Hey all -
Leah, I know the relief you're feeling. You certainly hung in there and tried for a VERY long time! And I'm so glad it worked out with the mediator. I'm guessing that everything is now under a court's jurisdiction, it's set in stone?

Petvet - Great to hear from you also! Are you still with your buddy? Miss hearing from you, and I hope all is well.

Me - Not much new. Son moved to TX which is good for him. I'm VERY slowly clearing out 25 years' worth of accumulation at my house. Who knows, someday I might move. In the meantime, spring in the Carolinas is wonderful!

I hope the rest of the Tough Love gang can post here as they check back in periodically.

Hi All,

It's been awhile since I posted.

Leah...

Glad to hear that everything finally is settling down for you.
It's been quite a journey for you... but hopefully things will be getting better.

Avondale...

How are you making out?

Are you still in your same house or are you going to move to a new place.

Once the kids are all out of the house... it does get quite quiet.

Petvet...

So when are you getting married?

Go on any new vacation trips lately?

Deja Vu...

Have you sold your house yet?

How is your new Christmas puppy doing?

Me...

I'm doing pretty good all in all.

My drop dead date of June the 1st is coming up, and I don't think I'm going to make it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We will see what happens from there... I might be in for a few more changes in the not to distant future.

Hope everyone is well and doing good, and for all that I missed... I hope your all doing good as well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Wallace: I hope all is well. Does your June 1st drop dead date means that if g/f does not get it together that you are going to kick her to the curb?

Avondale: I think you have a major vacation in your near future. Only move things if you are ready.

Dejavu: What type of pup do you have?

Me: Yes, wedding in still on for September 15th.I am doing well.

My XH has the house now - my name is off the deed and was never on the refinanced mortgage. BUT I have a lien on the house to protect my interest, and he is paying me a monthly amount against my equity. If he defaults on the payments, it converts to spousal maintenance and he has to pay legal fees to collect. So.. I don't have to deal with the sale of the house, and have about as much protection for my assets as is possible under the circumstances.


"Trick" is doing great! He's a wonderful puppy - but at age 5 months is at a bratty age now. He's trying to push the older dogs around to see where he fits in the pack. But, really smart and clever - and athletic! He'll be a great agility dog!

He's an English Cocker! Blue roan. If I could figure out how to attach a picture to this list, I'd share it!


Well, cool for you. I'm glad to hear things are working out for you.

To everyone else... I am glad to hear a few folks are still stopping by to say hi. I've not been posting lately, because I've been busy and pretty much just trying to regroup my life. Kind of boring stuff really. But necessary. It's odd to spend 2 years under so much stress with constant conflict, and suddenly it's gone and you don't have to deal with it anymore. I keep thinking I'll wake up and it'll all still be going on. Thankfully that won't happen!

Oh Leah, I'm SO happy for you. You were so supportive to me, and I think of you often wondering how things turned out for you. Funny, because I thought I had set up to get e-mails when anyone posted here, and either missed some or the technology isn't reliable. So, I'm glad I stopped by and read a few of the posts.


Sounds like a good strategy. I'm sure you'll not regret it. I'm glad you got the girls.


Boy, do I know that feeling!


I think about you often, and how your faith has held you together. I've often wished I could have had the strength you have. I've tried, really have, but it doesn't comes easy for some of us.

Anyway, I wish for all the best for you! Thanks for being there for me, and I hope in some small way I was able to do the same for you. Take care!

Hey y'all!
It's great to hear some updates.

Petvet - I guess I didn't realize (or had forgotten) that you actually had a WEDDING DATE. That's wonderful!

Wallace - I think by "drop dead date" means you're going to kill her if things don't straighten out? We'll all be checking here on June 1st for an update. Somehow I have a feeling what you'll say.

Deja Vu - Great to hear from you. I was pretty impressed with your settlement involving the house & lien. Very smart move - did your lawyer think of that?

Leah - I hope you're doing well. What are your plans for the summer?

Me - Nothing much new...doing some yard beautification projects <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

EC, Trusting , anyone else - post when you can!

Hey All,

Quick update:

My Son and oldest daughter were out having dinner along with my G/F and her three kids about two weeks ago.

My OD announced to everyone that my YD had been arrested about two weeks prior to that, for a DUI.

Well I learned this past Friday, that my YD is going to do a minimum of 7 days in Jail, lose her license for at least a year, Community service, plus probation, as well as having to attend alcohol rehabilitation.

Maybe this is what she needed to have happen, to hopefully straighten her out. She dropped out of College since I cut off all funding for her, and she is hanging around a very bad crowd of people... so she is not doing very well.

I kept her in line while she was living at home as long as I could, but it got to the point, where I couldn't stand watching her throw it all away any longer.

Regarding my June 1st deadline... I'm not going to make it.

I like being single now, and I'm not sure if I could go through another marriage again. The first one was so bad, I think I developed commitment issues over the whole thing.

Needless to say... I have a brand new house I could move into, already completely furnished and landscaped that my G/F went out and bought without any input from me... and all I have to do is marry her... sell or rent my house that I'm still living in. Life is so easy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

She is a good person, and I do love her... just not enough to get married at this point. We will probably break up in July, once her and I come to terms that I can't go through with it.

Hope everyone is doing well... I'll be in touch.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

My lawyer and the mediator came up with that. The latest is I got a snotty e-mail from XH telling me I should pay HIM lots of money because he got the short end of the deal. In the same sentence that he was asking me to give up some $$ to him, he was blasting me for being uncaring, insensitive, etc. Interesting way to treat someone from whom you want a favor.

The reason he wanted the favor is because he has sold the house. In December he insisted he couldn't sell without me giving up my lien, now miraculously he has somehow managed to pull it off without that, and so in theory I will be getting some $$ later this month. I will still not have gotten back my prenup investment, but I will never have reason to talk to him again and the whole drama will finally be done.

Tough deal. Good for you for staying strong about this and letting her own up to her responsibility. 'Cuz hard as it is, she has to learn for herself.



I hear you and feel the same way. Maybe it gets better, maybe not. But, trust your instincts cuz they are usually right for you.


Everytime you write about this, I'm struck by your mentioning the lack of input from you on this house. This issue sticks with you big time. I really think this is huge for you -- that someone who wants to be your partner would not partner with you on such a major decision. Perhaps a red flag which is causing you to think it's based on your past experience, when maybe the current GF isn't right for you in an important way. FYI - I would feel the same way, and would also be uncomfortable moving into someone else's "perfect" house that was all their personality and none of my own.


Take care, Wallace. Whatever happens.

[color:"blue"]Wallace [/color] - I'm sorry you're having to still go through stuff with your YD. Our jobs as parents never ends, does it? I'm guessing she's had other DUIs which contributed to this latest situation. Usually the court doesn't assign all those stipulations on the first arrest.

I TOTALLY agree with Deja Vu's assessment of your relationship and GF's home. Remember, this house is not the first time that no input was asked of you. Weren't there other things over the last few years? So why are you waiting until July to break up? Is there something special happening in the next 2 months?

I personally think it's OK to be single. It's not always fun (like, at Christmas) but I think I'm doing well. Of course, I could be deceiving myself too!

[color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] - I read an article in the paper last week about agility dog contests <--I know that's not the right word, but I'm sure it's what you do. I thought of you the entire time I read it. I hope you are doing well - is your ExH still doing agility dog work, too? Do you ever see him there?

[color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] - Are your wedding plans going well? Will it be a big event or something smaller?

[color:"blue"] Leah2Be [/color] - Hope you're doing well. Are you making vacation plans? Will you have the girls most of the summer?

Hope [color:"blue"] everyone else [/color] is OK. Stop by sometime and check-in!

Hi all! Happy Mother's Day to the ladies of Tough Love.

Wallace: Darn Wallace! You are never going to get any peace.Your YD is in the clouds, and she will have to sleep in the bed she made. Your g/f is making your decision very easy.

Dejavu: I hate dealing with mediators. I think it's a waste of money especially if both parties have dug in. Hang tough.

Avondale: Where are you going for vacation? Have a large yard sale.

Me: All is going well. Buddy and I went to a remarriage workshop which reconfirm that remarraiges are tough, but we are determine to stick it out because we have to keep us as the priority. I guest the countdown has started to wedding day.

Later.

Hey All!

I thought I would give a quick update on my situation concerning my June 1st drop dead date.

As much as I have a bad feeling about all this... I'm going to move in with my G/F right after Father's Day on a trial basis and see how it goes.

This pretty much goes against everything that I know is right. She has been putting the pressure on me to the point where I really just want to get it over with. It will either work or it won't. So that's where I am at with this.

Any suggestions... is appreciated.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace,

While I'm not a regular on your thread,why would you go ahead with this after how you feel? It's like knowing there are a bunch of sharks in the water but you dive in anyway.Doesn't make any sense to me.Do you feel that by doing it anyway you might have a different outcome than what is in your mind?

quote: by American Beauty

While I'm not a regular on your thread,why would you go ahead with this after how you feel? It's like knowing there are a bunch of sharks in the water but you dive in anyway.Doesn't make any sense to me.Do you feel that by doing it anyway you might have a different outcome than what is in your mind? [/quote]

Hi American Beauty,

You are more than welcome to post on this thread as well as anyone else here at MBer's.

Thank you for your insight, and to answer your question...

After being with my G/F for almost five years, it's time for me to try to make a go of it.

I have issues with a full time commitment. This happened after my first marriage ended. My G/F has been well aware of my stance on this, but wants me to proceed with it anyway.

I am hoping for a different outcome than what I'm expecting, and so I either go through with it, or we will probably end the relationship.

I don't think I'm marriage material anymore. I probably wasn't marriage material in my first marriage, but I gave it the best shot that I could. I thought I was doing all the right things, but in the end, it showed me that I wasn't cut out for it.

So the fact of the matter is... I am looking for a different outcome from what I'm expecting.

Thanks for the insight and question.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi again,

Thanks for the welcome.Although I don't usually post on this thread,I have followed it a long time,on the sidelines you might say. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I can sympathize with having doubts about committment.I went through my exwh's A and then the D and I can honestly say I really have no desire to marry again right now.I might not ever.I like,no, love,being on my own and I don't know if that will ever change.One day perhaps though I would love to spend time with another man one day maybe just not in marriage.

I also gave my marriage the best I could and I even thought that as I got older,I got much better at it.I also thought I chose right.But alas,things didn't work out so well but,I do know that there really wasn't much I could do to save the marriage anyway.When only one is in it,you can't keep it afloat.

Poor marriage takes a beating doesn't it? I have seen people around here and elsewhere blame the marriage on so many things when in reality it is us all along.We make or break it.

Well,despite your reservations,I do hope things work out for the best.I will be reading along to see how it goes.

Incidentally,I loved the movie Braveheart.I thought Mel Gibson did a good portrayal.

You stay strong too and good luck.

Quote by; American Beauty

Poor marriage takes a beating doesn't it? I have seen people around here and elsewhere blame the marriage on so many things when in reality it is us all along.We make or break it.

______________________________________________________________

I have to agree with that.

I also feel the same way about entering into another marriage again. Maybe someday, but I don't see it on the horizon for me... and that is where the problem arises.

I'm still sitting on the fence on this whole thing... the more she keeps putting the pressure on me over it... the further away I get on the whole thing.

Thanks for the input.

"Braveheart", is one of my favorite movies, and Mel Gibson did do a good job of bringing that story to the screen.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

WALLACE , WALLACE, WaLlaCe, wallace...
You said:
Reasons not to do this :

1) You have a bad feeling about it - so why go against your own feelings? You're already negative (emotionally) in one of the most important decisions you will make. You have been negative for over THREE years now! Nothing has changed! Why do you think living together will change things?

2) Is this the example you want to set for your kids? They have had problems since their mom left - do you think they need more emotional baggage from this? Even if they're older, it's still a bad example from many aspects:
A) Goes against Biblical principles
B) Gives an incorrect picture of female/male relationships due to your GF being so strong-willed and manipulative

3) Second marriages (even common-law ones) are statistically not successful . You know the numbers! Sixty-seven percent of second marriages end in divorce. If you BOTH aren't totally on board in EVERY WAY then you are increasing those statistics from the start. And we who know you, know you aren't committed enough to overcome those odds.

4) If you are "at the point where you just want to get this over with" (your quote) then why not just end the relationship? You are being preposterous with this (<--said in love). Please take a break from this woman, and do the MB "no contact" thing. She is controlling you just as if she was the OW in a marriage....you can't stay away from her and need to do the "no contact" route. I know your city is big enough to hold both of you without much awkwardness if you were to break it off. You have the backbone to do it - look how you survived after your W left. Do you just want to wallow in misery by being with her?

The above comments were my initial, gut reaction...typed quickly while at work. I could think of more reasons if I had more time. I am just dumbfounded that you would proceed into any type of further faux-commitment with her based on ALL the reservations and concerns you've had from the beginning. And you know you've had them from the beginning. Do I need to get [color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] or [color:"blue"]Leah [/color] to help me go through the archives to find ALL your comments? Come on Wallace, brother - friend, please don't do this! I don't want to see you hurt any further :-(

[/quote]Do I need to get [color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] or [color:"blue"]Leah [/color] to help me go through the archives to find ALL your comments? Come on Wallace, brother - friend, please don't do this! I don't want to see you hurt any further :-( [/quote]

OK, I'm rising to the challenge - Wallace, Avondale is right. I'll add that your bad feeling will only grow if things go wrong. It will be SO hard to move out once you've moved in.

"Getting it over with" isn't what people say when they are in love and want to spend their lives with someone. I honestly don't know why you stay in the relationship at all - I can't remember reading anything you've said positive about it. If there is, let's hear it. I challenge you. Tell us why we are [color:"red"]WRONG [/color] about this, and why you [color:"red"]SHOULD[/color] move in with her.

UPDATE from Deja Vu:

Two weeks ago I finally got $$ from the sale of my ex's house. Not alot, but all there is going to be. That same week I went to a class to write your own will, and all that's left now is to change a few of my beneficiaries.

And, I paid off my lawyer.

However, my elation vanished today, when I was told at work that my job is not being renewed (I have an annually renewable contract) - so I'm out of a job next winter. They thankfully gave me a long notice - but that might be more of a burden than a blessing. Anyway... so much for finally being able to get on with my life!