Carolyn,<BR> Thanks for the kind words. I am really bumming now, because he called me at work. Not to talk about us, but because he wanted to find out if a guy I work with is interested in buying his motorcycle still. He ended the call with "Talk to ya later". Oh yeah, when. No "How are you" "Are you okay" just "does that guy still want the bike?". It hurt so much to hear his voice again. I don't understand why he did it, his mother and I talk on the computer almost every day, he could have told her to give me a message. I just don't know where his mind is at. He had to know it would hurt me. Does he just not care about that anymore, or what?

ktgirl,<BR>I'm sorry for your pain. I don't know what else to say.<P>May angel wings embrace you,<BR>J

Jenny,<BR> Thanks for the nice thought. It's a hard situation to find something to say in. What you said was just fine, and a very lovely thing to keep in mind. Thank you very much.

ktgirl, i am sorry your H is being a jerk. i do think the letter was a good thing though, it was how you feel and he needs to know. otherwise you might have wondered, if i had only told him...<P>you are in my prayers and thoughts. <P>love, happy_girl

kt, The loss you are feeling is normal its like greving for the death of a marriage. I was married 12 years to a man that drove me crazy accusing me daily of things that were totally nuts. I would never even think of going out with another man but was accused of it daily. Also he liked to break bones he would never get any help he would just say he did not know why he was this way. Anyhow I remember crying for 2 weeks straight when I left for the 5th time and realized he didnt want to even try to fix things. I then turned into a 32 year old out of control teenager. I dont know what that was all about. Maybe I had to get that out of me since I never had a chance to be one. In time I got over it and wondered why I was even so sad it felt good not having to feel like you were walking on egg shells. My hopes were if nothing else at least ex would have learned that you cant be the way he was.It didnt happen he has a new wife poor woman is going through the same things I did. Everybodys situation is different I just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is normal.About your H calling men seem to have a odd way of doing things . It may be you got him thinking and he is trying to see how you are doing but they go about it in a diffrent way than we would. Try to find something that makes you happy. I know that sounds impossible . If he sees that you are picking yourself up and dusting off it may make him come around and wake up to what he is throwing away. I hope your doing better today. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

ktgirl,<P>Maybe your H wanted to hear your voice but he was also afraid to make any overtures. I am praying that when he reads your letter, he will feel that it is safe for him to open up to you and share his true feelings.<P>Where there is love, there is hope. Like the others have said, distance may make your H realize that you are too precious to lose.<P>I hope so.<BR>- Heavenly

HappyGirl,<BR> Yeah, that was kinda what I had in mind with the letter. I was gonna say everything I had to say, so he knew totally where I stood, and if knowing that, he could still walk away, I knew at least that I had tried my best. The rest is on him now.

Flowerseed,<BR> I don't know. I don't think he had time to get the letter yet, I imagine the mail would be pretty slow around this time of year, maybe he is thinking of something on his own, and just decided to call about the bike. It kinda sounded like he had to stop himself from saying something at the end of the call, but I thought maybe I was only hearing that because I wanted to. Then again, he could be selling the bike so cheap so quick so he can file for divorce. No telling about him. He knows I can't afford it at this time.

Heavenly,<BR> I hope you are right. I really do. I am just afraid to hold out much hope anymore. It already hurts so much. In a strange way, I feel like there has been a death in my life, much like someone else mentioned, the death of my marriage. And it's hurts just as bad as if it had been a person. Sometimes, I think even more. So we will see.

kt, I will pray that santa brings you your christmas wish. with love flowerseed<P>------------------<BR>Carol Ann

Mega prayers to you ktgirl.<P>I said it was like a death. It is.I was reading somewhere about infedelity and it was compared to the death of a child on "stress" level.<P>I hope that letter gets there today!<BR>You know the mail is celivered even on Christmas!<BR> Debi<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited December 23, 2000).]

ktgirl:<P>I truly believe it is easier to loose a spouse through death than divorce. When God takes them through death, there is no rejection. The rejection and seemingly indifference is what is so incredibly painful.<P>Your husband didn't need to call you about the mototrcycle, ktgirl. He wanted to make a connection. He's confused and having doubts.<P>Here's hoping your letter produces favorable impact on your husband.<P>Catnip =^^=

Flowerseed,<BR> Thanks, but Christmas is over now, and it doesn't look like I did. Thanks anyway

Debi,<BR> Thanks, but I haven't heard anything from him, so I guess the letter either didn't get there again, or didn't matter when it did.

Catnip,<BR> Yes, I would definitely say the rejection hurts the most. Thinking that he was worth so much when he doesn't think that I am hurts. I don't know why he called. I hope it is like you said, he's having doubts, but I am afraid to hope for too much more. I am afraid that it will just delay the inevitable, and that it will hurt that much more when I finally do. Thanks for the kind words.

ktgirl,<P> Thinking about you, hope you're doing OK. Take care of yourself, do some things for yourself. You deserve it.<P><BR> God bless you from western MO,<P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg

Gregg,<BR> Thanks for thinking of me. It's been a real up and down time for me, and I imagine it's just the beginning of it. I never knew you were from MO too. I am trying to build a life for me and my kids. It's just a little tougher alone.<BR>