</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bellevue:
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[i]Why not take time to enjoy your freedom for awhile, rather than educating yourself on how to turn a viper into a pussycat. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL Bellevue.... not only do you have a great point, but I absolutely love your way with words <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Uska: I did the Dr. Phil book several months ago. I really relate to Dr. Phil's no BS approach. My problem with the book was that it concentrated on my faults (which is all fine and good); but it also confused me in the sense that I was concentrating on what I was doing 'wrong' instead of focusing on what I KNOW the problem was..... Fiancé' inability to take any responsibility. I was so hooked on figuring out what I could do to make the relationship work that I didn't really evaluate what I needed my partner to do. Does that make sense?
As far as making a pro/con list, well.... I've tried that also. That was problematic in the sense that most of my needs were met on a daily basis(affection, kindness, courtesy, cleanliness, ect....) but ONE BIG need was left unfulfilled. I need to be able to express myself/disagree/fight without it becoming a personal attack and WW3.
In other words, I need to be with a partner who is committed to being a better man today than he was yesterday. While my Fiancé' was great about adding deposits to the love bank, the way he behaved during fights completely depleted any/all reserve. I've been saying for almost a year: "We needed to learn to fight better."
The 3 books come today. I'm genuinely excited. I ordered all 3 of the abusive relationship books by Patricia Evans (?). I'm hoping they help with my 'game plan.' I believe Bellevue is correct in the statement that he's going to come back. My immediate goal is to establish what it would take for me to firmly believe that he wants help with the anger.
While just admitting he has an anger management problem would have been a milestone 6 months ago, it's not enough now. Individual Counseling and Marriage Counseling immediately come to mind, but I don't think these are enough. He is fully capable of going through the process without a true commitment to change. I'm wrestling with this at the moment. Hopefully the books will help clarify what it's going to take for this man to truly change his behavior and what signs I need to look for (long term) which would allow him back into my life.
More as it happens.....
