Hello all,

Ok, I had no problem getting in this time. Oops, maybe I shouldn't say that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Leah

you may not be able to see this just yet, but you were given a 'blessing in disguise'. There is no way you would have been able to sustain your situation as it was.

God truly knows how much we can bare. And, He doesn't always answer our prayers in the way we think He will. But, you have to know that He has your best interest at heart. As long as you remember that, you'll get through it.

It's been almost three years for me and I have never felt better. During this time, keep yourself occupied and do the things you haven't done for yourself in the last few years, something your husband wouldn't do with you, that you gave up. Think hard, there's something.


Wallace

Still hanging in there with your GF? When's the wedding? Hurry up, we need our dresses! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Avondale

Hope all is well with you.


Petvet

Things seem well with you.

All those I missed, new and old, have a great weekend.

relady

Petvet, EC, and DejaVu
I have something to share which can't be posted here. If you want to send me your email address, I will update you. If you're not comfortable with that, it's OK. My addy is ***************** I have already sent it to the others who post on this thread.

Relady - you have mail

I would just like to make a suggestion concerning anyone that believes that they might possibly have spyware or adware in their computer and are being tracked.

May I suggest a program put out by Lavasoft.

It will catch most of the trackers you may have in your computer.

You can get a free download from www.lavasoft.com

let me know if you find anything after you have used it.

You will be surprised at how many trackers are on your computer... use it at least once a week.

Your probably wondering why I went way off topic with this post. Email avondale, and it will all become clear.

relady...

Glad to hear that your doing well, and welcome back!
As far as marriage, my G/F and I have it scheduled as of this writing, to happen within two years. That's as close of a time frame that I can give... only time will tell.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace,
I sent the E-Mail to avondale right away.

Just curious about the spyware software - there are several that are free, including SpyBot that I have at work, and one from Microsoft that I have at home. Is Lavasoft better, or am I ok with the ones I have?

I have my one at home set to monitor everything I'm doing, plus run EVERY night. Most of the time I get nothing, but there was one day that I got 180 spyware downloads in about 1/2 hour - just blasting my computer. I know, because the software was monitoring it as it happened. Scary stuff.

Hi Deja Vu,

I've used both, and you should be just fine with what you have.

In the situation that we have going here... and you will get the full picture after avondale emails you as to what is going on... I prefer the one (which I use as well), that I recommended.

It's possibly a little more involved... but with what we have going here with one of our posters... I believe it will most likely prove beneficial.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Well, looks like we go into the holiday weekend on a somber note, worrying about one of our own. I hope the tables are turned - and that it happens sooner rather than later.

For the rest of us, I hope it's a good weekend for all. Chins up everyone. If you happen to get sunshine, enjoy it. We've had one day of sun this week, otherwise have had 3 weeks of rain, and are expecting more this weekend.

UGH! The only good thing about it is I can delay mowing the lawn again. The bad thing is the lawn needs mowing about every 3 days now.

Cheers everyone!

We'll have a mixed-bag of weather this weekend, but I have plans/dates (no, not with a guy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />- just graduation parties and stuff to keep me busy!) so I'll be fine. I plan on calling our mutual friend over the holiday to pass on your comments, thoughts, and prayers.

[color:"blue"]DejaVu [/color] - What state are you located in? I thought NC was the ony state that grass needed mowing twice a week, LOL.

Avondale - I'm in Minnesota. I am pleased to report there is CURRENTLY sun shining. Or maybe I'm deluded - but there is this yellow thing in the sky.

Horrible day today. I went to the dog show where H and I have always gone together, and this time he showed up with a new G/F. This, after telling me he wanted to expedite the paperwork because he has windows to repair and needs to get closure on the finances. Now I wonder how long he has lied about her.

My friends thought he was flaunting her in my face - and that's how I felt too. So, the D isn't filed yet - mainly because he has tried to dump it on me to do (and I'm refusing to do it). But, now I'm going to revisit the property settlement and I'm NOT going to be generous as he wanted me to. SCREW THAT.

Anyway, she is much younger, has nice pretty long hair, and much thinner than me. It was clear he brought her there with him.

Why do I care? Can SOMEONE tell me why do I care? I do not want him back, but he hurt me and I think he should hurt in return. I'm furious with him, and sick to my stomach. I don't see how I can continue to function in the same circles, as he is doing his best to work his way in and me out. Other people have commented that he is trying to show off big time - laughing too loud, being over dramatic when he is showing his dog.

I want to just pack up and get the h**** out of here. I do NOT want to be here. D**** him anyway. How dare he throw me out and then reap all the benefits of his new single life at my expense. The one thing I told him back when he asked (and seemed to care) what would make this easier for me, was to not be bringing new G/F's into the settings where we both interact. He had agreed this was reasonable.

WHAT A LIAR AND DISHONEST MAN HE IS! I am steaming mad...

What do I do? One of my friends came up to me and said "if it was me I'd kill him - Bobbitt had the right idea" - that's how it looks to other people too. I do not feel like I can hold my head up anymore. He is trying to humiliate me. I just want to crawl in a hole and be gone for good.

Do I deserve this? Why is he trying to hurt me? It was only about 3 weeks ago that we ran into each other and he made a point of saying he'd always love me and wanted us to be friends. What kind of a hypocrit is this? What kind of a cheating lying scum is this?

I'm very sorry to be going off on all of you here - I realized as I drove home today that the only friends I have that I can share with (other than on this board) are people who are mutual friends in the same community. I can't talk to any of them because they are all his friends too. I feel SO lost and alone right now.

[color:"red"]((( [/color] [color:"blue"]Deja [/color] [color:"red"] ))) [/color] - I am so sorry! I know that must have been a tough afternoon to get through. Your H is still in the fog - it's all about him, and not about you. Don't forget that. Be strong; don't let him know that he "got" to you. Vent all you need to in this place, and don't lose control when you next interact with him. He probably wanted to see your reaction, for whatever reason. Don't give him the satisfaction.

When you think you can do it without creating a scene, do you want to ask him (either through email, phone, or in person)why he didn't honor your agreement about bringing a G/F to the show? My guess is he is just trying to show off (more than dogs, evidently!) and get you riled up. Don't let him know it worked!

This really HURTS! I'm feeling almost worse now than I was at D'Day - at least then we were physically together and I could talk to him - even vent rage at him. But now, nothing.

It was REALLY upsetting when I realized I have many friends, but not a one I can talk to about this without putting them in the middle of two friendships. I did end up blowing up last night at an instructor meeting for the dog club - there were 6 of us, probably the people I'm closest too, and all were at the dog show yesterday. Then I felt guilty for airing the dirty laundry and maybe turning them against H. Why I should care about making him look bad after what he did, I don't know. Guess I wanted to take the high road, but now if I continue to do that, I'll be hiking alone - and it will be an uphill climb.

An interesting observation by a friend yesterday was that he had his new G/F walking behind him and pulling his cart full of stuff, while he strutted out in front several paces walking the dog. My friend's comment was "pathetic - both of them!"

I don't know WHAT to do. I thought about confronting him - wish I'd been able to do it yesterday. What I should have done was walked up and said, "Gee, aren't you going to introduce your new girlfriend to your WIFE?" Probably wouldn't have had the nerve, and didn't think of it in time anyway.

Backwards, turn backwards oh time in thy flight, I've just thought of the wisecrack I needed last night! (I forgot the original source of this quote but I really like it!)

What I do feel like doing is hiring a lawyer and taking him to the cleaners. Make him sell the house - to hell with it. Why should I try to make his life easier for him, when he certainly isn't doing that for me. I had been willing to try to be considerate of his sitch - even though he created it for both of us. But I sure don't feel like that anymore.

I know this anger is just masking the intense hurt, pain, humiliation, grief, disappointment, all those things. I'm once again having the same very unique physical symptoms I had for about a month, beginning with D-Day last September. I thought I was past that - obviously not.

I also thought about getting revenge by bringing my own date to the dog shows. But it's too much work and not fair to the person I would be "using". My normal tendency is not fight, but flight. I'm finding myself thinking about moving out of state... things like that.

Goes to show what I've gradually been realizing - that everything has always been about him. The only time he ever considered my feelings was when it was no skin off his back to do so - or when he bottled up resentments as a result. I should have been the one to leave, and I should have done if in the first year of our marriage. Nothing has really changed since then - he's just got a more respectable facade now.

(((DejaVue))) I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this hurtful situation. Such raw emotions can be difficult to handle. Please feel free to vent away here. It is important to have a safe place to do so. We are here for you and I'll be sure to pray for you.

EVERYONE,

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. There is much I would like to write but no longer feel the freedom to do so. This situation has brought about emotions and reactions similar to D-Day#1, six years ago.

The first couple of days I kept shaking and crying off and on through out the day and night. I slept two hours or less both nights. It was pretty rough to say the least.

Thankfully, I am doing better now. I am eating and sleeping some. I am also much in prayer and reading a lot from the Psalms. Friends have been wonderfully supportive. They have called and have been here to help in whatever way they can. I am very blessed!

I continue to remind myself to trust God with all of this because He can bring truth to light and He will fight the battle for me. I am also entrusting myself to a very good attorney.

Like you Deja Vue, I was going to try to go about this in a very diplomatic, kind way. I was bending over backwards to try to come up with an agreement that H could be pleased with. I realize I can no longer take that route. I have been forced to another road. One that I have done my best to avoid for six years now.

But it is time for change and that change will begin within me. I will be strong in the Lord and life will get better. I will not give in to fear and all the confusion around me. I am determined that there will be a happier future for the girls and I and I'm trusting God to get us there. Everything is going to be okay!

Thanks again for your thoughts, prayers and suggestions. You are a wonderful group of people! Hope each of you is enjoying a great Memorial Day weekend! God bless!

Leah - seems like a fitting "Memorial" time for both of us, huh? I suppose I will always remember this weekend because of its milestone event for me.

I'm SO glad to see you posting here, and have been worried about you. Sounds like you are going to make it, stronger, and for the better, in the end. GOOD FOR YOU!

Fixing the title of this thread - I have no idea how I managed to change it to 'Q' - must be because I have so many questions right now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Leah....I was reading this morning with my children and this is where we ended up. It seemed to awaken a huge desire in them and in me as well. Because of that I thought I would pass it along to you. Regardless of our current circumstances we can always have [color:"blue"]hope! [/color]

1Co 13:13 Right now three things remain: faith, [color:"blue"]hope[/color], and love. But the greatest of these is love.

[color:"blue"]Hope[/color] is one of the three elements of true Christian character. [color:"blue"]Hope[/color] is joined with faith and love and is not seeing or possessing.

Rom 8:24 For we were saved with this [color:"blue"]hope [/color] in mind. Now [color:"blue"]hope[/color] that is seen is not really [color:"blue"]hope[/color], for who [color:"blue"]hopes [/color] for what can be seen?

What is [color:"blue"]hope[/color]? [color:"blue"]Hope[/color] is essential in the Christian life, a fundamental element much like faith and love that designates the essence of Christianity. What is the object of our [color:"blue"]hope[/color]? Christ! How is it described?

• 1Ti 1:1 From Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the command of God our Savior and Christ Jesus our [color:"blue"]hope[/color]
• Col 1:27 to whom God wanted to make known the glorious riches of this secret among the gentiles-which is Christ in you, the [color:"blue"]hope [/color] of glory.
• Tit 2:13 as we wait for the blessed [color:"blue"]hope [/color] and the glorious appearance of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.

It is a living [color:"blue"]hope[/color]. It is a [color:"blue"]hope[/color] that is not frail! It is a [color:"blue"]hope [/color] that is not persihable. It is a [color:"blue"]hope [/color] that has life!

I pray that you find as much peace in this as I and the children did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi All,

I just spoke to Avondale and she shared with me your letters. THANK YOU!!! Those thoughts were so kind and supportive. I appreciate you all so much! As soon as I'm able, I hope to write to each of you and give you an update.

TRUSTING HIM,

Thanks for the encouraging thoughts and verses about HOPE. Yes, our hope is found in Christ. He is where all my focus and hope rests right now. He will see us through!

I am trusting Him to reveal truth and to give me continued strength and hope Thanks again for some uplifting truths.

Everyone is soooo quiet! I hope it's just the busy-ness of the summer! Nothing new to report for me. I hope all of you have a great weekend.
(I just couldn't stand for this thread to be stuck on page two of the forum!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi everyone!

Sorry I have been so absent from the board, but I've been busy, busy, busy.

I finally cleared the deck of all but one thing, and that's my G/F. I decided after much thought and deliberation, that I'm probably going to break up with her. We have been going in two different directions for quite some time, and I don't see it getting any better... so after almost 3 years... I'm going to take a break, and call it a day.


Deja Vu...

Sorry to hear about your sitch with you "H".

Luckily I haven't seen nor spoken to my exW for over three years, so I can't suggest much to you in regards to your "H".

I don't know if you would gain anything by taking another guy to the shows with you... it might hurt you more than help you. You should surround yourself with some of your good friends and carry on like it was just aother day and enjoy yourself, and just completely ignore your "H" if you can.

I know that feeling about just moving to another State and getting away from all the garbage. I've thought about it a number of times myself.

Leah...

Hope your taking care of business... as you really need to take care of business.

Hang in there... if I can get through what I went through... anyone can get through it.

Prayers for you Leah.

avondale...

It must be the time of year that this thread is so quiet.

How's your yard looking?

Petvet, relady, Trusting Him, EC, and anyone else that I probably missed...

Hope your day is going well.

Well everyone, have a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

[color:"blue"] Wallace [/color] - You've said numerous times that you're breaking up with your G/F. What makes this time different? Does this mean you're available? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> (I need one of those smileys that yahoo has, with the eyelashes batting, LOL)

[color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] - How are you doing? Have you spoken to your H yet about bringing someone, or did you decide not to?

Avondale, you asked:


About 10 minutes ago I got an E-Mail from H. He wants to talk and says he's feeling really bad about how things are going. I have NOT said anything to him about his G/F, but he has obviously guessed based on what happened last weekend, because he wrote "You may think that I am starting a new life but I remain faithful to you and intend to as long as we are still married. I have too many loose ends to be available for a relationship." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

How to take this? Did I overreact? Is he telling the truth? I don't know. He's out of town this weekend, so no need to do anything this second. Probably doesn't matter whether he is telling the truth or not... he seems to care what I think about it though.

I have, however, contacted my attorney and am waiting for his feedback.

So, [color:"red"]Avondale [/color] - how goes it with you?

[color:"red"]Wallace: [/color] How are you feeling about breaking up? Are you OK?

I'm having construction work done this weekend... should be a blast! (NOT!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />