Ali88, {{{{{{{{{{{Ali}}}}}}}}}}}}} I really am sorry you have to deal with this crappy deck of cards your stbx has handed you. I do wish I had some kind of answers to help, but unfortunately I don't. Only thing I have is sympathy and some prayers for you. I know there are others here wiser than me who could help with some good solid suggestions.
I guess the only suggestion I could offer would be to:
1-Get a nice Manicure & Pedicure.
2-Fix up 2 Texas 'Killer' Margaritas.
3-Have a girlfriend over to just talk about things, laugh some maybe go to a movie or the park and enjoy some nice Spring weather.
4-Of course, get a good reliable babysitter for your children while you take a 'Day For Yourself'...
SDLOM

Hey Sauron and everyone,

Thanks for the cyber hugs. Being down totally sux!
Seeing doctor today for my ADD meds. Hopefully that will jump start my brain so I don't have to rely on caffine to get me going and not dwell on things. Like having a H that is trying to make me guilty! He still doesn't get it!!!!

As for the spring weather!!! I am in northern Illinois! We don't have spring! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Although, My Mom lives further up north and on Thursday while I was outside doing yard work (and I was loving it) it was sixty out! Until about four o'clock. Anyway, so I called her that day and she asked me what I was up to and I told her I was out raking the bushes. For some reason, all of the neighbors leaves hit the side of my garage along with the blown out garbage so I was cleaning up. She was like "what!!" " You mean it didn't snow"? That is the lake for ya! We are no where near the lake. As much as I love it, I can do without the weather it brings.

Manicure! Ohhh, I love my manicures. Get one every two weeks.

I feel that I just don't want to bother my friends anymore about this topic. I spent the day out with a good friend yesterday. I didn't get time to spend the day with the horses. And I am really missing that.

Holy Moly. OK, I am getting a new car. Because of the gas prices on the high rise, Texas, this doesn't effect you! I have narrowed the two models that I like. I am looking at the Camry Sport Editon. Or the Grand Prix becasue my Jeep cost 40 bucks to fil up and gas just went up to 2.20 a gallon! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Thanks Bush!!!! Was going to get the Volvo S80 but I can get a new car for the price of a used one. Besides, I like the sporty look. Midlife crisis?????
So any advice would be highly appreciated! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I had an Accord, actually two. I loved them but they changed the style and it looks funny now! Except for the coupe. I like them but with two kids, I need 4 doors!


Ali~ Ho hum

<small>[ March 21, 2005, 09:08 AM: Message edited by: Ali88 ]</small>

ALI

The only way I do it is to let God take over and I have to be his puppet on a string. I have been so blessed that I can't feel sorry for myself for too long....as if I had the time....but when I do have one of those days I just flow with it cry my eyes out for the day and then the next day I am fine. Thank you for the compliment -- my mentor Caroyn Kepchar from the Apprentice was at an Expo I attended and she told me that I was her mentor......talk about falling on the floor. I'm a mom that is what I am and it doesn't matter whether you have 1 or 20 children that is the biggest honor in the world.

Everyone have a blessed day

mommax8

ALI

The only way I do it is to let God take over and I have to be his puppet on a string. I have been so blessed that I can't feel sorry for myself for too long....as if I had the time....but when I do have one of those days I just flow with it cry my eyes out for the day and then the next day I am fine. Thank you for the compliment -- my mentor Caroyn Kepchar from the Apprentice was at an Expo I attended and she told me that I was her mentor......talk about falling on the floor. I'm a mom that is what I am and it doesn't matter whether you have 1 or 20 children that is the biggest honor in the world.

Everyone have a blessed day

mommax8

ALI

The only way I do it is to let God take over and I have to be his puppet on a string. I have been so blessed that I can't feel sorry for myself for too long....as if I had the time....but when I do have one of those days I just flow with it cry my eyes out for the day and then the next day I am fine. Thank you for the compliment -- my mentor Caroyn Kepchar from the Apprentice was at an Expo I attended and she told me that I was her mentor......talk about falling on the floor. I'm a mom that is what I am and it doesn't matter whether you have 1 or 20 children that is the biggest honor in the world.

Everyone have a blessed day

mommax8

Hey All,

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

MO...

I'm sorry to hear what happened. I was wondering what happened to you. Sorry to hear that you ended up back here... but like I always say... "if your going through all the wonderfulness... this is a good place to be."

So now where is everything situated?

Bi-polar, and an alchohlic... is a tough thing to deal with.

Ali...

As far as cars are concerned... even though I always try to buy American... I would go with the Camry. They are good cars, and they hold their resale value... plus my G/F has one... and it is a good car, that does well on gas.

Petey, my Aussie... is Chocalte brown with a white mix. He doesn't like to be locked up in anything. My YD closed her bedroom door with him still in there... and he tried digging his way under the door... through the carpet, and scratched the hard wood floors all up. Needless to say... I was not a happy camper.

I have three cats that my exW left behind... that I would just love to give to a nice household. I'm not a real fan of cats. I use to love them... but my exW choked me with so many of them... that I have no use for them anymore.

Sauron...

Sounds like you are getting some nice sun shiney days over there.

We had some over here for a little while... but it's all overcast, with rain with a slight mix of snow.

It kinda figures the weather would turn... I started up some more remodling again... and I'm still trying to get through my taxes.

Well I hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ March 21, 2005, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Wallace

How are you?? I have to go back and read the threads to catch up with all of you....

Well things stand as this.... we have tried to reconcile now twice.... he came back the second time on May 22, 2004...showed up on my doorstep letting me know that he walked away from his inheritance and that he wanted me and the kids that we were his life (he still says this) We went on a wonderful family vacation in June and all way wonderful until I started a new job. My job became very demanding and I had to start traveling....my first business trip was on October 3, 2004 and he began drinking again that night. I was in the middle of a meeting and my daughter calls me telling me that her dad just went down the highway with her drunk. i called my parent's and my pastor immediately and they came over and got the kids....

I arrived back home the next day and he knew immediately that is was finally over...I tried hard but I never forgave him for the last 2 times he left me...we agreed that as soon as he could move out he needed to. My job then asked me to work in Nashville for a couple of months and commute, because I was the only support I had to keep my job...I then ended up becoming a workaholic so I didn't have to face what was going on in my life.

I became really stupid and started seeing someone I work with in which I knew was wrong but I justified it by saying I have been getting divorced now for 2 years. Of course he treated me like a queen and he was everything that I could ever imagine to have in a guy...and he knew I had 8 kids. Then he gets sick and ends up in the hospital and low and behold his "girlfriend" is with him... and he just falls off the face of the earth. (oh my STBX did call him and is now doing some contracting work for him)I thought I was hurt by my husband....oh my gosh I might as well took a pitch fork to my heart.....I know now why they say do not get into a relationship for a long long time......this was just a month ago and I am still feeling that pain. He was able to numb the pain I was feeling....in the meantime I end up having to stop working for a while, I went through a month of deep depression and then finally on Feb 17, 2005 I moved out for good.

Things were trying to get better but STBX would call me everynight drunk and call me every name in the book then call me the next day apologizing and telling me I am the love of his life and how great I am. I now just hang up.

STBX left for Virginia on Sat. don't know if he will be back or not 17 year old son went with his dad, talk about a stab in the heart but he is almost 18 and he chose it...

I am moving on with my life I have enjoyed the time off to just be with my kids but I have to go back to work this week and see the co-worker which will be difficult but I am like a drug-rep and visiting offices and will rarely run into him, just strange....besides not what I need to be concerned with right now WHAT A BIG MISTAKE!!! My girlfriends and I have gone out a couple of times but I just don't feel right...I don't want the dating life. I want my family. That is the hardest part of all this I don't want to start over again. I invested 18 years in this relationship even though it was unhealthy for most of it....I just can't believe it has come to this...

I cried all day yesterday.... not for him...but for the family....today has been better, it is a beautiful day and I am truly blessed, my life is really good and my children are doing so much better...(don't know if you remember the 16 yr old but she swallowed a bottle of pills in August and ended up in ICU...she said because her dad started drinking again) didn't phase STBX at all. But I can say now that all the kids are away from him they are thriving and looking forward to a new life...

I am really glad to have a great support system like this one or I would have never made it the last 2 years....reading everyone elses stories makes me know that I am not alone.

Take care

Hey Ali! ... ummm gas prices actually 'do' affect us... in Texas. 2 weeks ago, we were paying $1,79 a gallon... last week it went to $1,92 for 2 days, then $1,99 last Friday. Yesterday it was $2,04 and this is for the cheapie lowest grade of gas - we drive a Jeep Grand Cherokee - love it! Wouldn't have anything else. However, may I suggest the Volvo for you? My dad is extremely picky about his cars and he always checks EVERYTHING out about them - repair records, etc. etc. and he swears by them. Of course, as you know, Jeep was rated as the #ONE SUV last year...
Winter weather? Looooooooooord I would just DIE if we lived in Chicago! I can't handle that cold weather like I used to! Spring 'WILL' get up to you, Ms. Ali. Just give it a little more time. If it's any comfort, we're in the middle of some serious 'Global Warming' so that's going to be interesting... Anarctic ice shelfs breaking off and melting.. etc. Alaska's permafrost is melting.. hottest Summer last year in London ever recorded... Butt... I am looking forward to the good ole 110 degree + Texas Summers again! Bring it on heheheee.
SDLOM/Harold

Wallace,

Hi! Just wanted you to know I'm still here and reading. It seems you are about the only "oldtimer" around. I miss our old gang!

How are things going with your girlfriend? Things have been interesting with H. He is no longer thrilled with me. I confronted him and his assistant(separately) I feel it was the right thing to do but now I'm dealing with the fall out of that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I will continue to take a strong stand for our M. We will see where this will take us. Overall, I will be guarded with my interactions with him but I must clearly communicate my convictions. I'm at peace with that. Take care.

Mommawith8,

I'm sorry life has been so challenging for you. I hope your decision to leave brings you some peace in your heart. Please try not to take his alcoholism as a rejection of you but realize it is an attempt to mask the pain he feels within.

He probably does mean it when he says he loves you and the children and that you mean the world to him. He's fighting his own battles now and will hopefully find the help he needs in time.

Meanwhile, do your best to continue to look to God to meet the needs of your heart. Take care.

Avondale,

If you still read here, you've got mail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi to Ally, Sauron, Petvet, Trusting, Relady,Stacy and Anyone I Might have Missed,

I hope you're all doing well. God Bless!

Hey everyone,

Momax...

It sounds like you have had a pretty eventful time since your last posts.

I agree 100% with what Leah stated.

I think your "H" is doing just that... masking his pain with alcohol.

My suggestion is the next time he calls... and he's been drinking... tell him to call back when he's sober and he truly wants a serious relationship, and until then, don't bother calling.

Let's see which one he wants more... the family or the bottle.

Leah...

My G/F and I are doing O.K., but as with anything that can change on a dime.

I'm still trying to get through my taxes, and I'm back into remodeling my house some more... so between that, my G/F and work... I'm pretty busy.

I think you did the right thing by confronting your "H" with what's going on, regardless of the fall out from it all. I would of done the same thing.

What did he have to say, after you brought it out into the light?

Your maintaining, and that's good to hear.

Well I hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Mommax8 - I had wondered what happened to you, and thought of you in the last year or so. I'm glad you came back to Tough Love to post. And with all the problems we've had with this thread (the original one died due to the high numbers of bytes used)it's a miracle you found us!

I know it hurts that your oldest son went with your H...but he will see his dad for what he is sometime. Meanwhile, just stay in contact with him (son). Reinforce your love for him without whining (Tough Love) and tell him he's always welcome at your house (if this is the case). Does that sound do-able and make sense? I hope your family is still helping you out some. And this job you now have - if it takes you out of town some, what happens to your kids? Is there any way your H could say you were negligent because the kids were left alone?

Leah - I read your post in recovery. I think it was a big step for you to confront both your H and his assistant. Good for you! I'm sure you could not have done that without God's grace <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> What type of fallout are you experiencing?

Relady - Have you been chased away, or are you still reading? I'm curious, are you dating?

Petvet - Hang on, tax season is almost over!

Trusting - I know that you still read the posts that are related to Tough Love. How is your son doing? Update us, please!

Wallace - Thanks for the email. Time will tell if you are right. Will you spend Easter with your G/F and all your kids?

Me - I will still respond to the Tough Love posts but will probably by-pass others. I need to make better use of my time and this seems the best way to do it and still be of support to others going through this (as Wallace says) "loveliness". Since I was given so much through all of you on TL1, I certainly want to help whenever I can. Happy Easter, everyone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Double Post (not my fault, honestly)!
The icons are all over the page, LOL

<small>[ March 22, 2005, 03:27 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Leah, Wallace, Pet and Avon

Thank you so much for the encouragement...

I know that he is using the alcohol and it really is just to handle the pain but I don't think I can ever trust him again.

As far as your question whether or not I am traveling..I took another position so that I only take day trips and its my own schedule I am always there to drop off and pick up from school and home by 6pm.

I am finally able to be mom and bake,cook, clean and I love it..yes I know I must be crazy but I have had to be the one that worked for 17 years and it is great to have a job now that gives me the latitude to work my own hours. Any speaking of cooking kids are screaming for dinner

Thank you all for your support over the years your are all just great.....
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Just thought I would drop in before I go back to my remodeling,

Mommax...

Once trust is lost... it is very difficult for someone to regain it.

I quoted this to my exW, a number of times before I decided to pull the plug for good.

"Trust is not given... it's earned!"

She never did quite get the concept of what I had stated... but personally I think it's very much to the point.

it is in fact a very difficult thing to give to someone... once the other spouse has in fact trampled your trust into the ground.

Besides God's rule... I try to live by these two rules as well.

I always try to communicate with whomever, and I always try to be honest, and ethical. (O.K., that may be three things)

My G/F say's that sometimes I'm too honest... so maybe that's a bad thing... I don't know.

Only your "H" can do it for himself now.

It's something that he has to want more than anything... otherwise he will lose it.

It's the little things in life that count!

Hopefully he wakes up and sees that.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ March 22, 2005, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi avondale!

I saw that double post... LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

In regards to what I'm doing for Easter? Well that's a good question.

I'm going to go to Church... that's a given. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't think myself and my G/F are going to get together for anything after Church. I think she is going to spend it with her Mom, and her Kids... and I'm probably just going to spend time with my kids as a family amongst ourselves.

We had a tradition every Easter... I would read about an hour's worth of scripture, and then we would all watch the movie, "King of Kings".

I think that may be on the agenda for this Easter.

What do you have planned?

Are you getting together with your daughter?

Easter dinner is always one of my favotie things... hopefully I can do some outdoor grilling if it's not snowing or raining.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi to Everyone!!!

110 degree weather!!! H3ll noooo! Ok some days at 95 but a 110? That's suffocating. I hate that stagnat air. Choke. But this cold weather has got to go. I love it when it is 65-70 out. I can work outside and not get hot or have my hands freeze.

I am extremely happy today. Only one thing can bring me down and I ain't saying! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> no really <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ohhh Sauron! Don't think I can handle a Killer Texas Margarita. It seems that I cannot handle my alcohol. I had a hang over from one appletini again? Gee's! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What the heck is that?? Any suggestions on how to deal with one. And don't say drink a beer. That does not work!!! I know the water thing. But eeehhhhh, I still feel icky.

Ohh the ups and downs of getting a divorce. Why does my husband have to be so freakin stubborn?? WHY WHY WHY WHY???? Why does he have to make this so difficult??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Gees, anyone a self made millionaire who would help out financially?? Donations are kindly accepted! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> no, really <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Why does divorce have to suck?

Wallace, How's Petey!

My dog decided to spend the night at the local dog hotel last night. This never happened until we started to post this. But he escaped!!! We have a six foot high stockade fence and I guess he has been working on making a hole with his teeth. So under teh fence he went on a semi moonlit stroll to visit his other doggie friends. So he was gone all night. I called animal control and they had him. Fortunately, they micro chipped him because he ALWAYS slips his collar. I can have that collar choking him and he is still able to get it of him! How the heck does he do it? Any suggestions? So with a hang over(I hardley drink) off to the pound with lots of barking dogs and the smell of... well you know, to get the knucklehead <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> head!
OK I am going to dragg myself to make dinner and put away 4 loads of unfolded laundry! Oh joy!

Ali~

Wallace - Remodeling? O Lord! Please! I've done soooo much remodeling I'm sick of it hehehe. Right now, I'm in the process of (personally) tiling our entire house.. One section at a time... after ripping up the carpet...
Ali - hangovers? May I suggest my personal fave wine of choice.. Manichewitz Blackberry KOSHER wine? It's very smooth and a small glass would do very nicely..
Harold
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Post deleted by SauronTDL

Post deleted by SauronTDL

Now that the moderators have updated the UBB program, let's use this as a fresh start for Tough Love . This thread was begun several years ago focusing on the "Love Must Be Tough" book by James Dobson. The very title of the thread brings people here who are interested in that subject. We share a common belief in God, and are considerate in our language. This thread needs to focus on those who have a shared history of Tough Love, and new ones who are interested in using the Tough Love techniques in their relationships. Anyone is welcome to post, but it would be best if the posts were succinct and in relation to the subject at hand.