Well....I know I haven't been posting much, but I am here reading and relating to many of you...
Had our first and final hearing in June and am still waiting on that final order...Turned it in to the judge myself, hand delivered from my lawyers office to the judges office but it has still been over two weeks and no order. How hard is it to wait the five days , sign and mail it out!
Anyway...my STBXH has been paying child support pretty much on time so far...but here is the kicker...he has moved in with OW (since July) and has quit his job to take a lower paying one...he informed me he will be filling for a modification of child support asap...Go figure...he moves in with her and she works full time plus gets child support for her daughter and he works full time.
But he decides he is going to take a lower paying job and give his children less support. Anyone else been there??? I don't think it is all that uncommon and my lawyer says we should fight it. But really how long can you fight it and win? He will probably eventually get the payment lowered anyway. Right now I am trying to weigh my options...it will all depend on how much the lower amount will be as opposed to how much it will cost me in lawyer fees to fight this. I think he is just being spiteful. He hates the idea that he has to give me money, even if it is to support his own children. I work hard and I have a job out of the house so don't think that I am sitting home living off the money...but three kids are expensive to raise.

Sorry...maybe this is just a vent...but maybe some of you who have been there and sone that can lend me some advice and just maybe I wont feel so alone.

Now that I re-read that post I know that lots of you never get support payments without a fight..I just think it is ridiculous how some men think they can just quit work or take lesser jobs so they don't have to pay so much child support...

Unfortunately, what I've learned is that you never count on child support or figure it into your budget. If you get it, wonderful! But don't rely on it or you're in for a fall....

Think about it.....if he was a good upstanding, caring, loviing, good provider, you'd probably still be married.

Sigh.....

I agree with annasnewlife!

If our WH's were decent people then we all wouldn't even be here. My WH is trying to go back to school and I was told that he may quit his job. GREAT...now how am I supposed to get child support. I feel like I'm in a nightmare!!!

If your X has a history of making a certain amount, he is capable of making that amount.
He may, by choice, take a lower paying job, but child support can be based on what he is capable of making. The courts know this ploy and don't take it well.
What you can do is "impute" a salary to him of what he is capable of making. It's likely you have his W2 forms from prior year's tax filings and you can use this as a base to get him to agree to a salary he's capable of making.

I believe the same goes for people who go back to school (although the courts may adjust the amount if someone is bettering themselves.)

They will not let him take a lower paying job and then ask for a reduction. He can take a lower wage job all he wants, but he'll still pay the amount he pays now. Do as your lawyer says and fight him on it. He WILL lose, this I know.
Do not let him take from his family, ever.

I agree with newly and mshermi. Your X may take a lower paying job, but that doesn't mean he can lower his support as he is fully capable of earning more and chooses not to.

I don't know where you are from, but many if not most states don't allow this so do as they say and fight him on it.

Take care and God bless!

K

Still holding on,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I just think it is ridiculous how some men think they can just quit work or take lesser jobs so they don't have to pay so much child support</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes some men do do this and as Newly said, the courts know better and base things on earning potential.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Think about it.....if he was a good upstanding, caring, loviing, good provider, you'd probably still be married. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish this were completely true.

Do you think he is doing this to try to pay less or does he have another legitiment reason for changing jobs

They do this all the time and succeed. My H was laid off, during a time when the economy was booming, but was "unable" to find a job for two and a half years. He finally found a job in a different field paying less than a third of what he had been earning, a job from which he has since been laid off again. The magistrate actually claimed that it was unreasonable to expect him to find a decent job because he was "so old." He was just over 50.

It's been months since he found out he was going to be laid off again, yet he has not yet found another job. How difficult can it be to find another job paying something similar to his previous job, in the 20's.

Gosh, this whole thing gets me so angry. Honestly, I really don't understand the mentality of NOT supporting your children. I really don't get it. I know that some (well a lot) of guys have trouble "giving" money to their ex. Why is that, do they really think that they are spending the money on manicures and spa treatments while the kids are starving wearing hand-me-downs?

I'm just in the beginning process myself and see the reluctance on my stbxh on paying any CS to me. He wants 50/50 split for just this reason.

I really don't get it. I myself was thinking of looking for a 2nd job (part-time) while my kids are with their dad, so that I can put some money away for college or what not.

All I can say is fight it -- he has kids and can't be a lazy bum, irresponsible, greedy guy.

Want a guys perspective? Then read on.

Let me start by saying I VOLUNTARILY pay my WW child support.

Do I get any sort of information on how that money is used to support my child?

Nope!

When there is a finalized divorce, will there be any sort of accountability to me how the CS is used?

Nope!

I got the first settlement proposal from WW last week and she bascially wants half of the assets, NONE of the debt, and child support that is about 2/3rds of what she makes.

Oh, and she wants to claim our YD as a tax deduction too!

She did offer joint custody, but only one night every other week visit and YD has to be home before bedtime, and EOW.

When I got married and decided to have a child, I didn't sign up for being a part time dad, and having my wife leave to be with a Married OM.

Where do I go to have the marriage vows enforced?

What are the penalties she has to pay for breaking those vows?

Because I'm a man, I probably WON'T get custody of our daughter because a woman has to practically be an AX murderer to lose custody.

So I'm reduced to being a sperm donor and ATM machine. Everything else I have to offer my daughter is dismissed because I'm a man, worked so she could be a SAHM for three of our D's 6 years of life, etc.

There will always be some guys who just refuse to pay support because that is who they are.

But what are you ladies doing to make sure us guys that you may not like, but are the dads of your kids get as much access to our children as you have?

I guess I need to leave MB again, I'm so sick of all the male bashing. Maybe I'm hyper-sensitive, but I miss my YD, and am sick to my stomach that infidelity matters not in custody.

You want more men to cheerfully pay child support? Well then change the system so we feel like we are more than just ATM machines and sperm donors. Treat us like we are the DADDY's of our children.

TB

PS, I will probably also get the privledge of paying for a divorce I didn't even want because I make so much more than she does, I get to pay her lawyers fees. Yeah, that's fair. SHEESH!

<small>[ October 29, 2004, 05:13 PM: Message edited by: javaSansContour ]</small>

There's nothing fair about divorce.

And there's lot to be angry about.

And it seems like it never ends.

Never.

sigh

I'm a father of 4, with custody.

My older two childrens mother, does not pay support, or offer any help with any school supplies, clothes,,, nor does she work. This has been for 8 years. Yet she still has money for her cigs, and alcohol, along with her clothes.

My WS, who left almost 2 years ago, the two months she "had" custody, I paid, and in fact, somehow i still managed to come up $854.17 behind?????

Last year June, FOC awarded me custody, my WS isn't an ax murderer,, she was ordered to pay CS, yet refused. Last Jan. she was ordered to show good cause, as why she wasn't paying. She payed $900.00 of the $3000. + she was behind.

Since then, WS hasn't payed a penny, nor helped with any school clothes, or supplies,,, and the same applies to both mothers.

Although my WS did buy our 2 children a Halloween costume.
IMO, it's really not just a male thing, as i'm also aware of other dead beat moms,,
In most cases, CS is stressful, painful, and ugly. It can and will force the payer to require an addittional job, taking more time possibility away of what the child truly needs,, and that is not to be bought with any amount of money.

Stever

Thanks for the guy perspectives.

I have no problem with, in fact I do expect my STBXH will have them roughly 50% and be actively involved. I do question his motives, since the last year or so even though he's lived with us, he's not been with the kids nearly that amount of time.

Would it help if say you paid bills directly (say, paid 1/2 day care or paid day care every other week, paid your share of college savings directly). I'm stil thinking of having a joint account that we contribute to proportionately for kid expenses (clothes, activities, medical care, etc). My stbx and I are on decent enough terms to make something like that work. Since we'll have 50/50 the housing/groceries/etc. is on our own. Just curious.

btw -- I was not trying to bash anyone, I just couldn't understand why all the stuff not to pay.

the reason is that there is no accountability for WHAT the money is spent on, and i know for a fact, that my X has less than $500 living expenses per month, because she has a three floor house given to her by her job, with food paid for, heat and light paid for, and when I COULDN'T find a job, the judge and her lawyer said that i didn't try hard enough, . . . 8 months later, i followed all the court instructions and still hadn't found a job. . . I was allowed to get it reduced. . . however, at $350 per week, and rent at $1,600 a month, with no job, the money disappears real fast. and then, over a year LATER, i just got my first permanent job,

HOWEVER, there were paperwork delays in getting the paycheck information from my new employer, and then the CS division attached two accounts for $2,300 behind. . . I paid X a $1,100 check about 3 months ago to cover some of the CS during temp work changes, so i faxed that in for credit and paid the remainder with a personal check that they accepted . .

The state did not release the levy for four weeks, even though the money was paid by me, and 2 X the money was paid by involuntary withdrawals from my account. . . the last time i called, to get the overpayments back, they said that they couldn't send the now $4,600 that they have over and above the due amount, because they had to wait for the check verification. . . however, the check is also automatically accepted after ten days of receipt which they would not grant, they did not accept a notorized letter from the X and they would not accept her acknowledgement of the check. . .

i have been disconnected once, i have been told someone will call back three times, and no one calls back. . .

so you think CS is fair? my X told me that she wanted more CS so that she could save it for her retirement. . . . I DON'T THINK SO!

wiftty

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> so you think CS is fair? my X told me that she wanted more CS so that she could save it for her retirement. . . . I DON'T THINK SO!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's too funny.

Gee, Wifty, I wish I'd had your judge.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">the judge and her lawyer said that i didn't try hard enough</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You and I live in the same state. The magistrate we ended up with was perfectly happy with my H taking two and a half years to find a job paying in the mid twenties, after earning close to six figures. At the time we had three times the number of kids you do, and the magistrate awarded about $200 a week in child support, even though my H has no housing expenses, and my mortgage on a small 3-4 bedroom ranch is over $2000 (an amount which probably doesn't surprise you, though it seems to shock everyone who doesn't live on one of the coasts).

This subject makes my blood boil!

My WAH is self-employed, which since D-DAY translates to working as little as possible so he can show the court how broke he is. He deducts everything under the sun on his taxes so his income is something like 15% of what it was when we were living together. He doesn't want to get a real job because he now wants to explore his true artistic calling. I think all he's really exploring is the bimbo.

If it comes it to, my lawyer says we can ask the court to impute his income based on past history and his education level. But if he whines and is late with the check as he has been the past few months, I'll have little recourse as there is no employer to garnish his wages and the cost of a lawyer and court actions are beyond me.

Finances are my biggest problem now. I feel like such a fool for all those years as a stay-at-home mom when I trusted him and considered my personal assets were ours together.

Sorry for the rant!

a womans point of view, I did not get custody they want to be with him I did not fight. I should have and plan on it. His whole case is based on lies.

I volunteered child support and wanted my children as much as I could. they were abusive and rude to me and my friends while here. I still pay and pay and pay Yet I see my kids zero! the court ordered manatory visitation with me driving to get them and drop them off. They refuse to come and he does not help in this at all. Their cousoling is 15 minutes every other week. I am not invited to to it. He controls it all. He is the one that needs it. To stop his alienation of my children. Yes there is such a thing I have lived it.

I did not ask for this divorce he did. I do not see my children He cheated on me yet I still pay and pay and pay.

PS how does he spend it gee he takes them to bars.

do I resent it OH YEAH.

<small>[ October 31, 2004, 08:50 AM: Message edited by: Stone Cold ]</small>