Nobody is posting much here, and I'm not sure why...maybe we're just all busy with the holidays, or just kind of drifting away from this board. Where is everyone???

[color:"blue"] DejaVu, [/color] you still have an unresolved situation. I'm still around, reading MB, so keep updating as things change for you. Hopefully the others are reading, but just not posting.

Everyone - don't forget, you have been through so much, and because of that, you have a lot to give. I really feel for some of the new posters on MB, they don't seem to have much patience (something we ALL have here!) and some don't even have the desire to work on their marriages. They are ready to give up the second something bad happens. I hope more of us "old timers" can share our experiences and help them through theirs.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Hello Everyone...........

Avondale - I hope all is going well with you. I appreciate what you post, you always have an encouraging message. I had a chance to look back at some old post of mine not realizing how much time has gone by. Where did the years go?

In looking back I noticed that you have prayed for so many here during the time of trial and adversity. In many times the Lord answered and moved in the circumstance. Isn't it still neat today to know that you can pray and the Lord will answer and do what you can't do in your own strength in an impossible situation?

I think what people have forgot these days is that, anyone can pray but God also has these special people who can pray for others and he will answer these request. So this thread is not just about what problems we have or had but how we made or make it through them (Prayer).

I have noticed a lot of new MB posters in the place we once were. I noticed that a lot of them are still in the same house with there spouse (which is a great position to be in based on the circumstances) or separated or once had an affair themselves. My heart goes out them all. They are such precious people full of great possibilities and new things. What I don't see in many cases that concerns me is that whether a BS or in a bad marriage is the willing to soul search themselves and correct maybe the area where they went wrong in the relationship. Many encounter the problem and go looking for the next relationship. Correcting where you went wrong is not saying you're a bad person, but it helps you from repeating the same mistakes to have a healthy and happy relationship.

I'm seeing this coldness in relationships as the years go by. I ponder and ask....Where is the element, my spouse is my best friend? Where is the united vision for purpose in life? Where is our love will never die? Where is the I want to be with you and no other? Where is, my attention is given to you only? We’re in this for life? These are key elements to a long lasting relationship but many are void of these seeking them in someone else.

The greatest joy in life is to serve someone and to be served. Life takes on another meaning when that happens. The core of a relationship is give and take. The illusion you find in affairs is they give the appearance as serving or giving because it feels like you're receiving something, but in reality you have two takers in operation. An affair is like a slot machine. You play the game, its exciting, it feels good, you keep putting more into it than you're getting out and in the end you'll be emotionally bankrupt.

A slot machine or stripper is running a business. They both want your money and they both use one arm to get it.. In return one gives you an false external vision you'll be rich, the other gives you an false internal vision you can have personal lustful happiness. One robs you from obtaining and maintaining external wealth. The other robs you from possessing internal moral character. Where you stare is where you go, what you give your mind to is what you become.

You find many times in an affair people don't have them to go into marriage but it's for another purpose other than what true relationships were made for. In the end comes heartache and brokenness. So many people are lost from there purpose and foundation in life in who they really are.

So where is the place of healing? Where is the lifting of the burden of pain? Where is the stopping or easing of how could this have happened to me?

I find my healing in the Lord Jesus Christ. In Luke 4:18 He said " The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to poor, he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captive, and recovering sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised. To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.

In all that you find love and care, healing, recovery, restoration, and letting go. The Lord understands exactly where we are. He feels our pain. We forget that he suffered with all of what we feel before we did....

So I know that the Lord wants to heal us and remove the pain, but I also know that he wants to bless us with more of what we lacked so it doesn't happen to us again. When Jesus healed somebody he always told them to be made whole. If he said it then, he is still saying it today. In his word is the fullness of joy and healing!

Take Care

Amen!



I was reading the other day and came across a statement that reflected the same thought, "Where the heart goes the feet will follow." And I guess that there is good and bad there depending upon the choices we make.

We all have the ability to focus, stare follow after something that leads to that destruction or life of emptiness but becuase we have put our full heart into it we somehow convince ourselves that it must be right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I guess there are many who will never know.

I had the opportuinty to be flattered (or prehaps disappointed) the other evening. I received a call from my old neighbor. Her and her husband divorced not long after my former and I. Anyway...after an hour or so of conversation she finally got around to the jest of her call.

(hope everyone is sitting down)

Trusting, would you like to come over to my house and just have sex as friends? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

At first I was flattered and then disappointed as I felt that I must have somehow conveyed to her that this would be acceptable. Either way, I had to say no and explained that my faith and belief system does not allow for casual sex outside of marriage. Geez....how am I suppose to teach my children this if I can's stand behind my own words and values.

She sounded as if she was a bit disappointed but did go on to say that she had to admire and respect me for standing for my beliefs, that were were not many in this day and age who would do that. The conversation turned to why she felt that she needed that feeling of closeness with a member of the opposite sex, why she had lost her faith and into why she was angry at God.

The end result was me trying to explain that if she would approach the throne of God with the same boldness that she had approached me she may be suprised at how good God is at meeting those needs.

So, in a long drawn out way I get back to the same point as EC. There is healing and it is found in God's Word.



I'll just share what another friend and I were talking about here...


We are entering into a season of Thanks and I pray that each of us will find a way to be thankful and express our thankfulness to not only Him but to others also.

God Bless
Trusting

Hi Trusting Him

Thats pretty good about the lepers. I guess another way to look at it is. The Lord wants to heal the thing thats eating at you.

That's pretty wild that your old neighbor wants to jump your bones <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I guess she wanted to take you to the old country, dust off the antiques, see the old relics, jump the trampoline <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You kept your dignity thats whats important. Can you imagine what a circus that would bring into your life?

Stay strong the right one will come.

At this time of Thanksgiving, I'm glad to see some uplifting posts here.

I also have to say things have taken another turn for the worst here. My H has gone off the deep end (at the moment I'm not even his main target) and several people including me are afraid of what he will do next. He has taken aim (verbal so far) at several other people both here and in other parts of the country and has been kicked off at least one Internet list as a result. I don't recall if I posted his latest antics with respect to me. But, this is not a rational situation, and I'm not alone in thinking he's either mentally unbalanced or way over the edge of personality disorders at this point.

I'm pleading with my lawyers to do something and soon - I've taken a couple of days off work hoping to be able to devote the time to addressing this (and also my surgery options). Apparently H's attorney is on vacation now - I surely hope this doesn't mean we have to sit around doing nothing in the meantime. I am very concerned that he is racking up bills that will be ruled marital debts, and that he could bankrupt me at this point. To give you an idea of his state of mind, his current byline says that "Champions believe in their dreams when they have only a dream to hang on to, even in the face of criticism and superior achievements by others."

My surgery options are also up in the air, but looking promising. There is a new insurance option that looks like it might work out, but I won't know until I'm on their plan and that will be too late to pursue anything else. So... hanging on by a wing and a prayer, I'm still in waiting mode on most everything.

I have decided to not comply with H's requests for information. He was willing to stall for 5 months (from June until now), and now I have other time commitments of my own. He doesn't have a court order, so I'm not going to deal with it until he does.

Hi Everyone...


I guess everybody jumped ship for the holidays. Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.

Deja Vu - Glad things are starting to move forward for you. Nothing like being stuck in limbo. Stay encouraged good things are ahead.

Me: Lots of good things going on that I can't post but I asure you that when you hang on and believe that you'll make it through the storm, it's just amazing the greater things that come as a blessing that you were not expecting despite all your pain and suffering. You'll look back and say " If I had known that was in my future I wouldn't have cried so much during that time".

Only if we could rejoice when things go wrong, easy to say, hard to do. Only if we could remember that prayer changes the facts and outcome of a circumstance that seems impossible to us.

Keep the Faith!!

Keep the Faith!

So in the proess of keeping the faith and rejoicing when things go wrong...

How many times does one need to see that their children are being neglected before moving forward to storonger tatics to make changes?

I took the children home last night and stopped at the neoghbor's house to say Hi since he was out in the yard. He's as angry as I am at the neglect he sees the children face. In his words..."Your children are being neglected and I do want them to experience the same as my children. In just the last two weeks three different neighbors have stopped here as asked me if those children are always home alone."

So...it's not just me (a disgruntled and angry spouse) that see the actions and effects in the children's lives but the people who actually live there are asking questions.

And the only thing that I feel that stands between my decision to seek custody is that I refuse to admit to myself that their mother has become a person who would choose another man and his children over the intrest of her own. I can say it, write, it down, but when it comes to actually admitting it to myself and doing something to make the necessary changes I find it so hard to move forward in that direction.

A Belated Happy Thanksgiving to Each of You

Trusting Him

I can so understand your heart struggles. Going to court and fighting for my girls was the hardest thing to do but I am so very thankful that I did. I came very close to making a deal with husband out of court. I now see it would not have been in their best interest. God was overseeing the whole situation.

Just keep seeking Him and asking for the wisdom you need to make the best decision re: the children's custody. Only you can make that decision and God knows your heart and what you desire. It seems you truly want what's best for them and only God knows what that is. He will reveal that to you as you seek Him for wisdom and direction. I will pray specifically for you to have God's insight in this situation.

Deja Vu,

I hope to hear good things about your upcoming surgery. That would be wonderful if your new insurance would cover your expenses. I also hope things move in the direction you need them to in regards to your divorce. It can be such an ugly process. I'm right there with you. It seems I get different correspondence from my attorney each day in regards to attempting to get info. from husband. I so much wish this thing could hurry up and be resolved out of court. I hate the process but am trying to be patient. I've been praying for you and will continue to do so.

E.C.

I'm happy that things are going so well for you. You have me wondering if there is someone special in your life....
We'd all love to hear about that if that is the case. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's wonderful to see someone come out on the other side of divorce and seem so content and positive about things!

Avondale,Wallace, Petvet and Relady,

Hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

ME

I'm doing well. The girls returned from their trip away with their dad last night. It is great to have them back home.

I'm praying about seeing if H and I can work on an out of court settlement. I'd love to do that but want to act wisely in regard to the finances. I'm not sure it's possible to do that with him and the lack of info. that I currently have. I'm trying to determine if I should settle on what might be less than fair but is adequate just to avoid the current ongoing struggle. Any thoughts?

Hey All,

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted... Myself and my kids just got back in from Seattle to see my Parents, brother, and other family members. Plus, we have been running real short handed at work, so it's been a real whirlwind for the last month.

Wanted to drop in and say Hi to everyone, and hope everyone is doing well.

G/F and I are doing well, and my bathrooms are doing well too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Haven't had a chance to read all the posts... but I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.

I'll be in touch.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Avondale: Yes, you are correct. I have not been posting as much the last couple of months. My computer time is not as great as it use to be. I will make a poin to post more often because I am missing out on some stuff.

Leah: On November 11th, you asked about visitation or vacations, holidays, etc. Normally, each parent get the kids everyother year unless you work out something mutually agreeable. The problem comes when one parent does not hold up to the agreement like mine. The custodial parent cannot force someone to sapend time with their child.

Hopetexas: I recommend reading the Tough Love book initially and moving from there.

Dejavu: You may want to consider stop doing dog shows for a while until your situation and health permits. Look! If your health is declining where you need medical attention, do what you need to do get the health issues resolved. Talk to your attorney. If you can prove your health issues are serious, I don't think any judge would prevent you from using equity from the house or whatever to get your health issues resolved. Another thing. No one, and I mean no one goes through a divorce without being damaged financially and emotionally. That's the reasons we hard tried to save our marriages. It's a b----.

Wallace: Good to hear that you and GF are still kicking.

Me: Well, I think I have a large purchase to make for Christmas.

Later.

Good to everyone posting.

[color:"blue"] Trusting [/color] - I about choked on my oatmeal when I read your pre-Thanksgiving post! I’ve heard about “friends with benefits” and I understand your struggle with “what kind of impression am I giving to people” vs. “where has society gone these days”. It sounds like you handled it VERY well, and in an understanding manner which could bear fruit later!

However, it sounds like you’re not handling your custody situation as well. When we read your posts or hear you voice what’s going on, it’s obviously one-sided. But you have other friends, in addition to this neighbor, who have said similar things (if I recall correctly).



Perhaps it’s time for you to step out of your shell (yes, that’s what you’re in when it comes to this issue) and either talk to your former to change things, or an attorney. Your kids are not getting younger. Your oldest daughter is at a VERY precarious age, and to be honest, I’m concerned for her on several levels. And I don’t even know her! It’s been over a year ago that you were troubled about her mother’s example - has her mother settled down since then?

[color:"blue"] DejaVu [/color] - If you didn’t live in such a cold climate, I would come visit you in a heartbeat! If you want to consider having your surgery in Hawaii, I will be glad to travel with you and be your hands/feet for a month <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> for free

[color:"blue"] Wallace [/color] - I wondered if you got caught in the big Thanksgiving blizzard. You have been missed!

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] - Please clarify in case someone doesn’t understand. The “settlement” you’re referring to is the financial settlement, not custody settlement, correct? The custody thing was already settled, to your benefit. God is good. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, my sister-friend.

[color:"blue"] EC[/color] - It’s true - you have such a great gift - to see the positive in what could be discouraging situations. We all go through emotional roller coasters of depression and doubt, but your posts always keep me on track.

[color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] - You need to elaborate on this “big gift”! Do you mean big, as in size, or big, as in cost? Do tell us alllllllll about it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Relady [/color] - Are you still here? How’s the online store going? How are YOU doing? Please post an update!

[color:"blue"] Me [/color] - I am not looking forward to this holiday. Not sure why exactly. I think the fact that H is with someone here locally has given some minor discouragement. Add to that my kids will be gone for the actual Christmas Eve/Day dates...anyway, I can't seem to get in the spirit of things (yet). I am forcing myself to get some decorations up this week - as a way of not giving in to negativity.

Happy Thanksgiving to everybody!

Yes, I will read the TOUGH LOVE book. I am currently reading YOUR BEST LIFE NOW, it's a very nice book. I read it every night with my mom and it inspires me to believe in restoration and in life is great!

I had not posted for a few days, but all of a sudden things have changed. I really don't know how much they have changed but I have this happy feeling in my heart that husband is "trying". He is very confussed and has been crying and telling everybody that he misses me, misses the love making, misses my perfume, misses misses and misses.

He called me on thanksgiving day wishing me well, and told me he wanted us to talk, I told him it was not worth it, he said IT IS, IT IS, THINGS DID NOT END UP WELL, IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE I LAST SAW AND TALKED TO YOU- so I told him ISN'T THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED? - he said NO and told me once again, please let's just talk, please consider it - But don't feel pitty for him, it might sound that he was begging but he wasn't, he just sounded very sad and kind of desperate but with a very firm voice, so any ways I said - I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA, FORGET IT, IT'S NOT WORTH IT - so he once again asked and at this point in the conversation I was crying because I could not believe my ears, I was cought cold on his request and his call, so I took a deep breathe and thought (God, you know I want this, it's now or never) so I said - I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT, OK? he said, OK THANK YOU - and I said OK, BYE and so did he in a very sad low voice.

I didn't call. Friday, Saturday, Sunday and finally Monday evening he sends me an e-mail (after asking a mutual friend SHOULD I WRITE, SHOULD I CALL HER? and she just tol him MANNY, I WON'T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND IF YOU WANT TO CALL HER CALL HER, I DON'T WANT TO BE BLAMED FOR YOUR DECISIONS- of course he got upset and said OK,FINE THANKS-). So he wrote an e-mail. A very empty one for my taste, it was all about him him him and how confussed he was. You can read it in a seperate post I posted yesterday Nov 28, 2005. Where I say HUSBAND E-MAIL, NEED HELP ON ANSWERING -

I suppose after thinking thru and reading the e-amil I really don't have anything to say, he is not asking or pouring out his feelings, he is just saying what he thinks of this and of his problems. How funny, he has told everybody nice things about me but doesn't say them to me!!!

So I've resolved to not answer what has not been asked. If he really loves me he'll find his way thru.

I tell God what I want and he has provided, it's now my shinning light that shall lead the way back to me.

If someone has any input I would appreciate any behavior that I should have to make him see me dessirable yet I WANT HER. I am already doing the things I want I just want to not make him think I don't want this when I really do, but I don't want to give myself in to quick or too late or not at all.

What do you all think. Any good quotes?

Hopetexas,

I'm excited for you and the turn your husband seems to be making. However, I do caution you to be very careful. I experienced this same type of thing. Later, I would find out that things had gone bad between he and his girlfriend.
He would seem remorseful and like he wanted things back but then he would change again depending on what was taking place between he and the OW.

I think you are wise to not jump to any conclusions. Be open to the idea of restoration but be guarded until you see concrete evidence that he truly wants to reconcile. In hindsight, I wish I was more careful and that I gave the whole situation more time. I was always ready to forgive and jump back into things when I really should have waited. The forgive part is always good to do, it's the actions that follow that need great consideration.

I hope things end happily for you and your husband. That would be wonderful news!!

Avondale,

Thank you for the reminder of the need for clarification. I'm speaking about a financial settlement, not custody. At present time, I have primary physical custody. This is temporary until our final court date. I would not make any financial offer unless H would agree that I would retain primary physical custody, which is most likely to take place in court.

I totally can understand your lack of enthusiasm over the holidays. We have to keep remembering all that we have to be thankful for rather than what we wish was. It can be quite the challenge. It's good you keep fighting the negativity. A positive attitude can make all the difference.

Wallace,

Glad to hear from you. Sounds like life is going well. You and your G/F always seem to bounce back after a close "goodbye".

Petvet,

A big purchase... Wow! Sounds like wedding bells are in the near future. You'll have to let us in on all the great details.

My attorney said Christmas and Easter are usually divided. Do you do that with your son? Both of our families are in town, so I think we might attempt something like that. He would have half the vacation and I'd have half.

Trusting Him,

I've been praying for you and your decision about custody. Avondale's right about the time passing quickly. They do grow up way too fast. Take care.

What a concept! Too bad there aren't more surgeons who do this surgery or that might be an option!



I'm sure there are many many people here who feel this way. at least you're decorating anyway. I'm not decorating this year - can't bear to go through the box of X-mas stuff that H "gave" me - not sure I want to see what he thought I should be entitled to.

It's funny - B4 I met him I was really big on X-mas, but in the last 5+ years I hated it.

That's gonna happen anyway as there aren't any shows now that I'll be at for a few months. I can't run my own dogs right now, and I'm not in charge of any of the trials during the winter.


Proving it is no problem. My lawyer and I spent 4 hours working on this stuff yesterday. He's writing a letter, and we think H and his attorney should be scared, very scared, about the implications right now. And I am scared too - but of what he will do when backed further into his corner. He's burned so many bridges lately (I'm not even the main target right now) that there are none left for him to cross. And you know what they say about cornered animals.



Except for H. Just ask him. He is incensed that he should have to give up anything - he was supposed to walk away with no change in his lifestyle, except for getting rid of me. He also thinks he's entitled to MY assets that were protected in the prenup, the ones he signed off on 20 years ago, that he agreed he would have no rights to. BTW, the prenup even protects my assets in the case of my death (YEAH TO MY SMART LAWYERS 20 YEARS AGO) - so my house, car and much of what's in the house will NOT go to him even if I die before we are divorced. BTW, my current lawyers are the same ones who did my prenup 20 years ago.

I'm feeling better about my chances now. But still impatient.

I also must apologize to everyone here for not participating like I should be. I'm afraid I'm terribly preoccupied on the one hand, and exhausted physically and mentally the rest of the time.

[color:"blue"] Hope [/color]
I want to caution you a little bit. What you are doing is bordering on being manipulative. You don't want to play so "hard to get" that you are burning bridges behind you that you will need to get across later. At some point, if things continue like you describe, I can guarantee your H will get tired of you being distant and will give up.

I suggest that you tell him you will talk to him but only about what you can both do to improve your marriage. Don't talk about past - but talk about how to build for the future. You need to let him know you are available for talking about this subject (your marriage & future) or he will assume you don't want to talk at all...and leave you in the dust.

Dear Leah2be and Avondale and all the others:

I thank you for your reply and I completely agree with both. Although I am not aware of OW being in the picture, somebody told me it doesn't necessary need to be a Physical relationship but more of a mental one.Before I left I asked and he denied that there was or ever was OW and says that there ISN'T OW in his mind, but if some of you might remember; he treated me like I never thought some one could've had. I was basically thrown and removed out of everything I knew was my life and from his heart quicker than the wink of an eye. Later he used every possible excuse that he could ever think of and so on and so on and so on to justify his behavior.

Now he cries. But as I analyze all his moves it's just to feel "accepted" again. Everybody turned their backs on him and have told him how dumb he is and how abusive he's been with my heart. Now he feels bad. The "OW" was his sister, ok, wait, don't misunderstand me, this means that as soon as his sister arrived he felt strong, then his second sister arrived and they partied like crazy, but everything has an end and his came when his two sisters left after 3 months of vacations. He is now feeling, then remembering and now listening to people. In other words, he feels lonely and bad because of the things he did, but he DOESN'T LOVE ME!!! - he says it clearly with all it's words, he does admit to miss me but nothing else.

So his letter is just saying "I regret .. , I need ..., I want .. , but I can't .., I don't know ... " . There is no SORRY, I MISS YOU or LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU AND ME. I can not hold on to that, I can not allow myself to fall for that. I understand that recovery is gradual but I also know that I don't want to fall for his manipulative ways anymore and this letter is just that: THIS IS ALL I CAN GIVE YOU WHICH IS REALLY NOTHING BUT THAT'S WHO I AM -

Do I want this?? NO
Did I give "JUST THAT"? NO
Do I have more to say? NO
Will I give a second chance" YES
Do I think in revenge? NO!

He needs to improve his acts of appreciation towards this relationship. I am willing to talk to him but not talk thee "friendship talk". A month ago I swollowed my pride and called him to ask him for the last time ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT THIS? LET'S TRY AGAIN, PLEASE, DON'T THROW THIS AWAY - and with the coldest heart he answered -YES, I WANT THIS, IT'S WHAT I WANT - Since that day I decided I could no longer do this to myselve and it was time to let go. What was my surprise??? a week after he starts calling my sister demanding my calls and then he starts crying and then he starts going to my friend's and sobs and says how much he misses me but .. BUT DOESN'T LOVE ME.

I would never finish if I continue but you can not ask and expect a quick reaction after "two" very skinny attempts. I don't want to go running as soon as he snaps his fingers while he's saying I DON'T LOVE HER.

I've said it all, he has a very clear idea of what I want, there is no need for me to tell him what I want after all I've said and DONE (pouring your heart out over and over and over and being rejected and rejected and rejected).

He knows my feelings. My friend told him 12 days ago; SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND, SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR WIFE IF DON'T LOVE HER SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU OR TALK TO YOU.

How hard can this be??????????????? He knows about Marriage Builders but he is so narrow minded that he only believes in him and only him.When one of the Harley's called him for a Monday appointment he called and told me - I DON'T THINK AN HOUR OVER THE PHONE WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING, IT'S TOO MUCH MONEY, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, I'LL LOOK ON MY OWN" - he never did, he asked for definite divorce on Wednesday night.

So, now ... what do you think? I think he needs to really think things thru and come back when he is ready to offer a YOU AND ME WORK IT OUT PLAN. It's in his hands if I become DUST or HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

I want to see him standing outside my work place, I want to see flowers I want to see a I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I'VE DONE, LET'S WORK THIS OUT SLOWLY, I WANT TO DATE YOU, I WANT TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE .. BUT AS HUSBAND AND WIFE (not the bullcrap of I want to talk about the future but I need to think things over before I start a new relationship) - Now, that kind of DEMANDS I do want!!! That's spells love to me!!!!

What do you all think?

[color:"blue"] Hope [/color] ,
I had forgotton some of the things you mentioned - so it's good you repeated them. Let me make sure I understand these things about your husband:
1) He is saying he "misses you" but hasn't done ANYTHING specific to work on getting back together
2) He is now saying he will file for divorce

If that's correct, then here's my two cents' worth. You need to continually reinforce to him, with specific words, that you want to work on the marriage, and desire to go to counseling. Say this EVERY time he mentions filing for divorce. Say it in every chat you have with friends and family (especially if he's not talking directly to you). This is making it clear to him what your "first line" of expectations are (restoration of marriage AND counseling). Maybe you are already doing this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now to get personal... You have certain expectations of him, if he wants to get back together (i.e., your last paragraph about flowers, etc.). I think that it is unrealistic to have these expectations AT THIS POINT. Later, yes! But right now, no. Concentrate on the first part and these things (apology, flowers) will come. He could truly be repentant, and not do flowers - does that mean you won't take him back? See what I mean? So don't put him in a box about expected behaviors right off the bat.

As long as your husband is still in the fog (which he is) and eating cake (he misses you but won't work on marriage) then the "courting things" won't occur. And I don't know if he would jump from no contact to flowers/work apology in a single day.

Hi Everybody...

I'm glad to see everyone posting again. Its great to hear from you Petvet.

Wallace - I guess you're in a blizzard

Leah - I'm not dating, so that's not my joy I'm referring to. Just some other things

Deja Vu - The holidays can be a drag at first. I remember wanting to just bury my head in the ground and let it all pass into the new year.

I had to be determined I was going to celebrate Christmas regardless what happened.It was hard at first. For New Years I buy me some shrimp, a bottle of sparkling cider, chill it and look forward to the great new year ahead.

Avondale - I think you keep all of us in line as well. So since everyone is going to be gone, what are your plans?

Hello to everyone!

[color:"blue"] EC [/color] -
Care to elaborate? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> It's OK to brag, too!