Hey All,

Trusting Him...

I didn't see you sneak in the forum but I thought I heard some noise coming from this thread.

Wow! Your Ex has really got a messed up situation going on there based on what you posted.

If your Ex is anything like mine,(and she sounds like she is) you will always be the bad guy in her mind. It doesn't matter what you have done or didn't do... they have this perception in their mind about us, and there is very little you can do to change it at this point. They made their mind up about us five plus years ago, and that's why they are where they are.

With what she has going on in the house with your kids there to see this kind of behavior... you are on the right track by taking the proper steps to have them come and live with you. I would do everything in my power to remove them from that situation A.S.A.P..

It 's good to hear from you again... I was hoping you chime in eventually.

I clicked on the link to the "Original Tough Love Thread", to kind of go over what was going on during what I think is one of the best threads around, and it's not working.

If you get time... see if you can some how get that URL working again.

Good to hear from you... and stay in touch. We all miss you.

Petvet...

Glad to hear from you, and things are working out.

I know the part about the mixing of the families. That was the major reason why my GF and I decided to hold up on getting married. We thought it would of been easier for the kids to just finish what they were doing, and then we would revisit it at a later date. Well the later date came, and I settled into just being single again and liking it.

How are you coping with two families coming together all in all. I hope it works itself out in a positive manner.

Avondale...

How are you doing? Hopefully your well... so post something and let us know.

Leah...

It's almost that time! Are you getting nervous? I would be out of my mind.

Well I have to go back to work now... so everyone that I missed I hope you are all doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

I *think* I found it again, although thee may be problems with it ....when you actually search for the thread it appears in several different forums. It *may* continue to function correctly.

As for our Ex's being alike....I just stay confused. For the most part I have stayed out of her life, only say or bring things up when the effects of her action have a negative impact on the children and even then I weigh it very carefully before I say anything, if I say anything at all.

I think I mentioned it before but after changing jobs my salary dropped dramatically but because of the fringes of the company I work for I was able to continue paying the original CS with no question asked. Although at times I've managed to stay current with CS while making 25k less than with the original court ordered CS. Still cover the insurance for the children and only in rare instances do I miss a weekend that belongs to me. (When I do it's usually because of lack of funds, I work 3 1.2 days for insurance and CS and the other day and a half belong to me :P )

The good part of that...I'm down to 6 years left and then it's all over! Woot!

So yes, if no ex bashing is the norm for me why...why...why after 5 years does she feel it's necessary to bring up Daddy in a conversation where he was never mentioned. AS she often tells me "you just need to get over me and get on with your life" it almost seems that she's one one who "needs" to get over something and get on with a life that does not include daddy bashing.

Hey all!

Trusting Him..

Your the man... you got the "Original Tough Love" thread back in play when you click on it!

I'm going to go back through some of that thread... just to see where we came from and where we are today. There is some pretty good reading and good advice in that thread IMHO.

In regards to our ex's bashing us. I think they do it in order to make them feel better about themselves and to build up their self esteem. You got to go pretty low to do some of the things that our ex's did. Any sane and/or rational person would most likely have a conscience and realize what they have done to their family. But most of them are so self obsessed with their own happiness at any and at all cost that they ignore how it may affect someone.

It's all about them! It will always be all about them, and they know it... and don't dare call them on it, or everyone will pay dearly for it.

Well I'm rambling as usual... so I will shut-up now and let you go.

Hope your doing well, keep in touch, and let us us know how your making out.

Deja-Vu...

How are you doing? Haven't heard anything from you lately.

I hope your well. Let us know when you get a chance.

Leah...

That big day is coming for you. Your getting married next week right?

Petvet, Avondale, EC, and everyone else I hope you are all doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Everyone...It's me Leah2be. I tried several times to sign in under my original name but I couldn't get it to work then decided it might be time for a new name anyhow.

Although not without it's challenges,married life is going very well. My husband is wonderful! He continues to be so kind and strong...such a help and support in everyway! The only time there are conflicts it is usually in regard to my ex. He is still very much around. Yes, WALLACE and TRUSTING HIM, I can relate! Those type of ex's just have some very big issues and seem to always make life a challenge. My H is very strong, stable and consistent. He often finds himself in the unenviable position of trying to help me maintain boundaries with this guy. I am getting stronger but change doesn't happen overnight.

The wedding went very well. In fact, if you'd like to see a video clip of it, you can just e-mail me with your address and I'll send it to you. My youngest did come around and eventually decided to be in the wedding! It was a very happy day! I'm just so thankful to God for bringing this great guy in my life. I will continue to hope and pray for the same happiness for each of you!

Hi Leah!

I must be psychic or something... as I just now for the first time had a chance to check this board, and I see that you just posted something today. Who would of thought.

I would like to see the video of your wedding! I'll bet there are a lot of challenges. You know how much marriage scares me after everything I went through. It's interesting to see how everyone adapts to their new marriage. Who knows... I may just change my mind one of these days, and decide to give it another try.

Good to hear from you... keep us updated on things as they progress.

Let God bless your marriage and I'm glad that everything is going well.

One last thing... when you log in, you need to put your password in all caps. Maybe that's why you were having trouble logging in under your original name.

Hope everyone is doing well. Chime in and let us know how your doing when you get a chance.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Well congratulations then! And I am so happy that your new husband is wonderful. It's always nice to have someone help you enforce those boundaries and I'm glad he is there for you.

Oh! I love the new name so just keep using it, no need to go back and drag up old stuff with the old name.

Just a brief update on the son as I think I posted years ago the he was diagnosed with Chron's. He recently had an operation to remove about 2 feet of his lower intestine as it was no longer functioning. He has recovered quite well according to the Doctor as he was off pain medication within 1 day of the operation and back on solid foods within 2 days. Both the former wife and I were there for him but it was one night that she made a comment to the nurse where I really wanted to just knock her in the head to help her see the reality of what she said.

Our son was having a hard time with some of his medication before the surgery and she had called late to see if I could come down to Hospital and help him take it. After arriving and encouraging him and also sampling the medication along with him (that stuff that makes you run to the bathroom to ensure that your digestive system is empty ) the nurse came in to check on us. She commented that our son seemed to be doing a lot better and the former replied "Yes, his Daddy is here now and he always feels better when he's around" :twobyfour: Duh! OK so she admitted that son always feels better when I am around, that's a little positive there.

Oh well, he is doing better though and the Doctor did say that he expected to see a marked improvement on his recovery.

"HAPPY THANKSGIVING"

I hope everyone has a nice day tomorrow.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hello I started to read Tough Love and the great advice about not crying, pleading etc.. but just letting go and letting the spouse believe he can be free now. My H wants to separate and we still leave together. The separation will happen in July when our kid will go to college. Five months ago, H told me he wanted to separate and since then i can't even describe the pain i am going thru. he is completely withdrawn, very depressed and very unhappy. I do not address the separation issue, do not LB and try and meet his EN. I am familiar with the MB principles and apply them daily as I read the Harley books. I read some of Leah2be (sunrisen08)'s postings, and i think i am in a similar situation Leah was a few years ago before she recovered her M. but i could not find her original posting so i do not know what her problem with her H was and how she behaved to win him back. However I see that now they are happy again together. So Leah or whomever can, could you please point me to your original thread. I am trying to apply the advice of leaving H alone. It works for about a week and then when i see that if i do not hug him he never does, if i do not kiss him he never does and if i do not start a conversation he never does...then i become desperate and start clinging, hugging and being pesky. what do i do? i stil have a few months ahead of me and I could try to win him back.

Hi Atena!

I'm sorry to hear about the problems your having in your marriage.

Here is the link to the original "Tough Love" thread.



http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=715889&fpart=1



It's a very long thread with lots of good advice in there by many people.

Hopefully you will find some information in this thread that you can apply to your situation.

I want to wish everyone a very "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays" and "Happy New Year" to everyone.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi everyone! I'm back again... dropping in to say hi and finding that Leah has gotten married again! WOW! How wonderful for you, even if I'm a bit late in hearing the news.

Wallace, still not married? don't blame you! I don't think I could get remarried, and the more time that passes the more I think that's true.

Avondale, Trusting, et al - hope all's well with you.

I'll try to do some back reading to catch up on everyone!

Me: Been a rocky year, as I got laid off in June 2007 (with a 9 month notice that was actually NOT a blessing but a curse) and started a new job in April of 2008. It's OK, I don't dislike it... maybe I'm at a point in life where jobs are just jobs. But I did spend lots of time in grad school trying to establish a new career path, only to end up back in the same old same old.. but with less pay! LOL!

In this economy I'm thankful to have a job, though we are facing large budget cuts (I work for county government now) and I was the last hired, so... who knows?

I ended up having to drop out of the PhD program as I wasn't making enough progress fast enough. It was bittersweet, as I had been thinking about it for awhile anyway, and in some ways it was nice to have the decision made for me, since I couldn't seem to make it myself.

I now have 5 dogs... I got a replacement puppy for the one that died of epilepsy, and just recently I fostered a dog that had the most awful life up until now. I have decided to adopt him permanently now. It's a long story, but he was a throw away dog that nobody wanted, and he is the sweetest dog that didn't deserve this. Maybe having been a throw away person, I could really relate to him, but anyway he now has a forever home with me.

Got lots to do in these few days off work!

Wishing everyone the best and great holidays!

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it's been so long since writing...I just checked in again and realized that Wallace and Trusting Him had given me your addresses to post the wedding link. I'll try to write you all today with that info.

Deja Vu: Glad you have a new job and are enjoying your dogs...wow-5 dogs!!! How do you keep up with them all? I know they can add a lot of comfort and joy to your life. Hope you are doing well.

Avondale: Haven't heard from you in a long time. I hope life is going well for you too. I'll have to try sending an e-mail in case you're not checking in here.

God bless you all with a great Valentine's Weekend! "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him..." Romans 15:13

Wow, it's been a year since I last checked in here and posted. They've changed the discussion boards, too. So much has happened yet things stay the same in some ways for all of us. Leah2be/Sunrise, congrats on your wedding!

In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have checked MB if I hadn't gotten that old email from Leah2be about her wedding. I guess some time went between posts and I just got out of the habit of "living" on this chat board. So now I've read your posts for the last 12 months or so. (Fortunately, there weren't too many!) It seems like everyone is moving on pretty well.

Petvet - I'm glad you are glad you decided to marry. We told you so! You are an inspiration to us

Leah2be - aka Sunrise Congratulations, I loved the video. Thanks for sharing it. Your wedding looked beautiful! More in an email coming your way soon.

Wallace - So, have YOU changed? Are you still in the on again, off again relationship with your GF?

Trusting - I am so glad to hear your son's operation was successful. I hope your job remains secure in light of the industry you're in.

Deja Vu - I've thought of you and your dogs often. I guess it's been a while since your surgery - have you healed well? I'm sorry you're having the job situation but as you said, at least you have one these days.

EC - Has anyone heard from him? I hope he's doing well, too.

Me - Doing well. Nothing new. No grandkids yet - still hoping, though. We still haven't had any snow here in several years, and I'm pretty mad about it! I want one good snow that keeps me out of the office for a couple of days.

Hey all!

It's been awhile since I've posted on here, and I'm not sure if anyone is still around but here goes.

It's that time of year again when the Holidays roll around, and we are suppose to spread Holiday cheer. I want to wish everyone a very "Happy Thanksgiving", and I hope you all enjoy the day as well.

How is everyone doing? Hopefully every one is doing. I haven't seen any posts so I assume you are all coping and doing well.

I'm still engaged to my girlfriend, and we were doing well... but I had some very bad news given to me this past September. I have stage IV Cancer, and they have given me 6 months to as much as 2-1/2 years to live if I decide to take Chemotherapy. I thought I would inform all of you since we have laughed and cried together for a number of years.

For the record... this site, and all of you were my main source of getting through my D, and living life thereafter. I want to thank you all for being there for me. I will always appreciate all of your wisdom and thoughtfulness... you all were true Godsends.

May God bless and protect you all.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

WALLACE...It's Leah. I just now checked in and saw your post. I am truly so saddened by your news. I will be praying for you and hope that you are at peace and not in any pain. I'll also pray for your girlfriend as this must be devastating for her as well. May God give you His grace and strength as you deal with this.

Thank you for being a good friend to all of us. You have always been kind and encouraging to us. Thanks too for your signature line..."Stay Strong". It was one I often thought of and needed during those difficult days in the past. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care!

Wallace,
I check back here periodically and I'm so sad to read of your diagnosis. We're all faced with the inevitability of death - you just have more knowledge about yours than we do. That can be a blessing in some ways, as one can prepare. But that does not make it any easier to walk through.

You are a gentleman who has faced many difficulties since I've "known" you here at MB and I'm sure you'll face this situation with the same dignity and grace, too. Thank you for all the support you've given me and countless others on this site. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Avondale25

Ouch! I am so sorry to hear the news Wallace. I can;t even begin to put myself in those shoes. Just know that my heart and prayers are with you in whatever you decide to do.

Yes, you, Leah, Avondale, PetVet and tons of others were a HUGE factor in each of our recoveries I believe. With that said you still know where to find us should you need another shoulder to lean on.

God Bless You

Trusting Him

Wallace, I'm SO sorry to hear this news. And, I hope my message reaches you. I don't know what to say - other than how sad this makes me and how much I'm appreciated your posts over the years.

I wish you whatever comfort is to be had now.