Catnip, K, and Heavenly; Thanks very much for the invitation to stay. I'd like that. It's amazing how much I've learned in the short period of time that I've been here and for that I'm grateful. Knowing I'm not alone in this MESS has unexpectantly brought a lot of comfort and my first step towards healing. Thanks! Ok, ok...so I'll try to be more sensitive and accepting of EVERYONE...even if they did the same thing that my H did to me to cause so much pain. I know you've all said we can all learn something from them and their situations...I'm not sure I know what that is but I'll try to keep an open mind and read their posts. <P>Beerman: thanks for sharing the info. I'm not sure what the laws are here in florida on presumed paternity. We have an appt with an attorney next week so we'll find out then. Hope things work out for you as well. I can't see Disney fireworks from my backyard, but we only live about 20 minutes away from it. We've been there so often ...I'm sick of the MOUSE! My kids never get tired of it. Family wants to come down to Orlando all the time now and guess where everyone wants to go???

Comfort,<BR>I'm glad you're staying. I appreciate those betrayers who feel remorse who post (such as Positive Outlook and Duranie) because it gives me another perspective. Remorse helps my healing too. People reasonably struggling to make good in unreasonable situations... this is something we can all relate to, eh? I wish everyone in every one of these situations could be as reasonable...

[Iam new so I really dont know if I am doing this right here goes It has been 1yr 4 months since I found out about afair Iam so releived to find this site. I have been with H 6 years we lived together 5 years just got married last year in July we have a 5 year old D. H told me in May of last year that he had done something stupid and went out with someone else told me it was a one time thing. I ? him over and over about if it was a girl that worked with him.He assured me no way. Also if there was any way possibility that she could be pregnate he asured me no way possible. This thing he worked with would call the house for him and he would say it was to do with work I had my head telling me this wasnt right but Iam pretty naive and believed him. Anyhow I had myself convinced that if he got this messed up over a one time thing then he must really love me. We had been having alot of problems. I got married in July which did help me feel better. Things were going pretty good dont get me wrong I still cried evey day but I though I would make it.In Nov got a phone call it was this thing that he no way had anything to do with.He had quit that job in July right after he had told me So there would be no reason for her to call well she hung up when she found out he wasnt home good thing for *69 I called her right back and asked if she was who he had slept with she said yes I asked her what she wanted she said she wanted to know if my H wanted anything to do with his son . I was totaly devasted the baby was 2 weeks old. This killed me more than anything the fact that he lied about who he was with the possibility of a baby let me marry him knowing this and not telling me It makes me so sick that people can be this way.He insisted that it wasnt his that she had been sleeping with someone else and said it could be his. I made him call her back and let her know what his intentions were he wanted nothing to do with OC. I had asked her when I had talked to her what she was calling for money she said no all she wanted to do was find out if he wanted to see his son. Well in Jan the papers came for support had test done 99.9% positive now he is paying 78.00 a week child support I ended up quiting my job when I found out about OC I couldnt work I couldnt do anything but cry. It has been almost a year now I dont cry as much anymore but it still eats at me eveyday . He is trying very hard to make this up to me and our child. Iam having such a awful time believing in him since he lied about eveything. Everything that has happened is exalty what I thought and he denied all of it.It really helps to read others feelings and thoughts here. Iam normal for feeling all the things that Ive been feeling.Also there was another lovely thing to add to all of this she also has herpes. One thing he did inform me of he said he had a blood test as soon as she told him .He said she had called him after he had ended it with her and told him she had it and that he probley caught it from me. Thank God we didnt get it. so many of us are hurting I dont feel alone anymore. Bye for now<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited September 11, 2000).]

Hello Flowerseed..I just wanted to say welcome. This is a wonderfully helpful group. It seems you and I are on the same timeline at least as far as oc goes. My H told me about the affair before oc was born, but he lied about all of it. He told me he had slept with her 3-4 times during a one month period and it turns out that they had actually been together for almost a year.<BR>My H oc was born Oct 20 1999. We had the dna done and we got the results in Dec.<BR>I know how you feel. We are still fighting with psyco-girl at the moment through the courts.<BR>You are not alone here, although Ill say I am sorry you have to be here at all.<BR>God Bless...

Hi Broken-wings, almost exactly Oct 19, My biggest problem with this is that he lied to me about who he was with and pregnacy I would never had married him I dont think. I guess I should say never since I always said I would never stay with someone that has cheated on me either.I can say at least he had enough sense to quit and find a diffrent job. I knew his story did not make any sence I have learned to follow my insticts eveary thing I though was true every thing he told me was a lie. I didnt find out about this until OC was 2 weeks old by other W not my husband. He acted like it was no big deal said it wasnt his. He didnt know that the child was born until I told him, but he did know she was pregnate and it could be his. I cant see how he could go threw a wedding keeping this from me. I can say that things are better between us its going to be a long time before I can believe in him he has alot of work to do. Does your H have to pay support? Does he want anything to do with OC? Mine has to pay 78.00 a week . He wants nothing to do with child. He also has to pay 1/2 of medical for OC this scares me because she has herpes and who knows if she infected child. bye for now flowerseed

Hey Flowerseed...I have to agree that was very unfair of your H not to give you the option to back out of marrying him. But maybe itll work out and youll be glad you did.<BR>The ow filed suit against myH and then dropped it when she realized it was not going to go her way. Cant take the heat stay out of the kitchen...hussy! Sorry, had to go off for a second. Anyway, he didnt pay cs, he was waiting to get through the courts. Although before she got pissed and filed suit he gave her 200$ a month. And that was a lot of $ for us to give up. She tried to get more and make him have supervised visitation by her and make us pay medical and dental. Anyway when we got a lawyer she got scared and dropped it. That was in June. We have not paid her anything since then. We really cant even if we wanted to at the moment. She picked up and moved and left no forwarding address.<BR>Now I just worry about her evolving in our life later and suing for back child support.<BR>Not only is she a hussy, but shes not the sharpest knife in the drawer.<BR>I wish I could just wish this all away, then I can deal with the petty marital problems.<BR>Have you started working again? I had that problem at work where I couldnt think about anything else and I went to the doctor and he put me on Buspar. It helped a lot.<BR>Good luck and God Bless...<p>[This message has been edited by broken_wings (edited September 11, 2000).]

broken-wings I really dont think any of these so called women could be to sharp or they wouldnt be doing what they have done.We cant afourd the money that she gets but I guess thats the price ya pay when youre not smart enough to think ahead or should I say with the wrong head. Sorry I coudnt resist.No I havnt went back to work I quit a 12.00 an hour job because of this mess. Iam getting my own business going selling dried herbs and flowers if I could just get my mind back to it. Iam doing what I want for the first time in my life I love growing and doing things with flowers. Now that I know that Iam not crazy maybe I can get back on track you girls really make me laugh reading some of your post Ive had the same thoughts just had no one to express them to. H will be home sone gotta get supper He works long hours so we can have enough money but its still not enough. It will get better Bye for now . Hye check out divorcenet.com it might be able to answer youre ? I live in mich and I think the law here is if suit is dropped after so much time goes by they cant refile but Im not sure Bye with love flowerseed

SunFlower,<P>So sorry you are having to go through all this horrible mess. Believe me when I say I KNOW YOUR PAIN! You probably read my lst post so you know my husband was determined the father 99.5%. I still get nauseous when I think about them together. The slut is suing my husband for cs and he has a court date in about 4 weeks. I KNOW she'll be there. I can feel it. He wants NOTHING to do with the OC and for that I'm grateful. I couldn't deal with that at all. You're NOT alone and your emotions, fears and tears are all justified. I have good days and bad days. I still love my husband, but it's so hard to believe him. I want to...and I'll have to if we're going to make. I want to. Anyway, sorry you had to come join us because of these circumstances, but glad you found us...I can actually talk about all this without feeling ashamed and embarassed that I'm married to a man who could do such a thing to someone he loves. I know I shouldn't be ashamed and I'm not really...the same is on him and OW. But it's embarassing and painful. But I don't feel that way on here. Welcome!!<P>Comfort<BR>

Oh My Gosh!! I'm laughing so much at myself!! LOL - I'm sorry flowerseed...I called you Sunflower! *Laughing*....I'm so silly! *hehehe*...forgive me for changing your name. <P>*hugs*

Oh My Gosh!! I'm laughing so much at myself!! LOL - I'm sorry flowerseed...I called you Sunflower! *Laughing*....I'm so silly! ..forgive me for changing your name. <P>*hugs*

comfort41 Hi, Oh I dont mind I knew you were meaning me. If it makes you laugh you can call me anything you want. We need to laugh it feels good dont it. How did youre meeting go with his parents Ive been looking for you to find out. None of our familys know I know just want you mean about the shame. I have to get my little girl ready for bed Ill post more tomarrow Bye for now Love Flowerseed

comfort41, I think we are even I mixed you up with not giving up , sorry. I also had to deal with a hum dinger that came after my H when her child was 4 yrs old. This was something that had happened before I ment him . I believe he did the same thing to his ex wife that he has done to me. That is probly why she divorced him. They had no children between them. Wasnt she the lucky one. Enyhow this thing called me up and said she was the mother of H child and wanted support she was sueing for 4yrs back support which would have amounted to around 40,000 dollars plus back med time she missed from work everthing you can think of she wanted. She even had named the little girl my H name first, middle, and last what a ding bat. That one turned out in our favor thank god it wasnt his. But it was still awful to go threw. Now wouldt you think that would have taught him something. There are lots of times I have to wonder if he is dealing with a full deck.This nightmare was only less than 2 yrs before he started another one. All I can say is never again I wont put up with any of this again. There are times Iamm driving down the road and I just want to keep on going and not come back. I dont think this woman that you guys are dealing with stands a chance I think her H is responceable for this child even if they got divorced I believe they still consider him the father since they were married. The laws are diffrent tho from state to state. Hang in there bye for now Sunflower Oh I mean Flowerseed

Flowerseed....<P>You made me laugh again...even you got your name mixed up *smile*. Anyway, from what I can tell, I've talked to two attornies and it looks as though the law is on the side of the OW/OC. Like Catnip said on one of her posts, the law thinks our husband's are skunks and are not in any hurry to give info that might help them. I don't know...I keep wavering back and forth between actually hiring an attorney. We really don't have the money for one. I'm not all that sure that an attorney is going to be able to help us. Yes, they were married when she conceived and as far as I know they were still married (maybe still are). I think she's going to get a divorce now. I hope things work out with you and your husband. It's rough...I have good days and bad. I bet you're going through the same thing. It's so hard. Post anytime..I don't check in everyday because some days I try not to think about this mess. But I'll always answer you as soon as I read your posts. Sometimes I don't post anything...I just read. Hugs and peace to you.<P>

Hello everyone, I am literally crying on my keyboard as I type. I'm so happy to find a place where I can finally talk to someone. Honestly, I'm rather depressed to find out that there are so many women in the same situation that I'm in! What is this world coming to??!! Is there no respect for monogomy in marriage anymore?! My situation is all to similar to most of yours. I was informed via the mail from my husband's OW that she is having my husband's child this December! My husband finally had to admit he has been having an affair for the past 3 years with this OW. (I can't believe how hard it is to even type this! I'm getting sick to my stomach seeing it in print) To make it short, my husband says he wants to stay with me, he cried, the whole nine yards. I can't get too emotional about what he says because I think I'm just numb. I don't know if I can ever forgive or forget. I've lost 13 lbs. (which isn't a bad thing) but I feel so depressed I've even thought of suicide. You just don't know what's real anymore. We have two beautiful children, a boy 19 years and a girl 13. My son knows about the OW. His friends have seen them together. I'm curshed. All the same emotions I know you all have been feeling. The OW has been making our lives miserable. I think a part of me would have left if it wasn't for the thought of her winning! She became pregnant deliberatly because my husband was calling it quits with her. (I'm sure you've heard that before!) Anyway, any words of wisdom or support is greatly appreciated. I cry in the shower, and when things get too much I drink to numb the pain. It's been 4 months since I've found out. I, too, have asked God why is this happening to our family but so far there is no answer or maybe this bulletin board is the answer. <BR> Hoping for some advice and comfort.<BR> Surreal22

Surreal22:<P>Oh yes! I KNOW the pain you're feeling. I'm so very sorry that you're here because I know what brought you here. But let me start by saying welcome all the same. I agree with you. I believe that God has answered your prayers by allowing you to stumble upon this board. We are all here because of the same reason...betrayal. It is devastating. When you said you cry in the shower...I know the pain. When you say you've drank to numb the pain...I, too, have done that and it still doesn't help. I know the numbness that you speak of and the tears as you typed the words in your post. I know the feeling of things not seeming "real". For me it was like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I couldn't look into my husband's face without crying or getting nauseous or wanting to scream and yell and curse him...which I did all of the above. It hurts and there's no question about that. We all know the hurt and the pain you're feeling. And you still have to contend with the upcoming birth of the OC. I'm so sorry. No. So many sleazy, skanky women do NOT have respect for matrimony. And be sure, I haven't let my H off the hook because he is just as much to blame. I still love him, though and I'm working awfully hard to forgive him. But you NEVER forget...NEVER. You're never the same as you were before. There's no going back. I do believe, though, that you CAN have a good solid marriage again. Different, but still good. It's all very new to you and you're still numb and very hurt. You may not believe this, but IT DOES GET BETTER. For me, my faith and trust in God is getting me through this..one day at a time. Taking good care of myself throughout all this has been a challenge but I've done it because I know that my children need me...I need me to be "whole". When I came here several weeks ago, I met so many wonderful people who offered good advise. Some I took, some I didn't. But you have to follow your heart. Your heart is very hurt right now and it needs to heal. It will. You and your husband can make it but ONLY if you both committ to do so. It sounds as though he wants to stay in your marriage. Do you? I know the turmoil and the indecisions that come along with this. I am so angry still at my H for putting me...putting us in this horrible mess. I'm angry with him for allowing this stranger to come into our lives and disrupt it in such a selfish and treacherous manner. He was foolish and selfish. If you and your husband can cling together and keep talking to each other, you CAN find your way back to each other. It will take time, no doubt. Come to this board often and real all you can. It will help. Take good, good care of you! I, too, have lost weight throughout this (the only good thing). When I'm angry, depressed, nervous or anxious, I lose my appetite. Post here as often as you like. There are really good people here and we are ALL here to help you get through this...no matter what you decide to do. Most of us are still with our husbands...some are not. It's a personal decision only you can make. We are ALL here to help and support your decisions, regardless. I send you a heartfelt, warm hug because I know you need one. You're NOT alone. One more thing...what is helping me to put this whole thing in it's rightful place is that I keep reminding myself that in the big picture of life, this is NOT the worse thing that could happen to me...to my family. My children are more important to me than anything my H could have done with that tramp he slept with. Knowing this really does keep me focused on what's really important in my life. My H is important and so is our marriage and I know with God's help we'll survive this because we still love each other. But as bad as this all is, it would be nothing compared to, God forbide, one of my children being sick or injured. I'm so grateful to God in heaven that he has blessed me this far with the blessings of healthy children. So, I will leave you with that for now. Prayers of peace to you. <P>Comfort<P>

Surreal...wow...I had tears in my eyes erading your and comforts posts. I felt your pain so clearly honey adn I am so sorry. Oh I remember the raw numbness and pain of the beginning of this rollarcoaster. Please please please do not hurt yourself anymore than ow and your h have already done. Think of your childrens lives without you. Take good care of yourself and your children above all else right now. Pamper yourself and pray a lot. God will listen to you...it may not always seem like it but later you will know He did. <BR>I am sorry that you are here to begin with but this is a great group...they are all so very supportive and you can feel the warmth of the strong beautiful souls in here.<BR>Keep your faith and God Bless...