</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LostHusband:
<strong> Dang it (((CJ))), I had made it through the whole day without crying over this till I read your words, thank you and I mean that, thank you.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nuttin' but love right back atcha. We've been through way too much as the long and short of it, and this is just another day in a lifetime of days. Your girls know who loves them--you know who loves them--heck, *I* know who truly loves them!

BTW, you're welcome, and I mean it. You are welcome to lean on the shorty shoulders any day I'm wearing platform shoes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>And thanks to all who've responded, your thoughts, words, & prayers are a tremendous crutch for me to carry the weight when I'm too tired to do it alone.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Skinny one, you ain't EVER alone--ya just feel that way. There are lots of folks here on MB in who's lives you have made a tremendous difference...people who carry ya in their prayers every day...people you've cried for who have cried for you. You are NEVER alone, and now you even have a lovely STBW (soon to be WIFE) by your side--never alone. You be a mess and we'll just carry ya for a while--it's cool. You've done it for us plenty.

CJ

P.S. In case you'all have never met Bill, he's the tallest, skinniest whip of a Kansas cowboy you've ever seen--and I'm the shortest, NON-skinniest wild west Colorado pioneer woman EVER. We are hilarious together...yin and yang...tall and short...dark and light...haha!

Bill, I'm sorry, I haven't got a hug for you. All I've got are these lousy little squiqqly things: {{{{{Bill}}}}}

I suppose I could offer platitudes, but you already know them as well as I do. And, frankly, there are times when anger is appropriate. I believe this is one of them.

Growing up, I was taught that Lady Justice wore a blindfold in the interest of impartiality. By the time I was hauled through the court system (which I never call the justice system any more), I realized that she wore the blindfold either because she didn't want to see the truth, or because she could not bear to look upon the travesties that were perpetrated in her name. Brought up watching television versions of court cases, I daydreamed about what I would do if I were sworn "to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." I worried about how I could be truthful - especially under oath - when lawyers would be doing their level best to prevent me from telling the truth, and to distort everything I said. But, it never occurred to me that the judge (or magistrate) might not have the slightest concern about whether or not I (or anyone else) told the truth.

In retrospect, it makes sense. Those within the legal system hear so many lies that it's no wonder if they've given up on the whole idea of truth as impossible.

But it's still very, very sad. And terrible injustices occur over and over again. Someone you once loved and trusted can hire someone to strip you of your freedoms (that oh-so-easy-to-get restraining order), extort from you, and in every psychic sense rape you - and it's all done with the full knowledge and support of the government you are paying to supposedly protect you.

Is there just cause for anger? To even ask the question is absurd. In all honesty, I was far angrier with what the courts did to me - and to my ex-wife - than I was with my ex-wife or her lawyer. My ex-wife was just acting out of her fear and pain and guilt. Her lawyer could never have gotten away with the appalling shenanigans he pulled if the courts hadn't played right along with him. But the courts...beyond their utter hypocrisy, the cunning games they played to circumvent not just the laws but their own disingenous procedures, their deliberate exclusion of any opportunity to let any form of truth be revealed...what bothers me the most is that they encouraged and enabled my ex-wife's self-destructive self-delusions.

What's been done to you, Bill - and more importantly to your girls - is far, far worse than anything that was done to me.

If you're looking for some silver lining in what's been done to you - and more importantly to your girls - I've to say that I don't think you'll find it. The Bible says that "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." But, it never says that "everything happens for the best." This isn't best. It sucks. God can - and I believe and pray that He will - bring good out of it. But the price is unavoidably high.

The price will be high for you, for your girls, and - as others have already mentioned - for your ex-wife as well. I don't know that I agree with JL that she "will have to face the children and explain why she did what she did and why she broke up the family, and why she kept them away from you." Sadly, she may never have to do that. And I say "sadly" not because it would be a small form of justice if she did have to do that, but because if she never does it, she is not likely to be able to bridge the rift she is creating between herself and her daughters.

But, Bill, your girls have always been more in God's care than they have been in your own. He knows how to take care of them even in such circumstances as these. They are in His hands, and there is no better place for them to be no matter what house they may sleep in.

And as for being tired of doing the right thing when everyone else seems to get away with the opposite...well, believe me, I've been there. For me, though, all I really had to do was ask myself whether I would choose to do something other than the right thing if I thought I could get away with it too. And put that way I realized that, however high the price is for doing the right thing, the price for doing anything else is much higher.

In the end, it really doesn't matter how much of what happens to us is fair. What matters is whether we are becoming who God wants us to be - who we ourselves want to be. And the superficial situations others may occupy have nothing to say about that.

God bless you, Bill.

((((Gnome)))) & ((((CJ))))) Thank you both, you both have no idea how much comfort I find in your words, thoughts, & prayers. Thank you.


(((JL)))

Funny you should mention that. It is in part true. My mom has pointed out the same thing about my X's ways. The healthier and happier I become, the more miserable and determined to make my life hell, she becomes...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't know that I agree with JL that she "will have to face the children and explain why she did what she did and why she broke up the family, and why she kept them away from you." Sadly, she may never have to do that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I find this an interesting statement because I hear it from my kids. "Why can't we see daddy more? It's all the judge's fault."
I can only imagine that any time a child is not with both parents, it is presumed to be "keeping them away from the other parent" from the kids perspective.
My X wasn't around before, and parenting now is with grandma or GF, very seldom alone.
So, I'll have to live with the comments from my kids that I'm keeping them away, and pray that I'm doing the right thing by raising them in a home where they are emotionally safe and happy.
I estimated that X spent less than 10% of time with the kids before, and only 8 nights a year alone with them. Now he has them 1/3 of the time, and 2/3 of that is spent jointly parenting with GM & GF, so the results are likely very much the same with respect to parenting time.

(LH, this may not be pertinent to you post, but as a mother who fought for more time with my kids, I really try to understand why I wanted the time and if I did the right thing. And I still believe that I did.) X's GF does seem to be a nice, sweet person, and I am glad for that since she's around my kids so much.