hello all my friends! this is a roll call. all you active people and you lurkers, please post us your update here, and brief backround if you think we won't remember all the details. this will help all of the newbies and the oldies to get to know one another better!!<P><BR>i am happy_girl, married almost 5 years. h had purely physical affair about 1 month before our first anniversary. child was born out of this. H just went for DNA test yesterday. our marriage is actually great, i come here mostly for support for myself in dealing with all the emotions i have resulting from the affair and the OC. we have become a much stronger, happier couple, and i believe we have made it past the hard part. but i am very emotional and often bounce between good and bad days. <P>please post your updates here!!! so we can better know who all of us here are.<P><P>------------------<BR>happy_girl

Hey all, I will try to keep it short, but you know me. <P>My H and I have both been the WS, but in my case, I am the one who got pregnant. We have been married almost 12 years (in March) and have 3 children together(one we put up for adoption 13 yrs ago, the other 2 live with us). We are hoping that some results to my 28 wk blood tests means that this pregnancy is mine and my H's(for more info on that, see my post on "Grandmother's surgery on again") My H posts here too, just not as often as I do. He just hates sitting and typing cause he isn't as quick at it as I am. He is Sailorman59. We are both in the recovery phase, and have our ups and downs, just as everyone here does.<P>Tigger

Hi everyone.....<P>H and I both 47. Graduated together.<P>I'm a hairdresser...H a contractor.<P>We're from Ohio.<P>Here's a new one....We're huge NY Yankees fans and have gone to NY to see them play and to Cleveland to see them too, over all of our 29 yrs. together...Even had my name in lights for my birthday in 99 at Jacobs Field.I got a picture of it from the stadium!<BR>Took a limo up w/my son and his girlfriend and my sister and her H. It was a great time.<BR>The world series this year was somehow not as exciting as H was "different" while we all watched the games....now I know he knew of preg.friend and that he was finding the right time to tell me.....awful......<P>We will be married 27 yrs. in March.(2nd,Tigger,when's yours?)<P>One son together, he's 21.<P>H had physical sex w/a married friend who has 3 c.<P>Ended in late summer. She called H cell to say she's preg. and it's his.<P>D-day Nov. 13.<P>H ended all contact...remorseful....begs for a chance to save "us". wishes he had magic wand to erase what he did. Wishes he had better judgement. Swears he'll be the best H...Wants us to grow old together...<P>However,still doesn't know what to do if c is his...(I understand curiosity,but he begged her to end preg. as soon as she found out. Out of a fantasy sense of duty I THINK he wants visits.)<P>If he chooses visits,I will leave. Could not stand to even see c.<P>Meanwhile in seperate and joint counseling.<P>I love him, and I am so disappointed. I don't know what will happen in the spring.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited January 10, 2001).]

Flowerseed, I am 39 H is 33 we have one child together 5yrs old. <P>Together almost 7 yrs married going on 2 yrs. <P>1st d day 5-5-99 H told first set of lies. <P>2nd d day which seemed to do more damage then the first was 11-7-99 phone call from ow h worked with saying she had my h 2 week old son.She said she didnt want nothing just wanted to know if he wanted anything to do with his son. <P>1-29-2000 H was served with paterinity papers sueing for child support blood test done in Feb 2000, 99% probabilty, paycheck garnished in April for dna test , back support from the day she filed and weekly support. Hararessing letters at least once a month from friend of the court which should be friend of the money grubbing sluts. <BR>No contact with oc. <P>Doing well up until H decided to involve old work buddy back into our lives that seems to have a lot of connections to problems we were having at time of our relationship falling apart. <P>Learning now how to stick up for what I want out of life for the 1st time in my life. I want to send a great big thank you to all that are here I never would have made it without all of you. <P> With love flowerseed

Yo, Catnip present.<P>I've posted stats before many times so I won't take up space here. Just making my attendance known.<P>Catnip =^^=

Gem,<P>Our anniversary is the 18th, I'm due the 25th and my b-day is the 30th. Hows that for a busy end of March? <P>Tigger

Hi, I'm Claudia and would be considered the OW. Therefore, I mainly lurk, unless there is a post where I can offer objective information or insight to a question that could directly pertain to me. I had originally come here because of my unique situation, I had felt like a betrayed partner. But I guess, regardless of circumstance, I'm still the OW. <P>My story: I was involved with a man that I didn't know was married until after I got pregnant and found out about his wife on my own. I ended the relationship and he moved to another state to be with his wife. She found out about me and the pregnancy. We went through a few hard months, then some peace, and now are back in turmoil, although not as bad….yet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.<P>Update: My baby is now 8 weeks old and he's the biggest love and greatest source of joy in my life. His dad has been calling on almost a weekly basis, which has me feeling mighty uncomfortable. I know he's not telling his wife. As far as I'm concerned the only thing we have to talk about is our son. He puts me on the spot when he tries to draw me into other conversations. I don't want to be rude, but I don't want to encourage him, either. For those who don't remember, he's in the military. He was supposed to go overseas on his next enlistment. Now he's saying that has changed. He wants to come back to California and be near his son. YIKES!! I know his wife won't go for it, but he said he doesn't care (he wasn't so kind with the words he used). I don't like this situation. Anyway, the DNA tests came in and he's officially the dad. I never had doubts, and it turns out he didn't either. His wife had asked me for the test and I had agreed. We go to court next month to formalize custody and child support. I had asked for sole custody, but he wants joint. He also asked that I amend the birth certificate to give the baby his last name and to acknowledge him as the father. He says he wants to be as big a part of his son's life as possible. Can you believe that he asked me to call his wife and tell her about the court papers and court date? He said that he couldn't tell her or she would know we had been talking. I got pissed. I told him to not involve me in his mess. Besides, if I called, his wife was bound to ask me questions and I told him I would not lie or cover for him. I'm so tired of him hiding behind women's skirts, first hers and now mine. What a coward!<BR>

God Help Us UgUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUh

I haven't posted in a long time but I still lurk often just to see how everyone is doing.<BR> <BR>My story is this. My H had 2 PA's in 95. One with my BF from high school.(a one time thing) Time passed and we healed and had a son. I missed my friendship with my BF so I talked to her and we made up. I thought things were fine. Turns out she never got over my H. I was trying to be trusting and I was betrayed. <BR>March of 00 I opened the door to find a sherrif with paternity papers for my H. He had another two minute thing with her and she got pregnant. I knew she had a baby but she told me it was her boyfriends' kid.<BR>She even invited my mother to her babyshower.<BR>The betrayal still gets me going. <BR>Anyway it's his kid and we pay cs every month but we have no contact. My H doesn't even know the oc's b-day.<BR>We are doing great. We have 2 boys 17 mths and 4yrs. I stay home with them and I love it. We are going to Mexico on a cruise in Feb. to celebrate us.(no kids just us)<BR>Life is looking good for now.<P>Echo

I have just now come back to the forum after several months. I have been with my husband for 8years, married for over four. We have one daughter who is 2. Dday was Feb 9, 2000. The OC is four months older than my own daughter. <P>We got screwed with the child support sending $600 a month. We recently moved in October from Illinois to Ohio. My H had to get a better job so that we could pay the child support and break even on our bills. We are really trying to get a fresh start. There is of course no contact with OC and there never will be. I personally have been struggling even more these past few months. This woman of course tried to be the nice person, and now she is out for blood or shall I say more money. Here are our normal stats.<P>My Husband and I are both 28. My husband up until October was full time Army job. He is now in the corporate world. I gave up my job as a research scientist to be at home with our daughter. By the way the OW, already had one OC, this OC is her second cash cow. Nice huh. I will say that the episode was a one night drunken stand. but it did happen within eight months after our wedding. Well I am rambling.<P>babstr

I am 3 days away from D-day anniversary. H and I have been married 9 years (10 in May) and have two sons, 8 & soon to be 7. The oldest turns 8 tomorrow (yes, today is 8 year anniversary of a LONG 20 hours of induced labor). <P>I am 42 and H is 45. I work from home for a large national company as an engineer. Thank goodness I can support myself. H will be sending OW about $1,000 a month. It makes me sick. Hope it was a very good piece of ***<P>OW is someone who works for H. She is single, 33. OC born end of July, 2000. H and I had agreement he would not attend birth, but he went anyway while I was out of town visiting his semi-invalid mother with our boys. He hold me about birth when I got back at end of week. <P>H and I are not really in recovery. Up and down, back & forth. No bad feelings on my part. He just takes & takes. (Can you tell I have had enough?).<P>Take care... Carolyn <BR>

Takingcare:<P>Why does your husband pay so much in support to OW? Are the courts including your salary or are you exempt? What is your states guideline percentage?<P>Just curious<P>Catnip =^^=

Just based on his salary. 21% for one child, plus medical ins. (cost of her single plan to family coverage...we cannot carry OC on ours since his work would see that), plus a few other small things. He makes good money & she was out to get some of it. Of course all these years, even though he makes good money, he never felt financially secure enough for me to quit work. Always wanted that cushion. Now she gets that $$. But of course I am glad for the job. <P>Take care...

back to the top for new comers. Please post you basic story for us. Thanks... Carolyn

I have been on this site for about two weeks now - and have carriemom to thank for it. Bless her for leading me here! H and I are 28 and have been married for over 8 years together for 2 years before that. We have four sons, 8,3, 1, and 4 months. About four years ago, h had an affair with a real sleazeball that made my life a living hell. After a couple of months of on again off again, we decided to work things out. Found out I was pregnant with son #2 at same time ow claimed to be prg. We moved from PA to NC to get away from her, hoping that pregnancy was just another one of manylies intended on getting h back. It wasn't A year and a half later got hit with cs. Moved back to PA and filed for visitation. After 2 visitations, ow asked us to drop visitation in return for dropping child support, said she wanted to raise oc by herself and have her (oc) adopted by boyfriend when they got married. Had agreement made official in front of the judge. A year later, now we have been hit with child support again and are paying much more than before. Can't do anything about the fact that she broke the agreement. Lawyer is refiling for visitation and/or custody. Court date should be very soon.

Hello all..I'm still here<P>Married 26 yrs DD#1 2 1/2 yrs ago DD#2 l 1/2 yrs ago. Weekly visitation with OC..of course, that means seeing OW on a weekly basis too. ): Recovery still verrrrrry shakey.

I thought this was a good idea and wanted to get it pushed <BR>back up to the top. I sometimes have trouble keeping people's details straight.<P>I am Mrs. Job, age 40. I was born infertile. Affair began 8 years ago, ended a week before d-day (Sep. 2000) OC was born May 2000. H pays $1,700 / mo. in child support. He has been unemployed since July 2000. We are sinking fast financially. We have had visitation, but are in a hiatus right now until both my H and the OW can get themselves some counseling and until OW can start to act like an adult.<P>Here are the details:<P>1993 H's affair begins with woman 20-years younger <BR> than he.<P>1993 to 2000 many breakups of the affair but they keep <BR> getting back together<P>11/98 I get a transfer to another state that we <BR> had been trying for for years. H did not want <BR> to adopt until we had moved back home. We are <BR> physically separated, but there is no marital <BR> breakup. H follows me to new state 7 months <BR> later<P>7/99 H gets job that requires lots of travel and <BR> is frequently back in state/town where OW <BR> lives<P>5/2000 OC born. OW had spent 3 months in the <BR> hospital before the premature delivery of <BR> OC. Thank God she had insurance.<P>6/2000 In an attempt to adopt, we host two boys <BR> from Russia. We fall in love with them and <BR> they with us. I am never happier in my life<BR> certain that after 17 years of marriage we <BR> are finally going to be parents.<P>7/2000 H loses his very high-salary job because <BR> doctors suspect a brain tumor and he is <BR> going through massive medical tests. They <BR> find no brain tumor, but a condition that <BR> causes too much fluid to build up in the <BR> brain (and cause the vision loss that he <BR> was having).<P>8/2000 The boys return to their orphanage. It was <BR> a very sad day for them and for us.<P> Get news that we passed our homestudy. Thrilled that it shouldn't be too long <BR> until we go to Russia to bring them (and their little sister home)<P>9/2000 We get notice that FBI background check <BR> returned his fingerprints and we have to <BR> re-do our homestudy. A few years ago, he <BR> kicked someone's tire at a stop light (after <BR> she gave him the finger); he had to go to <BR> police station; was not arrested, but was<BR> cited, fingerprinted and released. Adjudicated as a traffic ticket.<P>9/2000 D-day. H left photos of OW and child on our <BR> computer.<P>10/2000 H has massive surgery to remove a tumor from <BR> a salivary gland in his face. They found it <BR> accidentally while looking for the non-<BR> existent brain tumor. It was benign. <P>11/2000 I check into hospital for depression.<P>1/2001 We jump back on the adoption wagon trying to <BR> finish up last details and bring the children home. Feel confident we will re-pass homestudy as he was never arrested.<P>3/2001 Get notification that the little girl is <BR> being adopted by her uncle<P>4/2001 We get denied on homestudy<BR>

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Back to the top for Mrs. Job!<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

HI there. Feel like I am too young to be dealing with this, but maybe it'll be done and overwith and smoothsailing from here...yeah right.<BR>I am 25. H is 24. Been married for 4 yrs. We have 3 yr old D together and he has a 7 yr old from previous relationship. Oc will be 2 in Oct. We have no contact of any kind. Marriage is going well for the most part. H just refuses to deal with anything. He figures if we aren't fighting about the affair then all is well. Now our fights are about him living in la-la land and not recognizing that there are legitimate problems in our marriage. On the other hand, we love each other very much and we are very affectionate again. I never thought we would make it back there again. We will make it though. That much I am confident in. There is life on the other side! <P>first d-day was 2 yrs ago in April. Second was a yr ago in Feb. Getting better. Ow has not had much contact with us since 2nd d-day...except for a few email things...which ended fairly quickly.<P>I am so glad I found all of you. I do not know where I would be if it were not for this group. This is a Godsend.<P>Love and Prayers<P>broken_wings