<BR>Paul inquires:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>if things work out and they live the rest of their lives together and raise this child, what do you tell the child when he asks why you denied him at birth?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Why, I'd simply tell him the truth. I don't think the H who seeks financial protection from anachronistic paternity laws owes any apologies. The immoral behavior isn't in the H's denial anyhow, it rests in the W's infidelity that resulted in conception.<P>Paul continues:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If she does not go on welfare and she knows the baby is not his, unless all trust is gone, couldn't they use the POJA and say that if things don't work and they part ways then the CS would be a non-factor? I know there are no legal protections for him this way, but as K said...he is a gambler.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm reminded of some graffiti I saw in the restroom of a family court recently. It read, "If you had worn a condom, you wouldn't be here right now."<P>Paul, if he could trust her, she wouldn't be pregnant in the first place, and hence she wouldn't be here right now. Denying paternity is quite simply a means of guaranteeing himself financial protection. Morally, he deserves this protection, too. If the stupid assumed paternity laws require that he divorce her to protect himself, then IMO that is exactly what he should do.<P>Now, I would like to think that if they remarried, and he grew to love the child, that he would want to adopt the child as his own. But he shouldn't have to risk several hundred thousand dollars in child support to get enough time to make an informed decision about his wife. Strangely enough, I often wonder why women in positions such as Neptune's don't encourage their husbands to divorce and deny paternity. After all, who in their right mind would want to subject a loved one to such an enormous financial risk?<P>Bystander

Neptune:<P>What Bystander said:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>In the interests of full disclosure, you shouldn't pin your hopes of the conduct of K or Paul Moyers. Their situations were different from yours, if only in one very relevant way: They *already* had children with their wives.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>is very true, but even beyond the financial aspect. Your husband doesn't have children yet. I think it was easier for me to offer to raise the OC because I had children who I didn't want to lose through divorce, and because I knew what a wonderful gift the love of a child is.<P>I had doubts and questions as to whether I could do it or not. But they didn't seem to be major, and it's never been a real issue. I love him as much as my other two.<P>Paul:<P>Everytime I come home, Noah comes running from whereever he is yelling "Dadadadadadadada" and gives me a huge hug. What's not to love??? <P>Its nice to hear you sounding so good!<BR>

Neptune...no I am not taking care of oc. I was willing to give it a go bc I really am a believer in not punishing the innocent and if God could give me the strenght and the love and compassion to handle the situation then I would go with open arms.<P>Amazingly it was my H and OW that severed the relationship between us and oc. It makes me sad not only bc my H is irresponsible (IMO) but ow is psychotic. Not that the child had a chance at a "normal" life anyway, but their attitudes really stink. They are both selfish.<P>I was just recalling when I first found out about ow pregnancy and even now I have my back and forth times. Even though I know in my heart that my H is sorry and he will not put me through that again I still am very cautious. I want him to know I love him but I do not want him to think I fully trust him. It will take time and lots more healing.<P>I know your mistake hurts you also...I have seen the pain in my H's eyes. That, too, breaks my heart. Be patient and pray.<P>Lots of Love<P>Mending Wings

Neptune,<BR> Hi, guys. This is my first post, although I've been lurking here for months. I have to say, God has nothing but love for you, your husband, and your child. I am rather envious of your husbands' position. My wifes' OM has decided to be a stand up guy and be involved with hi babys' life. I know she still has strong feelings for him, but she is staying with me. I had some of the doubts your husband has, but once the baby arrived, I found that I loved her like she was my own. No feelings of resentment, no reminders of her father. I realised it was not her fault. Your husband is in a better position than he thinks. At least he won't have an ex OM to deal with the rest of his life. God bless both of you.<P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton