Hi Avondale and Deja Vu,

What a mess I have going here!

I have nobody really to blame but myself.

You and Deja Vu are right, and there are no exceptions to be taken, because you have all hit the nail right on the head.

It's not that I don't want to some day settle down with her. I just can't do it right now. I'm not mentally ready for a full time marriage or relationship. I haven't changed my stance on this.

She's a good person, and I care for her, but I'm just not ready to take the plunge at this time.

This situation has disaster written all over it. No one wants to be pressured to do something that there not ready for... but I damned if I don't do something, and I'm damned if I do.

It's my fault for letting it go on as long as it did... and now the chickens are coming home to roost.

What a mess!

Deja Vu...

I'm sorry to hear that your going to be out of a job. We are really slow where I work as well. I might be right with you if it keeps up.

I guess the economy isn't as good as the have been saying.

Do you have enough money put aside while your looking for a new job?

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace,

It's precisely this kind of situation,where you have 2 difficult options, that it's critical you not forgo your inner core beliefs,values and feelings to please someone else.

You CAN fix this although it may hurt your GF.BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.You really aren't doing her any favor either by fooling yourself and making her think it's ok with you when it's not.

If nothing else,you would be living your life with honesty and integrity and no one can take that from you no matter how things transpire.You are a long time MB'er.You know what you need to do.

Hi American Beauty,

That's good advice you gave there, which I am going to go ahead and follow.

I have a call into her now... and when she returns my call, I'm going to tell her how I truly feel about this whole thing.

Thanks for the advice!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

I'm sorry it's come to this for you Wallace. But, you are strong enough and wise enough to do what you need to do.


I'm trying to remember if I've ever heard you say you LOVE her... you have said you "care for" her, but do you LOVE her? Maybe that's part of the problem.


Maybe not - if she is the person you hope she is, she'll understand this. Even if she isn't willing to wait for you, she shouldn't "damn" you for it.


I have only a small amount I got from the sale of the house - AFTER paying my lawyer. I have some time, and am pursuing all the financial avenues to see what I can do.

You know what the worst part is? I have spent 3 years in limbo, not knowing if I was going to get enough to pay my lawyer, not knowing if my $45K in medical bills would be paid. Then finally everything gets settled, and I finally get some $$. Not even 2 weeks later, I lose my job - and I'm really mad about it. I've been waiting all this time to be able to make some proactive plans for my life, and can I do that now? NO! Sure enough I'm back in limbo land again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Wallace [/color] ,
I think [color:"blue"] AB [/color] and [color:"blue"]Deja Vu [/color] said it all - and I hope you will follow the advice all three of us gave to break up with your GF. Or at least tell her that you're not ready for that level of commitment. Have you spoken to her yet? Let us know how it goes.
[color:"blue"]
Deja Vu [/color] - I know how you feel about being in limbo! I'm so thankful, however, that your financial things got settled BEFORE you got the notification of your job ending. Your level of limboness is less than before! How is your health these days?
Maybe you should move south and start a dog training center. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Wallace,

How are you doing out there? Just wondering. Hope you're staying strong~

[color:"red"] Happy belated Father's Day to all the TL guys! [/color]

[color:"blue"] Wallace, [/color] how are things going with your GF?

Hey all!

Sorry it has taken me so long to post back. Work and my personal life have been real busy here lately.

My G/F and I are on the verge of breaking up at this point, because I have refused to move in. So that situation is way up in the air and ongoing.

I'm not sure how this is all going to shake out, but it won't be the first time I've broken up with someone.

Avondale...

TY for the belated Father's day. I had a very nice one. Nothing too exciting... it was just right.

Deja Vu...

Sorry to hear that your life is still up in Limbo.

I think mine has been up there for the past five years as well... I just didn't realize it. Just take it a day at a time, and deal with each issue as it comes. I've found that is the best way to approach these type of situations.

American Beauty...

I'm doing so-so as far as my personal life is concerned. It's been better of course. Right now, I'm in the process of unraveling this mess that I've created. I'm not sure how it is all going to lay out... but I'm sure I'll find out in due time.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Wallace,


I am glad you have stuck with your feelings on this one.I am sure it is hard and things are tough right now but honesty is the best deal.You are giving your GF all the info she needs to make informed decisions about *her life.

If you aren't honest with people,and in this case you just might have been giving her the impression you were more ready and involved than you really were,then they are making their own decisions based on false information and that can lead to disaster down the road.

You're doing the right thing as painful as it may be.

Keep us posted~

Hi all!

Welcome American Beauty. I'm glad you are here.

Wallace: If your better judgement tells you not to do something, don't do it. You are a seasoned professional as well as most of us in bad relationships. We learn from our experiences and others as to what works and what doesn't work.Don't lower your morals in order to accommodate someone else's vice's. If you have commitment issues, then just date folks casually and let it be known that you don't want anything serious. I would say that all of us on this site could throw in the towel and give up on marriage, but we have to take stock of our roles in the failures as well as our partners and learn from those mistakes and errors and move on, but we must maintain our integrity and morals.

Me: All is well. September 15th is coming fast.

Later.

[color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] , it is GREAT to hear from you! Both [color:"red"] you [/color] and [color:"red"]AB [/color] gave Wallace some excellent advice. I'm glad things are going well for you. Are things falling into place for your wedding?

[color:"blue"] Wallace, [/color] how are things? Are you still "in process" of breaking up? Or did you change your mind again? I hope not. You are making it harder by not admitting your ambivilance to yourself and to GF. (And if you have told her, she's purposefully making it more difficult (i.e., DISRESPECTFUL {a MB term}) on YOU by not letting go either.)

Hey All,

Sorry it took me so long to post back... but I just got back from a much needed vacation.

Well to make a long story short concerning myself and my G/F... I broke up with her this morning.

After a lot of thought and what everyone was stating... I just couldn't go through with it, and rather than prolong the agony of the whole thing any longer... I decided to call it a day.

I'm going to take a break for a little while and just not date anyone else. I need to clear my head and just enjoy life.

The next time I start dating someone for any length of time... I'm going to make it abundantly clear... that I'm not interested in any serious relationships. If they can't deal with that... then I'll be moving on.

Petvet...

Congratulations!!!

At least your doing well by the sounds of everything... no drama to deal with, which is always a good thing.

Looks like you are able to commit to someone for the long term. I'm still having issues in that area.

Thanks everyone for the advice... it is appreciated. I'll keep everyone posted as to my next adventure, whenever I decide I want some drama back into my life.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Thank you Petvet.I still feel a bit like an intruder but I'm glad to be welcomed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


wallace,

I am sorry for what you are going through.I am sure it was difficult yet necessary based on how you were feeling.When you talk about agony,it really doesn't seem that it was a healthy situation.Getting married again is a serious step.

I don't think that I will ever remarry although never say never right? I feel like my marriage was supposed to be "it" for life.Right now I can't imagine sharing that with anyone again.But I also like my life as it is now.My heart is healthy and safe.If I meet someone again I will definitely proceed with caution,as they say.

Take good care of yourself.

Hi American Beauty,

Don't feel like your intruding, as you are most welcome to post in this thread, and I'm glad your here. In fact this thread is open for anyone to post in... as it is an open MBer
thread to all who would like to post here.

Quote by American Beauty:

I don't think that I will ever remarry although never say never right? I feel like my marriage was supposed to be "it" for life.Right now I can't imagine sharing that with anyone again.
____________________________________________________________


I couldn't agree more with what you posted. I gave it a try, and thought, just maybe I could do this. But as time went on... and many red flags later, which I chose to ignore at the time... it just became apparent, that this wasn't going to work out.

Add in the constant "let's get married or at least you could do is move in with me" and it started working me to the point that I just lost all interest in the relationship.

So, it's time to take a break and move on. When I do decide to date again, I'm going to be right up front that this is not intended to be a serious relationship. That way... there is no preconceived ideas that they may have.

I'm getting pretty good at shaking situations like this off, and chalking it up as just another experience in which to learn from.

Thanks for the input, and stay in touch.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi, how is everyone doing?
[color:"blue"]Wallace [/color] - were you able to make the break?
[color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] - I hope you're staying cool. How are your wedding plans going?
[color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] - Have you found another job, or are you making other plans for employment?
[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] - I hope you're doing well. Post or call when you can.

[color:"blue"] Trusting,EC, American Beauty [/color] - I hope you're all enjoying a wonderful summer.

Hi All,

Finally had a moment to check in and see what's going on.

avondale...

I did make the break from my G/F. About a week went by... and she called me up, and decided that she would back off of the moving in/getting married arrangement.

Since we have got back together... everything seems to be o.k., but who really knows? I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and see what happens.

Well, I hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Just popped in to say hi Wallace. You may not remember me as I have not been here since 2003 or early 2004. We emailed each other for a while. Anyway, I haven't been here for a long time and I was just surfing the net and decided to check and see if you were still around... and you were. Some other names look familiar also. Short update on my situation with Hubby. Things could not be better. Miracles do happen, we are proof! Even though when hubby found this site and read my posts he was very angry with me but little does he know this site and what I read on here was what convinced me to try again. I am so glad I did. He has changed and I have changed but we have the best relationship ever. It's been over five years and we have barely had so much as an argument. Life is GOOD!
Debbie~

Hello everyone!

Freeindeed.....Good news is ALWAYS good to here. Can't say that I remember that name but Wallace and the others here are great people. Glad to know that there are marriages that can continue.

Avondale, Wallace, PetVet, Leah....hope each of you are doing well.

The the others and the new ones, *waves*

Hey All!

Debbie...

Of course I remember! You helped me so much as well as everyone else on the Tough Love thread... how could I not remember.

I am so glad to hear that you and your husband are doing so well. You are truly a success story here at MBers. You should post to everyone when you get time, how you were able to save your marriage. It is a remarkable story.

Stay in touch when you have time, and keep us updated.

God truly blessed you, and I am so pleased to hear how well your doing.

Keep up the good work!



Trusting Him...

Good to hear from you!

How are you doing?

I hope things are going well for you.

Give us an update on how everything is going when you can.

Petvet, avondale, Leah, and anyone else who I know I missed...

Let us know how you are doing.



Me...

I'm doing well, and so is my family, as well as my G/F.

Nothing exciting really happening... so for me that's a good thing.

Hope everyone is well and doing good.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Wallace: I glad that everything is going well including with your g/f.

Avondale: How are you doing?

Everyone else I missed: hello!

Me: Well, I'm getting married this Saturday, September 15th. We are having a full fledge Catholic wedding mass with all the trimmings. The wedding is small but some how got out of control. We are expecting 75 folks to our reception. I never realized how much this wedding thing costed. I guest I would not know since I did not pay for the first one. Things are going good. I'm feeling good, but after going through all the stuff from the first one, there is this area of doubt in the back of your mind. I know how someone like Wallace can get discourage, but I believe in marriage. I will be in touch. I'm not going away. I want to thank everyone especially folks like Wallace, Avondale, and many other folks who have passed through since I opened this thread. Can anyone tell me how I can set up this thread to notify me by email when someone posts?

Take care.

Later.