<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I mean, how often would he have involvement with OC? Once a month, once a week, a couple times a week? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Very interesting "crystal ball" theory, Catnip. He did say if I leave he will regret it the rest of his life.<P>In early discussions he said,"Deb,I can't take care of a little baby but I want to see it once in a while and more often as it gets older" How often? I imagine reg. visitation but I don't know. I don't know anything except he wants me to try.and of course he loves me.<P>I'll keep you guys informed. I choose not to print pages of oc thread as he was angered when in the beginning I came here for answers. Like we're all against him and his thoughts of C. He simply doesn't care how others feel, only his feelings.<P>The weekend may be wonderful Catnip. I just am not up to it yet. I still need one on one counseling to help me and continued together counseling to help us decide our fate.<P> Love to all..... I'm gonna rest for now....<P> You all gave me food for thought.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gem,<BR>I'm kinda scared to jump in here with all you ladies!! Don't attack da' man!! Maybe what your H needs is a Plan B, where he sees what is in store for him without you. I talked to Jen Harley Chalmers yesterday and she suggested that I go ahead and get a D if it means keeping my kids, BUT she said to make it clear to my W that this didn't mean we couldn't ever get married again. She told me that I would/could be very selective in what I wanted from W if she ever did come out of the FOG. I could stipulate that she never see OM again and that either a TP or myself be the go between for OC. I don't know for sure if your issue is mainly with OW or with OC, but I'm sure that you could probably get used to OC alot easier than OW. <P>Like others have said, take it easy right now and don't rush into anything, but think about Plan B. I know that you are in counceling right now, but think about having a session with the Harley's..they more or less just coach you on what is in their books, but they encourage you in ways that will energize your outlook on your marriage. Prayers are coming your way!<BR>Floored

Dear Floored,<BR>How are you? I appreciate what you've said. I didn't even need "b" plan....H was scared out of his mind and said he'd like to go over things again. Maybe it will be the same outcome.<P>Really I think ow IS THE ISSUE. He said not to make it a game between me and her cuz it's not and if I think that way well then "I Won" because he'd never be w/her. My right mind says he's right but she's so mouthy and bold I don't know what she'll do when she sees H. I don't feel strong enough to be a go between.<P>Heck I don't want oc here a lot anyway. My baby raising days are over. I want freedom from those days not to start again with someone elses c, from my H.<P>I will try to listen to what he says. I can only try.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I would be glad to help with anything along the lines of what fowerseed suggested as far as "wording" stuff goes. Let me know if you want/need any assistance. It would nice to be useful for something.<P>One other thought: At the time of the a, my h was also very distraught over not having more than one child. at that point we had only had our first son and h definitely wanted more. I didn't. Obviously, I have changed my mind since then, because I have bred like a rabbit over the past couple of years. I'm just wondering if this is another key issue, along with lack of self-esteem of the ws, that seems to keep popping up in so many cases.<BR>-cd

cd....get busy lady....I'd love a way to ask q's. I would love a list to follow. I know you know what I want and hope for so any help will be accepted with gracious thanks.<P>You know what? One of the first things I said on d-day was "you always wanted more kids you [censored]!" To which he replied solemnly "Not with someone else Debi".<P>I'll check back later or tomorrow am.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear gem, <BR>i will work on making a list first thing tomorrow morning. It will give me something to occupy my mind with until h gets back from filing for the cs modification. I'll welcome ANYTHING to keep my mind busy.<BR>so, I'll post sometime tomorrow unless you want to give me your email address - in which case I would send directly to you. My email address is cdcollins4ever@altavista.com<P>Write me if you want to have me email them to you.<BR>with love,<BR>cd