<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>the heart is where your emotions are stored because I actually had a heavy physical pain in the center of my chest from it. My broken heart was as real physically as it was emotionally<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Me too cd. That now comes and goes though.<BR>I hate to remember that feeling...but it rears it's ugly head from time to time.<P>Do you really think I'm doing ok for where I am in time with all of this?<P>Just wait till May.......oh boy....I think I'll have a time of it then.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear gem,<BR>I think you are doing FABULOUS considering where you are in this right now. Much better than I did.<P>Perhaps I am wrong (it's been known to happen on rare occasions, ha, ha!) but my guess is that you will be able to handle the events in May much better than you think you will. at some point in all of this, even the very worst news gets to be a bit anticlimatic, you know. For me, nothing that came after (not the DNA results, not the child support, not finding out that oc was born just two days after my second son was) ever equalled the initial horror of ow telling me she was pregnant. I have always read stories about people "keening" in grief and sort of thought that anybody who did that must be just putting on a show. but when I found out about the pregnancy, I wailed. Long, loud, ugly wailing. it came out of me from somewhere deep inside that I didn't even know existed. Uncontrollable grief. Nothing has ever equalled that moment. Short of something bad happening to one of my kids, I know nothing ever will. I am betting that you will find out that whatever happens won't be as hard to take as you think it will.<BR>with love,<BR>cd

Gemini, you are doing really great for the amount of time that has pasted. I have known for almost three years, and as cd said sometimes it is hard to remember everything clearly, but I was a wreck. I agree with cd about the heart and remember telling my H how that was my biggest pain that he had broken my heart. Cd, I sometimes read your posts and can not believe how similar our situations are. Did I mention that my second child, My beautiful girl, shares the same birthday as the OC. They are three years apart but were born on the same day. Yeah we get to sing to both of them. Sometimes I am bitter and I don't want to be for all the children's sake. ALso the Oc was born One day after my wedding day, I mean the same year. So every year when I celebrate my anniversary and the birth of my liitle girl this happy time is shared with the birthday of the OC. It is not his fault, the OC, he is just a child, but it still does upset me. Any way gemini again I think you are doing great and you are lucky to have everyone here at this time in your situation, I wish I had this for support and am glad I do now. GABI 1116

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>. Long, loud, ugly wailing. it came out of me from somewhere deep inside that I didn't even know existed<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>cd,you sound like me.....only d-day and the 2 weeks to follow were blurred as I drank wine and wailed daily!!!! <P>I hate to remember that.<P>I'm off the wine forever. Put me in places I didn't want to go, ya know?<P>I just feel bad my son saw me every day after work like that....a mess!!!! Oh! He would hug me and try to help. I was selfish not to realize at the time he was slipping into depression over oc....geeze....he's doing much better...still not his old self...but much better.<P>Gab, isn't that a party pooper? The dates? Ya have to wonder.....ow is due may 1....my Mom's b/day is may 2.....ohhhhhh.....<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gem,<BR>My birthday is May 2 also the big 40 this year. I want to do something speicial. I haven't decided what yet. Any ideas? with love flowerseed

Dear Gem,<BR>You were talking about "intuition." Here's my story.<P>About six years ago (two years before the a) I read a story in the newspaper about a young woman who had been thrown off of a second story porch by her boyfriend. She died upon impact when she hit the ground. It was in a neighboring small town. I didn't know the woman, didn't know the family, but when I read the article I sensed something. i can only describe it as "foreboding." I felt that somehow I was in danger that was somehow connected to that story. As tragic as the story was, it didn't have anything to do with me so I couldn't understand why I felt that it was different from any other tragic story you read about in the newspaper every day. A couple weeks later, my mom mentioned that the dead girl's grandfather had stopped in to buy something from my dad's business and was talking to her about the upcoming murder trial. She said that he broke down crying right in front of her. I said "Mom, please don't talk to anyone from that family." I don't know why I said it, and I felt bad that I would be so cold in regards to a man who had just lost his granddaughter in such a horrible way. But for some reason, I meant it. Mom thought I was certifiably nuts, I am sure, because I couldn't explain WHY I felt that way. So I let the subject drop, and pretty much forget all about it.<P>Cut to two years later: My h has an affair. When I hear the girl's name, it rings a bell, but I can't quite place it. I ask my sister-in-law what she knows about the girl, and she says, "I don't know her personally, but isn't her sister the one who was throw off the porch and killed a few years ago?" And then I knew.<P>I don't believe in psychic abilities or any of that stuff. But it was there. Two years before the a happened, it was there.<BR>-cd

cd,<BR>I know what you mean. I remember talking to my friend in Nov of the yr before this all started and telling her I dont know why but I feel this impending doom. Its weird how we can have these strong feelings of whats to come. I have been this way my whole life of knowing somewhat of what going to happen before it does. Also having nightmares of things to come. with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited March 02, 2001).]

Well ...let's see Flowerseed. It's been 7 yrs. since my 40th. It was a fun b/day...I got tons of gag gifts from everyone! I think we went out to dinner alone that day. Nothing more special than that! <P>cd...oh your story gave me chills! Are you serious? oh! That's unreal.<P>Do you suppose we're psychic?<P>We should start a new thread about that to see if anyone else had a feeling that something was wrong....I mean by intuition.<P>Could prove to be interesting.<P><BR>Ok now here's one for all of you.<BR>My son's gf called me yesterday. She saw ow at a store. ow doesn't know gf so she followed her a shot time to peek at growing tummy. Well guess what? She had on regular clothes(still? this is beginning of 8th mo)and son's gf said she looked like a regular chunky person. A few rolls around the middle. Nothing changed w/her body since they saw her in late Jan.<P>I can't believe that...or rather will not allow myself to think she's not really preg.<P>I'm guessing baby is slug low from hip to hip(inside her). I just don't know anyone who has been preg. who didn't "show" by start of 8th month. Especially if it's her 4th!<P>Well I'm ashamed to admit I've spent HOURS at pregnancy sites reading any thread about "how big are you now" and no one I've read about has said they are still in reg. clothes.<BR> ohhhhhhhh I'm going crazy.<P>Maybe gf is mistaken. Maybe I am hoping for too much.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

gem,<BR>I dont see how she could any way possible be in her regular cloths. It makes ya want to make her pee on a on a preg test dosent it. I think it is looking good for you guys . with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited March 02, 2001).]

Gem and flowerseed,<BR>That story is absolutely ture.<P>Not only that, but at the time, I could not get the dead girl's name out of my mind. It's an unusual name, but so are a lot of names. i even caught myself scribbling it over and over once while i was on the phone. you know how you tend to "doodle" while you're talking with somebody on the phone? Just like that. And when I realize what I was doing I thought "how bizarre" and crumpled up the paper and threw it away.<P>here's the punchline: OC is named after her dead aunt. <P>I don't believe I'm psychic, but I do think that maybe God gives us clues, or maybe warnings, now and then. Wish I was bright enough to pay attention.<BR>-cd

Gem,<P>In response to your post on the OW not looking pregnant, well, I would be very suspicious about her claim to being 8 months along. I know that I was underweight when I got pregnant, but she is just a few weeks behind me, and I couldn't hide it for a million dollars. Also, my neighbor is a heavier person, and I saw pics of her when she was pregnant, and you could tell. If this "woman" is claiming to be 8 months along, and is still in her regular clothes, she is lying through her teeth! Of course, you still have to wait till May to find out for sure, cause I doubt there would be any legal way that would work quickly enough to force her to pee on a stick for you! Let's all pray that she is lying through her teeth, and will get her's come the beginning of May. Like it's been said before, what goes around comes around. Someone who could take it this far, especially if she isn't pregnant, is sure to get her's in spades!! In fact, my neighbor is due the beginning of May and it is very obvious that she is expecting soon as well! I just have a hard time believing that your OW is pregnant, or at least by your H. Dates, and appearances just don't match up.<P>Tigger

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Also, my neighbor is a heavier person, and I saw pics of her when she was pregnant, and you could tell<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hey Tigger my sister was just here and said we may just have to wait and see because ow is tall.....5-7 and wide hipped...she could be carrying well hidden baby with all that room for a baby.<P>My sister is office manager at dental office and said some of the taller, bigger girls don't pop out until well into 8th month.<BR>I just don't know what to think. <P>I would say at least a small soccer ball should be there, not a "roll" of fat....as if she had a baby recently,but I'm no doctor.<P>She has gained weight since I saw her last summer and looks wider. But when we used to go out and she sat down she always had a tummy roll under all her skirts.<P>Thanks for the comparison, I feel SOME hope.<P> Debi<P>ps...I was huge in my 5th month. But then again I gained 65 lbs. and was 95lbs. to start!!! ha..ha..<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....