevented my carrying on with those riduculous thoughts. Satan tried during that time, Jesus prevailed.

Hey, thanks for the bouquets,, can i keep them? foreveer? and place them in the vase too? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What kind of charitable kinds things do you do just for your own compassionate self care that makes you happy???
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">other than setting the example, caring,,loving,,, my children, i work? and i occassionally try to help others, rather here or there you know?

What makes me the most happy? is filling my children, with all that God wants me to, while i'm borrowing, molding, shaping, teaching,, their hearts, minds and souls. Filling with those certain standards, values,, morals,,, Hoping they will refrain from being Mr. or Miss "ice." lol

Including reading your posts,,, ;-)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> THE LIST--- sounds important! This is good!
Are her requests fairly legitmate? Other than custody? Is she " clear on that one"? If she wants to do her "free wheelin"-- wouldn't it better for her to do so solo undisturbed?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Her requests are, that i learn to "listen" to her, and JC. Other than that,,????


Sky, i need to stop here for awhile, my 13 year old wants me to get him up so we can head to the woods,, deer season.

T.T.F.N

Apparently he changed his mind, he ended up going back to sleep.

With most evrything she's said-done, including what she hasn't done, including the excuses she's allowed,,, i'm left wondering if her only motive is to recieve custody, so she's not required to pay cs. I realize this is a negative thought, sorry.

During the past few months, i've sent 2 e-cards, and i never recieved the notification that they were recieved??? I've sent 2 e-mails pertaining to and requesting cs, and she hasn't responded.

So i can really only wonder, right??

WIth me listening to her, i realize there are/will be times i don't always hear what she's saying, but i sure do try. I'll ask certain questions, looking for more info, or i'll share what i'am hearing, asking if thats what she wants/needs me to hear.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What's her motive?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">repeating i'm sure--- is to get out of paying cs?? I really don't know.

What about me?? yeppers, i know my wants/needs. when i've shared them, often i've been informed that i'm reminding ehr ust how selfish, self centered i really am. To some certain extent, she's correct, i'm selfish, because they are "my" wants/needs. As i explain to her, some of my wants/needs are including my childrens wants and needs. Adding that i'am their little voices. I hear their pain, i feel their tears,, and i share.

For awhile i had to refrain from bedtime prayers, Vee would alwasy talk to God about bringing her mommy back home, so often saying "god, you tell us that all prodigals do come home and thast what you say God, and i believe you God. She also ask God to watch over her mommy,,, and she'd begin to cry, therefor heading to bed being sad. ??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Stever-- have some thoughts running through my mind. I don't know your entire story. But I wonder if after your babes were born- associated trauma complications.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know, or understand,,,
i know after about a year later, she handed me a notebook, filler with thoughst of suicide, different ways she's thought about handling it, and how,why she will and should.

Shortly after that, i was accused of attempting to poison her?????? This carried on for about 45 minutes.(the first time) As time went by, she has alwasy insisted she was only playing??????

The only thing was, during that "game," i remember being actually quite scared. Scared and confused?? But mostly scared. As i was attempting to help her feel relaxed, convincing her otherwise, it seemed as though i was failing, so i even added "xxxxx, i love life, i love my children, including you xxxxxxx, i really love-enjoy being a father,,,and where would something like that get me?" "IN PRISON!!!" I asked, how could i be any kind of "father" in prison??

Shortly after we married, we discussed work, daycare,,,, she stated that she would work second shift, cuz thast all she's ever worked abyhow,,, months later, she began telling/saying how i "told" her to work second.??

Anyhow, she wouldn't get home til around midnight, soo often she'd spend hours on computer proects, and so i'd alwyas help her to find ways to "sleep" in. I changed my work schedule, for her needs, giving up my week-ends for-with her and children,,, i made sure we were all real quite(as possible) so she could get ehr rest/sleep. School days, i'd get our children up, making sure they were fed, dressed,, etc, etc,,,

Several people that know her, or our situation, has asked if she's bi-polar,,??

I went to her mom shortly after she left, asking a lot of questions,, i've asked the other 2 fatehrs questions about their relationship with xxxxx, and one of them said he left scared. He said he never dared to turn tv on, he knew things would be throw at him,,,

My w wanted me to adopt her first 2 children, saying their fathers wanted nothing to do with them,,,,,,,, as time went by, i met both fatehrs, learned a few thinsg, so i began encouraging a relatiuonship, for and with W's children and fathers,, you know what i mean??

Eventually i located court papers,(after W left) where one of the fatehrs was filing some sort of complaint, for xxxxx refusing his visitation.

In her R with her 1st daughter, she would pour milk down drain, so she could go to town to meet/make arrangemenst with her other b/f. She'd strap her little daughter in the stroller, even during winter months, and walk the 5 mile one way trip, to the pay phone.

The only reason i'm sharing more, is i'm still searching, trying, and wanting to understand??

I know my W has done "a lot" of proection, and in some sort of weird way, in that same sense, she's managed to do some shadow boxing??? I just don't or can't understand,, yet??

During my IC, i was also asked if she had ever been sexually abused?? Again, asked if she has been diagnosed Bi-polar,, and seems like there was something else,, my C also added that i better be prepared to do some ail time, that in his 30 somethintg years of counseling, he's seen this maybe about 5 other times???


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't wish to come across here as egoistical-- Please forgive me if I do </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hoping to leave you relaxed, i can assure you-i wasn't with this thought or impression,,


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> wonder if the impact OVERSTRESS plays a significant part in your wife, snapping and acting out? Not an excuse-- for the affair.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Back when i talked to her mom, i was informed that she took care of, and was raising my W's first 2 children, that xxxxx alwasy was sleeping.

With this info, it was actually like comforting.!?

Often i was informed how her children didn't, or never say, or do this and or that,, i fould it difficult to believe, but i did know that i wasn't there, there for the benefit of doupt had to be.

W's mother, had such a different explanation or story. ??

I'm left wondering, if there's one thing my W has learned in life, is to run, adn continue to run, and alwasy run, and blame.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She sounds like of her half wants to try but the other half is lost.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"So" often, i'm left with this thought as well.

Other times, i still search for a understanding, knowledge, answers and such,,??

Im hoping that i'm not leaving the impresion of talking down, or talking bad, or even talking about her in any negative/slandering sense, i'm sure at times i'm guilty of these, but i soo want to learn?? I think at times, this is what i do for myself,, meaning what i'm learnign? so i can help others, but selfishly, mostly my children.

when i began college, when i began learnign the triats, theories, personality,,, psycological(sp),,, it was fulfilling. Anyhow, i can pass certain things on,, and to as many people possible,,..?? I so enjoy doing thinsg for others, as i'm sure to an extent, we all do. With some exceptions, reflecting to those "iceberg" people of the world. :-)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What a bummer---what do you have to do to qualify& criteria ?? Isn't the mission purpose of Hat-provide housing for familes on a low income budget?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yeppers, it's a bummer, but that light still must shine. To qualify, i'm really not sure,,, this individual also stated that he's learned that there are several families that are in similar needs as myself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do they have any positions available to apply for?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This fellow did state that during their proect next year, i could apply or offer to help then, if interested??? They will be starting a house for a family in need in the town of Decatur. ??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What about this church your involved with? Where is the youth pastor? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We still go to Allegan for Sunday services,, my weekly schedule, arriving home to late for my children to get involved with their youth group.

2 weeks ago, i asked the pastor if i could talk to him,, the church was doing something last Friday, i was suppose to bring my children for their involvement, and during that time the preacher and I were going to talk,, Saturday morning, i remembered?? that was my "errr!" lol

I apologized to the pastor last Sunday, and he said we'd still get togetehr,,..??
With this church, right now we're taking in foods, to make up five Christmas baskets for 5 families in the community.

Personally, i struggle with asking for anything, rather from the church, and even the FIA services.
Last year i asked for, and recieved help from some sort of organization,, hoping, and praying that soemhow, someway, i'd be able to keep and maintain the house we were curently living in,, (in Allegan) I was convinced, that one day, i'd get a job, any job, and things would be ok,,??

When the eviction came, i thought it was what God wanted, saying that this place wasn;t what i, or the children needed?? testing ym strength, and or faith maybe?? Abd also remembering that i'm not worthy,,

Often i think that it's God's will that i'm tested, so you know, that God will also prevail, and provide, he tells us He knows what we need, before we know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Not to offend you on any level-- I my self have been unchurched for 10 yrs--have visted about 10 churchs thus far still scouting for a home base. I have lost confidence, when I see people hurting needlessly& when a body refuses to care& bind the wounds of hurting.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry, i can't find this offending. In so many ways, i agree.



</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But wait a minute I was suppose to cheer you up& here you are cheering me up! Your a light!!!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok,, so "we" cheer each other,, thats all good! ;-) we can be each others light,,ok?? and keeping Jesus's light shining as well.

i do like knowing/hearing that i do leave "you" cheered,,

i've managed to do it again, write another chapter in that book,,lol

warm, and special hugs to you!!!

during prayers today, sharing-expressing my thanks to the Lord,, i'm thankful for that person in you, being sent my way.
Again, Happy Thanksgiving, to you and yours.

Have a wonderful day,, remember to make that joyful and cheerful sound to the Lord today. MAke it a Glorious day,, (((((((hugs))))))

(((((Stever& Blessed Family)))))

Blessed HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO (((U))) & your precious (((children)))on this joyous day!!!

Hope today has been a Glorious blessed day filled with peace, love, laughter& all the trimings! We celebrated our Cdn of THANKING GOD in Oct- Us cdn's are a month up on you good neighbors down south! lol..so today- is still a valid day to THANK HIM!

(((I thankyou for sharing from your heart!!!)))

Please bare with me here. I am deeply processing& praying through the core complexity content of your journey.

Complex it is. It appears your wife has been severly deeply depressed for yrs??? Cry for help-possibly???

The acting out- hypersexuality part could strongly allude to prior sexual assult trauma. To make babies& not to take care of them, isn't normal. Severe "Damage" somewhere, open possiblity files.

Also a severe untreated thyroid problem--can cause severe problems. Loads of conflicting theories on Bi-Polarism. Have waded, filtered through volumes of research on the subject.

Best explanation from a biblical standpoint, biblical counceling bks I have come across is BP refers more to the diverse extreme energy swings. Treat the underlying depression, live more balanced in the middle lifestyle.

Many people who have bi-polarism do not live sin ful destructive lives. Sin is a CHOICE-consequences. Extreme cases in the bible with the confliction, rebellion torment with King Saul- Nebuchadnezzar.

Excellent insight of depression with King David, God grace to restor him...Elijah--. I love how kindly God takes care of Elijah!

I wonder if these informative websites would provide a greater perspective?? Sounds like your wife should have a good medical check up???

I clearly see what you mean about your hesitations & mo for her wanting custody.

You listen, hear, communicate quite clearly. Your pretty tuned in, plugged in& don't miss a beat... I know, we all have things to wk through.

Some of us Black sheep are the ones with just carbon on the outside, need God care, drycleaning to get us whiter, or greyer until He completes His perfect wk on us.

Then those who look sooo white sheep on the outside, can really be the real black sheep on the inside--not apart of God's flock. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God cares very much about the sins against us! Not a "gender" thing either!

Perhaps your wife herself might not be aware of what is going on inside her???

From a bio-chemical standpoint, blocking things out due former trauma.

Possible Cry for help--with her acting out??? Not all person recovering from SA-R- act out either-it's a Choice!!!

Defining the problem is already half the solution. A person is either apart of the problem, or solution-that is a choice.

For now I will leave u with these info-websites- might put some of the intricate pieces of the puzzle together in place.

Equip you--as our Lord can heal powerfully!!! Right now- your wife behaviors are giving Glory to the other side. Help is available. Perhaps she will be able to connect with the real Jesus?

Let me know if any of this info speaks to you-provide more answers for you& children. The PTSD site is so informative, illuminating--helps put the bigger picture into focus!

Wish that more pastors--teachers-- were informed with PTSD-not to over pressure children so much--add more burdens to the problem--need to back off-improve their own teaching methods for children in CRISIS!!! Hurting children can't always perform, concentrate!

Because my son Zack has been a special needs child, had him, my daughter in private Christian school 3yrs. My reasons for my many pt jobs to be around them& there for them. Supporting my x through college-disaster.

Difficult strain for our family. We couldn't afford to keep our kids in pchristian school.

I home schooled my son Zack when things were terrible at school for him in re-introducing him in public jr high. Talk about culture shock,encountered gang problems, couldn't cope in a hostile enviro-!

My daughter Kristian is social butterfly,--God blessed us with a great school across the street.I volunteered at her school constantly, great deal to balance time, attentions. Best times!

Talk about lean, harsh times, living on scant money-- I still feel those leftovers pain in the middle on my back. Shouldered mostly all the resp--God blessed us in love,& great creative adventures, so many hurting kids at our house 24/7. Amazing what we could pull off without money!

We were blessed to have the love, support from the school. Mutal giving back, forth. Great special noble hearted principal-loving teachers-rare!

I do soooo understand the ultra lean harsh times. We were sooooo happy-- not with x later terrible again acting out--his nasty wicked family interfernce. So teachers don't pull the wool over my eyes to much! Many are called& few are chosen in the prof field.

Need to break--my son will be calling to catch a ride from school- will get back to you!!!& Catch God special squeeze-- Hugs!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Pray& hopes these site are of benefit!

Great site on POST PARTUM DEPRESSION.

http://www.4woman.gov/faq/postpartum.htm


Great site on POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.

http://www.ncptsd.org

Great sites on Sexual Assults-support sites

http://www.theear.org/SAC

http://www.mcadsv.org/

(((((Sky& your Blessed Family)))))


***Hope today has been a Glorious blessed day filled with peace, love, laughter& all the trimings! We celebrated our Cdn of THANKING GOD in Oct- Us cdn's are a month up on you good neighbors down south! lol..so today- is still a valid day to THANK HIM!***

it sure was,,, on the way home, Vee started balling. She informed me Friday morning, the first thing on her CHristmas list, is a new mom,,,

so i gave her ome extra love, and encouragement, letting ehr know her mom does love her.

I suppose i was caught up or lost with-thinking that you were a neighbor,,lol i was aware that thinsg are diff in Canada.

(((I thankyou for sharing from your heart!!!)))

you are most welcome.

***Please bare with me here. I am deeply processing& praying through the core complexity content of your journey.***

at your request, i'm baring with ya, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

***Complex it is. It appears your wife has been severly deeply depressed for yrs??? Cry for help-possibly???***

she phoned me yesterday, asking if she can pick the children up) she was pleasant, and laughing.
When i informed her where i was working for the day,, she expressed her concern????

Last night while she was here, she actually stayed for quite some time. Still pleasant, and treated me like i was a human being for a change??

moments befoe she left, we discussed a huge dool house, and i suggested that we all pack up and move everything in together, again. She asked "where?" then commenetd, "find a 6 bdrm."

I asked was she serious, she repeated "find 6 bdrm." Now i was somewhat excited. I asked for confirmation,, and her reply was no, i'm not serious.

She allowed my step-son to stay the week-end with me,, after she left, he stated that he too at first was real excited. Then added, that was mean of her,, errrr!! lol <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

***The acting out- hypersexuality part could strongly allude to prior sexual assult trauma. To make babies& not to take care of them, isn't normal. Severe "Damage" somewhere, open possiblity files.***

to this day, she doesn't take care of her first two children, their grandma does the maority, and i suppose this may be by some choice??
knowing that she does have to work, and will need some help??

being a mother, is second to her career, and even below her friends.

*** Loads of conflicting theories on Bi-Polarism. Have waded, filtered through volumes of research on the subject.***

i remember the first time checking into this Bi-polar possibility, maybe ten of the 12 symptons almost fit to a T. Yet, i wondered if i was "looking" for it, you know? So therefor i'm going to "see" it??

Either a good game is(was) played, or there really is something.

I know quite often, she will say something, then within a few weeks, she won't, or she'll act like she didn't saty it, or remember.


Regards to Biblical,,, for quite sometime, i prayed that GOd watch over her, and such, you know, place that armor on and arond her, cast out all demons,,,,

eventually my prayers turned to that she begins to fail, and the likes as that?? I don't think thats what i should have been doing, but i did.


I'm wondering, i know in 2003, she had surgery, for something like cervical cancer???? or something along this area,,,



***You listen, hear, communicate quite clearly. Your pretty tuned in, plugged in& don't miss a beat... I know, we all have things to wk through.***

i thank you for the nice compliment.

Anymore, and quite often i realize that i meet my horoscope,, i'm a cancer crap, and i crawl into my shell. There has been exceptions with you, i found it easy to open up, and go to a depth a refused to go, with anybody-anymore, and lately??

and you know what, if we were in the same community, i'm sure i would find myself wanting to find some kind of excuse, you know like, "hey sky, can i borrow a cup of sugar,," lol
it's all safe. I would really never allow myself to act on that. That is of course, unless i was driving by and noticed you were out in your yard,, you've heard the saying,,, "I was in the neighborhood,,," <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> lol

Yes, we all have something, and all we can do is learn, so that we can "improve" yet, we can never be 100% in anything, all we can do is practice what we're learning, then we can only get that much closer-to 100%

***Some of us Black sheep are the ones with just carbon on the outside, need God care, drycleaning to get us whiter, or greyer until He completes His perfect wk on us.***

Sky,, waht are you telling me? I thought you liked me, now i find out you think i'm a black sheep,, geez. j/k dear,,lol

I suppose in some ways, i'am a black sheep, as i continue trying/wanting to get whiter each and every day, so that i can get thru those pearly white gates of heaven.

And when i get there, i'm going to search for you. And i will ask God to send me to the soft white clouds of Sky's domain,, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and then i'll have to give you a angel hug, then after-i would ask "was that ok?" rofl




From a bio-chemical standpoint, blocking things out due former trauma.

You know, months ago i e-mailed Dr.Phil. I was soo hoping that he would have responded.

***Possible Cry for help--with her acting out??? Not all person recovering from SA-R- act out either-it's a Choice!!!***

I have sooo often wondered this,,, i've attempted to explore this,, yet all i managed to do is more enabling, and avoidance.


***Defining the problem is already half the solution. A person is either apart of the problem, or solution-that is a choice.***

Often i'm informed that i need to learn to be a problem solver. Yet, when i try, the contents are changed. And the one that leaves me often confused,, are the times when i'll hear how she never said this or that, and either act like she can't remember, or maybe she's even serious,, i d/k. I do know that she will insist that she never said(certain things) My 16 yo has even experienced the same, she's even asked me about it.


***Equip you--as our Lord can heal powerfully!!! Right now- your wife behaviors are giving Glory to the other side. Help is available. Perhaps she will be able to connect with the real Jesus?***


May i ask you this,,?? I also ask for your "personal" thoughts, please.

To me, the person that i'am, the husband, friend, and father,,, i'am devoted,(or was??) My wedding vows are still adamant within me, reflecting to "for better for worse,,,til death do us part."

I know i say things i probably shouldn't, and i don't want the impression that i'm bad mouthing, i'm really trying to find answers, reasoning, and explanations,, kind of crazy huh?

I'm sure it would be-so much easier to just let go, and begin a new. ?? with that thought in mind, leads me to my personal confusion,,

Apparently/obvious we are or were at the worse. When does God ever say it's ok to Dv?

From what i've shared, "personally" do oyu think i should lean towards Dv, and simply give in? Please don't take me wrong, i'm not asking for permission, just "your" thoughts.

I do want a lady in my life, but a lady that is there daily, and one who truly knows and accepts that a commitment, and forever, are to be forever, til death do us part. Thru all the storms, the little ones, ands the big ones to.To help bring those special rainbows, between each other, for each other, especially those sent by God, referring to ones faith??
After coming to know you, to the extent i have, although realizing it's thru typing only, i could almost say, A lady like you.(shyly spoken) (hoping for a little flirtatious/flattery sent your way my dear,,;-) just teasing
"in a safe way though" ok?

That's a promise, to all and especially to God.
God tells us that all marriages shall reconcile, that none shall parish. He also tell sus that infidelity can be grounds for forgiveness. This is what I hear Him say,,, this is what i'm struggling with,,..?????


Thank you for taking the time(i feel- for me)i'm quite touched, to take that time out of your busy schedule, and send me yet more informative places,,,

I have gone to these sites you sent,, thank you, and i do thank God for sending you, and allowing our paths to cross, even thru the internet. (spoken/shared sincere) you are a God send!!!

***Wish that more pastors--teachers-- were informed with PTSD-not to over pressure children so much--add more burdens to the problem--need to back off-improve their own teaching methods for children in CRISIS!!! Hurting children can't always perform, concentrate!***

,,, thru everything i've learned (especially)over these past two years, w/o allthe details, explanations---i soo would have to agree.

Reflecting back to what you shared recently, about attending church, I "think" that there has ust been too much changing of scriptures, only to meet mans needs,, this also has to do with agreeing to above,,

I know that in the community we ust moved from, the teachers (some) had changed their teaching methods, realizing that not all can learn the same.
With a church services-preaching, not all has the same need, God knows what each and every individual needs, before s/he knows. Yet, often i'm left with the impression, we all should recieve that same message from God, thats (to me) virtually impossible. Does that make sense to you??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Because my son Zack has been a special needs child, had him, my daughter in private Christian school 3yrs. My reasons for my many pt jobs to be around them& there for them. Supporting my x through college-disaster.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thats because he has an extra special caring loving mother,,YOU!

**Difficult strain for our family. We couldn't afford to keep our kids in pchristian school.**
I wanted to have my children in pchristian schools,, and yes, it would be, and is a difficult strain.


***My daughter Kristian is social butterfly,--God blessed us with a great school across the street.I volunteered at her school constantly, great deal to balance time, attentions. Best times!***

Again, therer is that special mother shining thru,, and i'm sure Kristian is imitating you.

***Talk about lean, harsh times, living on scant money-- I still feel those leftovers pain in the middle on my back. Shouldered mostly all the resp--God blessed us in love,& great creative adventures, so many hurting kids at our house 24/7. Amazing what we could pull off without money!***

hoping it's safe to say,, we've been in a way, in each others shoes. We know the strain,pain,sad,,,

My children and myself are also blessed by God with a lot of that special love,, we may not have anything worth value, or any impressing material things, but we have a lot of love. NAd we have a lot to offer, give and share.


Is it ok to ask,, how is Zack doing now? you mentioned something about your daughter/hospital recently, I don't think i responded,, how is "she" doing?? Is she still quite excited about/with ehr marriage?


***& Catch God special squeeze-- Hugs!!!***

i caught it!!! i also pretended there was some from you,, lol

have a special glorious wonderful day.
Stand up, arms stretched upwards, and make that joyful sound, and be glad in it.
(i'll be trying to listen in, hoping to hear you here in Michigan)



maybe i should share this thought "with" you, as much as i enjoy your replies, first-i hope you know that you ahve been a blessing, i have raced home hoping to find another, from you. I want you to know, i don;t expect you to continue.

I know i take up your time, by reading,(i'am a wordy person) my posts, including your time to even respond.. I seriously think/feel you are truly remarkable, and wonderful.

ALways take care Skydiver, regardless. and know that your truly appreciated, here in Mattawan Michigan,, you and yours. Oh yeah, i better add, all the way up in Heaven too.


i know you are a busy lady, have your own personal issues, and i don't want to take, from what is more important. hoping that i'am understood.

your wordy friend, stever

i bet you have no idea, just how long it takes me to respond, i so have to delete soo much, i'am wordy. and i'll blame this on you to. rofl

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 08:48 AM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Hi again skydiver,

something that just entered my mind, have you ever been skydiving? I have, 5 jumps so far. You do know, that if you haven't, then to live up your name,, you "must" go.

I remember you mentioning being adventuresome,, here's an opportunity??!!

I was visiting my on-line photo album at Webshots, and i thought of you, i'm wondering if you'd be interested in visiting- I have pics of Vee while hospitalized,,
if so, here is the link Veronica

Take care, hoping your day is great.

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 02:48 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>