[color:"blue"] EverlastingCompassion [/color]

I loved the story about Peter and it does relate to what Wallace was asking, [color:"purple"] ... but when you center your whole life around your family, and it's torn to shreds... [/color]

I guess that's why I love the class that I've been helping with for the last few years.Onf of the first things we talk about is "What is at the center of your life?"

• Husband or wife
• Job
• Children
• Finances
• Parents
• Beliefs
• Friends

These are the things we tend to orbit around. But the ad thing is that most of those things in our lives can disappear and it sends us into this huge emotional tumble.

And in the end the only permanet thing we can have is our relationship with God. So I;ve spent the last three years trying to re-establish my orbit around him and much like you said:



and that peace, joy and wisdom have played a huge role in getting stable again.

But...back to Peter. Did you notice that he said "Master, if it's really you, call me to come to you on the water." And when the Master called Peter went. If only he had kept his eyes on Him instead of those crashing waves. So in that we know that the Master is calling to us, to let Him be the center of our lives.

As usual, your words of wisdom are always appreciated and help to keep me centered where I need to be. Thanks!

P.S. I loved the bathroom idea. There's just something about looking at the forest. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


[color:"blue"]Leah2be [/color]

I've offered up a late prayer as I was away all last week camping with the children. I am so sorry to hear about your turn of events. I truly pray that things begin to turn in your favor. I find it hard to believe that he would do this unless of course he's just trying to get at you for some reason or another.

You are right, it is His battle and He is still in control but at times even that knowledge brings little relief or pleasure into our lifes when dealing with people like our former spouses. I often wonder exactly what goes on in their heads and minds with some of their ideas.


[color:"blue"]Wallace [/color]

Taj Mahal, Marble Floors, Diamond Studded Shower Tiles

What exactly are you doing out there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I think I somewhat replied to yur question in EC's area. I do agree with you that we may never be the same again but that does not keep us from becoming something better. I hear in your writings a person who has come far and faced many obstacles to get where you are today. Just keep heading in that direction. We can't change the past nor predict the future but we can sure make the most of each day that we have.

Sorry to hear about the no electricity and plugged flues. Ouch! Hopefully things have eased up a bit and you can get some heat back.


[color:"blue"]Deja Vu [/color]

It is so good to hear that your spirits are better than before. Oh! We all have those days where we wonder if we can even survive another one yet we wake up and somehow manage to get through it all.

I am glad to hear that your sugery will not be as bad as first expected. Will you share your disability parking sticker with me. There are times that one of those would come in handy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Avondale got it right with her comment of : Our imaginations can go haywire, can't they? and when we begin to look back we often wonder how or why we made it out to be as bad. But that's the trick, learning to control where our mind goes and what it dwells on. No matter the circumstances we can always find a glimmer of good on most days. Find that glimmer and hold onto it.



Sorry, I had to add something here. Yes! I do! Or at least for the last few days anyway. The children and I were camping last week and being the foolish man that I am I attempted to be a young one again. One of the boys who went camping with us brought hsi bike and was riding wheelies around the campsite.

Of course him being 15 and me slightly older I was getting ragged about being an old man. Now in the early years I could pretty much ride bikes, skateboards and most anything else with wheels. So of course I jumped on his (which of course was 4 sizes to small) and began riding. After a few rounds that feeling began to return and I got a little to agressive in my adventures.

Needless to say I ws the camp laughing stock for a few days as many saw me tumble headfirst over the handlebars into a gravel paved access road. Ouch! Yes, I layed on the ground for a few minutes trying to make sure that everything still worked and eventually managed to get up and walk.

But with brusied ribs, strawberries on my arms and shoulders and a HUGE bruise on my shin I could barely move the next morning.

But it did get better and you will too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />



[color:"blue"] Avondale [/color]



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> That takes all the fun out of it.

It is good to see you still here and encouraging everyone. At least we know what your gift is and it is appreciated here. Thanks for hanging around us folks who keep trying to get their lives straightened out.

I'm jealous that I wasn't asked to go look at "What is a Date? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Petvet, Relady and others [/color]

Hello and hope that everything is going well in your lives.

[color:"blue"] Trusting [/color] - It is beyond great to hear from you! You have my email address, so you're not missing anything. As for the "What is a Date" thread, the reason I didn't mention you is cuz I didn't think you were dating (and [color:"blue"] Wallace [/color] and [color:"blue"]Petvet [/color] are). But if you're dating, go look at it. And of course, you need to tell us on this thread aaaaallllllllll about your dates! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Don't hold anything back!

Hi Everyone,

To each of you... thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers for my day in court yesterday. I really, really appreciate it!! Thank God,things went well. The judge decided to give jurisdiction to the circuit court, which is where my attorney wanted our trial to be.

So now the big date is October 31st - Halloween. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> The forces of good and evil... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Anyhow, this is the big one,custody, visitation, child support and possession of the home will be established. I'm just trying to trust God with all of it.

Meanwhile, I need lots of prayers to stay strong. H is really putting the pressure on me from all angles to settle out of court. He's been VERY nice then equally angry and hateful, trying to manipulate me to sign his agreement.

One day last week, he came into the house and ate some stew I had made. He started commenting on how he missed my cooking and many other things about me. He said he had many regrets that he hadn't demonstrated his love to me in a way that I could know it's real. He said he still loved me. All this was said with tears in his eyes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

He then went on to say wouldn't it be great to always get along so well. I answered, "H, I have always wanted so much more than just getting along with you. I've wanted to be your wife and your partner" He then said, "If you sign the agreement that could be just the beginning for us. We could end the fight and then we could start rebuilding our relationship." Tempting words for this thick headed, marriage loving fool. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

But, thankfully, I'm not quite THAT stupid. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> When I didn't agree to his terms, he turned equally hateful the next day. I expect to experience more of the same between now and our next court date.

Thank you again for all your words of encouragement and advice. I'm trying to STAY STRONG through all of this.

Trusting Him,

So glad to hear from you at last. Please keep writing. I'm sorry about your fall-ouch. I hope you mend quickly.
Thank you for praying for me. That is what is getting me through.

Wallace,

Too bad you couldn't post some pictures of your great masterpieces. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I'm sure they must be something with all the time and effort you have spent of them.

Petvet,

I had to smile at the "enchantment" stage being over. It's nice that you're still calling her a good lady even though that stage is done. So what's the next stage for you?

E.C.

You really do sound so good! It seems you have such a positive outlook and are really moving on in life. That is wonderful! Thanks for your prayers and encouragement.

Avondale,

Thanks to you too! Always good talking to you.

Deja Vu,

I'll be trying to e-mail you soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi all...

Leah - Glad things went better for you, keep the faith!!

TrustH - I guess you're not the spring chicken you used to be <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I had a funny experience today that caught me off guard.

A teenager was walking by me as I was standing in a doorway <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />, and as he was walking toward me looking very respectful, he said excuse me "OG". I said oh, sure. As he went by, I looked <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> and scratched my head and said to myself, who's OG? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Now in my life time I've been called, LG (little guy)...BG(big guy), but never OG!....So as I meditated on it for a while, I figured out OG means ("Old guy!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I said, ok that's new <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

So I guess I'm out of date with the latest slang. The guy was young enough to be my son. He was just a young whippersnapper <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> So that was my youthful experience of the day. I guess that's better than the pain of being twisted in some handle bars <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Take Care

Hey All!

Well it's the time of the year that's coming up that I dread the most. That's right! "The Holiday Season!"

EC... I had a really good laugh when I read about you wanting to install a Urinal in your bathroom. I never gave it much thought until you brought it up. You may be onto something there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

avondale...

Great question about, "is seeing my G/F once a week enough for me? Well I would like to see her more, but her work schedule with her business has doubled, as she took on anothe Major Client, so I'm pretty adaptable and I'll work with the hand that is given me.
She on the other hand was doing pretty good with her schedule up until yesterday... now she wants to get married as soon as possible, and see me more. She say's that she is getting the feeling that I will never make the move ever again to marry. I told her to just work with me and give some more time, and it will all come together.

I glanced at the link you posted in the dating forum... I still need to go back and read it, and see what, if anything I can say.

Leah...

Well it sounds like things are moving forward, and I have faith the the Lord will bless you when you have your Final hearing. Your "H", is a real manipulator all right. You would think he could of come up with a better line than the one you posted about signing the agreement. WS's... sometimes they think they are so smart... when in fact you can see right through them after they have been exposed for their true worth.

Stay the course... your doing good by the sounds of it.


Deja Vu...

I like your idea of bathroom upgrades... a new toilet and that's all. This bathroom remodeling just kind of took off and kept growing, and growing. The sad part is... it really wasn't in bad shape to start with... I just decided it needed some updating, as well as my other bathroom, kitchen... and the list goes on.

Trusting Him...

Ouch!!! That sounds like something I would of done as well.

I rode on one of my kids skateboards not to long ago, and I about killed myself trying to do a trick with it. Needless to say... I'm all done with skateboards.


Petvet...

Glad to hear that you find your buddy, "a very good lady".

So what stage are you in now?

I'm in the... "I'm scared to ever get married again stage!"

Not sure when it all started... but all I know is it did. I'm not sure if I really want to go down that road again.

Me...

Well my YD pulled a good one on me the other night.

She pulled out a family photo album. It contained pictures of when we were still a family and we were all at DisneyWorld. She had me look at this one picture of all us standing there together as you first walk into Epcot Center.
I could only look at the one picture for a few seconds, and the I asked her why she pulled it out? She said, "no particular reason. That was eight years ago! Seems like only yesterday.

Well I hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Everyone...

Wallace - The Urinal idea is not that I want to be selfish in any way. But if you're going to have a bathroom why not have it accomidate both male and female. They're not expensive or to hard to install. Another idea I have is to have a car lift in the floor of my garage decorated with a 1950's look.

These are not far fetched or expensive things. But usually when you have a house men seem to do what makes there wife happy, which is good, but what about the shared compromise that it makes you happy to see her happy and it makes her happy to see you happy? So this time I'll be happy whether a woman is there or not. Soooo.. you don't have to be rich to do an extraordinary thing, you just need an extraordinary dream.

As it is said, money and things don't bring you happiness, but money backed with a purpose in life will bring you great joy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

***
TrustH - That was a good point you mentioned about Peter. He said "Master" if its you call me to come.

It's funny, but when Jesus calls us to step out of the boat and walk on the water we're so afraid. Even once we're out of the boat we get afraid and try to run back. One of the biggest things he's trying to get us to do is "To walk over the things that once walked on us"

As time goes on and as you begin to stepout in new areas of your life God has for you, you begin to find OM/OW soon under your feet.

In our walk with the Lord, I found this interesting. Jesus said we are the salt of the earth and a light to the world.

Water freezes at 32 deg and below. If salt is added, it won't freeze until at 0(zero)deg. Oil in a vessel will burn bright as the oil is maintained.

So, when the cold winds of life blow, we have been blessed with salt to weather the cold times. When the fiery hot trials come, our lifes burn even brighter, for we have the Oil of gladness and joy in our vessels.

Life issues will never get too cold or too hot, more than you can bear, as you trust him. The Coldest love can't stop you, neither the hottest trials of words or afflictions.

Take Care

[color:"blue"]Deja Vu [/color] - How are you doing? Is everything proceding the way you want? Can you post an update?

I hope everyone has a great weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi all,

I'm in Chicago and there's wireless in my hotel so I was able to log on tonight. Have a big day tomorrow so I'm going to bed soon.

Basically nothing very new to report this week, other than I've learned of a new type of surgery that would be way better for me. I've been looking into it this week, hoping to find a way to make it work. It has a much faster recovery and I'd be able to return to all former activity which the normal surgery wouldn't allow. Major quality of life issue! So what's wrong with it? Not FDA approved and therefore no insurance. The estimate for surgery in this country is $38,000 - if I feel like flying to India I can do it for $6,000.

I'll check in when I'm back home on Monday again.

Enjoy the weekend everyone! It's supposed to rain here in Chicago.

Hi Everyone.....

Just passing through to say hello..

Stay encouraged the best days are before you.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Have you ever had this strange feeling your ex is reading your post from all these years? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Hi Petvet,Wallace,Avondale,Leah,Deju Vu,TrustH and anyone else I missed.

Take Care

I would be very glad if my ex read my posts. I don't think I've said anything that was untrue, and if he was reading this it might mean he's reconsidering some of his previous actions! Maybe there would be hope...

How's everyone doing? We're actually having a freeze warning tonight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Hey All!

EC...

I don't think I have to worry about my exW reading anything on here that I post. She doesn't know about MBers, plus she isn't really interested in what might make a marriage work. She's only interested in what happiness she can get for today... for herself... she doesn't care about what might make someone else happy.

avondale...

I'll trade places with you... we have been down in the 30's at night over here... but the days have been just wonderful.

Me...

Well my relationship with my G/F may be numbered.

We are starting to go in different directions... so I would say, after 3 years... we may be calling it a day in the not to distant future. I know all of you have heard this before... but there is something different that is taking place here. Not really sure what it is, or how to stop it... I just know that we are moving farther and farther apart.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all:

I am sort of new, and I've been reading and reading all this concept of tough love, I guess I really don't know how to take this thing that has happened to me.

I believe in not having hope anymore, I believe that there's a reality that we must face but I also wish I could run away from it all.

I wonder why love becomes hate, I wonder when will my time come to feel indiference towards this man. I wonder if I will ever love and be loved again?

I'm only 31 and was left with my dreams thrown out the window, was left with a very low selfesteem and having to live life for the first time alone. I was underestimated and it was all my fault, I wanted to make him feel important and that he was all that. I played god and gave a scorpion wings.

------------------
Age: 31
Status: D in process
State of mind: different every day

Hi Everyone....

Avondale - Yes, I agree that what a peeping ex reads here would be good for them. What's more interesting is that spouses who are currently cheating read these post but are to coward to admit there adultery and bring it out in the open to get relief of the guilt and shame. They may never register or post, but they still peep and watch practicing there dirty nasty cruel deeds on there mate.

Wallace - Ok Wallace, yes we have heard the g/f crash and burn story before. However you guys seem to pull it together and move on. If you're growing farther apart is it only because you both are busy? If you both become unbusy maybe you will grow back together, only time will tell. So whats brewing thats different this time?

Hopetexas - Welcome....I'm sure lot's people have said a lot of things already and mine is nothing new, but I would like to add that what a person or spouse does, do not stop the dream you have in you. They may cause it to detour another way and direction but nobody has that much power over you. The gifts and things that God has placed in you will never die. Ok, so you helped him excel...Only a person who flys and rises above issues can give another person wings to fly also, therefore your value as a person is not anything less, but as you said, you gave wings to a scorpion. Jesus said I give you power to tread(walk)over scorpions.

You can give wings to a pig, but if that pig is not interested in learning what they are for, but insist on rolling in the pigpen, there's nothing you can do. So is it your fault that you try to help people excel beyond who they see themselves as? No!....Everybody needs somebody in there lives that can speak and encourage that person to be all they can be. The problem: Some lose themselves in the process, therefore balance is needed.

I am convinced of this one fact that, just because a person has been cheated on, has nothing to do with you or whether you loved them fully or whether you can be loved again. We put too much blame on us for there actions. The BS beats themselves up too much over these things. Sure we could have done things differently, but even in that, if that person is corrupt and has an evil lustful heart, there's nothing anyone can do to make them happy.

When they cheat on there next victim om/ow, they turn on the charm just long enough to bring them into there bitter snare of bondage and shame. While they may appear happy they are tormented.

So my thing is work on you, start living again, correct where you went wrong, be good to you, be nice to your spouse, if they come back great, if they don't, at least you got your life again and will make a strong impact on the lives of others and generations to come.

Hi all! Passing through.

Dejavu: Two attorneys and surgery. I guess I have missed something. Is your ailment serious? Do you think two attorneys will get the job done any better or sooner than one attorney? Just Asking.

Avondale: Are you planning some renovations to your restroom? Buddy has been doing alot of renovations to her home including private quarters, nice bathroom along with hottub, etc. Are you ready to hit the dating scene?

EC: Always putting forth good comments. As I have said before, you should try writing a book. SERIOUSLY!

Leah: Is you case just about over?

Wallace: OK! What's going on now? The honeymoon stage is over; Now, it's time to get down to the meat and potatoes. Stay with the lady until she takes herself out of the picture. Face it, you are not getting married anytime soon. Maybe you guys need to take a break from eachother for a while.

Me: I have had a bad couple of weeks. A good coworker and friend died of a braintumor after surgery. She just found out she it the tumor six weeks earlier. I found out about it at the last minute. Also, I lost my favorite show dog two weeks ago. One week after the funeral of my friend. Everyone seems to be surprise that I called Buddy a "GoodLady". She really is. She's the best woman I have ever dated in my life. What's the next step? Well, there is only one place to go and that's marriage as far as I am concern.

Later.

I don't know - my attorney brought his partner into the case to help with some areas of legalities (like the prenup), and because he has more experience with filing in the county where STBX lives.

I'm having my hip either replaced or resurfaced, depending on whether I can get insurance coverage for resurfacing. This issue has actually risen to the forefront, overshadowing even the D at this point, believe it or not. Yeah, it's a big deal as I live alone and there are many things I will not be able to manage, especially in the winter in MN. For a full hip replacement, it will be 2-3 monhts of no driving; several weeks on crutches and without being able to take care of myself, the house, or the dogs for awhile. Not sure how long before my dogs can come home - they're being farmed out with varous people. But, the resurfacing would only be about 6 weeks of no driving, and the dogs and I could both come home after about a week. Full recovery without limitations that I would have from the full hip.

Oddly enough one of my major concerns is I want the D done before I go under the knife. If anything would happen to me, my H would get all my property, including my house - and that would kill me (not to be redundant or anything!)

I think Monday is Leah's next court date, right? Praying for you, Leah!

Wallace: Sounds like you are at a crossroads - go with your gut, I say.

Avondale: how's things with you?

Petvet: Sorry to hear about your run of deaths lately. It's hard to lose good friends, and it's hard to lose our special dogs too. How old was your friend? Your dog? You have Mals, right?

You're in my prayers Leah2be. Know that we are all thinking about and praying for a positive outcome.

Hey All,

How is everyone?

I've been trying to post and have been unsuccessful, I'll try one more time. This new board lost me sometime ago!
I'll be more careful this time. One wrong move and my entire post just disappears. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Avondale: How are you? Have you settled into your new life yet? Don't wait too long, the world is waiting.

EC: It was just as I said, you CANNOT forget this 'tough love' board, regardless of how hard you try. Great to see you posting again.

Leah: I've kept you in my prayers constantly, hope all will soon be well.

Wallace: I wish I could find a 'spinning head' face!! Are you sure you didn't get married already and just afraid to mention it?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Petvet: When's the wedding?


Me: a quick update: I'm still in school, hopefully only one year left...I opened my own real estate company...Still have not seen or heard from X or anyone associated with him...could care less...not dating, only networking!


Hello to anyone I might have missed. I'll be checking in regularly.

relady

Hopetexas,

You express sentiments I think most of us can relate to - many of your feelings are ones I'm still having even though I moved out many months ago now and it has almost been a year since I left.

Hang in there. You're among friends!

Hi Everyone,

Great news!!! For any I don't have e-mail addresses for, a quick report. Today's day in court went well. I'm so thankful and relieved. The judge awarded primary custody to me. The girls will see their dad every other weekend and every Thursday night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'll try to get back some time this week and write more. I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU for your thoughts and prayers!!! Your friendship and support mean so much to me.

AVONDALE, I'm sorry I had to get off the phone so quick today. I'll try to give you a buzz later this week. I had family and friends here who were waiting to eat- We were having a little celebration of praise to God! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] - We are all sooooo happy for you! God is good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Relady [/color] - HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> You have been sooooo missed, and it's great to have you posting again. Don't disappear like that!

[color:"blue"] Wallace [/color] - I laughed at Relady's "spinning head" icon, it's so true. Do you feel you're just drifting apart (somewhat naturally, because you aren't "keeping up" the relationship) or is there something specific that's happened? The holidays tend to make people more intentional towards relationships, do you think that would help or hurt the one with your GF?

[color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] - How long do you have to decide which surgery you want to choose? Is it solely in your hands or will the doctor ultimately decide which method?

[color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] - Have you and Buddy discussed a timetable for marriage? If so, let us in on it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]EC [/color] - Hope you're doing well. You are in my thoughts!

[color:"blue"] Trusting [/color] - Good to hear from you too (even though it was only directed to Leah!). What's new with you on the "relationship" front?

[color:"blue"] Hope [/color] - Welcome to Tough Love...this thread started with the philosophy of "Love Must be Tough" book, as written by Dr. James Dobson. We don't focus on that, obviously. Are you familiar with the book and the principles in it?