Hey All,

This thread seems a little busy today... good to see everyone posting.

Dejavue...

lol, I don't think I would have much luck getting my G/F to mow my lawn... she doesn't even mow her own... she has an outside lawn service do hers.

That was nice of your X to tell you that he broke the lawn mower... I'll bet you were gritting your teeth after that.

They will do that to you at times... I know from first hand experience as well.

Leah...

((((( leah)))))

I know what your going through with the kids and how they each in fact handle it all differently.

Trusting Him is right... each one has their own way of dealing with what's going on.

This is a very important time, they need all the reassurance of what I call the safety factor in spite of all that is going on. They want to know that everything will turn ouut O.K., and that they will O.K. as well. Show them and give them all the love and attention that you can while going throough all this. IMHO, it will lessen the impact of it all to a degree, but it won't take away all the pain.

Trusting Him...

My kids all handled the "D" differently such as what it sounds like yours have done or are doing.

It is very hard to take a shattered family and try making them feel whole again. It takes time, and a lot of time IMHO, and it appears your taking that kinda of time.

Have fun fishing... I'm going up right after the Memorial Day holidays... get into a little quiet time.

Hey EC...

Good to hear from you... it's been awhile.

When you get time, let us know how your making out.

avondale...

There is no doubt in my mind that your yard probably looks great.

I may need to get some gardening tips from you if I ever get the time.

Petvet...

How are you and buddy making out these days?

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend... I have a side job to finish tomorrow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Stay Strong!

Wallace

[color:"blue"]EC [/color] - you are a booger, doing a "hit and run" type of post like that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> We've missed you a lot! Get back here and tell us what you've been up to!

Leah,

I feel for anyone who has to make sense of this stuff for their kids. Especially when there is no sense. It's too bad when kids have to learn about this nonsensical world so early in their lives.

I don't have kids, but after watching my dogs experiencing so much stress I can only imagine what it's like for kids. My 3 dogs hung on me for weeks. They were upset when new people came over, and it took them almost a month before they'd go out in the yard without me.

I think I misled - it wasn't my X who broke the lawnmower. It was a hired handyman.

My H doesn't even know where I moved, much less being invited to show up here.

So, I hope the "sounds of silence" are due to everyone here being busy having a life and enjoying the weekend.

We had sun here today. It made the newspaper, actually. Now it is supposed to rain again. UGH! I think we are going on 3 weeks of rain now.

I took all 3 dogs for a walk so I could check out a park in my new neighborhood. They had to step in EVERY water puddle along the way. I guess they don't know how to function when they're not wet!

So, Avondale, Petvet, Wallace, Leah, EC - how's your weekend going?

Hi all
I heard from [color:"blue"] Relady [/color] - she has been having log-in problems and that's why we haven't seen her around. Hopefully some of the tips I gave her will help.

[color:"blue"] DejaVu [/color] - You asked about my weekend...the reviews are mixed. I did more yardwork Saturday than I should have (clearing out an area for flower beds) which included lifting some river rocks that were heavy...all that after I walked/ran for an hour. (I'm not as young as I used to be, LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />) Then that evening I had both kids and a few of their friends over for dinner. It was a full day but as we sat around the dinner table, it made me think about the "way things should have been" (with H there). In fact, he should have been here helping me with this flower bed! Will these feelings ever lessen? I'm glad I'll get to go to church today, the encouragement I get there will help.

It's so nice to hear from everyone.

EC,

Great to see you post. Please write later. We'd love to hear what's happening.

TRUSTING HIM,

You are right about each child handling divorce differently. I have been writing to my two oldest girls. They are both more comfortable with that form of communication. In fact, I started writing to them in a journal so we could keep it all together. They have both written the sweetest things, very encouraging.

My YD hates change and she's a real homebody. She also loves to be with Mommy. These are just some of the reasons I think the divorce might be the hardest for her to accept. I just can't quite picture her only being with me half the time... it makes me so sad for her.

But I know it will be good for her to spend time with her Dad even if she might not always be excited about it. He can give her things I can't in the way of fatherly love and influence. She also is very strong willed so she needs a very firm hand, something he is better at than me.

I hope you had a wonderful time fishing with your son. That sounds like a lot of fun. I was just trying to pursuade my girls to go hiking in the mountains. It is beautiful out today, perfect sunny weather! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

WALLACE,

Thanks for the cyber hug. It's been much needed during these past few weeks and months. I am so looking forward to having this part of negotiations behind me. It is difficult to accept H's anger and rejection. I hope that it will be easier once he moves out.

DEJA VUE,

Hi! I'm sorry it's so rainy where you are. That can get depressing. Talking about your dogs and the effects of separation... I'm wondering how that will work with my two dogs. The kids really will miss having their dogs with them. I'm hoping that some of the time the dogs can go with H and the kids when he has them. I guess we'll see how it all works out in time.

AVONDALE,

Sounds as if you've been a busy lady. I've been working outside too. My OD and I planted some flowers and tried to work on some other outside projects. It's been kind of slow going as I'm pretty little and not exactly super strong when trying to move dirt and such around. Anyhow, a little at a time.

I often think the "way it should be" thoughts too. I wonder if they eventually go away or if they are always a part of us. I hope you enjoyed the service at church this morning. Sometimes the Word can be just what we need to hear. Take care.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> So you ask yourself those same questions? [color:"purple"]Will these feelings ever lessen? [/color] I can only speak from where I sit and next month will be two years since I moved out of thier home. No! Thoses feelings have not lessened but what I do with the thought and emotions associated with those feelings or thoughts have.

Out divorced/widowed group started a new study Friday using Single, Married, Seperated, Life After Divorce by Myles Munroe. One of the new people is a man who has been divorced a little over two years now and during the discussion a comment was made about former spouses. the comment was one of a darkened shade and directed toward me. I told him that I was sorry that he felt the way he did but that my former wife was still an attractive lady and that under the circumstances she was dong the best that she could. He felt that I should find her unattactive and mean spirited. I explained that I did find her actions as unattractive and mean spirited but not her as an individual.

So now when those thoughts do come up I can reflect upon the positive times we had together. Trust me, there were more positive than negative in our 17 years of marriage. The truly negative ones only appeared during the last two years of our marriage.

[color:"blue"] Leah[/color] We has a [color:"green"] wonderful[/color] time fishing. We arrived at the river around noon, was in the water by 12:30 and canoed/fished until almost 8:00 PM. Just the two of us. On our way home we stopped at a samll local diner in that area and had a HUGE wonderfulsteak dinner (this place is known for their steaks) and had him home to Mom by 10:30 last night. Of course both of us were tired and almost sun-burnt.

P.S. The sermon topic today was "Divorce and Remarriage". The Pastor (under the guideance of the Holy Spirit) delivered a wonderful message on what could be a hotbed of disucssion on a very touchy subject.

Yes, I am curious if anything he spoke of even touched the hearts or minds of my former in-laws.

Hi Everyone....

What have I been up to ...hmmmm???

Well for startes I've taken this time to try and heal from all the mess... I feel pretty good these days. Things were like a scab constantly afflicted prior and now what happened with d-day and dv fades far into never, never land.

I'm past the pain of it all and thought I would never get there, but it's possible. Great joy without sorrow does come in time without blame of who's fault it was, you find it better to move on.

Currently I'm doing my business ventures and studyng for my Bachelors in Theology.

All I can say is that there is a side of life in you that has not been discovered yet. The (lowlife) person your WS thought they left behind in there eyes was nothing, wait until you get over your grief, it's going to blow your mind of whats waiting for you!! Never give up on you, you are priceless.

Take Care!!

yyyyyaaaaaahhhhhhoooooooooo

I'm back finally, Thank you to Tempest, you're awesome!

Hello all,

Still reading and still catching up. All is well with me.

I couldn't find my way back, and no one came to look for me, booohoooo! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


I'll be back once I catch up. I'm trying to find 'regular reply' instead of 'quick reply' YIKES!

EC, You are soooo right!

relady

Avondale,

I almost forgot, thank you too.

relady

Leah--

How are you holding up? I still check in here from time to time to see how everything is going with you. I wish we were still chatting in recovery but it looks like you're moving on to a new chapter in your life. I'm still praying for the best for you and your girls.

I noticed that you mentioned that your daughter was taking the SOL's--does this mean that you're my neighbor here in VA? Or do some other states do that? Or, perhaps it has a totally different meaning that I'm missing--I've never been very good with all the abbreviations <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If you feel up to it, I think it would be good to post an update in recovery. Too many times folks drift away and we're left wondering what happened. Even if alot of those who knew you are gone, others may read it and it may help them. Success stories are great but I bet there are hurting spouses out there who may need to realize that, unfortunately, not all marriages can be salvaged. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

If you get a chance, send a note my way. What you're dealing with now must be akin to dealing with d-day. Hang in there, leah.

HI DAMSELFLY AND OTHERS,

Thanks for checking up on me. Yes, I am your neighbor in Virginia. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I will try to post an update in Recovery later today. I had written there last year regarding the idea that all individuals can be recovered, even if their marriage can't be. I am now having to remind myself of that once again.

It's quite something that you should check in yesterday. Unfortunately, it was another D-Day of sorts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> For some strange reasons, my teary guy won't post. Anyhow, I went to the attorney's office and I also went to H's office. Guess what? The blinds were closed, the door was shut and LOCKED, with he and assistant behind them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It was not a happy revelation.... H moved out last night. To say the least, it was a sad, difficult night. We were all in tears and my stomach is in knots.

Somehow, I know we will get through this. But, it sure is difficult right now. God is faithful and He will see us through.

Thank you all for your prayers and concern. I will try to post more later. I am suppose to lead a small group Bible study tonight for the youth in our church. Right now, I'm sitting here with a lack of sleep and lots of tears. But, things will get better... At least that's what I keep telling myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]((((( [/color] [color:"red"] Leah[/color] [color:"blue"] ))))) [/color]
When I saw that you had posted on this thread in the wee hours of the morning, I figured it probably wouldn't be good news. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. In retrospect, it did answer your question, though, didn't it? And that was one of our prayers, that there wouldn't be any doubts. The fact that your H moved out ahead of the expected time just took everything out of your hands (even though I know you had put it in God's hands). I'll try to call you later. Remember, you are loved by us and by an almighty knowing Father. I pray you continue to have that extraordinary grace to walk through this next phase of your life.

Hi all!

Relady & EC: I'm glad you folks are back. Relady, I was wondering what happened to you. I was lost in space for a while myself until Avondale threw me a life jacket.

DeJaVu: The transition period is the worst because your feelings play tricks on you as to whether you are doing the right thing. Many years ago, I knew a vet who was going threw a D. He gave me a poem that basically said that during these times one has to build his own garden from scatch. Rebuilding is hard. Some folks are forever rebuilding.

Leah: It's a good thing that this is occurring right before the summer. Spend time with the kids, the transition time for kids can be very stressful.

Wallace: You need to be honest with yourself. How long have you been with your GF? After two or three years, she would be justified in wanting to get married. When will the last kid be out of the house? You need to put a plan in place, and ask her if it is acceptable to her. If it is not, then you need to give her the option of swimming to another pond. Do you understand what I am saying? Women are bonding types who don't want to be in a permanent boyfriend/girlfriend arrangement.

Avondale: You are lonely. Work on your mind and body and doors will open.

Me: Life is good. Even when it's not, things could always be worst.

Later.

Oh Leah, that's so awful. But now you know for certain--you won't have to look back with any doubts. You know the road he's chosen and you don't have to feel any obligation to going further with him. The trauma of this must be terrible but, probably in the long run, it is best that you know.

You're in my thoughts and prayers. If you need a real-live shoulder to cry on, maybe we're closer than we know.

I hope you do get a chance to post in recovery. I'll look for you there too.

Take care of yourself--you can get through this.

Aw Leah,

I'm so sorry. What a drag. Tried to put an icon in here for you, but it wouldn't work. So, please just know I'm thinking of you.

Hi All,

Thanks for your sympathies. Today was without a doubt the worst day of my life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I have hit rock bottom in a huge way. God has revealed truth about more very ugly, horrible things. Because this is a public forum I am unable to discuss what has taken place. Very scarry stuff.

I've been up since four A.M. I've had enough drama today to last a life time. It can only get better now. The course has been set and I must be very strong. I need prayers like never before. Thank you all for being my friends and supporting me through this. I will write and call when I am able to. With love and appreciation from me to you.

((((((Leah))))))

Please be safe!

Hey All,

Leah...

Wow!!! I'm sorry to hear that you had to find out that way.

When you come across it, and it's confirmed... it's like your soul has been torn right out of you. It's a horrible feeling, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

The Lord usually reveals it in his own time and in his own way so there is no doubt left in your mind as to what is truly happening.

How are you and you kids holding up?

Prayers for you and your children!

It's a tough road at this point... but with the Lord at your side, you and your children will make it through this ordeal. You will need to stay focused, which I found was one of the most toughest parts for me to do, but as time goes on... it gets better and easier.

Does your Church have a Divorce group, or a support group?

Try to find one... IMHO, it takes the edge off, and you don't feel like your in a boat with no oars out in the middle of the ocean.

EC...

Glad to hear your doing well. You sound like you have come a long way from the last time we saw you post.

I assume that your troubles with your exW and all of her baggage have settled down.

Stay in touch, and let us know how your making out when you get time.

relady...

Glad to see you made it back!

This new BB was and sometimes still tough to get through.

Hows Biz?

Trusting Him...

I think it was you as well as Dejavu who hit on still thinking about your former even still (I don't dare hit the back button to see who brought it up, I usually lose the whole post when I do that).


Well anyway, I think that's a pretty good subject, as I find myself thinking about my exW from time to time even still. I always wonder what life would be like if none of this ever happened, and how our lives would be now.

Petvet...

Glad to hear that your doing well.

You and Buddy still going strong?

In regards to your post to me about my G/F... your correct in your statement. For the record... she was in fact the one who put the brakes on us getting married. She didn't want to mix the families, and she explained her reasons... which I fully agreed with.

Now however, she is finding that I'm getting more comfortable being single, and that is making her nervous. So she brings up getting married about every two weeks.

We rehash the same things over again as to why we haven't, and why we should wait... she agrees with my reasoning (which was her's to begin with), and we move on to another subject.

She is free to go at anytime, and she is keenly aware of that. I vowed to myself that I would never let myself get caught in a position of being vulnerable ever again. I guess the "D" hardened my feelings... I'm not the same person I was three years ago... which maybe a good thing or a bad thing... I'm not sure.

All I know, is no one will ever break my heart again... I won't let it happen. I know that's hardcore... but I can't seem to break myself from that mind set.

avondale...

How's your yard work coming?

Well I hope everyone is doing well... and I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace