Hi Leah

I forgot to answer your question regard...
******
Quote: As E.C. commented, about giving up with the idea of sparing them the huge conflict, it reminded me of the story in the Bible about the two mothers fighting about a baby they both claimed as theirs. When Soloman offered a possible solution, the real mother gave up her rights to save the baby, and by doing so, she gained her baby. Are you familiar with the story?
********

I'm familiar with that story. In that story you notice that the woman that had the real true love cried and wailed the loudest, but if it would spare the childs life then she gave it to the pretender, however the pretender is just that (Acting a part as a parent but really doesn't care) In that story it shows the true heart of a wh*** type of person (They have a counterfeit lying emotion to seduce and mislead). If this were in todays times, the lying woman only wanted to claim the child as hers so she could collect child support, I'm sure she killed her child emotionally before she did it physically.

************

I also apply that same story as if the wh*** killed her Husband, her (child), then she took her friends husband (her child) and try to say it was her H(OM). If Solomon had saw this he would have said ,women, let me deal with this man and see whose H this is, ok Sir, lay down here and let me put your lights out, this is your end, be quite as I do this. The real wife would scream in agony and say no! spare him because it would hurt me too bad to see him hurt (true love). The wh*** would walk away and say, oh well, whatever, slice him!

This is exactly how these counterfeit affair relationships are today. Ask a WS to come to the place of mental truth, they say no!. Ask a WS spouse to bury there new lover that died that they just met, they'll take off running and say, it's not my problem, bury that joker in a cardboard box for all I care....He's not mine.

A wisdom nugget in this:

Sometimes you have to let your WS go to OM/OW in order so that the counterfeit lover can reject them when hard times and personal life issues arise. The counterfiet lover has no true commitment, it's all about seducion and living a lying moment. It's not about duties and serving. The WS will judge and see who really cares about there life and well being in time as they begin to die inside feeling unloved and rejected by the counterfeit lover.


Take Care

Thank you. I did copy your response to my hard drive because I really do want to read it - later. I talked to Leah on the phone today for quite awhile, and it really helped. Then I went over to a friends and spent the afternoon sitting outside in the fresh air and talking, letting our dogs play together.

Thanks for everyone's concern - it really means alot to me that you all care.

Hi All….

This is just a little thought I put together for those that might need it. It’s about tools you can use to restore your life and to make your life better.

The repairing of a broken life. Many have gone and going through life issues that have left you devastated and broken. Some have not suffered as much as others, and every story is different. But this is for the hungry. As you work on your “Plan A or Plan B” this will also help too. Maybe DV has already happened this will help you also <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />.

Four things you can use for inner personal restoration:

Time – time to plan and mediate how to work out and resolve the issues in phases (1,2,3,4)

Money – money to support yourself/family and to invest in the phases that you have planned.

Prayer – prayer empowers you to perform the task. Prayer moves, changes things beyond your ability and strength. Prayer also changes the outcome of a difficult circumstance. And most of all prayer keeps you in communication with God to give you peace in the mist of the storm.

Friends – You need good friends, family that love, support, empower and agree with you to arise and overcome your obstacles. Don’t surround yourself with people who are incapable of helping you and bring you into bondage. Sometimes in life’s broken issues of where life lands you, you might find yourself pecking the ground like a chicken as those around you. One day you’ll be pecking like those around you until you realize that you’re an eagle and not a chicken <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />. Your nature is to grab the feedbag and fly high with it and provide for yourself and others. You don’t fit the mold of handouts as thrown to the ground and then have to go chase it, always pecking the ground. An eagle will rise above the storms of life’s issues. An eagle arises to the air and see’s the big picture beyond its environment. The chicken always has it head stooped and bowed down pecking the ground asking why? why? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Rather than ask why?why? Tell why, thank you for the opportunity of new beginnings <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Equipping yourself for the new beginning on the outer restoration.

Proverbs 24:27 - Prepare your outside work, Make it fit for yourself in the field; And afterward build your house.

Ok, let’s look at this: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

If you want to harvest the fruit, you will need to till the soil, plant the right seeds, take care of the plants, and stick with it until harvest time.

If you carefully prepare the ground, then plant the correct seeds for the climate, and then faithfully tend the young plants as they mature, you will eventually reap the rewards.

When you begin to prepare and exercise your dream and determining how much you are willing to give and invest into your dream will determine your reward and fruits of your labor. The principal outcome is for you to have something you never had and expand something you’re already doing. Planting the right seeds at the right time can also relate to the abundant joy of a relationship.

Listed below are different principle routes a person may go to get to there dream (Are you ready?).

1.Find the thing you like to do, work on that thing, reap the reward of that thing.

2. Get a business idea, work and prepare the plan, build the business (Build you business, then afterwards build your house)

3. Figure out the new job or field, find the good employer, establish your home.

4. Go to school, graduate in the field you choose, afterward build your house

So now you have an idea of new beginnings and building a greater future. You can get started today if you have: A willing heart, spend time for planning, put in some hard work, and commitment. Most of all pray.

If God gives you dream, he will also give you the plan. If you trust him through it, he will also help you reap the rewards of it in due time.

Hey All!

Do I have Million Dollar bathrooms? Ahhhhhhh... no, but they are starting to take shape and are starting to look pretty good.

How does my bathrooms compare with the rest of the house?
They are all fitting in quite well. I have my HGTV GF/fiance to help guide me along. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

EC...

I like what you have been posting... but I have a question for you.

I have reached all the goals that I set up for myself through the years. I'm looking at retiring probably in the next few years, and my kids for the most part are all grown. I don't feel like starting all over again, as I have been there and done that with the Corporate game, and I'm really not interested in anymore of that type of situation.

It's kinda like Humpty Dumpty for me I think... all the King's horses, and all the King's men... couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

I'm back on my feet again... but I'll never be the same person that I was... I miss the person that I was.

So my question is... where do you go from here? I know that is a broad based question... but when you center your whole life around your family, and it's torn to shreds... what do you do to compensate for that?

I'm sorry to hear that your daughters have been so distant. When your made out to be the bad guy... IMHO, only time and understanding from your daughters will bring this to the point it should be.

Leah...

My prayers are with you, and I know your in a very tough situation. You and Deja Vu are really being put through the ringer. Both of you really need to dig deep within yourselves... and not let your "H's" bully you around. We know the angst that you both are going through... just try to get through it all, and come out of it as a whole person after it's all said and done with... that's the important thing.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Lots of posting going on. I have been reading them daily but haven't had much to post myself.

[color:"blue"] EC [/color] - Your posts are so thought-provoking I need to "chew" on them a while. I echo Wallace's thoughts about sadness that your daughters still are distant. You, however, seem to have done well for yourself in many aspects. Your positive outlook is contagious, and I know posters on other threads appreciate it, too!

[color:"blue"]Deja Vu [/color] - How are you doing physically? Any more thoughts on moving? What about your surgery?

[color:"blue"] Wallace [/color] - I know what you mean about feeling "discombobulated". Once we've accepted that our families will never be the same, where do we go from there? I am already dreading Christmas this year. I've even looked into traveling somewhere by myself for vacation but most places I want to go to are booked up.

Hello to everyone else <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

well, I just spent the entire day at the hospital, with the DR, getting fit for a cane, getting drugs, getting my disability parking sticker. Surgery will happen the week before X-mas, assuming I can survive that long. I'm keeping my house, dang it. Lots I still don't know, but the DR is doing a less invasive surgery than the standard one my dad had a few years ago. I should recover faster. However, because I'm "young" (at least in terms of hip replacements), I will probably have to have the surgery again in about 20-30 more years. It's still scary though. I still don't know how I will manage alone here, how I will get my driveway shoveled this winter, etc.

But not as scary as before I saw the surgeon.

[color:"blue"]Deja Vu [/color] - You said:
You're right, sometimes the "not knowing" is worse. Our imaginations can go haywire, can't they? I find I have to get control of my thoughts sometimes and focus on 'what is true, honest, and just' or else they'd carry me away to the looney bin, LOL.

Why not go ahead and set up your snow shoveling brigade? I'm going to ask the guy who mows my yard if this is something he can do for me. Another option is to call a couple of landscaping companies - they do snow work in the "off" season, and usually welcome new potential customers.

[color:"blue"] EC [/color] - I would like to share something with you. If you're OK with it, would you send me an email? If not, I'll understand, and no problem. My address has been removed to protect the innocent. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]Petvet [/color] - How are you doing these days? Are you still "an item" with Buddy? Whatever happened with the prenup questions?

Hi Everyone,

Wallace - I read your message and had to ponder it a little "Where do you go from here after all has been torn to shreds? How do you compensate for that?

That is a tough question, but I'll speak to you as a brother in the Lord. I feel just because a spouse leaves does not end or detour what God had/has planned for you. I believe if what you were seeking required two people H and W and one left, he will modify the blessing, but will not be hindered or stopped by any person. If you have the faith to believe for it, God has the ok to get it to you.

What I have found is that because of my exww leaving my blessings have gotten bigger despite her decision. So that's been my compensation, God will give you double for your trouble. I'm not talking about just money, but peace, joy, wisdom, etc.....

The biggest obstacle for me has been "Fear". The uncertainty to venture out in the unknown of my comfort zone. But once I made a break through, life hasn't been the same. I still have area's to work on, but I'm learning as I go.

When Peter saw Jesus walking on the water, Peter wanted to walk on the water(The unfamiliar) so bad. Jesus saw him and said "Come". Peter got out of the boat and started walking on the water, but then he began to sink when he begin to fear and started to look around and see the splashing waves and the howling wind (People laughing, mocking,lies and surrounding troubles) he then begin to sink back to what was familiar, he took his eyes off Jesus. What happened to him and what he saw became a stronger voice than the voice of truth and promises that was before him. Peter sank within and then sank without. So there, Peter struggled and was caught between what was familiar and unfamiliar.

So, you may have been tried through this process but I think you'll find the old you and the new you as you begin to step out on faith and remember the promises that he has for you and your life. At some point as you pray and stepout, the tragedy that happened in the boat will begin to fade with time.

When Jesus healed someone in the NT, during the healing process, he reminded them that they were a son or daughter of Abraham, a heir of the promises. This is still true for us today as spiritual sons and daughters. He reminded them that they had blessings in store for them that if they asked they would recieve.

I don't know if this helps, but all is not lost.


Avondale - I saw your message.

Take Care

EC

As usuall your words of wisdom and encouragement are greatly appreciated. I, too, am wrestling with the fear of the unknown right now. I need prayers to keep my focus and eyes on Jesus.

To Everyone,

I'm reminded of the passage in II Chronicles 20... King Jehosophat says, "We do not know what to do but our eyes are on You" The passage then goes on to detail how the victory is won by God's power. It's His battle. And this, too, is his battle.

Our first court date is Monday, at 9:30. I'd really appreciate all your prayers. We've tried to negotiate a deal out of court several times, but in the end we strongly disagree. H is now fighting for full custody. I do not see how he could get it apart from some MAJOR deceit and lies. He is really pressuring me now and making it so difficult in ways that I can't detail on-line.

I need prayers to stay strong and to keep trusting God through all of it. It is such an ugly mess. Divorce has to be one of the worst possible things in life to go through. I'm glad to know that most of you have made it to the other side. I can't wait for all of this to be behind me.

Thanks again to all of you for your encouragement and prayers. I'll let you know as soon as I can about the outcome of the 17th.

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] - It's good to hear from you. None of us want your custody situation to be made worse. I've circled your date on my calendar so I'll be thinking of you then. Please call or email me if you feel you cannot post an update here at that time.

[color:"blue"]Wallace [/color] - I bet you have snow. I hope you haven't lost your electricity too!
[color:"blue"]
Deja Vu [/color] - How are things going? Is anything new with your supposed "D"? Has your H expounded on that? Any change in your health?

Hello to everyone else! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi all! There has been alot of postings going on lately. That's good.

EC: I agree with Wallace. You are spilling out some good comments. I see you are well verse in many things. Keep it going.

Wallace: How large is this restroom? Marble floors? How are things with you and your GF?

Avondale: Hope you are doing well.

Leah: I would be leery with your H trying to gain favors with the kids. Things are getting dirty I see. Kids loves folks who give them plenty of stuff.

Me: Buddy and I are doing well. The prenup issue has not come up again because I told her that my attorney has already told me that she would not advise me to sign one.
The EHarmony issue came up because Buddy said that if she was not with me, she would give EHarmony a try plus she has recommended it to several of her female friends. Things are going well. We are no longer in the enchantment stage anymore. She is a good lady.

Hey All,

avondale...

You hit the nail right on the head... we lost our electricity for two days. Had to clean up snapped tree branches from all the rain and then snow.

I took a break from the Tahj Mahal(sp) this week. Just decided to relax, and then we got hit with this snow storm. Couldn't lite my fireplaces up... the flue stacks were covered with tree limbs... and it did get cold.

EC...

Thanks for the insightful response.

There are times when things are going well, and I'm feeling really good about everything, and then all of a sudden, a trigger will come out of no where, and then "wham", I'm feeling like I'm lost out in the wilderness alone with no one. I do a lot of praying at that stage, and that feeling soon ends... but boy, it's a real ugly feeling when it hits.

Deju Vu...

A big ((((Dej Vu)))) for you.

It sounds like you need some in person support from a few friends, or family after your surgery. It sounds like you could use some now as well. Do you have anyone that can help you while all of this is going on? If not, find a good Church support group... there are plenty of good people out there, who would be willing to share your thought and help you through this difficult time.

Prayers for you Deja Vu... and hang in there, it will get better.

Leah...

How did you make out?

I'm in full agreement with Petvet concerning your "H". In addition to that... is your "H" willing to give up his play time to raise your children? Raising kids is a full time job, with not much room for free time. Is he up to that kind of situation?

Petvet...

Glad to hear that you and Budddy are still together.

I had to laugh when you said that you and Buddy are not in the enchantment stage anymore. If your both not in that stage, then what stage are you in? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
My G/F and I are not in the enchantment stage anymore either... in fact I'm not sure what stage we are in. With her work load and all that I have going on... we are lucky if we see each other about once a week.

Marble floors for my restrooms will be coming soon. I'm still working on the diamond studded shower tiles at the moment. lol

Hello to Trusting Him, let us know how you are doing, and anyone else I may have missed.

Hope everyone has a good week.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Everyone...

Wallace - I know what you mean by things are going great then out of nowhere old feelings of d-day pops up. Glad to hear your bathroom work is going great. The day is coming that when I get my house I'm going to install me a wall mounted urinal in the bathroom. Since I'm single why not? No more aiming for me. Women seem to can't handle the thought of that, it goes against there nature <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
They can't standup and face the challenge on that one, we got em <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I might even plaster the walls with a forest scene so I can feel like I'm outside in the woods <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Thats a good way to make sure the grass is greener on the other side <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'll just pretend I'm in OM's yard <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Petvet - Glad to hear from you. Thought maybe you eloped or something. Can't tell what you lover boys will do from week to week <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Leah - I'll be praying for you on your court date. Just remember no matter what happens stay encouraged and don't give up.

Me: Not much happening on my end.

Take Care - Hello TH, Avondale, Deja VU and anyone I missed!!

Hi everyone, I'm back. I had a judging assignment last weekend and have two more coming up before my surgery. They are about killing me.

I've sent several notes to my attorney that I want this thing DONE before my surgery. Nothing so far.

I've met with the surgeon, and today the occupational therapist. Do you know what it feels like to not be able to put your socks on? or trim your toenails? today they gave me some equipment to help with this. I've been looking into services to help me out - big things like snow removal and small things like how to get laundry down the steps while on crutches.

[color:"red"]Leah[/color] - THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. Today I got mail...more later. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

[color:"red"]EC[/color] - re: your forest and urinal story - you have so much wisdom for the rest of us, that it seemed like you must have everything under control. I guess it's never really over, is it? Or maybe ... someday.

[color:"red"]Wallace:[/color] I'm replacing my non-studded toilet with a rust-free, crud-free model - soon, very soon, before I need to retrofit it for my post-op recovery. That's as close as I'm getting to bathroom remodeling.

[color:"red"]To everyone else:[/color] How's everyone else doing? I've been stopping by to read, but this is the first time in about a week that I've had time to write.

[color:"blue"]EC [/color] - I about spit out my drink when I read your urinal story! I can't believe you'd do that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> That's not going to endear you to any women who might happen to be in your house! But if peeing on the OM's yard makes you happy...

[color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] - Good to hear from you; I was wondering how things were going. What do you make of not hearing from your attorney? Is he(she) busy with too many clients?

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] - I'm glad we talked. I think we should get together soon in person. We're not THAT far away, ya know!

[color:"blue"]Wallace [/color] - If you see your GF only once a week, is that enough for her? I thought she wanted to see you more often. As for what stage you're at in your relationship - it used to be that you and your GF were at different stages, LOL. Are you on the same one now?

[color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] - It's good to hear you're not in that enchantment stage anymore yet you still like her. Tell me something - is she the first lady you dated post-divorce? Have you heard of the statistics of post-D relationships falling apart? They're pretty high, but you seem to have conquered that. Good for you and Buddy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Trusting [/color] - WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Well, I now have two lawyers. Both are pretty big hitters. They also found my pre-nup in their files - good thing, as I couldn't find my copy. I told them today - get this thing over with before I have my surgery.

I'm trying real hard to be patient, but there are days I want to explode and this is one of them. I'm sorry but I'm not feeling much like talking right now. I'll stop back later.

Hi everyone...

Just passing through to say hello...

Deja Vu - Glad things are moving for you

Avondale - Regarding my bathroom idea, I would make sure I had a wall petition so it would look nice and all. I guess I like to be different. Another thing I would definatly have in my yard is a 6-8ft round large gold fish pond with a pump. I'm getting to the point where I can dream again about crazy things I want and attempt them rather than dream about it but then put it on the back burner consumed with the pain and say oh well one day. It's been a progression through the pain but things do get better with time.

Take Care

[color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] - Two lawyers! Hopefully that will ensure having all your i's dotted and t's crossed. I know this is draining on you, especially with the surgery date looming overhead. You are in my thoughts!

[color:"blue"] EC [/color] - You have always been a dreamer since I've seen you here. It's so good that you are at a place where you can actually bring some of those dreams to fruition! But if you put a pump in the goldfish pond, wouldn't it suck out the fish? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> LOL

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] - I haven't forgotten...Monday is your day. I have little "Leah notes" in several places of my house so I won't forget to pray for you.

[color:"blue"]Wallace and Petvet [/color] - Check out this thread in the Divorced/Dating forum
[color:"red"]What is a Date? [/color]

Hi everyone...

Leah - Hope everything went ok today...

Avondale - The pump is more for a waterfall but it also puts oxygen in the water. So the fish would be safe.

Me: I got the biggest laugh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> today when I was searching the dictionary and found out the word "Yahoo" means (stupid person) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. I wonder if they knew that before they called themselves that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />?

Anyway have a great day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] - how about an update? Let us know how things went.

[color:"blue"] EC [/color] - I bet David Filo and Jerry Yang, the guys who created Yahoo.com, are laughing all the way to their banks. Those two "yahoos" are worth about 3 billion each, according to a recent Forbes magazine article I read.