Duranie,<BR>I don't think you have anything to worry about. If the W has not shown any interest in the boys and they are 5 already, it is highly unlikely that she will develop an interest. My OC is 9 yrs old and while I had an interest in seeing her when she was born due to the fact that her mother would not allow it, I lost all interest. She now only represents a very sad reminder of a very horrible period in my marriage -- not something I would want to face every day.<P>Given your attitude and your accommodations, no court in the land with take those children from you. But, I do hope like everyone else that you can convince the MM to get counselling for his problem. Do you feel that you could share your concern about his being around the kids with his wife? <P>If he loves the boys, then maybe not being allowed to see them will shake some sense into him and make him deal with his problem. You are in my prayers and I hope things work out for you.<P>Please post your story! I would love to read something from the OW perspective. <P>- Heavenly

<BR>Duranie,<P>I don't know which state you are posting from. Its techincally true that some states will recognize a properly-executed child support agreement (e.g., Texas does), but it requires that this agreement be approved by the court. My take on it is that you didn't do this, and in any event, courts can and will overturn any such agreement if necessary for the [rubber ruler] "best interests of the child." What matters here isn't that you signed such a document, its that you fully intend on honoring it. If you went on AFDC, I can guarantee that your signed agreement would be struck down in a cocaine heartbeat.<P>As for putting the MM's name on the birth certificate, you can put anything you want on it - Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, or your MM's name. It doesn't make a difference in establishing *legal* paternity, unless the person on the birth certificate either: (a) is your husband (and the notorious assumed paternity laws are in effect), or (b) that named person signs a legally-binding acknowledgement of paternity at the time of birth.<P>Bystander

Bystander-<BR>Obviously, you have problems with me. I expected that. Heck, I expected a hell of a lot more problems with me than I got. But, the fact is, is that for 5 years I have honored this agreement, and I full intend on honoring it for the rest of my life. I am the one who got this agreement together (my lwayer HIGHLY advised me against it), it was drawn up by a lawyer, and it went through the lawyers. To be honest it might very well have been rubber-stamped by the court. I never really thought about it...All I know , is that this document is in place and I am honoring it. I have a decent job and I have no intention of dishonoring it. I have a lot to make up for and this is the LEAST I can do to start..As for me putting MM's name on the birth certificates, I didn't do that. MM did that. He admitted paternity in the hospital while I was in ICU. HE put his name on the certificates, NOT ME. If it were up to me I wouldn't have even done that because once thier name is on the certificate it opens them up to rights. Not something I really wanted him to legally have.<BR>PEACE.....

<BR>Duranie,<P>No, you're misreading my intentions. I'm just trying to clarify the legal side of this. If it was approved by the court, then perhaps it is legally binding (you didn't say that it was approved by the court previously). In any event, my point is that you intend on honoring the agreement which is what matters anyhow. And you deserve a LOT of credit for that, and I've already told you I'm impressed by you.<P>As far as paternity, the hospital might have put his name on the birth certificate without him legally acknowledging paternity. I don't know the practice in your area. The point I'm making is that unless paternity has been legally established, the birth certificate doesn't necessarily mean much. If the only way for your MM's name to be on the birth certificate is by him acknowledging paternity, then you're right, its legally binding.<P>Bystander<BR>--<BR>Who also happens to be 36 years old.

Duranie,<BR>Bystander's not trying to get your MM to give child support, just saying MM'd probably get in trouble with the courts by trying to get custody of kids he's never paid support for! This all works to your benefit!<P>I cannot give you XOW's email without H's permission, which he'll probably never agree to, but would I wonder if you'd have any insight's into this woman's thinking. It has been very troublesome for me.<p>[This message has been edited by Jenny (edited August 15, 2000).]

Duranie,<BR> I wish our OW had an email, but I doubt it. I think I should just print out your thread and mail it to her anonymously! Knowing her though, she'd never get the hint. LOL

ktgirl, <BR>I've thought of emailing threads to XOW before, but didn't want her crashing my support group! Didn't think of snail-mailing one! That way I could cut out the Marriagebuilder site name, right?! HM...

<BR>Jenny wrote:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Bystander's not trying to get your MM to give child support, just saying MM'd probably get in trouble with the courts by trying to get custody of kids he's never paid support for! This all works to your benefit!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Correct! Basically, he CAN'T go to the courts unless he's prepared to start paying child support. Which explains my first post in this thread, where I asked why Duranie was thinking about cutting off visitation (the implication being that the MM would have to go to court...and start paying child support!).<P>Bystander<BR>

Thanks guys! I appreciate the advice.<BR>Bystander (especiallY),sorry about the misunderstanding. I just get EXTREMELY sensitive and defensive where my boys are concerned. MM has me on the defense so BADLY whereas these kids are concerned it is hard to tell if I am coming or going at times. .<BR>Thanks again for everything.........

Jenny-<BR>I read your message and I wrote down your email. I'll write to you as soon as I can,O.K.? I am posting from work (I know, BIG NO-NO!), and I don't have any other email account. So, I'll set one up on hotmail or something and I'll write to you o.k.? I am more than willing to talk to you, give you perspective, whatever you need, o.k.? Take care!!!!!<P><BR>