I guess I don't have a choice given these grim outlooks. I am so overwhelmed right now and don't know which way is up. I'll look for an attorney and hopefully get some money together ASAP so that I can go ahead and file. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO!!! Cat, I don't feel like I failed Plan B, maybe I made a B- or a C, but I have only talked to W about 4-5 hrs. in the last 2+ months. Now I am scared that W will fight for kids even though she has said in the past that she wouldn't put the kids through that. I don't think she would fight for them, but then again I never thought she would have an affair. Earnest prayers needed.<BR>Floored

<BR>floored,<P>Btw, in a lot of states, day care costs are an "add on" to whatever else the extortionary guideline dictates the NCP must pay. So even women who didn't plan on a custody fight run the numbers and realize how much money they will be able to extort through "child support." Caring for the kids is secondary, because there's always the option of dumping them in day care at the NCP's expense. <P>Bystander

I talked to Jen today and she sees this as a big risk for me and told me basically what you all have. It is my decision, and I can either wait and take whatever might come my way, or go ahead with the divorce and be in the drivers seat, more or less. She had a funny analogy that really hit home...if your W is putting arsenic in your coffee, and you know it, will you keep drinking it, or would you get rid of the arsenic!! I've never heard of the OP as a poison, but that pretty much mirrors my feelings. She said that when I give her the D papers..to give her a letter stating that I didn't want to do this, but her refusal to rid herself of the OM (arsenic!), gave me little choice. I am to make it clear that if she ever does decide to get rid of OM, that if I haven't moved on, that reconciliation might still be an option. We'll see. The stuff might hit the fan, but I bet it will relieve her to see that I am filing. That fog must really be thick if she thinks by filing I am the one responsible for the divorce!! That one always makes me laugh!<BR>Floored