I know you asked for WAT, but throwing my 2c in: I learned somewhere that right after one divorces, for a couple of years, any relationship is with a "teddy bear" or "comfort object." And that while the lover may be romantic and passionate, and that while the divorce may be the only thing left to cut the entanglements legally, if you get involved with someone, the lingering pain and bad feelings of the earlier marriage and the divorce are too close in time to the new love.

They get twined together. And as the divorced person heals, and moves on, they can't separate the breakup from the newer relationship. The memories of the past and the memories of the new, next relationship, are confused and blurred.

Odds are that they don't last. The comfort object is discarded. It is contaminated.

Did you ever read "The Velveteen Rabbit"? A little boy loved a rabbit until it became worn out and became alive as it became worn out. Then he became very ill - scarlet fever, I think. He nearly died.

The doctor told the nurse to burn everything he had touched before he got sick and when he was first sick. That included the rabbit. They couldn't take the chance of the boy getting sick again.

The person using the comfort object doesn't consciously realize what they are doing. But when they become healthy again, the healing part of their heart destroys the objects from the transitional or "sick" period.

Nice to see you on the Boards.

doh

Ok Jo, you know me..... the visual one!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Got pix? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Once we approve the guy..... we will be very happy for you. LOL!! Just kidding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All the best,
L.

Hey Jo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm glad you feel ready <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

I agree with some of the other comments that dating your boss is dangerous territory. As far as timing goes, here's my thoughts. Everyone is different. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> That's a big help, huh? I started dating a few months after my divorce, but we were separated a few months prior to the divorce. Was I really ready? In some ways yes, some ways no. My boyfriend, whom I have been dating for 2 years now (as of this past weekend!), started dating me 2 months after his 1st wife died. Was he ready? In many ways NO. I was probably crazy for starting a relationship with him. But we were cautious, and stayed very aware and communicated issues along the way. We moved (and are still moving) slowly, giving him (and me) time to recover, and be aware of what he wants (and me too), and aware of what's going on. He could have EASILY thought he was ready to get re-married right away. That would have been a bad thing for him and his kids. But I had to trust HIS decision, that he felt he was ready to get to know someone new. I also knew he had gone through a long grieving process, since she had been ill. And I also knew I was keeping the brakes on the relationship, and I didn't let him get too close too fast.

So, noone can tell you if it's too soon for him. Nor can we tell you when/if you're ready. If he thinks he's ready, that's his decision, and you'll have to trust him. Just don't rush into anything serious, and enjoy the dating.

my 2 cents

huggggggssssss

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 07:28 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong> Thanks Bellevue and WAT.

He's been divorced since October '2002. Is that still too soon?

Jo </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, it HAS been two years .... and Harley says two years .....

Can you befriend him and get his life story, post it here for our approval (Twilight Zone ripoff)?