Duranie, Have you written a will establishing guardianship for you boys? My H has OC and I have often wondered what would happen to child if the OW died unexpectedly. I push to have her placed with us, but if OW has somthing already in place we might have battle. Also a will is something you should have whether 18/single/ or married with a dozen children. <BR> What about you other wives whose spouses have acknowledged OC's? Our will protects our children. The OC gets nothing if my H dies. It all goes to me or is in trust for the chilren of our marriage. May sound harsh, but why should she or the OW benefit from our lives? Well just a thought. TG

TG,<BR> I guess it's a little early for me to worry about this, at this point, OC is not born yet, and therefore no DNA. Because of my particular OW, I could care less what happens to her. I'll be damned if I pay that whore a dime should he die. She'd better not even think of it, because between H and I, I am the one who has health insurance, life insurance, retirement, etc. She ain't gettin nuttin from me!!!! What he has at death goes to me. I did start to say I'd give her his motorcycle, but I like his better than mine, so I'll keep that and she can have my Suzuki. That's worth about 300 bucks. God, am I evil, or what!!!!

What you said is right, however if you do not have it written out legally, with everything going to you and or your children, There is a possibility the Ow can go after his assets after his death and yours for the OC. Wouldn't that be a heck of a thing. My understanding is if the OC is not explicitly excluded the OC can file for survivor's benefits to his estate, and stands a chance to get portion. So all the wives should check with their state's lawyers and be sure they are taken care and everything goes to the children of the marriage. No reason to get hyper, just taking care of business.

TG,<BR> Thanks for the warning. As far as I know neither of us has a will. I guess that will be the first thing on the agenda as soon as we have moved back in together. I didn't father the child, I won't be held responsible should something happen to him if I can help it. It's taken me this long to convince him that he needed to put a restraining order against the whack job. Only problem is, while his mom has been saving all written things received from her, she didn't date a lot of them, and no one logged them. Just this week, she stopped where h's cousin was parked and asked cousin if he was still mad at her. Cousin replied"I ain't mad at you, I just can't see any f****n use for you is all". Needless to say she peeled out of there rather quickly, as cousin in question is a large hippie/biker type who would definitely scare someone on a lighted street, much less a dark alley. Thank God for scary biker cousins!!!!!

I am going to work on a will when I get the funds. I read up on it after my uncle died, and I wanted to be prepared. The law states, that if you don't mention the OC in the will, then the law assumes that you "just forgot". In my state it also says that death does not exclude my h from having to pay child support. So if we do a will it is safer to say leave $50, I know that is harsh but at least it is stated. That way she counldn't say he meant to change it or some other bs, and try to get more of the estate. Now we don't have much and all of it goes to me. I will say one thing that burns me up. If my h dies there is no way to stop her from collecting social security. I am going to see a lawyer, but from what I understand there is no way to get around that. Everyone needs to get on the ball and have a will and a guardian for your children, I am included. Because you never know what will happen. My uncle died in June, and left an 8 and 2 year old boys, and his wife, it was a car accident. <P>babstr.

I do not have a will in place for the twins.<BR>Considering my health is not all too good, I probably should. XMM and I have discussed it and I KNOW he wants the boys, I just don't want him to have them becuase of his W. Not trying to sound "*****y" but, whereas a lot of the W's here understandably hate the OW in your lives, I am not exactly fond of the W in my life. I respect her position immensly. I am extrememly regretful and sorry for the pain I have caused her, and if I could take back the past 11 years(with the exception of my twins), I would in a heartbeat. I owe her a lot in terms of how she is allowing the relationship between my boys and their dad to continue. She deserves a lot of credit for that and I give her that. But, she has threatened my boys, and physically attacked my older (by 23 mintues) 5 year old when she was having one of her "off" days. I don't feel my kids would be safe with her at all. So, I am planning on giving the boys to thier godparents. XMM hates this and I am sure he will fight it tooth and nail.<P>As for making sure that OW gets nothing in the will. I am not sure about that guys..<BR>MM checked into it (along with his W) and my twins might not have a claim to their JOINT property (ie house,etc.). But anything that is clearly his, my twins have just as much of a right to it as theirs. Also, any will could be contested and held up in probate forever. Just watch your step ladies. Best advice is to get stuff in YOUR name and YOUR name only. DO not put anything in husbands name.If it is in your name it can not be touched by OC..<P><BR>

This is why I am being DIVORCED, this is why my husband is turning over the HOUSE to me, turning over the remaining shares of STOCK in our business to me, assuming the debt load which is nearly all his anyway.<P>You might all consider these steps to protect yourselves. <P>Nothing will change, we will go on as we are, probably to remarry in the future, with a "pre-nup" paving the way to further protect me if we should choose to marry again.<P>Duranie, if the W displays hostility towards your children, she should not be subjected to them or vice-versa. You are the one to determine who will have custody should anything happen to you. XMM has no say in it, does he?<P>Catnip =^^=

Duranie:<P>You said "my 5 year old"....I thought your children were twins. Do you have a set of twins and another child...how many kids altogether? Are they all my the same father?<P>Inquiring minds want to know...<P>Catnip =^^=<P>PS I just saw the (by 23 minutes), but, do you have three children altogether?<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited August 18, 2000).]

XMM and I have 2 kids together. 5 year old twin boys. On is older than the other by 23 minutes (or so I was told becuase I was unconscious and bleeding to death).<BR>They are my only kids and due to the hyst. they will be my only ones.<BR>As for me having the say so in regards to their custody. There is nothing legally in stone with regards to visitation, custody, etc.The only thing we have in writing is the non-CS agreement.<BR>We have never been to court, never intend to go there either. I just assume because they are with me that I have full custody.<BR>But, he can always take me to court,etc. <BR>

When you signed an agreement with him to relinquish CS payments, why didn't you insist on stipulating full custody for yourself? Are you afraid he would try for custody? I know the OW in our situation is terrified we will sue for custody or even visitation. We don't want either but she is unbeleivably paranoid about it. I don't know why she is as I would rather eat ground glass than to take on a one year old baby full time at my age.<P>Catnip =^^=

Dear Duranie,<P>Please don't leave this forum. You sound like a very resilient and honest person. Human to no end. We all make mistakes. And you have realized them and grown. Your presence here is welcome AND you can get support from us here at MB. In addition, you can really be helpful to people like myself and others in this OC situation.<P>If you would, can you tell me was there a pont in your 10 yr relationship with MM that you felt he belonged to you and W was a mistake? Did you ever try and get the MM to leave his wife? Did W and MM have children of their own?<P>My H has 2 OC with 2 OW. The boys are 7.5 and 8.5 yo. My H and I stayed togther but he did not wnat to participate in their lives, until this last 1.5 year where he started to secretly see them and then he started an A with OW of OC. She was a one night stand 9 years ago.<P>OW feels she owns my H and they have always been meant to be together. She is pretty wicked to me and I've filed an AHO on her. Up till then I had never met, seen or talked to her.<P>I'd really appreciate your helpng me. And I hope you don't decide to leave this forum. There are alot of loving and caring people here who are just as human as you.<P>Be well and God Bless you.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 20, 2000).]

Wow Resilient, we'd love to hear YOUR story posted, too! <P><BR>

Resilient,<P>I think that a person who survived this ordeal TWICE can teach us all an awful lot. Please post your story!<P>- Heavenly

Resilient-<BR>You asked some questions and I'll answer them the best that I can..<BR>You asked:<BR>if there was ever a time in the 10 years we were together that I ever felt he "belonged" to me and that his W was a mistake...<P>Well, I honestly do not feel people belong to one another. So, I never felt he belonged to me. I have felt on numerous occasions that he belonged with me, and not her. But the reality is that he met her first, and he married her. There is nothing I can do to change those facts. Many times he did tell me that W was a "mistake". But, let's face it that is typical MM bull poopy..If he wanted to leave he would have. He didn't so that says it all...<P>You asked-<BR>Did I ever try to get him to leave his W?<P>ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! I have never once asked him to leave in 10 years. It was not my place to do that (heck it wasn't my place to even be involved with him!). They have 2 kids together as well. I could never ask him to leave them much less her. She didn't ask for this to happen to her nor did their kids. <P>In a wierd way, he had 2 families that existed completely seperate from one another.<BR>It workd for us for 10 years. Until I got real ill I never saw a reason for things to change. Then, when I saw a reason for things to change it was for me to leave..I still love him with all of my heart and I always will. I cry every night missing him,etc. I know he still wants to be with me but it just can't be. He is being a dad to our kids and that is what is important now..<P>Take care and I hope things work out in your situation. I am going to be away for a bit.I'll try to write more when I get back..<P>