<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CD:<BR><B>Hi!<P>Good for you! You have to follow your own heart. It's so easy for others to give negative advice when they haven't walked in your/our shoes.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>CD,<BR> Amen to that!!! I'm not overly religious, but I still believe in the vows we made to each other. Too many people believe marriage is a "throwaway" thing. In some cases that may be best, but I'm not perfect, neither is he, but now he's a little bit closer in my eyes because he had the guts to come out and tell me what he had done, and ask for me to forgive him. That had to be the hardest thing in the world for him. Well, almost. I have a feeling the hardest will come after the DNA test, unless OW has faked this whole thing, and isn't really pregnant (I have heard of such things happening, I even know one women who'd had a hysterectomy, but came up with an ultrasound of triplets to keep her husband from leaving, then faked a miscarriage when her period came). The way my luck runs, however, I have no doubt that she really is pg. We shall see.<BR>

CD<BR>I'm back forgot my old password so I changed my name to sadgirl2<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CD:<BR><B>Ktgirl,<P>Hi!<P>H didn't want to talk about it either, but the counselor made him see that talking about it is part of the healing process. We don't talk about what happened now, but when it was new to me I had to talk about for my own sanity. The A was in 96. OC was born in 97. H didn't tell me about it until about a month before OC was born.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Hi everyone<BR>this is the original sadgirl but I forgot my pw so I changed it to sadgirl2. I'm still struggling I will post on a regular basis when I have more time. I'm on the verge of calling it quits. What should I do. The cloud has come back and I'm having a tough time loving my H the way I should. The last time I posted was last year May 2000. I thought I was doing fine but my depression has come back and I don't know what to do. I have to go for now. But I will post tomorrow if I get a chance. Hopefully my H will go out for awhile so I can read all of the latest post and get on with my normal self again. I guess I just need a little support to help me get through the clouds again.<BR><P>------------------<BR>

Welcome Back,<P>I'm glad to see you've returned in your time of need. I have never left because I know a bad day may be just around the corner. Somehow I know that if I ever needed anyone here, they'd jump to help.<P>So..... I'm jumping for you. <P>I read over your history in this thread. I have been here since Dec. 2000. D-day was 12/15/00 just a day after my Brithday Party. We initially started with visitation. DNA has not been taken, and we pay CS without a court order. This will stay this way until we can gather $600 to do DNA testing. <P>My H & I got blasted with our marital issues once the OW/OC issues were resolved. During that stormy time, my H sought comfort from a mutual female friend of ours and had a EA with her. She was affectively stroking his guilt over the PA & OC. <P>I was not because I was consumed with feeling like he owed me for all he's done and I was trying to subconsciously punish him. All the while pushing him to find comfort with another. Thankfully it was just emotional comfort. I think he leard his lesson with extra-marital sex! <P>Anyway.... long story shorter.... I asked for divorce, couldn't deal with yet another affair. And was tired of feeling like I was feeling and wanted to finally make myself feel better. I jumped on Wellbutrin and have been a new woman since. <P>Just shortly after that my H lifted himself out of his pity party and guilt/shame and started truely committing himself to me and our happiness. He's a new man and I love him more and more each day.<P>Well SadGirl, you weren't very specific about what initiated this cloud. Are you feeling bad about OC/visitation, H's behaviour/attitude, the ghosts of the PA, or just a general overall cloud that has you down?<P>I guess my other question would be, have you tried any of the mild anti-depressants? Wellbutrin, which I'm on, is very mild but still effective. It really helped me focus on the good in my life and gave me the extra push to let the yuck roll off my back. So far so good.<P>Let me know what's up with you. Hows that graduate a year outta high school. Making you proud I'm sure.<P>Again, welcome back,<BR>Z.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'm on the verge of calling it quits. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Aw Sadgirl I too was on the verge of calling it quits. I felt I couldn't stand another day of the pain of A...and would survive better w/o H.<BR>I started 20 mgs sera-fem(prozac)a day. Got a new job. Felt more confident in myself as a woman.<BR>Guess what? A transformation took place. My H saw me in a new light. He tells me a million times how he could not survive life w/o me! (Can I hear one million and one?)<P>Our marriage has taken on a new life.<P>We are each others lover and best friend again.<P>As Zebra said a mild anti depressant can work wonders in about 4-6 wks.<P>I LISTENED to my H's words and didn't scream my head off any more. As that happened he confessed more and more. I was happy w/the truth. We became a team facing life together now. No decisions until the other asks first.<P>Could that be it? You don't feel first in H's life or he's still lying?<BR>I wish you the best and send you prayers today.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I'd like to welcome you back too, Sadgirl2. I haven't posted to you before, but thought I'd put my 2 cents worth in about using anti-depressents. As I look back on the past year, and all that my H and I have been through, I wonder myself if I may have been in a slight depression, that hid itself behind the pregnancy, and then dealing with a new born after a 8 year break between children. I don't know if you know my story, but I was the one who had the A that produced a child, but my H also had A's that I found out about because of my A and subsequent P. Luckily, there were no OC for us to deal with from those. My H and I chose to raise Abbi as ours, and have never even let XOM know that I was pregnant(long story about that). Anyway, to get back to what I originally wanted to say. I think that I may have been slightly depressed over what I had done, and what my H had done as well. I sometimes wish I could have gone on anti-depressents, but couldn't due to the pregnancy, and now nursing Abbi. I do believe that the cloud for my has lifted, and it could be because H had to leave this past Mon. for 6 weeks. I had a rough time of it the first couple days, but have now been able to get on with the everyday things. If you can, try the anti-depressents. There is nothing wrong with needing a little help, and if they work for you, it can only make everything better, that much sooner. It took me a year without the help, and like I said, looking back, I think that was my problem. I am going to get a little personal right now, but it had been about a year since H and I had been completely intimate, and I think that it was because of my "depression"(since I never talked to the doc about it, I will call it that). I felt guilty over what I had done, and let that affect me. I am still dealing with those feelings of guilt, but was finally intimate with H before he left. It was like I broke the dam, and have truly forgiven myself and my H for what we had done in the past. I just wonder, if I could have been on the AD's, would it have taken as long as it did? Check it out with your doc to see if that is the route you should take.<P>Tigger