Hi all,<BR>We pick up my 21 yr. old at psych ward tomorrow.<P>It's been horrible. He asked me to admit him Thurs. afternoon.<P>We got there at 2:30.<P>He was admitted at 6pm.<P>Got the room at 6:30. Called H at home. He brought up a pizza.<BR>My son was again crying non-stop.<P>Was started on elefexor and seriquil.<P>We will bring him home tomorrow as Dr. feels he can do better at home. Others on the locked ward are schizophrenic. My son was scared to be there.<P>After a few hellish days I started 25mg. zoloft. Day 1 is today. Made me calm but nauseous. I'm willing to try as my daily run, or step aerobics isn't enough.<P>Won't interfere w/boob job. I called to ask.<P>H and I are ok but H is "pissed" his son can't snap out of it!!<P>I told him Michael can't!! He needs help!! <BR>Get the fuc* over it!!!<P>If he doesn't start being the "begging" contrite man he was in Nov. I'll walk!<BR>How dare he? Our son is this way cuz he was scared his dad would want oc!!!!<P>Dad said no contact but is struggling with that. <P>Too f'n bad. Us or oc... <P>Oh God I hope z kicks in....<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited January 27, 2001).]

I used to take Prozac. God bless modern medicine.<BR>I am so sorry about your son. I don't know what else to say. My children are too little to know about our past problems, except for my 8 year old son, whose ADHD diagnosis I am certain is linked to our poor handling of the separation and ow at the time. What terrible price our children pay.<BR>You are in my prayers.

gemini,<P>I am so sorry. All I can say is that your family is in my prayers. I pray that your son can get the help that he needs. I also hope that your H keeps his mouth shut when he comes home, that last thing he needs to hear is that he should snap out of it. I am not trying to sound harsh, but maybe your H should have snapped out of his attraction to the OW and you all wouldn't be here. Your in my prayers!<P>babstr.

gemini, my prayers are for you and your son, so sorry you are dealing with this.<P>"Turn your ear to me, O God, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me." Psalms 31:2 <P>happy_girl

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>but maybe your H should have snapped out of his attraction to the OW and you all wouldn't be here. Your in my prayers!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>My EXACT thoughts! Oh babstr...he calmed doen later and admitted his guilt on how he ruined our lives. And it's still not over! We have to see if she comes after him in paternity suit!<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Turn your ear to me, O God, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me." Psalms 31:2 <P>happy_girl<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>Thanks happy! I said it today.... I'll miss church because I got up too late today and zoloft is making me sick to my stomach. But I'll pray.....<P>I have to go to hospital to get my son today.<BR>My H is working.(finishing a job to get paid tues). <P>I told him today no saying "snap out of it" in front of Michael or get out! He's sorry..<P>Me too....<P> Debi<P><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gem,<P>I am glad that he is at least trying to be calm. Good luck with getting your son, and trying to bring some stability after a very trying time for him. I am praying for you.<P>babstr.

Iam very sorry about your son.I will pray for him. Don't feel like less of a person because of the medicine.I thank God for Paxil. I have been on it for 6 months and it has changed everything for me. Especially the obsessing about the situation and the compulsion to follow through with every suspicion big or small. My depression has lifted and I can literally see things much more clearly.Since the Paxil my relationship with my H has made a 180 degree turn for the better.

Gem:<P>Your poor son has been so traumatized by your husband's actions and the results thereof. I want to thump your husband on the forehead and tell him to 'snap out of it'! <P>Your husband's reactions are so typical, Gem. In the beginning of our 'recovery', my husband was often angry and hard whenever I expressed my pain. They do this because they can't face the damqage they have done and it is just too much for them. They think an offense is better than a defense. They don't realize that this creates 'hard feelings' and bitterness and retards recovery and forgiveness.<P>It took my husband about four months to get past the angry reactions to my pain which was just his own self hate and inability to face what he had done. It is still tough to face these things, however, he has flipped from angry attacks and comments to loving remorse and 'mea culpa'. This happened when he began to understand that he was just adding insult to injury and made a concerted effort to change his attitude. He also realized it was safe for him to admit his responsibility and ask forgiveness and trusted me that I would not seek revenge.<P>It's a tangled emotional mess and it sounds like your son is acting out the pain for you both, leaving you angry and protective of your son and making your husband defensive and coming across with false bravado. Your husband is probably scared ****less and can't face the destruction knowing he caused it all.<P>Your husband is the one who needs to 'snap out of it' and put his own crap aside for your son and you if he wants to stay in the marriage and in the family. He will see this when he realizes you all aren't going to take it or settle for seconds. He can't have anything to do with the OC if he wants to keep his family intact. He will also have to 'snap out of it' too when it comes to feeling the 'pull' towards OC. He'll just have to put his selfishness aside...it's what got you all in this mess to begin with.<P>Gem, your medication will kick in approximately 4 to 6 weeks from now. Your son, I hope, is seeing a good psychologist and will learn to deal with his fears. But you both need help from your husband, too. His attitude will have to change in order to help your son get through this. He can't come across as combative or angry...your son didn't do this, HE did.<P>You keep doing whatever you can to make yourself feel better. You're on the right track with church, physical workouts, coming here and you have your surgery to look forward to. Take your meds and pray. It will get better, your husband will 'snap out of it.'<P>Stay strong...you're in my prayers<P>Catnip =^^=

gem, sorry to hear of the latest hope your son is doing better now . I think the next time h thinks that its so easy just to snap out of it. I would ask him how he would suggest this be done maybe he has some answers that we dont know about. I know when I used to get that attitude from my h. I would beg him to tell me how because I sure as the hell didnt want to be feeling the way I was. He never did come up with a answer but he did think twice about thinking I should just be able to forget so quickly. Hang in there gem you have come so far already for it being such a short time. with love flowerseed

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>He will also have to 'snap out of it' too when it comes to feeling the 'pull' towards OC. He'll just have to put his selfishness aside...it's what got you all in this mess to begin with.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't know Catnip. I sense he will harbor resentment towards me and our son. Maybe not say it but ACT it. He's having a hard time w/that issue. Even though he said he's not doing anything after the birth,I have a feeling he'll be happy when and if she sues for paternity.<P>Thanks Blue and Flowerseed. I have to almost laugh Flowerseed at HOW can you snap out of it?<P>H stayed home today and quietly came w/me to pick up Michael. H and Michael laying around watching tv.<P>My son is so druggy feeling. Poor kid. Has a great psychiatrist!<P>As for me I didn't take my 2nd day dose of zoloft. I was so sick to my stomach and was sweating and just felt awful. I tossed em in the trash.<P>Today I feel like telling him to go to hell.<BR>The way the affair played out w/me being out w/her and her H for all those dinners and things just makes me think how COULD he put me in the middle and love me??<P> I don't get it.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gem, I have been on Zoloft for 3 mths now & never had any side effects. I take it at night before bed. It took 3-4 weeks to fully kick in, but I could also see a good result after 2 weeks. Try to talk to your dr. and see if taking it at a different time of day might help.<P>I am hoping that all three of you will be seeing a family counselor. Your sons dr. should be able to recommend one. Family issues cannot be healed without the family all going into counseling. Just like marriages are harder to heal when only one person is working at it. I am going to suggest that your son has had issues prior to finding out about OC. You may take offense at that suggestion, but usually when someone takes news like this as hard as he has, well there are usually other issues at hand. I guess that was why I was so concerned about your surgery and how that would impact him. Sometimes kids need to see the world "stop" and pay attention to them. Not OC, not new boobs, not jobs, not anything but them. Does that make sense?<P>I am so sorry that all this is happening at the same time. You have been in my thoughts. Take care.. Carolyn <BR>

gem, I know what ya mean I asked myself same type of questions. Mine would sit and talk to it on the phone with me right beside him. It still pisses me off to think about it. I trusted him to believe it was only to do with work. I guess its because it makes us feel like such fools to have believed in them . Glad you got your son back home. with love flowerseed

gem, I got to thinking I think the how they could put us in the middle was because at the time that they where doing what they were doing they were not thinking about the us as we would. As far as my h I think he really thought at the time that was who he wanted to be with or if that wasnt it he was trying to find a way out of being with me. When he finally got what he wanted me not wanting him anymore. He realized what he really wanted he had along. I hope this makes sense Iam not so great at saying what Iam trying to say. with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited January 28, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am hoping that all three of you will be seeing a family counselor<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>We are in singular and family counseling.<P>I know he had issues w/his dad.<P>I'm back. I had to go last night as an arguement broke out w/son and H right as I was typing.<P>Things calmed down quick after my son said,"I hate you dad, why are you being so mean?"<BR>H said"I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say to you anymore."<BR>I said "How about I love you Michael? I want you to get well and will help you any way I can."<P>Silence and then they talked....nice for a change.<BR>Michael's girlfriend came over and we all watched Superbowl ate pizza and had a good time.<P>Son went to bed after 1/2 time because new meds. make him sleepy. <P>During 2nd 1/2 of game I started to fall asleep and got up to go to bed. H followed me to our room and said "Are you tired?" <P>I said yes. He said "I'll try to be better Debi"<P>I told him I've had enough. If he doesn't do better just get the hell out.....<P>Takingcare, I will do everything possible to help my son.<P>I'm not taking zoloft. It makes me sick. I might try another drug, just not yet.<P>The issues w/son and H are mostly my son thinks (knows) no matter what he does it seems my H is always on him.<P>S feels new C will be "better" than S and dad will get a second chance to have an "ok" kid that excells in all it does. That H would "be there" for all school functions and baseball games and holidays etc and leave S out of his life in favor of "new chance" to do it right. S has expressed fears to me.<P>Now that dad said no trying for P...S is scared ow will sue and dad will have a change of heart.<P>Why wouldn't he (and me) think that? He's lied to us for so long.He might have an A with oc and we would never know. Trust is hard to come by these days.<P>I missed church Fri, Sat, and Sun. I'm going today. I look like a lunatic because sometimes I cry all through mass.<P>Also last Wed was 6th grade mass. I didn't realize ow oldest D was there. After mass I saw her and a few friends stand to leave and they were looking back at me. Whispering to each other and snickering. I got up to leave and they did to...looking and laughing the whole time.<P>I told H and he said are you going to let a 6th grader bother you?<P>I reminded him of last winter when he came home and told me ow D called him an a-whole. He told her mom.(he was putting a new door on in their basement) He was all pissed off. Later that night ow and D rang our front doorbell with a gift,a Yankee Clock and matching paper basket and an apology. So I said how bothered HE WAS by a little kid!!!<BR>We got rid of both items by the way...I jumped on clock till it was smashed and threw it and basket in the trash. H never mentioned it was missing...heh..heh...<P>Like I've said before....I don't know if all this is worth my aggravation. I just want peace,with or without H.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited January 29, 2001).]

Flowerseed I forgot to tell you when I asked H about us being all together he said he alwys enjoyed being w/me and ow KNEW he never intended to leave me...just a new sex thing never a love interest. I still can't imagine that. They never once acted like they were doing anything. Just newyears eve last year when we left to go to another party in time for midnight and he pecked her on the lips. I thought that was strange at the time.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gem, I dont think the issues your son and his father haveing are not that uncommon. As far as nothing he can do is good enough. Unfortantly alot of fathers do that to there kids. My dad was the same way I had three older brothers and was always expected to be able to do what they could do. He will get to the point in time that he will quit worrying about what his father thinks and realize it is dads problem not his hopefully. I can tottaly understand how he is thinking what he is feeling as far as oc. I think I would have felt the same way. How sad for him. I hope he is doing better now. I also knew the phone calls were strange but I respected him enough to believe what he was telling me. I dont no more thats what bothers me alot is do I have to live the rest of my life feeling this way. I could kick myself in the butt for not questioning things more.There is nothing I can do to change things now thats what Ive got to get threw my head and just make sure things never get to that point again.Have you guys ever thought about moving far away from all this that might be a idea. I could not stand living in the same town as ow. with love flowerseed

Yes,we have thought of moving but H is established in our community w/business. It would be hard to do.<P>Thanks Flowerseed you're a sweetie.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gem, Thats what I thought but I wasnt sure. We were talking last night about some day taking a trip to Austraila. I said what if we got there and didnt want to come back. H said well than we would sell everything and move there it is a real tempting idea. I think that would get me far enough away. I wonder how well flowers grow there. My h is doing well with the company he is working for also he does same thing yours does but for somebody else. He also started painting for them about 8 months ago and will be getting 25% of the gross profits and that is just really starting to take off so we would be throwing that away he also just got a brand new 2001 company truck first new vec we have ever had. I dont know how to act driveing something that you can just jump in and go. I think we are just dreaming but ya never know! with love flowerseed <P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.

I cant begin to tell you how much moving away helped our marriage. We were in the same small town as ow. in fact, during the plan b part of the a, I had to drive by ow's sleazy apartment just to get to my parents house. Seeing his car there and imagining what was going on was just horrible. But, when I found out that I was pregnant and that ow was pregnant, my Dad said, "you have to get away from this. you pick anywhere in the country and I'll give you enough money to just get started." I picked Nrth Carolina, and we moved there, leaving behind everything, including a house, the other car, furniture, etc. We didn't know a soul and had just enough money to get a cheap apartment and two weeks of food. It was beyond doubt the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the very best thing. Now that we are back in Pennsylvania, we are still 3 hours from ow. I dont know if i could take it being in the same town as ow, running into her at the grocery store. i'm afraid if I saw her in the parking lot of Walmart once to often my foot might accidently hit the accelerator - ha, ha! Being four years+ in recovery, i wholeheartedly recommend moving away. There are absolutely no material possessions worth more than your peaace of mind. And I feel that it is truly what God wanted us to do, because we have been rewared 100 times over. Here, we were able to buy a huge old house with 6-8 bedrooms and a big backyard at an estate auction for $18,500! It's only problem is that it only has 1 bathroom, but there is already plumbing hooked up to another room for aa second. My h, who is a diesel mechanic, has a better job now than he ever has had before. It seems like ever since we answered the call to move, things have fell into place for us left and right. Good luck with whatever you decide.<P>Our lawyer is filing the visitation/custody papers today. Please pray for us that it turns out ok.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Our lawyer is filing the visitation/custody papers today. Please pray for us that it turns out ok.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Will do cd....Prayers being sent.<P>Ya Flowerseed but maybe we will someday. Move that is.<BR> Debi<P><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....